I told you this one would be a long one... Now we get to find out what happen to the pair. Lot's of new information here. I promise to have 8 up within a week, but know with the holidays (4 kids excited kids about Santa) and being in the middle of editing Watching You, I might not be back till the New Year. Don't kill me...
All mistakes are mine. (my grammarly was acting a fool and no one has time for that)
Flashback—3 years ago!
Christian and I are home for Winter break. We spent four days with my dad in Portland, having an early Christmas with him, before he went with a couple friends on a holiday ice fishing trip. I miss him and wish he would've have joined us for Christmas day, but he's been looking forward to this trip all year. If he's happy, then I'm happy. Today we are having dinner with the Grey's and will be spending the rest of our break here. The only problem with that is that as soon as I walked into the house I felt the temperature change. Something isn't sitting well with me right now. The house that usually makes me feel warm and loved now feels cold, making me feel strangely out of place.
It's not only the house giving off the cold – negative vibes, Christian has been acting off lately. One day he was working overtime trying to start his company, it was all he could talk about, and now - that motivation seems none existent.
We had a talk a little while back and I told him I didn't think there could be any possible way to move back to Seattle before I finished my MBA. The colleges in Washington don't really serve my needs to what I want to accomplish, and I have done so much at Harvard already that I feel as though I'm throwing away my hard work. I mean Harvard to State college? I know we could survive the time apart if we needed to. I want nothing more then for him to be great and start this business he's been working on since the second I met him. There are days I think about just going with him to wherever, but my dad would also kill me after all the money he has spent on my Harvard education.
I keep trying to talk to him more about it, to get a better understanding, or try to figure out what his next move is and all he does is shut me down. I have no idea what he's thinking, and I hate it.
It's the Christian Grey way, when he doesn't get his way.
Though now as we sit around the table for Christmas Eve dinner, the air is tense. I feel as though I'm on trial. Elliot and Elena are giving me death glares. To them I'm vermin and I haven't figured out why. Elliot was nice to me once, the first time I met him, after that he suddenly hated me. I 've only met Elena twice, briefly, and she always snubbed me like I was gum under her shoe. I have yet to understand her place with this family.
"What do you mean you're not starting GEH right now, Christian?" Elena sounds appalled. This is all she's been hammering about for ten minutes. Grace and Carrick have left the table for a moment to handle something with their housekeeper or I'm sure this conversation would have been saved for later. Mia is sitting, picking at her mashed potatoes watching the back and forth.
"It's not that big of deal, right now. I can do a hundred of other things." Christian says, not looking up from his food.
"Bro, you always dreamed of starting your own business you have that chance to do it now. You got four companies lined up talking about wanting to work with you. Two months ago, this was what you wanted. You got the loan now. Why wouldn't you go for it?"
A loan? He never told me he got a loan.
"Because I can't leave Harvard right now. I can start it anytime. And maybe my dreams have changed." He looks over at me and smiles, but I can tell it's slightly forced.
"Christian?" I'm baffled. Changed? And when was he going to tell me of this change? Hell, when was he going to tell me about this loan?
"It's fine." He blows it off. I know it's anything, but fine. This is his dream. How is he turning this all down? And I know my answer is because of me. I know this man loves me, but there's no way I would stop him from living his dreams.
"You're making a mistake bro," Elliot glares at me. I roll my eyes at him, it's not like I made him do this.
"Just drop it, Elliot. I don't see why it matters to you. It's my life."
"But he does have a point, Christian." Elena chimes in and I roll my eyes once more. What the hell gives her the right to butt in and why are we talking about this at the dinner table?
"Why don't you guys talk about this later?" Mia says being the voice of reason. Everyone goes quiet and returns to eating their food. Although, I've lost my appetite.
I excuse myself to the bathroom to go clear my head. I don't make it far before Elena stops me. This woman gives me the strangest vibes and she's always calling him. Christian doesn't explain anything about her, except she's a close family friend that helped him out of trouble once. She's thirty-eight and not a bad looking woman, but there's something evil about her.
"He will end up hating you if you hold him back from his company." She starts off, her beady eyes staring me down.
