Author's Notes: I'm feeling the love and thank you to all my lovely reviewers. You're the best. Words like this are thoughts, 'words like this' are communications between the Autobots.
"Wow, pretty," Alex gasps after Will opens the large crate in Ironhide's bed, revealing the rainbow colored cubes. "What is it?"
"Energon," he tells her and she looks at him with a confused look on her face.
"Enerwhat?" she asks.
"Energon," he repeats patiently, knowing that she's going to think he's nuts and quite frankly, he can't really blame her.
"Never heard of if," she says as she continues to look at the glowing cubes as the bright colors slowly swirl and shift.
"It's very new," he replies.
"Ok, but what does it do?" she inquires.
"It's a type of fuel," he answers.
"So, I use this instead of regular gas?" she questions.
"No, you use this as well as regular gas," he responds and then takes a deep breath before continuing. "Now he only needs one a day unless you've been driving him a lot or the weather is really cold and then you'll need to give him at least two."
She stares at him in stunned silence, not even blinking.
"You're joking, right?" she finally asks about a minute later.
"No, I'm not," he tells her truthfully just as Sarah comes out to the garage to get something from the pantry.
"Hey, guys, how's it going?" Sarah cheerfully asks.
"Sarah, I think you should know that you're married to a crazy man," Alex tells her.
"I know," Sarah sighs dramatically. "But he's got a cute, tight ass and he's really good in bed."
Sarah grins at the shocked look on her cousin's face and Will turns about seven different shades of red while Ironhide contemplates going AWOL.
"You know, there are certain things I would be much happier never knowing," Alex states to Sarah with pursed lips and narrowed eyes, "and that's two of them."
Primus, I concur! Ironhide desperately thinks, remembering once when he got way too much of a good look at the man's posterior and the mating habits with his female when they got a little too amorous in the garage shortly after Will's return and ended up going at each other thankfully on the hood of her car.
"Have fun!" Sarah cheerfully calls with a wave as she heads back into the house.
"Now I understand why she married you," Alex grumbles.
"You mean besides the fact that I have a cute, tight ass and I'm good in bed?" he teases, still blushing and Ironhide wishes he could be anywhere else right now, even in the middle of a nest of Decepticons with his cannons offline.
"You're both completely, certifiably, insane," she states flatly before turning back to the crate of Energon cubes.
What was I processing when I decided to come live here? Ironhide moans to himself.
"Now please explain to me why I'm giving this beast this Enerwhatsit," she sighs.
"It's called Energon," he explains as he picks one of the cubes up. "Ironhide is a very special truck and he has several unique systems that need Energon to work at optimum levels."
"So, even though it's going to be sitting in a shed for six months I need to feed it?" she asks in disbelief.
"Well, yeah," he admits while he heads for the back of the truck and hops out of the bed. "The compartment you put these in over here."
She watches him over the side of the truck as he walks towards the cab, but stops just shy of that part of the truck. He then pushes against a panel she hadn't even noticed was there before and a small door pops open that's only slightly bigger than the cube in his hand.
"All you have to do is stick the cube in and shut the door," he explains, showing her how to put it in without fully shoving the cube into the compartment, much to Ironhide's disappointment. "Once you shut the door, he'll do the rest."
"What about the casing on these things?" she asks as she picks one of the cubes up, examining it carefully. "What is this stuff made of anyways?"
"It's a new kind of polymer," he tells her and he's not completely lying since it is new to humans. "And don't worry about the casing; he'll spit it out when he's done. Make sure you save them since they can be used again. Now, make sure that when you give him one of these things you don't drive him for a couple of hours. If you do drive him, he won't respond as well as he should. Should I write this down for you?"
"A couple of years ago a friend asked me to take care of her geriatric cat for her while she went on vacation for a few days," she muses as she continues to turn the glowing item over in her hands. "Even with all of the pills and special treats the cat got, it came with fewer care instructions then this truck."
Before he can make a comeback, Sarah sticks her head into the garage.
"Will, Robert Epps is on the phone," Sarah says.
