Chapter Six;
::Apologies and Truths::
Days passed by in nearly a blur but at the same time they also moved agonizingly slow. It made no sense even for Melian who had been feeling this way the entire time. Her stay had only been made easier because of Arwen spending much of her time by her side. She acted somewhat like an elder sister would, teaching her certain things, comforting her, and even acting protective as well. Due to her age she figured that could be understandable and had not complained about the attention. It was nice learning about her kind more and kept her preoccupied during the days Frodo had been unconscious.
Melian learned a great deal but also felt rather naïve. In a way she was like a child in the eyes of elves. Her age didn't matter, only her knowledge did and she held very little of their ways. Thankfully Arwen had helped her every step of the way and never once judged her. She truly was a kind one. She never took the other elleth's company for granted. If anything she enjoyed every second of it. Some of the information she obtained involved their dear Strider who she discovered held the name of Aragorn.
Another brilliant turn of events for the elleth was running into Bilbo. Yet another meeting she would later be thanking Arwen for. Gandalf had been the one she truly wished on speaking with, but put it off each day until Frodo awakened. Now, Melian stood, perched on the same balcony and looking out at the beautiful land. Things had been looking up as of late and her conversation with Bilbo had truly helped her a great deal. Just thinking back on it made her smile. She didn't realize just how much she had missed the hobbit since his departure.
----------;X
Three Days Earlier;
"Arwen…there's really no need for this!" Melian continued with her protests while being dragged by the older elleth.
"It's truly no trouble at all. My father would be so pleased in speaking with Adelia's daughter." Arwen assured her, but it did no good.
Being the sweet one she was, Arwen had offered Melian the chance of speaking with her father, Lord Elrond. Unable to contain it any longer, she ended up telling Arwen of her nightmares and concerns that had been plaguing her lately. In her attempt at helping, Arwen made the offer that perhaps Elrond could give her some answers. It was her father after all so she could really make it happen and possibly ease her mind.
Melian wasn't so convinced. Shaking her head again in refusal she tried tugging her wrist free. "I truly appreciate the offer but I don't think it's the best time to disturb your father. There are matters of great concern that need attention."
Arwen sighed, halting in her tracks. She released her wrist, causing Melian to believe that she had gotten through to her. When she turned around that smile was endlessly plastered on her lips. It suddenly had her worried again.
"Very well, then perhaps you would settle for an old friend?"
Now she was confused. At first she didn't understand what Arwen meant, not until she noticed the familiar figure in front of them. Sitting upon one of the stone seats nearby was none other than Bilbo. The old hobbit looked quite different from the last time she saw him. His hair was completely white and he seemed more fragile than ever before. In such a short amount of time he had already begun aging just like Gandalf said he would.
A smile broke out on her lips and she did not hesitate approaching him. Bilbo stood with his familiar laugh and she gently embraced the hobbit, being mindful of his new fragile state. She couldn't believe he was actually here! She had completely forgotten Gandalf told them he'd be staying here with the elves.
"Melian my dear, it's so good to see you again." Bilbo spoke cheerfully, embracing her with all the strength he possessed. He had not changed at all. He was still the same cheery hobbit she had grown up around.
"It's great to see you as well! You don't know how much we've all missed you." She replied through a gentle laugh.
Arwen had quietly made her departure, giving them some privacy. Melian would remember to thank her later for this. In the mean time she planned on catching up with her dear father figure. During his time away she discovered he had finished his book. It looked amazing and she was so proud of what he had accomplished.
Sadly, nothing could delay the inevitable and soon enough Bilbo had brought up the subject of their journey. Like Arwen, most of the details had been provided for him earlier when he was told Frodo had arrived injured. She filled in the rest like when they had started out but the most painful was talking about what happened with the Wraiths. The guilt came flooding out into her voice. She could not hide it, not from him. When she finished her head hung low in shame and her hands clenched in tight fists within her lap.
Silence hovered over the two while Bilbo took in all the new information given. She was soon relieved when he had been the one who broke the silence between the two. The soft tone of his voice made her body relax. He wasn't angry with her.
