Author's Note: After many computer issues (Dell's ruin everything) and a long holiday season I'm finally back. It was hard finding my footing in this chapter, but I think I'm happy with the end result. Thank you for your follows, favorites, reviews, and most of all your patience! I'm currently writing the next chapter, which is one of the most pivotal chapters. Hopefully I will have that up in the next day or two. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or "Shadows and Regrets" by Yellowcard.

Everything was said and there was an understanding only two people who had loved each other could value. They weren't starting over, because no one ever really starts over, they move forward. Onto new experiences or maybe the same way they've been going, but they don't stop moving.

She left without any proclamations of love and he gave her no promises. A small squeeze of his hand and a smile and she was gone.

He stayed there, on the swing staring out at the empty playground, watching the Fall sunset take over the sky, colors the same vibrancy of a child's dream. A memory came to him then, of a small wooden picnic table and peanut butter sandwiches. Every Sunday, just him and her. He never appreciated those afternoons with his mother. Not realizing that she spent her only day off with him, sitting in a park in Lima, OH. She found Burt later on, and they didn't have Sunday's any more. But she was happy.

And now, he doesn't know. Because he can't find the hope to see her and ask her how she is. He doesn't want any of it.

Sleep doesn't come easily to him that night back the hotel. So sometime around midnight, he heads to the bar. It's open until around three. He figures a drink or two might calm his mind and settle him down.

When the elevator opens he expects that late night silence that comes with hotel bars on Sundays. But because this is his life, he hears her voice instead. And now that he's not trying to avoid it, he follows it.


There's a heavy weight on his chest and his head his pounding. Slowly he opens his eyes to the crack of sunlight coming through the curtains in his hotel room. The feeling is painful and he considers coving his head and going right back to sleep, when his mind becomes awake enough to fully notice the arm around him.

Turning his head to the right, he sees a familiar cascade of brown hair. On instinct he checks to make sure he's clothed. That's when he notices the blanket beneath him. She's dressed as well, still in her blue dress from the night before.

He doesn't shout, or wake her. That part of him that was so completely in love with her, stops him from even considering it. So instead, he closes his eyes, relishing in the feel of her hand on his heart and the smell he didn't know he missed lulling him to sleep.


The cold nips at her bare feet, sending a shiver up her body. She's face down in an unfamiliar pillow, her arm draped across something warm. Moving over, she squeezes her feet beneath the something warm, too tired to search for blankets. It's as she breathes in the scent, that knows she's not at home.

She doesn't have to lift her head to know where she is or rather who she's with. Any other day, any other person and she might find herself quietly sneaking out, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of her perfume, but it's him and that makes her feel safe.

What happened last night is a memory she'll never have. But she's got this, so bringing herself closer, she lets herself fall.


They never talk about that night. It's this unspoken thing that probably means so much, but neither of them will admit defeat. But it's only been a couple days, sooner or later one of them is bound to wave the white flag. Surrender to it all.

He's been avoiding Kurt's calls too. Deleting voice mails without listening, responding in one or two word texts because he doesn't want his brother to think he's gone missing and is lying in some ditch. He knows he's being a coward, there's no other word for it. And he thinks maybe he'll snap out of it, because he has to.

That snap comes with a knock on his hotel room door. He assumes it's Rachel because she would be the first to cave, but as he opens the door he's not greeted with a nervous bouncing Rachel, but a brother who isn't going to take his bullshit any more.

"Kurt-"

"No, Finn, you don't get to talk. Not until I've said everything I've been trying sincerely hard not to say."

Kurt shoves past him, dropping his bag before standing directly in front of him.

"You have always been so good at avoiding things. Pushing it all aside and pretending it never happened. Quinn's pregnancy, your mom and my dad, and basically anything involving Rachel. Well, this is not something you get to ignore. Your mother is laying in a hospital bed, fighting for her life and you're sulking in a hotel room. Not any more. I watched my mother die Finn! I'm in your corner, more than any one. Nothing about this is okay, I know that, but you've got to quit hiding. So please, tomorrow come with me to the hospital. See your mother tell you love her. Because you might never get that chance again."

"I'm sorry Kurt, you have to know that. But this isn't easy. She's my mom, and if….I won't have anyone."

"You have me and dad. Don't forget that. I'll see you tomorrow. Promptly at Noon."

Kurt left then, he could feel his last glance behind him. A comforting but adamant one. The kind that says "I know it's hard, but you've got to face it."

And he would, because like he said, he has too. But first he needed to call his past.


It was easier than he thought. She didn't hesitate or ask questions. Something he never fully appreciated until now.

She's there quicker than he expected, but maybe that's good, he decides, because he doesn't want to lose whatever courage he has. He opens the door to find her, a bag of food in her hand, and two cupcakes.

"I brought your favorite."

"Wilbur's double, cheese, no onion, extra pickle?"

"What else?"

He takes the bag, suddenly hungry. Only she would remember something so insignificant as his favorite order at Wilbur's.

They eat in a comfortable silence, she brought an order of fries and a chocolate milkshake, something she liked to sneak, back when she was a crazy vegan.

