Bender is dead. Fry is trying to accept it, but he only blames himself.
If Only;
Chapter seven/ 'This Is My Fault'
Rated; T/ L (character death/tragedy)
(Fry's POV)
I stand at Bender's grave in the Orbitting Meadows cemetery. Leela was kind enough to bring me at least every other day. She may be hard on me sometimes, we may have our troubles, but she's still a wonderful friend and human being... errr, mutant, whatever.
I gaze down at the tombstone, I still can't believe it. It's almost if my mind refuses to believe it.
I still expect him to be at home when I reach the Robot Arms when I get off work. I waited up to 4 a.m. one night, truly believing in my heart he'd come home.
But, he never did. He's dead.
He's dead and I can't accept it.
So I spend my free time here. Trying in vain to make myself believe he's really dead.
I kneel at his grave, touching the tombstone that bares his last epitah.
Bender B. Rodriguez
Beloved co/worker and friend
Born: ??? Died: 9/13/3009
I trace the letters that form his name with my thumb. I swallow. 'Why did he have to be so stupid?'
A tear rolls down my cheek. 'I don't get it.' More tears force their way out of my tired eyes. Tired from not sleeping, tired from holding back the tears, from holding back the pain.
'Why did you have to be so fucking stupid, Bender!' I'm tired of holding them back, I let them fall and welcome what ever relief that they bring.
'Why? Goddamn you.' I punch the stone, a slight pain runs up my hand, but I don't give a damn.
I hang my head crying louder, crying for the first time since it happened. I just let the tears fall. Hoping, praying, they stop the pain.
I didn't attend Bender's funeral, I'll always regret it. I should've, it's not that I didn't care about him, I just couldn't face it. I couldn't face that he's gone. I hid from everyone in denial.
I curl up, laying down, my head resting on the hard cold stone. The tears still coming, soft sobs becoming louder with the painful realization of the matter coming clearer.
Bender is dead.
My best friend is dead. My chest has started to ache from crying.
This isn't right, it can't be right. I refuse to accept it as right.
There has got to be a way to fix this.
A way to get Bender back.
All kinds of odd things happen in this future.
Why can't I raise the dead? I grab a clump of grass and dry dirt and toss it at air.
Maybe we can clone him, even in human form, at least I'd have him back. Plenty of heads have been cloned... right?
I don't know how it works, but those celebrities and presidents have been dead for years, I'm not that dumb-- brain thing be damned. They're alive here a thousand years into the future. Had to get here somehow, someway, damn it.
Even if it was his head, I'd take it. I need...
I need him. I'm lost here without him.
Oh, god, there has to be a way. Somehow, something I can do.
'This is my fault. My fucking fault. I did this to him.' The thought hurts, stings at me like a bitch, but it's the truth. I see that.
'I'm the reason Bender is gone. I'm the reason he is dead. He did it for me, all for me.' I cry louder.
'I should'a stopped him. I should'a paid more attention to him. I had no idea what I meant to him. How...' I stop and take a breath.
'..how much he loved me. It's my fault. I have to fix this. There has to be a way.' Professor said he warned him that it could fail. He didn't listen. Professor said Bender's heart failed, it refused to beat. Like the process didn't take.
I sit up and turn my gaze up toward the sky. I can't remember which way God is, or even if there is a heaven. After the whole Yivo incident I'm confused on what really to believe.
But I have to believe that I can fix this.
'God, please, if you can hear me, please, give me a sign. Help me fix this.' I pray, I've never felt so desperate in my life. So alone, so broken.
I breathe slowly, my tears have calmed, but I still feel them running down my wet cheeks.
I hear silence and soft air blowing inside the chambered graveyard.
My thoughts are to a minimal, nothing on my mind... nothing but Bender.
And then it comes to me.
What if?....
What if?....
What if Professor could invent another machine, like a fossilization machine? One that would turn human into a robot?
We could dig up Bender's body and turn him back, then once he was a robot again, we could reactivate him somehow. The Professor would know how to do it. He's smart when he can remember who he is. If he succeeds he'd get his medal or whatever for sure.
And I'd have Bender back. If it works?
'If it works? It has to work, I have to believe it will work.'
I get up and race back to the ship. Not stopping for nothing, as fast as I can. Past graves, past the guards, to the front.
It has to be done quick or they'll be nothing left of Bender's corpse.
--xx--
"Lee-la!" I pant reaching the steps, Leela is waiting patiently on one of the ship's steps.
"What's wrong Fry?" In her eye is concern.
"Le.." I say out of breath. I take a few slow ones to calm down.
Leela waits for me to say more.
"...let's go home..now." I finally finish. The anxiety I feel can't be matched.
We load up, she doesn't ask questions, that's good. We leave and head for Earth, for New New York, for the Planet Express delivery company.
I'm not telling her my plans right now, I don't want a lecture on how stupid she thinks it is. And I know she'll think it's stupid. But I don't care, it has to be done, I have to have him back.
I look back as we leave the orbiting graveyard, placing my hands on the window of the ship. The stars of space staring back at me in the reflection. But it's beauty doesn't replace the void I feel inside, nope. There is only one thing that can.
'Don't worry, Bender. I'm gonna set this right, I promise.'
Yes, it's shorter than usual, but there's more to come. This is sorta a continuation to the last chapter.
P.S. The epitah says born ??? b/c there is a debate on Bender's actual age. I don't believe he's four, I think he was being a smartass. And also he reverted back to his youth in that one and he went to 'Bending State'. Don't want to confuse-- I wasn't going for that yet ;)