"My dear…what transpired in that moment was not your doing, I can assure you of that." He assured her right away before continuing. "There are many things you should have been told long ago that were kept secret. It grieves me today to realize just how much you've suffered." He whispered. Reaching out, he placed his tiny hands over her clenched fists.
"But you must remain strong. Do not place more troubles upon your heart. You're not to blame. Everyone knows this and forgives you…but now you must forgive yourself. You'll never be able to move forward otherwise."
Melian kept her eyes on their hands, allowing his words to sink in. Eventually she had left the hobbit, knowing he needed his rest. Besides, she had her own thoughts that needed sorting through. It was so easy saying those words aloud but much harder to perform them. For the sake of her friends she silently promised she would do her best. Bilbo was right, like always. She would never move forward until she forgave herself. She had to face this.
How else could she make it up to her friends and keep her promise?
----------;X
That conversation took place three days ago. In that time she had thought over everything Bilbo said. He had no need for going into long explanations about why her guilt was misplaced or unnecessary. He merely spoke what was needed and now it was her job to do the rest. Melian honestly didn't believe she could ever forgive herself in the beginning. Who honestly would believe such a thing when they thought their dearest friend nearly died because of them?
As the days passed however her feelings began changing. The advice she gained from Arwen as well helped greatly. Slowly but surely her heart was on the mend. With a quiet sigh, Melian turned from the balcony, deciding she would go and find Arwen. She was stopped only two steps later when a familiar voice called out her name. Turning around the elleth smiled when she saw it was Pippin running toward her. He had a huge, excited smiled on his face.
"Melian, Frodo's woken up!" He shouted in excitement.
"He really did? When did he awake?" Melian's smile widened as happiness overwhelmed her.
"It was just over an hour or so ago." Pippin smiled.
"He woke nearly an hour ago? You waited that long before telling me?" She scolded, gently tapping his arms.
Her laughter gave away and let Pippin know she wasn't truly angry. Instead of pushing his luck he quickly informed her of where their dear friend was right now. She hurried off without another word. All of her worries and fears over facing him had been washed away. She just needed to see him up and about.
When she finally found him he was with Sam and the two looked as though they had just finished talking. Seeing him now she could hardly believe he had ever been injured. He looked like his old self again.
"Melian, there you are!" Frodo smiled when he noticed her approaching.
The elleth could only smile, rushing forward at her friend. She dropped onto her knees, embracing him almost instantly. Despite his former wounds she hugged him as tight as she possibly could. She was so happy.
"Oh Frodo…I am so glad you're safe!"
The little outburst of happiness caused a smile to break out on Frodo's lips. He laughed and hugged her just as tightly in return. Earlier everyone had surrounded him when he awoke, but she was nowhere to be seen. It made him concerned because of the situation that occurred.
"I am now, thanks to Elrond and everyone else." He replied calmly.
Sam grinned at the emotional display between the two before heading off in search of their other friends. The two silly hobbits had split up and gone in search of Melian. He would have to gather the both of them up, wherever they were. Upon realizing he had disappeared, Melian began wishing he was still here. Her feelings of guilt began welling up again, crushing any relief or happiness she had previously felt.
"I'm so sorry Frodo…please forgive me."
Melian released him from her hug and bravely kept her eyes focused upon him. She was surprised when she noticed he looked utterly confused by her apology. It couldn't be helped. She didn't believe he remembered much of what happened. That was until he spoke.
"There is nothing I can forgive you for Melian. You've done nothing wrong." Frodo revealed with a gentle smile. "I cannot recall much of what occurred when the Wraiths surrounded us, but…I know you had no part in harming me."
"You're wrong. It was my entire fault…" She murmured only loud enough so he could hear.
"How is that?"
Frodo sounded desperate this time when he questioned her. It was going to happen sooner or later and apparently the others hadn't said what happened. They probably didn't even know the true reason behind what they saw. Sucking in a deep breath, Melian prepared to inform her friend the truth. She told him everything, including her nightmares and the voices. When she finished her gaze finally lowered, her courage having dimmed. She waited in fear for his reaction. It was not what she expected.