He's throwing away his napkin when she speaks.

"So, what's wrong? Is it about the other day? Because I've been wanting to talk to you, I just couldn't find a way to start."

"No actually, it's about my mom."

"Finn, did she…?"

"Not yet."

"Oh thank God. So then, what is it?"

"Kurt came by today, I called you right after he left. He said some things that I probably needed to here. Mostly about how much of a coward I've been."

"Don't call yourself that. It's okay to be afraid, she's the only mother you have. Kurt should understand that."

"Except he was right. I've been nothing but a complete asshole since I've gotten here. I shouldn't be sending her flowers, I should be giving her a hug and telling her I love her. What kind of son am I?"

"The kind that loves his mother so much, he doesn't want to watch her die."

"That's a nice thought and all, but I can't let that be my excuse. So I have to do it. Regardless of all the things that terrify me. She's my mom. That should be enough."

"You're right, it should be."

"Kurt's coming by tomorrow, he wants to go together."

"Well, good, Kurt should help ease you into it. Feeling comfortable."

"I was hoping, you might come. You're the only one who doesn't have any expectations of me. I'll feel less pressured and mom loves you."

He didn't intend to ask her, not at first. It's a lot of ask of someone you used to love (or could still love) and have only just reconciled. But he knows Rachel, or at least believes he does. She'll act in the way that he needs.

"Wow, umm. I didn't expect you to..wouldn't you rather have Kurt there?"

"Sometimes, Kurt, he just doesn't, really understand. I know his mom died from cancer, so he's seen this happen, but he still has a father. I've only known my mom. Dad was this super hero, someone who died fighting to save us all. Red cape and all. When I learned the truth, I realized it was mom all along. She was the one taking down bad guys and still having my lunch ready in the morning. I can't lose my superhero."

"Well then, sidekick, I'll be there."

"Thank you."

She only smiled. And that was his reason to not be scared.


The morning is supposed to be fresh. A day that wasn't there before. New opportunities and adventures. If he had any choice, the night would have lasted a little longer.

A knock at the door came at 9:30, just like she had promised.

"Hey, Rachel, you look nice."

"Thank you. You do too."

"Thanks. It took me an hour to pick this out. I shouldn't be this nervous."

"It's perfectly normal. Now let's settle those nerves with breakfast."

It was nice, having an hour with pancakes and Rachel. He forgot for a moment that his mother was dying and he was going to see her. Instead he was sitting at a table eating breakfast with a pretty girl from his past.

But it's all over too soon and he's driving to the hospital. The houses fly by like blurred paintings, vibrant shades of color spread along the road. It's silent as he switches lanes and checks his mirrors. The last stop light before the hospital looms above him and large windows of the building are in view.

Rachel's phone signals a message, probably Kurt.

He parks the car in the darkness of the parking garage. The smell of asphalt finding it's way through the cracks of his door. It reminds him of summers at amusement parks, eating corn dogs and losing his voice.

Rachel's pressing the unlock on her seatbelt, when he stops her.

"Can we just sit for a minute? Is that okay?"

She nods her head, before settling back into her seat.

"Do you remember that week I was gone in 2nd grade?"

"Yeah. No one knew what had happened."

"Well, I got sick. At first Daddy thought it was the flu, but when my fever wouldn't go down, Papa insisted on taking me to the emergency room. I was terrified. Doctors were rushing around mumbling terms I didn't understand and it smelled too clean. I begged them to take me home, I didn't want to be there. So Daddy set me on his lap and whispered in my ear. He told me not to be afraid. When I asked why, he said I was protected by love. It's love he said, that helps you heal. And I was less afraid. Remember love Finn, and you'll be okay."

He nods, unlocking his door. When she meets him by the trunk of his car, he finds himself hugging her. Because she said the right thing. He can face this.


It smells just like she described. So he leans his head down, breathing in her shampoo. It's a different sort of smell.

The air around him feels panicked and calm all at the same time. He doesn't understand why anyone would choose to be here.

Rachel has her hand on his arm, pulling him gently to the elevator. He watches the numbers glow in the quiet space, until they reach the third floor. It takes a moment, but the doors open, it all happening, whether he wants it to or not.

"Hello, we're looking for Carol Hummel's room."

"Room, 114, just down the hall to your left."

And then he's walking. Staring at anything but the rooms they pass, until 114 is there, in white plastic next to the door. The curtain is closed, and behind it is the person he loves most in this world.

"I'll let you go in alone. It's only right."

"Please don't leave me."

He knows he sounds broken and maybe a bit desperate. Going in there alone would mean not going in at all, and he won't let that happen. Not after making it this far.

"Never."

She turns the knob for him, because his hands are shaking. His eyes stay towards the tiled floor, he doesn't want to look up until he has to. And when he does he see's the window first.

The room is strangely bright. Death is supposed to be dark and hollow, not warm and inviting. Flowers, the ones he bought her, are sitting at her bedside table, along with a glass of water.

His eyes move, and there she is.

A/N 2: So how was it? Did it work? Finn is slowly warming up to Rachel again. Or is it just the grief that causes him to need her? Stay tuned!