Chapter 7: …Then You Came Along and I Dreamed One More

The knowledge that I was halfway in love with my own boss brought me immense peace. For all of three seconds. Then the panic attack hit in full force. I shut the door on my bedroom and slid down it onto the floor, allowing the feel of the wood and the carpet to ground me. My heart beat at a thousand miles an hour as worries and questions coursed through me like blood, the first of which was: What the hell, Kelsey J Hayes?! He's your boss! And you don't even know how old he is! 50's, 60's – 70's?! God, I hoped not. This was wrong on so many levels. I put my hands on my face and realised with a jolt that I could still smell him on me, just. It was so calming, and so right...

I didn't want to be some stupid girl who chanted "love and damn the consequences" like a mantra against "the Man" and "society", blind to the potential ramifications. Anik seemed wonderful, but "the devil hath the power to assume pleasing forms." I had only met him a few weeks ago, after all. I shook my head, I had to pull it together. I had to stop trying to find fault with Anik because I was afraid to face my own feelings! I would go into work, I would act normally, I would play it by ear and I would avoid any one-on-one alone time after hours – no more touchy-feely, heart-to-hearts! I would go in, eyes wide open.

I got up to brush my teeth and looked in the mirror. His tie was still threaded through my hair. He was right, it did look good – kinda 60's. I watched a flush creep through my cheeks as I remembered how close he'd been, how every movement had been slow, sensual... The fucker was such a flirt. God, I hoped that was deliberate... I saw my own eyes darken to a near onyx. I shook my head again. Get in the shower, Kelsey. But before I did, I sent Kadam a text – asking him when he wanted his tie back and apologising for stealing it by accident. When I got out the shower, I had one message waiting for me from "Insomniac Silver Tiger": "Keep it. It looks better on you. AK."

That night I dreamt about my parents for the first night in years. And the accident. But I couldn't see their faces, they'd become all blurry. I woke up with pain shooting down my arm and tears rolling down my face.

I was nearly late for work the next day. I couldn't decide between the tie and the ribbon; I braided my hair and I didn't see myself as I was. I saw a scared little girl getting cut out of the back seat of a car by fire-fighters. I pulled the ribbon out of my hair with trembling fingers. It was time to acknowledge that I'd had the same hairstyle for sixteen years for some very unhealthy reasons; a braid couldn't bring them back. If Priya and Anik could move on with a fresh start, so could I.

Anik's eyes glittered with interest as he noted where his tie was. He didn't comment in front of the rest of the staff, but I could tell some smartass comment was resting on the lips of his smug smile. Not the time to be thinking of his lips, Kelsey!

Service passed largely without incident. Akash was back with a vengeance and was practically purring with joy, - not that it stopped him laying into Alan over his illegible scrawl on the tickets. ("You call this writing? My unborn child can probably write clearer than that!"), or teasing Mo over... Well, pretty much everything. ("Put a smile on that baby face, Baby Face! If you're good I'll give you some sweeties!") By the end of service, Alan and Mo had been passed Akash's test and were henceforth to be referred to as "Chicken-Scratch" and "Baby Face" at the pass.

"Yo, tiger-tamer!" Akash called and beckoned me over.

"Hey, Akash. Congratulations!" I said giving him a friendly hug.

"Listen, can you make sure your guys don't leave? Priya's swinging by to make the announcement and I don't want those two to miss out."

I did as I was asked, but I privately wondered when (in two days) Mo and Alan had become "my boys." Everyone, kitchen staff and front-of-house both, was gathered in the dining room when Anik began circulating industriously and pressing a cold bottle of Cobra larger in any empty hand he could find. "My boys" looked very confused, but not undelighted by the free booze. The door opened and Priya came in looking tired and happy, and a great cheer went up from everyone. Startled, but smiling, she joined her uncle and husband in front of the bar. Kadam pressed a mango Rubicon into her hand.

"Well, I wonder why you're all here?" She asked the crowd knowingly. She turned to murmur something to Akash, he shook his head and gestured for her to take the floor. "As most of you know, yesterday we found out that I'm two months pregnant." Her next words were drowned out by whooping, even from Alan who'd only briefly met her. "As a lot of you also know, he or she hasn't even been born yet and they're already raising hell for Mummy!"

"Sounds like his father!" Vik yelled. Akash gave him a middle-finger salute with a sweet smile.