"I don't understand much of this but it still confirms what I already knew. It was not your fault I was hurt. I've known you long enough to believe you'd never hurt me intentionally." Frodo exclaimed. His smile never once left his lips.
Melian could only stare at him in amazement. She soon flashed him a grateful smile. No one else in this land could ever be so kind like he was. Her bond with him was the most special and she was so thankful she had not destroyed it.
"Thank you Frodo. That means so much…and I promise I'll tell you everything from now on…I just…"
"Need the whole truth. Am I correct?"
Gandalf's voice made them turn in their seats on the stone bench. The old wizard stood no more than a few feet away, a concerned smile on his lips. "I believe it's time you and I talked Melian." He added.
He nodded toward Frodo who did the same before he got up from his seat. He whispered his goodbyes and took off to seek out the others. Once Frodo was gone Gandalf made his way over and took his seat beside Melian on the stone bench. Silence fell over them and neither even looked at the other. Gandalf appeared to be deep in thought while she was so nervous her voice was lost. A part of her was so frightened over knowing the truth and wondered if it was better never finding out. It would be so easy just saying she didn't wish to hear it, but she couldn't move forward if she didn't know. This was the only way.
"What's happening to me Gandalf…?" Melian spoke in more than a soft whisper.
Instantly she could feel his eyes upon her and she cautiously lifted her gaze up. For some reason she felt like a small child again who had gotten caught doing something wrong. It was so foolish and only became worse when he didn't answer right away. That just doubled her fear.
"Melian…you must first understand the reason I kept this information hidden from you. It was for your own protection and happiness. That was my main concern all these years…"
Gandalf began speaking and she dared not interrupt him. She honestly didn't think she even could. The numb feeling in her body had returned. She hadn't heard anything yet and she was already afraid! It didn't matter. She didn't want to say anything out of fear the wrong words could spill out and make him cease from telling her the truth. She would undoubtedly cower away. Luckily he soon continued on.
"Long ago…your grandmother existed during the time of the war between Sauron. Many of the elves as you know fought alongside men in the hopes of defeating Sauron. Your grandmother was honestly a great help in their time of need."
He had barely just begun and already Melian was confused. One of the reasons was because her grandmother being mentioned, someone she never even knew of. Second was the fact he said she was of help. Surely she wasn't permitted to fight, was she? As if sensing her confusion the wizard carried on.
"Your grandmother had a special gift. Her eyes had the gift of foresight. She should see into the future at any given moment she wished. Even more spectacular was her power over time itself. With the correct energy she could slow the movements of others by slowing down time for them. It lasted but moments, however it was more than enough on the field of battle. Her powers helped greatly in the fight against Sauron's armies. Sadly, it came at a great price for her. Each time she used her power she began losing her strength. It was draining her life."
Gandalf began sounding sadder this time. It made her wonder if he had known her personally like he had her mother. A part of Melian couldn't help but feel pity over her grandmother. It sounded as though she was blessed with a gift but by using that gift it was also slowly killing her. That alone didn't sound fair and as if answering her thoughts the wizard gently grasped her shoulder.
"No one should use the balance of time in such a way, no matter how important it is."
His words made a lot of sense but it still didn't make it right. She knew of elves like Arwen's father Lord Elrond who could look into the future. But she knew of none who could actually slow down time for others. It was nearly unbelievable. Never letting her eyes stray from Gandalf this time, her fears were subdued by now. She actually wanted him to continue. She wanted to know.
"With such a gift obviously others would begin noticing. Sauron eventually discovered her abilities and sent numerous warriors after her. Many failed, until one group had caught them off guard. The elves had been moving her into a safe location and unfortunately she was weak enough that she could not use her power. They were overwhelmed and in the end she was taken."
"What happened to her…?" Melian questioned in a whisper. It was all she could manage.
"She was mercilessly tortured for weeks. The cruelest acts forced upon her so she would use her powers for them. No matter what they did she never wavered. She never gave in. Sauron was furious for it was not only her power that he desired."
