AN: I am so, so sorry for the long wait. There's no excuse, though I could definitely plead writer's block. Forgive, read and review, and I'll try really hard to update sooner next time...I've got a lot of ideas now, so it shouldn't be long. Promise.
When Jess was finally aware of her surroundings again, the sun was shining cheerily in the type of clear blue sky that seemed too cliché to be real, and she and her friends were sprawled out on the ground, watching an enormous, multicolored tour bus pull away. "Where are we?" Jude inquired, squinting around in abject befuddlement.
"Doesn't matter," Lucy replied, twirling around playfully. "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."
Jess blinked rapidly at the words, trying both to make sense of them and to figure out why they sounded so familiar. As she did this, however, she couldn't prevent her eyes from sliding involuntarily toward Max. At once, memories of the previous night filled her mind, and a light blush spread across her cheeks. She wasn't at all used to this uncertainty in her relationships. If that was what this was. And if it was, then…then what would they do when he left? She shook her head to clear it. This wasn't like her. Dwelling wasn't like her. She hated people who dwelled. She focused her hazel eyes on him, narrowing them against the too bright sunlight. He was leaning against a nearby tree, separated from the rest of them, staring blankly into space and apparently brooding. But he must have felt her eyes, because he looked up and smirked at her. She swallowed every ounce of this stupid uncertainty and held his gaze, arching her eyebrows just slightly in a silent invitation. He tipped his head back slightly, obviously preferring that she come to him, but she just settled more comfortably on the ground, her previously inscrutable stare now holding a challenge. He laughed, shaking his head, but approached. "Last night was fun." His voice was lazy, teasing.
"Yeah." Despite herself, her eyes darted to the ground, and she forced herself to look up again.
He inched closer, his blue eyes lit with amusement. "We should do it again sometime."
"Do what?" she asked, all innocence even though she knew exactly what he was referring to. With effort, she forced herself to breathe slower, willing herself to calm down so her heart wouldn't beat so damn fast. God knew Max would notice if he were having an effect on her.
"This," he breathed, and before she could even think, he had lowered his head to capture her lips with his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hands tangling in his hair, and neither one of them was aware of falling backwards until they were sprawled across the grass. He pulled her closer until their bodies pressed together completely, neither one entirely willing to release the other.
"Agreed," she answered when they finally parted, now making no secret of her ragged breathing.
"Took you two long enough," Jude ribbed playfully from a few yards away. Max flipped him off over his shoulder as he rolled away from her, lacing the fingers of his free hand with hers. "But speaking as a cousin…she could do better." Jess didn't get it, but as it was clearly some kind of inside joke (what with both of them and Lucy bursting into hysterics and all), she let it go. And apparently it didn't really matter, because about five seconds later, he was tackling her again, laughing and brushing his lips in feather-light kisses down her neck.
Lucy was the one to cut it off this time, with the incredibly random exclamation of, "Listen!"
"The hell, Luce?" Max demanded, glaring playfully at his sister.
"Do you hear the music?" she trilled, and before any of them even knew what she was talking about, she had seized Jude's hand and was skipping excitedly down the grassy hill toward the music that Jess, if she strained very hard, could just barely hear.
"Want to go check it out?" she asked, and he snorted.
"Not particularly. I'm making up for lost time."
Lost time. The phrase simultaneously managed to give her warm, fuzzy tingles all over her body and terrify her. The first because it sounded like he'd wanted to snog her senseless for a while, the second because there'd be a lot of lost time…soon. Too soon. Still, she really did want to know where the others were going. She bit her lip and quirked an eyebrow. "I'll make it up to you tonight, yeah?" she asked suggestively, nipping at his lower lip.
And the next thing she knew, she and Max were practically flying across the grass after them.
I want you…
"Prudence!" Jess screeched, wrapping her arms around the diminutive Asian. "Oh my God, love, it's so good to see you!"
"I've missed you guys!" Prudence replied, laughing as she returned the hug. "And you, girl, you've got quite a glow. What's the deal?"
"It's me," Max teased, throwing an arm around the Brit. "She realized that she was deeply and madly in love with me and could no longer resist my charms."
"Oh, yeah," she shot back, shoving his arm away and biting back a grin. "I think it was more that he realized I could bag absolutely any bloke I wanted, and he couldn't stand the thought of losing me, so he decided to make it official."
Prudence squealed. "As in, you two are finally a thing? God, you couldn't have made it official while I was still hanging around? Took you forever."
Max sighed melodramatically. "Yes, well, she's very stubborn. She fought her feelings as long as she could. It was pretty impressive how long she lasted."
"You're such a wanker. I swear to God, you keep this up, I'll go snog that sexy brunette over there for the rest of the night," she replied without missing a beat, but the mischievous light in her eyes told all that she wouldn't actually have done it.
And, as promised, later that night, she made it up to both of them for all the interruptions they'd endured that morning.
She's so heavy…
Max's last night home found Jess sitting alone in her room, in the center of her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest and her blankets in complete disarray around her. Her eyes were dry, and she had apparently been staring for quite some time, because they stung. A cold sweat coated her entire body, and she wondered why the hell the night was so damn long. Finally, giving up completely on any type of sleep, she swung herself out of bed and shuffled halfheartedly toward the kitchen. A blunt and a glass of wine…that was what she needed. She heaved a sigh, digging through Sadie's junk drawer in the dark for her stash and a box of matches. A candle or light was too much trouble when she'd only be in here long enough to take the edge off her decidedly unstable…well, state.
"They're right here." His voice was hoarse, and she jumped, heart hammering in double time in her chest.