"Akash, Uncle Anik and myself have agreed that with my health the way it is, and my incredibly unhelpful inability to smell cooking onions without retching, it is better that I take early maternity leave." A knowing titter went up from the team. My heart was in my mouth; somehow, I knew what she was about to say. Akash reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'm not sure if I'll wish to return here, or if I'll be able to, but I want you to know that if I don't I love you all..." She started choking on her suddenly high-pitched words, and tears started rolling down her face. "And I'll m-miss you so much. No matter what I do in the future, I'll never have a team like you again!"

Akash took her sobbing form into his arms, whispering soothingly and planting soft kisses on her hair.

"We love you too, bae!" Vik again.

"To our first white tiger cub!" Kadam raised his bottle. The rest of the restaurant joined in with applause and cheering.

I went over to the happy couple. Priya had calmed down some and greeted me with a hug.

"You're not coming back. Are you?" I knew the smile on my face was as sad as wilted lettuce.

"No. We can't both work a late shift at the same place, it's not right. And besides," her face lit up, "I can do that Open University degree that I've always wanted to do!"

"Oh really? In what?"

"Archaeology. I can study in my own time and go into the University for practicals and exams." Her grin got wider. "One chapter closes and another one opens!"

"Get you, Indiana Bhaskar! Your kid is going to have the coolest response in the class when people ask "what do your parents do?" A chef and an archaeologist is such a cool-sounding combo!" I hugged her again.

"Thank you for not hating me." Her muffled voice, came from my shoulder.

"Lady, you've got the right to choose whatever the hell you want to do with your life. If you want to be a full-time Mom, or Lara Croft, or come back here, it's none of my business or anyone else's." This time my smile was genuine.

"Hey, tiger-tamer." Akash had decided that we were far more interesting than bickering with Vik. "How'd you feel about being an aunt?" He winced as Priya stamped on his foot.

"What?" I was as confused as a chocolate and taramasalata sandwich.

"What he means to say," Priya said with a glare at her husband, "is that you're basically honorary family now. To us both and the baby."

She said that, but as I turned around to talk to my boss I heard Akash say something which sounded suspiciously like: "Whatever, I ship it." Anik had no clue why my face suddenly blushed purest raspberry. Small mercies.

As October drew to a close I suddenly became aware of bright colours increasing around Leicester, of decorations and posters popping up everywhere. Faux-Indian lettering proclaimed that Diwali was coming and I got me to Google to find out what that entailed, exactly. If Kadam was expecting little Miss Kelsey to be caught unawares, he would find me prepared!

I wasn't prepared at how moving I'd find even just the wikipedia entry. The very core concept seemed to appeal to something very sincere deep inside me that I thought I'd lost a long time ago. Somewhere I was determined to make Diwali at The White Tiger a success.

I should have had a camera when I asked Kadam about what he was planning to do in the restaurant for Diwali. The look of blank shock on his face was worth a thousand loaded baked potatoes.

"What?" I asked innocently. "Surprised the little white girl knows something after all?"

"Surprised that the little white girl, whose main reference point for Indian culture was clearly Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom a couple of months ago, knows something," he replied with a sly grin – quick as a flash.

"And the horrible thing is, I can't even deny that." I shook my head.

"Ah well, nobody's perfect." He shrugged.

"Except for you?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, especially not me." His voice came out as a soft growl. Damn. The man knew what went straight to my bones – even if he didn't know he knew.

He explained that we would be fully-booked the night of the main celebrations on the third day, but there would be prayers to Lakshmi before service for those who wanted to ask the goddess for a prosperous year. But that we would be suited and booted and The White Tiger would be decorated like a wedding cake for the entire period was a given, and I would be on flower bunting detail – whether I liked it or not.

In the days before the third night of Diwali (Lakshmi Puja) the restaurant was scrubbed to within an inch of its life, and little votive candles sent around the place wherever humanly possible. In spite of Kadam's promise to have me threading flowers from here till doomsday, on the first day of Diwali ropes of jasmine garlands arrived before service from a local florist.

"What are you smiling about?" Anik asked me suspiciously, as he caught me grinning stupidly on top of a ladder as I fixed the bunting to hooks in the ceiling.

"It's stupid," I said as I descended to join him.

"Stupid I can take, secretive not so much. I might have to invent my own reasons why you're smiling." It was tempting to see where that game might take us. But I resisted.

"My middle name is Jasmine. I keep smelling my own middle name everywhere, it's kinda stupid – but I find it funny." I explained. Kadam paused a moment.