"Well, I'm not holding him back. You don't need to worry about it."
"I do worry about it. Unlike you I care for Christian. You have him so wrapped around your finger that be can't seem to think he can function without you. Though I can't help but find it odd, since I personally know that you can't be satisfying his needs. I don't know what spell you put on him, but it will wear off as soon as he sees you're holding him back from his potential. If you want what's best for him, let him go." She crosses her arms across her chest and causes her breast to lift practicality to her chin.
"How could you possibly know what's good for him? I love Christian and I'm not holding him back, but I can't stop him if he's made up his mind on what he wants."
She evilly chuckles at me, "I'm guessing he hasn't told you about us. What a shame. Shows how much control I have over him still. He'll start seeing very soon what a mistake you are. He trusts me fully."
"What the hell are you going on about?" I spit out.
"Christian and I used to be an item." I blench at the thought.
Christian and her? I think I'm going to be fucking sick. She's so... Old. I've been with Christian for over two years, surly he would've told me about this. No, it can't true… I knew he wasn't a virgin, neither was I, but this…he should've told me that he was fucking Mrs. Robinson at one point.
"You're lying."
"Hardly. You see when he was seventeen he came over to my house to work for me. He was such a good-looking boy, and a boy like that shouldn't be a virgin. I knew all about his touch issues. Gave him a way to release himself. It didn't last long between us, because I knew he was a natural Dom, but I sure had fun and I know he did. You see I taught him this special lifestyle, where he can be in control, and not have to worry about feelings, or tramps holding him back from his dreams. He fucked many of woman before you darling, ones that I introduced to him, he trusts my taste, expect when it comes to you." She spits. "When I finally convince him to move back home and trust me I will, I'll have plenty of girls lined up for him. I'm very disappointed in him for not seeing that you're keep him from his ability to not only be a wonderful dominant, but a success in business."
"It doesn't matter what he did in the past. It's what we have now. And I don't understand why you are so proud of fucking an underage boy. I bet Grace would love to hear it."
"He was seventeen darling. Old enough to make his own decisions. I know my Christian will lie and say he was eighteen. Plus it's been over three years, sooo… can't report me." she waves her hand around unashamed. "I'm sure Carrick will understand his boy fucking the hot older lady." She winks. My stomach rolls and I swear I'm about to hurl all over her designer heels.
"That's gross, Elena. I'm glad you're so proud of it. But no matter what he did, doesn't change how I feel for him, he doesn't do it now… but I feel like I should clean my cooch out since his dick touched yours. Good thing I had him checked first."
I turn around wanting to get the hell out of here. I feel as if everything around me is about to crumble.
"He didn't tell you that I gave him the loan, did he?" She cackles.
I spin back around, "excuse me?"
"Oh yes, someone had to support that boy. His parents weren't going to do it. You weren't going to do it. I gave him the loan hoping he will do something, but here you are holding him back. He'll see that soon, don't you worry."
"You fucking bitch…" I growl.
"Such a mouth on you little one. Maybe I should teach you manners like I did Christian. Whip you till you obey. I'm sure Christian would thank me later, make you a perfect Sub. I know he's missing the hard core stuff. I hear it in his voice when I talk to him every week."
I turn green-er. I knew they talked once in awhile but not every week. I don't even care at this point if she wasn't an ex, you don't talk to a woman once a week and hide that information from your girlfriend.
"I know what you're thinking. I had to keep tabs on my pet. He seems to be doing good in college, besides this stupid girl in his way." She glares at me. "The boy needs me, not you. I'm the one that makes him better, and can provided everything he needs. You wait and see."
I clench my fist to my sides. I'm boiling mad and want to cry all at the same time. Why didn't he tell me about her? Why did he hide his past from me and also think it would be okay to flaunt this woman that he's had sex with in front of me?
And he motherfucking still talks to her.
I shake my head and I won't let this vile woman win. I can't. I'm just going to have to find a way for Christian to tell me. He'll tell me if I ask.
Wouldn't he?
"He's doing better because of me. And I do support him. I want everything for him." I say firmly, forcing out the determination in my voice, even though it's fake, before turning and walking away.
