Walking in my front door, I am surprised to see Gabi in the living room surrounded by boxes. "I'm impressed," I comment moving one from the ottoman so I have a place to sit.

"I figured that it was about time, right, Will?" She smiles at me and returns to packing books, stacking them at least 5 high.

"You know, if you pack books on the bottom to about halfway up, then you can pack like a blanket or clothes on top. That way it is heavy where it needs to be but not so heavy no one can lift it. I made that mistake with my books last time I moved. My back still hasn't recovered. I think that was even worse than moving furniture." I'm trying to be helpful, but Gabi isn't paying much attention as she keeps adding more and more to the box. At least I tried.

"I'm surprised you are home tonight, Will. Didn't you have a hot date with Sonny...celebrating some big anniversary?" She shifted from her pile of books to CDs and DVDs.

"Yes, I thought so, too. But as you can see, I am home early because I am a total idiot." I run my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"What?" Gabi is shocked. "What happened, Will? You two were so in tune at the hospital earlier. How did it go so wrong?" she stops packing entirely to watch me and listen. I appreciate her attentiveness. It's a nice change.

"Well, we got to the restaurant and started making out in the car. I got us sort of riled up and asked if we could skip dinner and just go back to his place." I pause for her reaction.

"Bold, Will. I'm proud of you for telling him what you want."

"Except then I can't follow through." I'm shaking my head at the memory; I feel so naive and completely stupid. "Yep, that's what I said, can't finish what I started. We get into the parking lot at his place, and I pass out as I get out of the car. Sonny has to come running to keep me from falling onto the ground. He catches me and stands me back up, yes, he did save me..." I give her wistful smile, "but the whole brief stint of unconsciousness pretty much ruined the mood, and he felt guilty thinking he was taking advantage of me before I was well enough."

Hearing nothing from Gabi, I look up to see her fist over her mouth, stifling her response. She moves her hand and lets out a soft chuckle. "You really passed out?" She can't keep the grin off of her face.

"Yes, Gabi. I passed out. Now can we please stop talking about this?" I reply angrily.

"Will, it's very apparent to me that Sonny really likes you, so I don't think this is enough to turn him off. Did he at least take you to dinner then?" She's smirking at me now.

"Yes, smart ass," is my retort. "We did have a great dinner, complete with a very sweet kiss good-bye at the end of the date. I'm tired of sweet, Gabi! I want passion. And for the first time I go after what I want, I am thwarted by my own stupid body giving out on me. Encouraging, hah? He probably thinks I could never keep up with him now! I am frustrated - emotionally and sexually. Just those few wonderful touches sent my brain into overdrive, and I'm having trouble stopping."

Gabi takes a breath before continuing, "Will, if Sonny wanted fast and easy, he would have been gone a long time ago. And the fact that he stopped things means he really cares about you. Most men wouldn't give a crap...they'd just want sex."

"Maybe you're right. I just feel like a fool for instigating and not being able to follow through. I know he understands; He says he's just so happy I'm safe and out of the hospital. 'We've got all the time in the world, Will," he said to me. Jeez. He really is such a good guy, and he's being terribly chivalrous, but come on, I am so ready to see that man naked!"

"Who's naked, Daddy?" Arianna appears suddenly behind the couch. Perhaps I should have kept my voice down a bit. Floundering, I look at Gabi for help. She merely winks and shrugs her shoulders at me. Guess I'm on my own here.

"No one is naked, honey," I say to her, trying to buy myself just a bit more time, "but you should be - it's bath time! How about I run the bath and you get your pjs. We'll meet in the bathroom and then have a snack before bed. I brought your favorite ice cream home with me tonight..." That wasn't too bad. I'm proud of my quick thinking. Let's just hope that's all Arianna heard of our conversation.

Arianna's blue eyes open wide, and she starts dancing a little circle around me. "You brought me mint chocolate chip ice cream, Daddy!" I nod my head in response and she immediately runs to Gabi to share this life-changing news. "Mommy, did you hear? Daddy brought home my favorite ice cream?" Arianna is shouting at Gabi who is a mere foot from her daughter.

"Yes, Arianna, I heard," Gabi says to her softly, "I know you are excited but please use your inside voice, okay?"

"Sorry, Mommy." She makes puppy dog eyes at us and waits for Gabi to smile at her, knowing she's not able to stay mad for long. "I'm going to go get my jammies. Daddy, I'll be in the bathroom soon waiting for my bath..." and she turns and runs down to her room.

"That's my cue, I suppose." Leaving Gabi to pack more, I head down the hallway to the bathroom and get ready to spend the night with my daughter. Definitely a change in plans...I had hoped to be spending the night with someone else, doing something else entirely. Maybe it could involve a bath, I think to myself now easily getting distracted from my job.

"Daddy, what does it mean to be fus-trated?" Arianna interrupts my naughty thoughts.

I shake my head at her, "what do you mean, sweetie? Did someone tell you they were frustrated?" emphasizing the first 'r' she left out.