Melian felt a shiver travel down her spine at his word. She knew what he had meant. There was no need for explanations. She was also thankful he hadn't gone into detail on her torture. Just the thought alone was terrible. Finally she lowered her gaze, unsure if she could hear anymore. It kept changing and she felt indecisive with her feelings. She still didn't understand how all of this involved her. She would soon get her answers.
"The rest is where you fit in my dear. After months of torture Sauron had finally done one last thing he could. He released your grandmother, but not without harming her one last time. He stabbed her in the chest with his own blade. He meant not to kill her and used his own power fused within that blade. He placed a curse upon her. It was a curse that would move through the generations until the day came when she or a descendant if need be would give in to him."
"What…?"
Melian breathed out, the rest of her body growing cold with shock. There was no way. He was surely lying about this. Surely this curse or whatever it was had nothing to do with her. She couldn't do any of those things! She didn't see into the future and she really couldn't manipulate time itself.
"The nightmares are part of it. Your grandmother suffered with those along with many other troubles for years. Her life sadly ended when the orcs killed her, leaving your mother alone to deal with the curse by herself. Adelia remained ever distant for many years out of fear. Without her mother she could never learn to control the power inside her. Instead she suppressed it and lived with it until the day she met your father. With him she had become light, but with his death she had distanced herself once more. Eventually, she ran away with you where she was attacked by the orcs."
Gandalf sounded like he was finished by this point. It was probably for the best. Melian felt like her head was ready to explode. She was scared and somewhere along the way that fear had turned into rage.
"This…is a lie. It must be!" She nearly shouted in disbelief.
"It's not a lie."
"It must be! I do not have these powers so I can't possibly…"
Melian stopped when a horrible memory resurfaced. It was one she had tried forgetting. The continuing nightmare that plagued her nightly even before the group had been led by Strider had evaded her thoughts completely. The way the Wraiths had surrounded them was exactly how they were positioned in her dream.
"You don't have them because they're locked away. When you were born Adelia begged Lord Elrond to do whatever he could to lock away your abilities. She hoped if he could you would not suffer like she had. Not long after her death however I began realizing that it hadn't worked completely. I knew after a time you were receiving the nightmares. The power of the Ring is only making them worse since you laid eyes upon it, am I right?"
"Gandalf…how could you keep this from me? Do you have any idea how frightened I've always been?" Melian shouted.
The fury boiling inside of her was growing stronger and she could no longer contain it. The rational, calm side of her begged that she should stop. There were still questions that she needed to ask, such as what else happened with her mother and grandmother besides the nightmares. Clearly, there was a lot more than what was happening with her now. But she didn't ask. She let her anger take over.
"I did this for your sake Melian! For you safety and happiness! You cannot tell me that even with your fears of these nightmares that you were not comfortable and happy!" Gandalf raised his voice ever slightly but didn't shout.
He had far more patience and control right now than she did. It was most likely because he expected her anger. It was only natural and at first she had been so angry that she couldn't think of anything else but the betrayal she felt. The tone of his voice had taken her aback and it was minutes before she processed his words completely.
Melian suddenly felt like a child. She wanted to scream, run away, or even try striking something, if only to make herself feel better. Those ideas were so tempting and yet she couldn't go through with any of it. The sad part of it was she couldn't deny what he said. Losing her father and mother was always a horrible subject. She missed them terribly.
Yet, despite those losses her life had not been horrible. She had grown accustomed to the nightmares. She made sure they never interfered with her life or friends. Her life had been happy, safe even. No matter how angry she was, she couldn't forget that. It would be wrong if she did. Those thoughts made things even more complicated. She didn't know how to react and take all this information in let alone how she should feel about it.
She was cursed.
By this time she was standing, her hands still balled into tight fists as she tried calming down. She couldn't help feeling betrayed. She trusted Gandalf all these years and yet he had been hiding all of this. He hid the fact she was cursed. She finally realized just why those Wraiths seemed as though they were trying to capture her rather than kill her. The voice was also explained and it frightened her even more. It was Sauron. Of that she had no doubt.
"I know you Melian…" Gandalf began, his voice softening.