As I walk back to the dining area and everyone seems to have cleared out. I notice outside Christian talking to his dad and only wonder if he's telling Christian too about his mistake to stay with me as well.
I can hear Grace and Mia in the kitchen and Gretchen is picking up the dishes from our meal. I stand in the middle of the floor at a loss. I know Elena is on her way back from the devil chambers and I need to get some air to calm down. I move towards the kitchen when someone grabs me roughly by my elbow.
"You're going to fucking ruin him." Elliot hisses in my ear.
"What are you talking about? And why do you care?" I hiss back and try to get out of his hold. Why have I become this sacrificial lamb? I know Elliot's always disliked me, but not to this extent.
"I care because he's my brother. I want what's best for him and you're taking that away. We've always had plans to be great together and you're destroy that. I don't get what's so magical about your damn pussy but trust me it's replaceable."
"Whatever." I try to wiggle my elbow out of his hold. "I don't understand why you hate me? I've never done anything to you Elliot. But I love your brother."
"Love? Bitch you don't know what love is, you're nothing but a two-bit whore. I know your fucking around on him."
What the fuck is he talking about?
"If you don't dump him by the end of the year you'll regret it. Understand?" He threatens. The evilness of his words runs cold through my veins. I don't know if I should be fearful or laugh.
"And don't think about telling Christian about our little chat. You know he will never believe you and he will pick and believe me over you. Just like last spring when you thought I was being an asshole?"
I grind my teeth. I told Christian last April I didn't think Elliot liked me. Well, Christian talked to him and came back to me to tell me it was just a misunderstanding. I let it go because it's not like I had to deal with him on a daily basis and I get that he's going to trust his brother's words if he said there was nothing wrong.
"Just leave me alone, Elliot."
"I will, once you fuck off…" He releases my arm violently make me fall forward and storms away.
I tried my best to ignore what Elena and Elliot told me, but it keeps ringing in my ears. Is the man that's wrapped around me like a vain, really someone dark dominant that enjoys beating woman for pleasure? I somewhat understand the lifestyle Elena told me Christian was involved in. I know he's not doing anything that these girls wouldn't want, but it's still hard to picture the man that I've loved for over two years has this other side to him. The most he has done to me is spank me.
Maybe he's ashamed. Maybe he does still do it? No, I quickly get rid of that idea, but I know soon I'm going to have to bring this up to him.
It's Christmas morning and I'm going to do my best to get through the day without thinking about it. I want to enjoy the day. It's his past and it can't be something that breaks us. I just need him to tell me. Help me understand all this information and explain his affair with Elena.
Christian hums as he wakes up and nuzzles his head into my neck. His hand grabs my ass and he pushes himself into me. When I stiffen his head pops up to stare at me. "What's wrong?" He asks, his voice heavy with sleep.
"Nothing." I lie. "Merry Christmas." I kiss him lightly on the lips.
"Merry Christmas." His hands move from my ass and in between my legs. "Mmmm… Merry Christmas indeed." He inserts a finger in me, then another. I do my best to shut out the thoughts that are echoing around in my head. No matter what, I still love this man. I do want him and maybe it's the only way to ease this ache in my heart.
His lips crash to mine and I'm lost, trying to enjoy the love that only we can share with one another.
An hour later I hear my phone buzz and Christian and I are still curled around each other. "I love you, Ace. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I love you too." I whisper, not looking up at him.
"Then what's wrong? You're off today, actually since yesterday."
"It's nothing. I swear." I lie again. I don't want to ruin today. It's Christmas and the last thing I want is a fight. Even if it eats me up inside.
"Don't lie to me Ana. If something is wrong, you need to tell me."
Right back at you, Christian.
"I'm just thinking about the conversation last night about you staying at Harvard." I offer an excuse of something wrong, even though it's an issue. Just not the issue that's making my stomach twist.
"Don't worry about that." He dismisses.
"Kind of hard not to. I don't want you to throw anything away for me. You know that right? Why wouldn't you tell me you got the loan?"