"Ask me what jasmine flowers symbolise on Lakshmi Puja." He walked away with a mysterious smile. Stupid enigmatic silver tiger. And I was suddenly really hungry as the way that he'd said "Lakshmi Puja" made it sound like the most divine dessert ever.

On the night of Lakshmi Puja Leicester was damn near unrecognisable. Comapared to a lot of towns, especially in the Midlands, it's already a colourful place but that night the main streets were dazzling – all lanterns and lights shining in fabulous technicolour, with the somewhat sizeable South Asian population of the city out in full force. It was all banners and music, with faces all colours of the rainbow milling round (except blue, no Nightcrawler – sadly). How had I no noticed this the last two years I'd been living there? Had I been so absorbed in my own limited, little life that I had neglected an entire holiday?!

When I arrived at the restaurant, Kadam was still tinkering with the alter by the front desk. I dived into the office to rid myself of my coat and bag, and to wonder when would it be a good time to give him my gift. Would there be an official time, or..? All the websites I'd seen had all said that the third day was definitely for gifts great and small, but usually sweets or jewellery for close friends and family. Much as I had toyed with getting a cat collar for my silver tiger, I'd decided on a box of traditional Indian sweets (more like mini-desserts than the candy which the anglicism "sweets" had lead me to expect) from this little store down on Welford Road. I kept the pink box in my bag for later. I just hoped I'd picked ones that he'd like.

The time came for the pre-service blessing and all the lights went out. The only illumination was the candles that set the altar ablaze with light, throwing the little picture of the beautiful golden-skinned goddess Lakshmi. The priest from the local Hindu temple blessed the shrine and the objects upon it. It amused me a little to see that Kadam had put his ledgers there; although I supposed it made sense, - to bless the books for prosperity in the year ahead. I stared at the image of the goddess, letting the priest's Hindi lull me into a state of something which was both drowsiness and focus at the same time. In the last few weeks alone I had gained a job, friends and perhaps something more... I didn't realise that I was smiling until Kadam caught my eye, and flashed a brilliant, tiger-like grin my way. Yep. I'd consider myself prosperous.

The blessing ended and service began. I was still a little confused, as there had been no obvious time to exchange gifts or anything – but I supposed that would come later. There were more families than usual, and the atmosphere – which was never exactly sober – seemed as light and bright as egg whites whipped to a peak. It was noisy and happy, and – well – family-like. I couldn't stop smiling all night. I looked around from the bar and I felt like I understood. No matter which origins story you went with, Diwali was the triumph of good over evil, the light over the darkness; you could come together as a family and celebrate the small victories of the year, before praying for an even better year to come. I suddenly felt very alone among all the happy, smiling families. Like the orphan miles away from family that I was. My vision became a little blurry...

"Oi! Oi! Oi!" Anik appeared suddenly by my side. "I order you as your boss to smile and be happy. You're a pretty girl in a pretty dress, sorrow can wait for you!"

I hastily dabbed away the tears and pasted a smile on my face.

"I bet you're the kind who'd yell "fire, don't burn!"" I muttered.

"Depends on the fire," he muttered as he walked away – apparently satisfied that I wasn't about to have a public breakdown. He thought my new, dark blue dress was pretty. That made me a lot happier than it should have. I shook my head and carried on with service.

My mood had picked up substantially by the time the last customer had paid up and said goodbye.

"Alan, think fast!" Kadam said as he threw his keys at the poor guy, who fumbled and only narrowly avoided dropping them. "I'm going to be taking Miss Kelsey here to see the candles on the canal. Clean up and lock up, and leave the keys in the palm out front – will you?"

"You're going to take me to see who and the what now?" I asked startled.

"We strange Hindu-types like to float lights on the water during Diwali, it's no Ganges but even the Grand Union Canal looks impressive. Would you like to see it?"

Of course I did. Very soon, we were standing by the canal with a moderate crowd of people. Kadam had a plastic bag and I had my purse, still looking for a window to give him my gift. The water glittered as if with burning jewels as the little floating candles went downstream. Whilst I was mesmerized, Kadam removed his own tealight from the bag and borrowed a light from a kindly fellow candle-floater. He tapped me on the shoulder.

"Take it," he whispered eagerly.

Carefully, I took it in my hands and knelt by the water. I let it go and watched it literally go with the flow. It looked like a stream of molten light, passing through the darkness from this world into another. Although, I did pity whoever had to clean up all this later.