"You said it to Mommy. You told her you were mo-shun-ly and sec-chew-ly fustrated. What does that mean?"

Shit. So much for hoping she hadn't heard more of my little chat with Gabi. "It's nothing you have to worry about now, sweetie. It just means that Daddy is a little mad at himself right now. I wasn't able to do something I thought I could." Changing the subject swiftly, I scoop up my now naked Arianna and set her in the warm water of the bath.

"Daddy, can we draw pictures on the wall with soap?" She's off and running in a totally different direction. Thank goodness. The last thing I need to have my 5 year old daughter worrying about is her Daddy's sexual frustration.

((((()))))

Three days later I'm sitting at the counter of the coffee shop, trying to tell Sonny, without giving away too much, about my adventures at bath time with Arianna the other night after our date.

"So the child is clean, and she even lets me wash and rinse her hair. That rarely happens without at least one temper tantrum." I pause as Sonny chuckles, clearly picturing Arianna having one of her 'episodes'. "We go out to the kitchen after the bath, and I fix her a bowl of her favorite ice cream - mint chocolate ship. Now granted, she is just 5, but she's pretty good at feeding herself. Oh no, not this time! That girl had green ice cream everywhere! I don't know how she managed to get some in her ear, on her belly under her pajamas and all over her toes. Not to mention on the table, the floor and me. By the time she was finished, we both needed a bath!" I laughed remembering Gabi's look of amusement as I carried Arianna down the hallway for bath #2. "So, in she went for another bath, I had Gabi put her to bed, and I took a long, hot shower."

"Hmmm..." Sonny murmured, "the shower part with you sounds pretty interesting..." He winks at me and raises his eyebrows, trying to look sexy.

"Yeah, well, after our little incident before dinner the other night, I should have been taking a cold shower..." I am a little embarrassed to say it, but it's the truth. And then I manage to humiliate myself even more than I thought possible. "I even had my own daughter concerned that I was sexually frustrated..." It was out of my mouth so fast I couldn't take it back. I could only close my eyes, blush like crazy and hope Sonny would ignore that latest admission.

"Okay, Will, let me lock up my office and we're out of here. We're still going back to my place, right, to watch a movie? I've got popcorn and sour patch kids." He's so sweet, remembering what Arianna and I like to get when we go to the movie theater. He's amazing, this guy, he actually pays attention to what I have to say AND he likes to hear stories about my child. And he can ignore the stupid things I say. I don't know what alternate universe Sonny came from, but I am happy to have found him and plan to never let him go.

"Yep, Rafe has Arianna for the evening until Gabi gets home. So, I'm covered." I stand to clean up my coffee cup while Sonny takes off his apron and heads to the back to lock up.

Riding to his place, Sonny suddenly says to me, "So, you don't have to go home tonight?" I look at him curiously as he's driving. He's not meeting my eyes, not even taking his from the road for one second to look at me.

"I guess that's true. But I don't expect anything Sonny. It was apparent last weekend that we need to move slowly. I get the message loud and clear."

"I know, Will. It's just nice that if you get tired or fall asleep, you can stay over." Sonny clears his throat to try to cover up the crack in his voice. He's nervous maybe. Perhaps a bit anxious. This is going to be a good night, I can tell already.

I get the movie started, and Sonny gets our snacks. We are watching 'Lincoln' in an attempt to catch up on the oscar winning movies we both missed this year. It's very good. I'm actually in awe of Daniel Day Lewis. I wish I could do that. But being an actor would take me from Salem, from my daughter, from Sonny. That is painful to think about. We haven't yet made love, or really done much of anything intimately, but I know that I've fallen in love with him. I don't intend to tell him anytime soon, though, for fear of scaring him off. I was already too successful in helping him avoid sleeping with me by falling out of a tree. Nope. I'll save that declaration for just the right time.

Sonny glances over at me and can tell I'm not really watching the movie. "Will," he whispers, "are you watching?"

"Yes," I stammer, though I'm totally not. But he doesn't have to know where my mind has been.

"Liar," he simply states and takes my hand in his. We're sitting side by side on the couch, I'm leaning up against his shoulder with my foot propped up. He uses my hand to pull me around to face him. "Let's not fool ourselves, Will, and pretend we want to watch this movie right now. With you sitting next to me like this, I can't concentrate on anything else but you and the fact that you smell amazing. Each time I breathe in and get a whiff of you, I just want to tackle you and kiss you."

"Then why don't you?" I ask softly, daringly and watch as his eyes darken. No longer having the patience to wait for him, I lean forward, take a handful of his hair in my fists and kiss him hard. Knocking him back so he's fully on the couch, I climb on top of him and continue to move my mouth all over him. First I kiss him thoroughly until our lips are swollen. When I've finished with his lips, I move my tongue past his teeth into his wanting mouth. We play, tease, suck and bite until we are both completely intoxicated with lust. I break from him a moment to look directly into his eyes. I know he wants to make sure I'm all right, and I want to make sure he knows that I am. I stare into his beautiful brown eyes and offer a slight smile. He holds my blue ones just as intensely and smiles back. He pulls himself up so that I'm pretty much sitting in his lap, runs his thumb across my lips and grins, acknowledging our silent conversation.