"Ana… I can start at any time. I have the money and when I'm ready, I can start. I don't even have a business to take over yet. I can finish school. Then while you get your MBA I can work on it. No big deal." He brushes my hair out of my face and kisses my forehead.
I brace myself for that fact that he's still not forth coming on who gave him the loan. But I shake it off.
No fighting on Christmas.
No fighting on Christmas.
"Okay," I mumble.
We don't say anything more and I let Christian to hold me in his arms for just a little while longer trying to enjoy our time like there's nothing wrong. But it's impossible and I'm giving myself a headache due to my cluttered mind.
Eventually Christian goes down stairs to help his mom set up for the day and I go to the bathroom to take a shower. I grab my phone for some holiday music to try and put myself in the Christmas mood.
I notice a new e-mail and I open it up.
I wish I hadn't.
Picture after Picture of Christian naked with other women. Some are him having sex and some are him holding things I've never seen before.
I know it's him. The left mole on his center back is there, the way his muscles contract. I know his body well.
The tears pour down my face.
I know these were before me. I know he hasn't cheated on me. I trust him that much, but why didn't he ever tell me about this life? His past? Does he really think I would judge him if he would have just opened up? We could have maybe avoided this and me having to look at this because I could've told Elena to fuck off. Thing is now I know she's really not lying.
I swipe through the final picture and send my phone flying.
The final image now scarred in my brain of Christian's face looking positivity satisfied as some girl suck him off.
I turn on the shower. I need to drown out my sobs. My body racks of them. No one should ever have to see the person they love with another woman. Even if it's in the past it hurts so bad. My heart feels as though it's been ripped out of my chest.
I somehow clean myself up and make my way downstairs. Everyone is gathered around the tree already. They all turn to me – some faces smiling at me – the others glaring. I can't run away now and I move to sit next to Christian who takes my hand, giving it a kiss.
I put on my best smile as Grace starts to hand out presents.
I can't even enjoy the diamond pendent necklace Christian gave me when Elena hands Christian a gift, that makes him forget all about the brown leather briefcase I got him.
"You're giving me a company?" He looks at the pile of papers in awe.
"Of course, I am. You need that little boost to get started on top of the loan. You should be able to dismantle and sell it as you please. I bought it and put it in your name. It's yours darling, all that hard work you've been putting in to jump start. Do whatever you want with it."
"Wow. Thank you, Elena." Christian turns to me with a giant smile on his face. I do my best to smile back at him, but it falls short. It's another stab to my already broken heart. His face falls and now I know I wasn't ecstatic enough for him.
"This will be great I can play around with this till I really start. A practice." He tells me, only me, but still everyone heard it.
"Christian…" I whisper and I feel everyone's eyes on me. Especially Elena and Elliot's.
"You need to move fast Christian. Once you start breaking the company down you have to keep going. Get your name out there, so people know who you are. This will also get you enough to pursue those other companies after you. You can't hold to this Christian." Elena pipes in and my stomach is all in knots.
"She does have a point son." Carrick throws in, "but if you think you can finish college and this, I say go for it. I think you could do both." He encourages.
"Yeah, I mean you should go for it. This is great." I try to reassure him, but it's so hard when my stomach has now made up residence in my throat.
It would be great if it didn't come from the she-witch and with some dark sick past behind it. The pictures flood my mind and I rush to stand up and scurry out of the room to the bathroom, losing the contents from my stomach.
I wash my mouth out and try to swallow down the rest of my impending nausea. When I walk out of the bathroom, Mia is standing there and I only wonder if she's come to give me a hard time much like her older brother yesterday.
"Are you okay?" She asks concerned and opens her arms for me.
I shake my head and walk into her open arms. I need someone that's not involved in this whole mess. I miss my mom and I wish my dad could be here.
"What's going on?"
"It's just… I don't want everyone to think I'm stopping him. I'm not. I want everything for him. I'm not asking him to stay in Boston with me. Yes, sure I don't really want him to go. He's been my rock, I love him, but I want him to have everything.. It's just…" I sigh, not sure if I should continue. I love Mia, she's been like a sister to me, but I know this family is close with Elena.