Without a word of consultation, we sat at the waterside – watching the candles go. I shivered in the October night, huddling into my coat. Eventually, Kadam cleared his throat:

"Kelsey, I have a proposition for you. Please hear me out before you say anything." He seemed nervous.

"Go on." I hoped neither my curious tone, nor my face, betrayed the dirty, dirty thoughts that I was having.

"With Priya gone, I'm going to need a new front-of-house manager. Now, for the present I want to get an old friend out of retirement and get him to cover for a few months; I would also like to take you on on a full-time basis – you're here almost every night anyway, your contract may as well reflect that. You can take time off for exams and things. But, what I really hope for, my Young American, is for you to take over the position after you graduate."

Now there was a curve ball. I spent a good amount of time doing a decent impression of a goldfish.

"Me?! Are you sure? I have no experience."

"Your degree is Accounting and Business Studies, I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, I intend to spend the next few months "showing you the ropes," as you would say," he said with a dismissive wave.

"What if Priya wants her job back?" I didn't want to steal my friend's job from her. Even if she wasn't planning on coming back – she might.

"We both know she isn't." Kadam's face was a study in neutrality.

"What if I'm no good?" I asked in half-whisper. "What if book-learning counts for nothing and I'm way out of my depth."

Anik smiled at me with solar warmth and what looked like affection.

"There's only one way to find out, Kelsey. And it is far better to fall or fly than to always look up at the sky and wonder what it's like."

The bastard was right. I half expected him to tell me I had nothing to fear but fear itself.

"All right." I told him. "What kind of idiot turns down a job immediately out of college?"

He smiled brilliantly and clapped me round the back.

"Welcome to the inner-circle of the madness, my Young American!"

"I'm never going to be able to escape you now, am I?"

"Not a chance." (I liked the sound of that. A lot).

I delved into my bag and withdrew the little pink box.

"You can take this as a thank you, or bribery, but here," I thrust the box at him. "Happy Diwali." I looked away. I didn't want him to pretend he liked it just because I was staring.

I heard the box open. I risked a peek at him out of the corner of my eye; he looked both amused and pleased. The amusement was amped up to eleven as soon as he saw the look on my face.

"Thank you, Kelsey. I didn't think you knew!"

"It's nothing special..." I muttered.

"That's because you haven't tasted them yet. Open wide."

"Not a cha-"

Before I could finish, a sweet, sticky, crispy and crumbly something was popped into my mouth – Kadam's fingers brushed over my lips. He was right. Indian sweets were something special.

"Good?" He asked, as I finished swallowing.

"Real good," I confirmed. "I'm beginning to notice that good things happen when I let you put things in my mouth."

We just stared at each other a moment. I felt the blush and the horror creep up my face. Really, Kelsey? Really?! Smooth!

He looked into the water, apparently ignoring my own accidental innuendo, and absent-mindedly licking the syrup from his fingers. I could have sworn that I saw the ghost of a blush on his cheeks. He cleared his throat.

"So, you'll stay?" He asked softly.

"Of course, - unless I get a far better offer." I joked. I was about to elaborate on what that better offer might be (chocolate taster, Benedict Cumberbatch's cheekbone polisher) when something stopped me in my tracks. All of a sudden Jess' face was floating in front of me, words echoing from out of the edges of my thoughts: She just kinda frowned and said that she had a better offer.

"Kelsey? Kelsey? What is it?" Kadam shook my shoulder gently, his face a mask of concern. Apparently my "deduction face" is kinda weird.

"It wasn't a coincidence," I said finally.

"What?" He was perplexed.

"Rani and Gurav. Walking out on the same night, at the same time, when there was going to be a lot of people there waiting for us to screw up. It wasn't a coincidence. They were paid. Or given better jobs. Or both. There's no "curse." Someone's trying to bring you down, Kadam. Like they've brought down every other owner of The White Tiger in the last decade."

We stared at each other. His face set into grim fury. Whoever was messing with us, they were going down.


The plot appears! Sorry for the 2 and a half week break, I had to sort out my life and go back to University (in Leicester!) so this incredibly transition-y chapter kinda went on the back-burner... All mistakes, cultural, grammatical or otherwise are mine, as is this whole crazy story - but Houck owns our lovebirds. Thanks for the encouragement, and methinks that Kadam POV chapter is an intriguing idea...