"Thanks," she managed when she could breathe again, lighting the blunt with shaking fingers and leaning against the table. He didn't respond, burying his face into his hands with a shuddering sigh. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as the smoke reached her, calming her a little before she spoke. "Max?" He looked up soundlessly, and even in the dark she could see that his eyes were clouded. "Want me to leave?" Her throat closed around the words; even though she hadn't expected to see him here, she was glad she had, and the last thing she wanted to do was leave him to his thoughts. On the other hand…this was Max, which meant that he probably wanted to be left alone.
"Please," he rasped. She nodded, shoving the hurt to the back of her mind and taking another drag. But before she could leave completely, his voice reached her again, so soft that she could barely hear it. "Wait." She paused, turning around. "Look," he added, his voice cracking slightly. "I know I'm being an asshole, but…"
"Hey, hey…" Against her better judgment, she rested a hand on his shoulder. "I get it. Don't worry about it."
"You don't get it!" he exploded. "That's the whole point. You can't get it. You aren't the one who might never be coming home. You, Jude, Sadie, Jo, Lucy…none of you get it. God, and you all keep trying to tell me everything's gonna be fine, everything's alright, and you know what? It's not. It's really not." His breathing was fast. Shallow. Whatever mask he'd been hiding behind had shattered, leaving him sitting there, a terrified, desperate man who suddenly looked much smaller than he'd ever looked before.
And that was when Jess knew that there was nothing she could do. Vietnam had taken pieces of Max before he'd even stepped foot on its war-ravaged soil, before he'd ever had to use the gun that would kill men, maybe women, maybe children. And whatever happened to him over there—if he came home—would take still more of him. And none of them had any way of knowing if they'd ever get Max back, whether he lived or not. She bit her lip hard, closing her eyes against the flood of tears that threatened her. God, the last thing he needed was for her to lose it, too. She squeezed his shoulder hard and turned away so he couldn't see the tears that had escaped, carving shimmering trails down her icy cheeks. "I'm gonna go to bed," she managed around the painful lump that clogged her throat. "T-try to get some sleep."
Her tears had dried at last, leaving her emotionally and physically drained, when she heard a creak in the doorway. She feigned sleep, listening closely as Max tiptoed across the room. Soundlessly, he climbed into bed next to her, exhaling heavily as he settled beside her. He was so close that she could feel him shaking slightly, and she moved even closer as though in a dream. As if he wasn't thinking about it, he wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and buried his face into her shoulder, leaving her to struggle against the tears that burnt again behind her closed lids.
She expected to wake up alone, but when she opened her eyes the next morning, he was still there, not even looking peaceful in sleep. Slowly, she reached out to push his sweat-soaked bangs out of his eyes, trying not to think of the nightmares that must have plagued him, and, ever so gently, smoothed the crease between those eyes. He awoke then, and immediately pulled her to him with an intensity that bordered on desperation, and she clung just as tightly, losing herself in his every caress, memorizing the feel of his hands, his lips, the way she felt pressed against his body…
They remained tangled amongst the sheets for a while after they had broken apart, both of them breathing more shallowly than usual, her head resting on his chest and their legs intertwined. He ran his fingers through her hair, staring thoughtfully down at her face, and then, in voice so quiet that she had to rely on the vibrations of his chest to reassure her that he had, in fact, spoken, he whispered, "I'll miss you."
She couldn't look at him, because she'd have broken down. She could feel it waiting there, lying dormant in her chest, and the slightest glimpse of his face at that moment would have set it off. "Ditto," she managed, finally lifting her head to press a gentle kiss to his lips.
"Shit," he muttered a few minutes later. "We gotta get up."
She nodded, rousing herself soundlessly and heading for the door. "Gonna get dressed. Be out in a few." It was the quickest she'd gotten ready in her entire life, probably, seeing as all she did was grab the first pair of jeans and t-shirt she saw and tie her hair back in a messy knot. Sliding her feet into the sandals she'd been wearing the night before, she speed-walked to the kitchen.
Before any of them knew it, they had arrived at the airport and were standing in a tight little circle, Max and his bags at the center. "Hey. Luce." He reached out and tilted her chin until she looked at him. "Remember what I told you, alright? I'm gonna be fine, so quit worrying. You'll make yourself gray." Though his words would have sounded stern, he spoke them with a soft, teasing smile.
"Love you," she whispered.
"Love you back," he murmured, dropping a quick kiss onto her temple and pulling her to him for a tight hug.
"Judey. Watch everybody for me, alright? Paint lots of fruit and shit…I wanna see all your stuff when I get back."
"You have my word, mate," the Limey answered, trying to make his words sound less somber than they actually were. And he, too, gave Max a hug.
He didn't actually speak to Prudence, but wrapped his arms around her for a long moment. She seemed to understand, though no one else did.
To Sadie and JoJo, he simply said, "I swear to God, if you too haven't hit the big time by the time I get back, something's wrong with the world," and accepted their hugs and whispered assurances.
And then he turned to Jess. Again, at first he seemed incapable of speech. He simply gathered her into his arms and pulled her to him so tightly that it was almost hard for her to breathe. He kissed her, and it held the same hint of desperation it had earlier that morning. "I'll miss you," he repeated, still holding her as she leaned her forehead against his.
"I'll miss you too," she said, unable to stop her voice from cracking. And then he set her down, because the disinterested voice on the loudspeaker was saying that his flight was boarding, and he was bidding everyone one last goodbye and one last smile, picking up his bags and walking away. And they were all standing there, in that same, tight-knit circle, watching until Max disappeared.