"Ok," he replies and then hands his Energon cube up to Alex before shutting the little door much to Ironhide's displeasure. "I don't care if you think I'm nuts or not, if you're going to borrow Ironhide you will take care of him properly. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir," she replies, trying not to smirk.
He glares at her for a moment and then heads into the house to take the call. She neatly places one of the cubes back into the crate, sits on the edge of the truck bed and then goes back to examining the one left in her hands. Each side is about twelve inches square, there are no seams and when she tries to scratch the side with a fingernail, it doesn't leave a mark.
"Weird," she mutters and then she hears a little 'click' just below where she's sitting.
She looks over the side of the truck and she sees the little door to the Energon compartment is open again.
"Curiouser and curiouser," she mutters as she leans over the side a bit. "I'm beginning to understand how Alice felt," she looks back at the cube still in her hand, "as this isn't really making much sense all."
Do you need an invitation or something, female? Ironhide furiously fumes to himself as she turns back around. Put the Energon in already! Hurry it up! I'm hungry!
She continues to inspect the cube, turning it over in her hands a few times and then turns to look back down at the open compartment.
That's it, Ironhide silently urges. Come feed the nice Autobot who's going to haul your scrawny aft to some Pit forsaken part of this planet.
She turns back around again and it's all Ironhide can do not to transform and grab the cube from her. He's wondering how much damage he would do to her if just suddenly tilted, causing her to fall out of his bed when she stands up and heads to the open tailgate. With the cube still in her hand, she carefully hops down to the ground and comes over to the little open door.
Yes, yes, he quietly cheers her on. Come on! Come put the cube in the little hole!
Instead of sticking the cube in the compartment like he wants, she leans over and examines the small space.
No! he screams to himself. Don't look in it! Put the slagging cube in it!
"What are you doing?" Will asks, a bit of a sharp edge to his voice and Ironhide nearly groans out loud.
Great, Ironhide grumbles. Captain Hardaft came back. Now I won't get my Energon until tonight.
"I'm trying to figure this thing out," she tells him as she points to the empty compartment. "It's just a little box. There are no tubes or anything in there. How in the world does this thing use this stuff? And what exactly is it?"
"Look, I'm no scientist, so I don't know exactly what it is," he tells her while he closes the Energon compartment. "All I know that there's special equipment in Ironhide that needs the Energon to work and if you're going to borrow him, you're going to have to do it too."
"So, when do you normally feed this thing?" she asks.
"I usually give him his cube just before I go to bed," he answers as he takes the cube from her. "Oh, and never store the Energon where you have him parked."
"Ok, that just begs a big old 'why?'" she responds.
"Weird things happen when the Energon is stored in the same area as Ironhide," he tells her while he climbs up into the bed and puts the cube away. "Just trust me on this one, ok?"
"Fine," she sighs. "Have you taken this thing to the mechanic about the radio yet?"
"Oh, um, no," he replies as he closes the case with the cubes in it. "Why?"
"Because you might want to have Doc Hatchet look at that little door too," she tells him as she leans against the Honda. "It popped open on its own."
"Did it now?" he inquires, his voice sounding a bit strained.
"You ok?" she asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replies with a sigh.
"So, what else do I need to know for the proper care and feeding of this beast?" she questions.
"Let's see, I've told you about the Energon cubes," he mutters and then falls silent for a second. "Don't park him outside, especially if it's really cold out. He doesn't do well when he's really cold."
"I already told you that they've got a parking shed," she reminds him. "Should I get it its own electric blanket and teddy bear and read to it at night too? Maybe a little night light so it doesn't get scared of the dark."
That's it, Ironhide snarls to himself. I'm going to shoot her. To the Pit about not hurting humans. This one's more annoying than the boy's parents. Combined!
"Actually the electric blanket might not be a bad idea," he muses.
"I was being facetious," she growls.
"I wasn't," he tells her as he hops out of the back of the truck and closes the tailgate. "But I guess an electric blanket wouldn't be very practical since they don't make them in his size. You'd have to use a lot of them and that'd be a fire hazard."
She gives him another open mouthed, unblinking stare.