"Elena is being a bitch." She snaps and it surprises me. "Let's just say I never liked her. I have this odd feeling about her. Mom and Dad know that you're not holding him back. They want him to finish Harvard. Screw what everyone else says."
"I know." I agree, "it's just been a rough week. It'll be okay." I tell her, trying to calm my shaking body down.
"You know I'm here for you."
"Thank you, Mia." She pulls me into a tighter hug.
As much as this is helping, there's only one person's arms I want to be in and I'm surprised and disappointed he's not here.
"Let's get back, okay?" I nod. "I'll get you some tea."
I walk back to the living room, and Mia head towards the kitchen. When I enter the room, I'm sick all over again by what I see. Elena and Christian are talking in the corner. She's touching his arm and I hate that this vile bitch is touching him. Christian must know I'm back in the room because his eyes meet mine. I instantly turn away from him and go sit on the couch, playing with the torn wrapping paper.
Elliot slides next to me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "You don't listen well. I heard your morning activities. Didn't sound like you were pushing away from him. When will you learn?"
"Maybe never." I mutter. I scoot over away from him.
Just leave me alone.
"Don't worry, Elena is making sure my dear brother is on the right track." He claps his legs and stands up, moving to go to talk to his mother and grandfather.
It's Christmas.
It's Christmas.
No fighting on Christmas.
I recite the mantra in my head over and over again. I just want to get back to Boston. Everything was happy and rainbows in Boston.
Mia brings me the tea and sits next to me, trying to liven up the atmosphere by telling me funny stories about her botched date with some football player. The whole twenty minutes she's talking I can't take my eyes off Christian and Elena. What the fuck are they saying to each other and with every passing second, I stew, letting it eat me up inside.
Finally, Christian walks away from Elena, but not before she gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Great now he's going to have to burn his skin off before I touch that cheek again.
"I'll let you guys, talk." Mia says and pats my shoulder.
No don't go…. I want to beg her to stay, be a peacekeeper, but she's already getting up and moving away.
He comes and sits down next to me and takes my hand. I freeze and move out of his grip. I don't want him touching me.
"I saw you and my brother getting along." He mumbles
"Sure." I snap and he sighs.
"What's wrong? Elliot said he was trying, but you keep blowing him off."
I roll my eyes and I don't even try to address that. I don't give a fuck about Elliot, I want to know what kind of shit Elena was feeding him. Were they talking about his past? Was she trying to remind him of how good it was? Because according to the pictures I would say it was for him. Maybe he does really miss it. I mean that just doesn't go away.
"What were you and Elena talking about for so long?" I ask trying to keep the anger from my question, but it's impossible. I'm fuming.
"The company she bought for me. Filling me in on everything, my next steps." He says bluntly. "What's wrong?"
"She couldn't send you an email?" I ask sarcastically.
"I guess, but she's here and you disappeared. Thought why not, a good enough time to talk, get the ideas following. I have a lot to do being in Boston. I need to be on my toes. Do you not want me to know what I'm getting into or something?" He asks annoyed.
"I didn't say that. Maybe you should just move back here if it's going to be easier. I know it's what you want." I say softly, playing with the fake lint on my dress.
"I want to be with you, Ana. I don't get why you don't understand that." He argues. The same thing he always tells me when I say he should go and be with him later.
"I didn't say that. I want to be with you too, but I want you to have GEH as well. I'll always be here, but you have to let me in and tell me what you truly want. We can work around anything."
"Ana. I don't want to do this right now." He blows me off, staring out at the Christmas tree.
"Fine. Forget it." I snap.
I watch him tense and bite the corner of his mouth.
"Fine." He stands up and moves towards his mother, brother and grandfather.
Two days later and we arrive back in Boston. I had hoped to be celebrating a new year with Christian. That we would be able to get past it all, but as soon as we entered our home, it exploded to the end.
"Why can't you just drop it Ana? I told you what I want to do. I have plenty of options in the future." He tells me. We've been going back and forth for hours about him starting his company and he keeps pushing away from it. Telling me it doesn't matter. I don't understand why he doesn't feel like he can be honest with me. I know this is everything he wants and all he has to do is tell me and we can work on us and make a plan for us to keep our relationship going.