"What?" Melian snapped, still irritated.
"If I had told you the truth long ago I know what you would have chosen. You would have done as your mother did. Distance yourself from those you lived and living alone just for the sake of protecting everyone. I wanted to spare you from that life and the horror for as long as I could. I wanted you to live normally."
Melian relaxed somewhat when she noticed the sorrowful look in his eyes. They were full of regret and her anger began ebbing away. She didn't want that! She wanted to be angry, needed to be even. All of this was too much and the worst of it was he had been right. She would have done just that out of fear for Frodo and the others. She would be alone right now if he had told her this earlier on in her life.
Tears of frustration burned at her eyes and she made no effort on holding them back. She barely noticed them at all. What did this mean for her? Just what was she then? With the anger fading the questions and fears returned. She'd rather be angry than face this. Who cares if she was a coward now?
"I-I…don't think…"
The words came stuttering out and broke just like she knew they would. Melian couldn't even finish since a small crash was heard seconds later. Both turned their attention toward the noise and discovered Merry and Pippin scrambling onto their feet. Guilty expressions crossed their faces. Frodo and Sam appeared soon after behind them. Pippin had apparently tripped, taking Merry down along with them and revealing their hiding place.
"I need to be alone. I can't handle this right now."
Melian whispered but Gandalf still heard. Without waiting for his response she took off rather quickly in the opposite direction of her friends. He could explain things to them if they wished on hearing it. She couldn't handle that right now. Her confusion and anger was making her sick and she needed to be alone.
She needed to think over this information in peace. Until she was calm she knew she couldn't speak with Gandalf again, or anyone else for that matter. She would only end up becoming angry once more. That anger would blind sight her to anything else he may reveal.
"I should have never asked…"
The elleth murmured regretfully. She held her pace, nearly running through the stone halls. She had no destination in mind and her lack of attention proved disastrous. Melian didn't get far before she felt her body crash into another harder one. The shock and force of the impact sent her stumbling backward. She had only been saved by a hand shooting out to grab her wrist and pulling her forward.
"Ah!" She gasped, quickly steadying herself.
She had gotten rather lucky. One more inch and she would have been heading for the hard ground below. Could this one day possibly get any worse than it already was? Once she regained her balance and glanced up she knew, this day could indeed get much worse.
In front of her stood three elves, including the one that she had carelessly run into. He was very handsome just by appearance. His long blonde hair hung lightly over his shoulder over the brown cloak surrounding him. The light color of his hair made his eyes stand out completely above all else. The ocean blue color was brilliant and at first all she could do was continue staring, frozen in her spot.
What had she just done?
She practically screamed at herself for being such an idiot and making a fool of herself. She had just run into another elf and by the looks of it he was really important. It took everything inside of her not to embarrass herself even further. She just needed to speak instead of staring.
"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't even notice you there." She apologized. It would be a miracle if he wasn't angry.
"It's quite alright my lady. Are you alright?"
When he spoke, his voice was completely smooth and calm. Clearly what happened didn't bother him at all. This made her feel better, only for a second though. Melian soon noticed the three other elves standing behind him. All three were staring intensely at her. Their gazes were so cold they probably could have frozen all of Middle-Earth. Had she really done something so horrible?
"I'll be fine. I really am sorry." Melian swallowed hard, trying desperately not to look nervous and make the situation worse.
After apologizing once more she bowed her head respectfully and took off around them. She didn't even glance at the three, fearing their icy gazes. The elleth retreated so fast it was unbelievable. She didn't even hear the blonde elf she knocked into calling after her. She just kept running until she finally ended up in the gardens.
Beautiful flowers were placed everywhere. It was an amazing sight or would have been if it had not been for the cloud of darkness hanging in her mind right now. Instantly she dropped onto the stone bench placed there. Her tears of frustration began silently falling. She lowered her head into her hands, hiding away from everything around her.
This day had started off so well, especially with Frodo waking up. Now however she could hardly see the good since only the bad existed. What she had just been told and then making a complete fool of her-self by running into the handsome elf was all too much.
What was she going to do? What could she do?