"Taking up catching flies?" he teases and her stare becomes a glare as her mouth snaps shut while he scoots past her. "Listen, I've got to go pick up a friend at the airport. If I've forgotten anything I'll write it down along with all of the other instructions I've given you."
Before she can reply, he gets into Ironhide's cab and starts up the engine with a roar. She quickly gets out of the way so her toes don't end up getting run over and she watches as the smoke stacks fold down just before the truck backs out of the garage. A few moments later, they pull into the street, the smokestacks straighten up and then Will puts it in first and drives off. Sarah comes out a few moments later and finds Alex staring off after them.
"So, did you learn everything you need to know about Ironhide?" Sarah asks.
"I definitely learned something very important," Alex mutters.
"What's that?" Sarah inquires.
"I need to seriously think about changing my major."
The keys weigh heavily in her hand as she stands there staring at the biggest, blackest truck that any testosterone driven man would probably have an orgasm just looking at and all she can think about is how terrified she is of it. She can almost swear that the truck is looking back at her and a small shiver runs up her spine. She gives herself a small shake and reminds herself that it's just a truck as she gathers up her courage to actually touch the thing.
"You actually planning on getting in the truck before you leave or are you just going to stand here and stare at it?" Sarah teases.
"I'm hoping it'll shrink down to a more reasonable size," Alex answers, her gaze never wavering from the behemoth.
"It hasn't gotten any smaller since it got here, so I doubt that it's going to start shrinking now," Sarah tells her as she shifts Annie to her other hip. "You've got everything that you need, right? The Energon and everything?"
"Yeah, Will dropped of a couple of crates worth of Energon and I've got the directions he wrote up for me in my purse," Alex replies. "I'm still terrified of this thing."
"You'll be fine," Sarah assures her with a gentle pat on the other woman's shoulder. "Once you get used to driving it, you won't even notice how big it is."
"That's like telling me I won't notice one of my arms missing," Alex grumbles and then takes a deep, calming breath. "Might as well get this over with."
With that, she climbs into the cab and settles into the driver's seat, trying not to think about how big this truck really is. She spends the next several minutes adjusting the rear view mirror, her seat and the steering wheel several times before she finally has to admit to herself that she's just stalling. She takes another deep, calming breath, sticks the key into the ignition, prays the thing behaves itself and then turns the engine over with a roar.
She spends a few more seconds trying not to have a heart attack before working on adjusting the side mirrors. Once she's sure she has everything the way she needs it to be, she pushes the button to lower the smokestacks, never knowing that the button isn't wired to anything and they only lower because Ironhide does it. As soon as she sure she can't put it off any longer, she looks out the window and waves to her cousin who gives her a thumbs up sign.
Taking yet another calming breath, she puts the truck into reverse and carefully backs out of the garage. Inch by slow agonizing inch she backs up until she's finally out in the street and then she stops. It takes every ounce of self control for Ironhide not to seize control from her, but he promised Will before he left last week that he'd behave.
He scans the woman's vitals and he notes that her heart rate is severely elevated, she's perspiring profusely and she's giving off a strong pheromone indicating that she's scared. It amuses him for a few moments that she's so frightened of him and then he realizes that it's not him that she's frightened of, but the truck form he's taken to hide in. He contemplates this as she shifts into first and they start their journey down the road and he quietly raises his smokestacks back up even though she never presses the fake button. Of course the way she's gripping his steering wheel, he's surprised that she lets go long enough to shift gears.
He loves driving almost as much as he loves blasting Decepticons to the Pit. The wind blowing past his grill, the hot road speeding by underneath his wheels and the smell of baking asphalt are all things that make his spark pulse faster and make him feel more alive. However, at the rate this woman is driving, they'll get to their destination sometime shy of never.
He barely reins in his frustration and anger and lets her continue driving him despite how much he wants to go faster. He starts thinking about the many different ways he's going to blast Starscream into the Pit as a way to pass the time and to keep his mind off of her incredibly slow and careful driving. He silently thanks Primus when they finally arrive and gives a silent sigh of relief as she gets out of his cab.
At least he does until he sees the people emerging from the two story farm house he's parked in front of.