All he's doing now is pissing me off by denying it. I can see it in his body language. Especially ever since Elena gave him that damn company. The air shifted around us. Anytime anybody said anything about Boston or the business he would close off. He started to drift from me, but it didn't help that I was already blown away.
"Tell me, honestly, that your own business is not what you want?"
"It is." He yells and starts to pace. "Maybe more than anything in my life. But I want you, too. I want to share it with you. And you told me you wouldn't leave Massachusetts till you were done."
"So what? That means you can't go and live your own dreams too? You can have both if you really wanted Christian. I'll be there when I can. But if you don't try, you'll end up hating me." I tell him, trying to be as calm as possible, but everything in my body hurts. I've been trampled by pictures and words for days and I'm holding on to a tattered string.
"There's no way we could survive being apart for a year till you finished your masters. I couldn't survive."
"I'm sure you would survive just fine with a sub or two between your legs." I say bitterly, but instantly regret it. I've been holding onto that for days. I wasn't going to say anything. Hoping maybe one day he would tell me. But every time I close my eyes I see it. I think about it and the fact that he still lets Elena in his life, after the things she did to him, makes my skin crawl. All those phone calls over the last two years, where he never told me he was talking to an ex, of sorts. Then there's the fact that she gave him the loan, which he still hasn't told me how that came about. Then her handing him a company in his name for Christmas. On top of everything else, Elliot's threats and hate for me. I guess it was only about time before I snapped.
Christian tenses and pales, "what are you talking about?"
"I know what you used to do or used to be. I want to know why you didn't tell me that Elena basically raped you and that you fucked countless of women while you whipped them?"
His eyes go wide and looks like a deer about to be hit by a semi.
"I have no idea what you're talking about?" He whispers and tugs on his hair. He can't get around this unless he tells me, pictures and videos say a thousand words.
"This isn't the time to lie to me, Christian. Tell me about your time before me." I'm trying to urge him to be honest with me. He just needs to talk to me...help me understand. Heal this pain I have in my heart.
"Are you kidding me, right now? There's nothing to tell and I don't like that you don't believe me."
"I have proof. What I don't get is why you won't just tell me. Be honest with me." I beg him.
Why is he hiding this from me, why isn't he trusting me enough?
He shakes his head, "I don't believe this. And what proof do you have?"
"What proof don't I have?" I sass him. I move to my computer and open up the e-mail Elena sent me. All the pictures of Christian as a Dominant. His contracts that he had with two of the girls. I turn my computer to him, and he doesn't even look at it.
"Why are you changing the subject?" He walks away and goes to grab a bottle of whiskey.
"I'm changing the subject? You're the one who is deflecting. Why can't you just admit it to me. Why are you hiding. Why are you afraid to admit that you fucked Elena...what is it?"
"Why can't you admit that we can't survive without each other?"
I feel as though I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and he's still not hearing me. Why is he denying this so hard?
"I think I might, if you keep hiding and lying to me. But fine, putting that aside for the moment, if you want to go to Seattle and get started I support that, because I do support you. You have a huge opportunity to do something and if you stay here you'll regret it. I want you to be great Christian, but you can't do that in Boston. I love you enough to let you go be great. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the one you love."
"Sounds like your ending it all, Ana." He says bluntly. "If I go to Seattle that's the end of us. I won't have time to visit. I don't see you coming to me…"
Wow, Christian, give up so easily.
Tears well up in my eyes. How could he say that? He's not even willing to try all because I want him to go succeed. Why am I being the bad guy in this? We could survive if he would try and stop fucking lying to me.
I wipe the tears from my face. I'm about to be a puzzle broken up into a thousand pieces, stored away for years, with one single piece missing forever, never to be found again.
"You know that's not true and if you wanted to, we could work something out. But right now, I don't want to because I know you're lying to me."
"Oh, for fuck sakes, Ana. Drop it, you know everything about me." He tosses back and a shot and refills his glass.
"I know NOTHING!" I yell and he freezes. "Were you ever going to tell me about how Elena gave you the loan, or why she calls you all the time? I'm sure she calls to see if your satisfied right? I need you to be honest now, Christian. If you want us bad enough, you will tell me."
