ThisSongis 'Scream, Scream, Scream' byLudo.I'llprobablyhavemoreoftheminthisfic

I know that I promised Remus that I wouldn't drink anymore... but life tends to throw things at you, exposing your weaknesses. I know that I should stay strong for the Baby... that I should try to be a good father and husband. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't look Remus in the eye without feeling guilt at the shadowed fear in his eyes. He shouldn't have to fear me... I hated leaving with the knowledge that behind the Love in Remus eyes there was a current of fear. The same fear that he felt towards Fenir Greyback and Lord Voldemort and my Family... he was just as afraid of me as he was my family... and that's what killed me.

A man is many things. Let's count them all tonight

You're letting go of strings, replacing them with light.

The alcohol let me forget that for a few hours. I could forget the terrified look on his face that he would get when I mentioned getting a drink after work. I could forget the way that he froze when he smelled the stale alcohol on my clothes. I could forget the pain in his voice when I didn't come home on time.

But they want the hit about the teenage take on pain

There's nothing catchy 'bout the life of a saint

But I was late because I didn't want to hurt him. Him or the Baby... I was trying to protect him. What if I got too angry, and did something to harm them? I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

but I've got this song in my head

'cause it's breaking me down to tears...

This fear stayed with me wherever I went. I would stay at work later and later to save them from myself. I brought my own flask of whisky to help pass the long hours where I was just sitting in my dark office. It helped me to numb away the pain that I knew that I was causing Remus by not being home.

If I scream, scream, scream

about a good man's life

I swear that I really tried. I swear on my unborn child's life that I never meant to start drinking again. I swear on their life that I never expected myself to end up in this classless Pub again, with whores in clownish makeup pressing against my sides and drunken lonely old men buying me drinks just so that I would stay and listen to their woes. I swear that I never wanted to end up back here.

would you ever stop and listen?

Would you open up your eyes?

Would you scream with me?

What would Remus think if he saw me like this? I know that he would say nothing. What would he think if he knew that I had lied to him? That I wasn't actually with anyone from work. That I was just by myself, trying to wash away the knowledge of Remus' fear.

Sing it sad and sweet

Say goodnight, goodbye, love

In the morning, you will see...

I remember that time when Remus wasn't afraid and I was a good Husband. It was so simple and lovely and sweet. We were both so pure and innocent. Freshly in Love. The love was still there… but now it was tainted with distrust and regret.

Photos keep you close with increments of light.

The quiet wooden posts, the county's cold tonight.

But they want the hit about the teenage take on pain

There's nothing catchy 'bout the life of a saint

but I've got this song in my head

'cause it's breaking me down to tears...

I felt sorrow cloud my mind as I thought of 'the Good Old Days'. When it was just me and him and sometimes even Lily and James. I took a long burning gulp of my drink and wished that I could go back to that time.

If I scream, scream, scream

about a good man's life

would you ever stop and listen?

Would you open up your eyes?

Would you scream with me?

Sing it sad and sweet

Say goodnight, goodbye, love

In the morning, you will see...

Throwing some Galleons on the bar I stood up and stumbled over to the Fireplace to Floo home. Lurching out of the fireplace I nearly crashed into Remus' pregnant stomach. "M-Moons-"

"You're drunk."

I tried to focus on Remus, but his face blurred in my eyes. "Moony…"

"Why?" there was the sound of tears in his voice. "You promised! Why, Sirius? WHY?"

I'd rip my eyes out for you.

You're screaming at the cold.

I wrapped my arms around him. I would never let go.

"Why? Why? Why? Why?" Remus' sobs hurt my ears, and made my head ache even more, but I refused to let go, even when I could feel our baby kicking… I would never let go.

"Why, Sirius? Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhy….?"

I pull you close - you're asking why

it's so cold tonight. I don't know why...

"Remus please…" I whispered. "I'm so sorry… so, so sorry…

If I scream, scream, scream

about a good man's life

would you ever stop and listen?

"You're not!

"I am-"

Remus stared up at me with wet angry eyes. "You're not."

Would you open up your eyes?

Would you scream with me?

Sing it sad and sweet

Remus ripped himself from my arms and nearly flung himself into the bedroom. I stood motionless as I heard the door close and lock.

Say goodnight, goodbye, love

In the morning, you will see...

Would it make you cry?

Would you finally see that

all your lives are moments?

I sat on the couch and waited for sleep to find me and ended up watching the clock above the fire place ticking away, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second….

All your words and closeness

keep you here and human

whispering tonight...

I couldn't sleep… I longed for the closeness of Remus against my skin and the way that he whispered sweet somethings into the crook of my neck as we drifted off to sleep.

And so we scream (all your lives are moments)

the sadness sweetly for him (all your words and closeness)

while the stand and stare (keep you here and human)

Do you think they'll ever care?

I don't care. I don't care.

Sooo… anything you want to see in the next chapter? :)