He doesn't say anything and he throws back another shot. If he can't admit it to me, be open with me, then we have nothing. I don't need the dirty details, but he could confess what I know is right.
"Your silence says everything. You know maybe I shouldn't let you to go back to Seattle, throwing you back in the arms of the sea witch. I mean she's dangling carrots in front of you, that way you never leave her side. I really shouldn't let you take her bait."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Ana, she's just a family friend, someone who actually believes I can do something great." He spits at me. The anger pouring out of his grey orbs.
His words are like a knife twisting in my chest. I will myself not to cry even harder at the pain he just inflicted on me.
He doesn't think I have that belief in him? After everything I've done for him? All the times I've pushed him to try and make deals, talk to his parents about a loan, telling him everyday how great an idea GEH is? Seconds ago, he was willing to stay with me and now… Now I know it's because the pictures are one hundred percent real. He's angry and closing down. A sign for when he's 'done something wrong. A true sign that he doesn't trust me.
Now I have my answer on what to do. If he really thinks this way, even in his anger, I have to set him free. I won't be the one responsible for him not being great.
"Wow, and you don't think I feel that way about you. That's cheap, Christian. You know for a smart boy, you're delusional."
I'm no longer able to keep my deep sobs at bay. "I want you to go to Seattle. Go be great, Christian, because obviously you don't think I support you."
He storms out of the room without a word and slams our bedroom door. Putting the official nail in our coffin.
We didn't talk for the for the rest of the day. He was packing and I let him. I hated it so much and started to wonder if it wasn't true. I wanted him to tell me it wasn't true, he couldn't even do that. The next day he was leaving. I tried to beg him to stay so we can talk asking him to tell me because I really didn't want him to go.
We shared one final kiss and then he was gone.
END FLASHBACK
A hand on my shoulder brings me back from the painful memories. I look up into a pair of worried grey eyes. "You're still here." He says, pushing my hair back behind my hair.
"I'm sorry for walking in on you, I shouldn't have…" I mumble.
"It's fine," a small smile crosses his face, "especially after you kissed me. You don't know how long I've been dying to kiss you again. I just wish you didn't run out."
"Christian you have someone else…" he stops me by putting his fingers to my lips.
"I don't have anyone. I should've told you, but I made Haley leave that day after you saw her. I wanted to get rid of her the second I knew you were coming back, but you showed up with a boyfriend and I felt… defeated. If you couldn't tell by what happened earlier, you know how much I want you Ana." He pleads. "I know you feel the same way. I see it in your eyes and how you act with me. We never lost our love with each other."
He doesn't even give me a chance to reply before he's crashing his lips to mine. I encircle my arms around his neck and absorb the tenderness he's giving me. He back away slightly and his eyes dance with mine, "Let's start over again. You know everything we had was perfect, till those last moments. We can have all that again. Dump the dickless boy, come back to me Ana."
My heart is hammering in my chest. I want to scream yes. There's nothing more than I want.
"I-" I'm cut off by Taylor clearing his throat.
We both look over at him. He's stoic as he looks between us. "Ms. Lincoln is on her way up, sir." He announces and I quickly move out of his arms.
"Fuck," he mutters. "How?" He questions angrily at Taylor.
I scoff. I don't care what show he's trying to pull off right now. I smack him in the arm, I'm fuming. His attention turns away from Taylor who is trying to say something.
"Elena?" I yell. "You still talk and see Elena?"
Uh-oh
A/N: This chapter was really hard to write… ugh…and it's still not perfect. Sorry if I repeated a lot…this is one of the first chapters I wrote and been back and forth on it... anyways… Recap a little- Christian did confess to her months later what really happened. So she does know everything that happened in his past.. etc. (that's when she decided they could only be friends, because she was suffering from her own break down. So they have built a friendship past this point) Also CG knows what happened with Elena and Elliot... it was mentioned a few times in small hints in the chpaters before But they will talk more next chapter...:) Also there's another person against their relationship that nobody guessed.. hehehehe... But honesty for ? - I'm going to keep you guessing a while longer… :)