"Come with me to bed, Will?" he beckons, standing us both up and taking my hands in his.

"Yes, Sonny. There's nothing I'd like more." And I follow him past the kitchen, into his bedroom, 'Lincoln" still playing in the background, now to an empty audience.

Sonny turns on the lamp he has on his dresser. It's got a dark purple shade and the light it gives off is subtle and pastel. It's perfect in this moment. But to me everything about this moment is perfect. We could be in the creepy basement of my Grandparent's old house, and I think I would still feel the same way. As long as I was here with Sonny.

Undressing me slowly, he lays my shirt on the trunk at the end of his bed. He folds it neatly, taking his time, all the while driving me crazy with his deliberateness. "Sonny," I interrupt his folding, "I want you so bad. Please, I don't want to wait any longer for you."

"Will," he stops in his tracks and sharply inhales. "I do, too. But I want this moment to be perfect. I want you to remember this - your first time - for the rest of your life. I-I'm just not wanting to rush, I guess."

"Sonny, this moment is already perfect because you are here with me. I care about you so much, I can't even tell you how long I've dreamed of this..."

"Me, too, Will." He frames my face with his hands and kisses me tenderly, pulling away too soon. "There is something I need to tell you though, first." He takes my hand and sits me down on the trunk facing him. Oh boy. I'm the one who's nervous now. "A long time ago, when I first came out, I was kind of lost and needed to explore what being gay meant. I did some stupid things, including having unprotected sex with a couple of guys. I've never made that mistake again, and I get tested on a regular basis. I'm clean, no worries, thank goodness. But I won't have sex without a condom now, is that okay?" He looks at me tentatively, like this might be a deal-breaker.

I reassure him, "no, Sonny, I mean yes...using a condom is fine. I want us both to be protected. Thank you for being honest."

"Good, I know some people say you can't feel as much, but I don't think that's really true...plus I feel a lot better knowing that me and my partner are playing it safe..." Sonny rambles on a bit awkwardly. Putting my finger to his lips, I silence him. Grabbing his shirt lightly in my hands, I lift it over his head, toss it behind me and rest my hands on his chest. God is he beautiful. He chest is soft, tanned, and muscular. I'm breathless just taking in the sight of his partial nakedness.

"Will," he's talking again and pulls my gaze from his chest to his eyes. "One more thing." He swallows and waits for my encouragement. I open my eyes and nod for him to go on. He puts his arms around me and nuzzles his nose against my ear. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head into his shoulder. His gentle caresses are making my whole body tingle, so he better get on with it, as I can't hold on much longer.

"Yes, Sonny," I say somewhat impatiently, my words muffled against his collar bone.

"I love you, Will. I have fallen head over heels in love with you. I want you to know that this has happened even before our first time together. I love you so much without that."

I jerk my head up in shock, a puzzled expression on my face. I need to make sure that I heard him correctly. "You..." but I'm unable to continue, and he quickly jumps in to confirm my thoughts.

"Yes, Will, I did just tell you that I'm in love with you. And I'm not telling you now to get you to sleep with me. I'm telling you now so you know how strong my feelings are for you, before you sleep with me."

I know I have to tell him my secret now too. "Ummm...you know the moment you busted me not watching the movie earlier?" He nods and squints his eyebrows, I'm sure wondering where exactly I'm going with this. "I'm being honest when I say that I was thinking about what I would do if I ever lost you. And that led me to admitting to myself how deeply I care for you, and that I realize that I've fallen in love with you. I didn't plan on telling you just yet, though. I, um, figured I had already screwed up enough of our intimate moments, I didn't want to ruin this one, too." I smile at him shyly, waiting for a reaction.

"Will, that makes me so happy," and he looks at me with complete and total adoration.

Our love for each other now clearly established, Sonny lets his hands once again start to explore my body. He runs his fingertips up my arms and across my chest, to circle my nipples. The feeling is so intense I can't help but moan with pleasure. He helps me stand and starts to work my belt buckle, dropping my jeans to the floor and eventually my boxer shorts follow. I do the same with him, staring openly at his amazing body, the perfect curve of his ass, the slight outline of his hips, the glorious trail leading from his stomach down to his arousal. Undressed and overwhelmed with desire, we walk to the bed and fall onto it together, side by side, lips crashing together, hands moving over warm skin. Involuntarily my hips jut forward and the feeling of us against each other is electric. It is true - everything I've read in books and online, everything I've seen in movies - that as a gay man, sex with another man is the most fucking amazing feeling ever. I am breathless and desperate, and I cry out trying not to cum before we've even really gotten started. "Sonny," my voice is hoarse, "I'm sorry, but this might be fast, my first time..."

Smiling at me, pulling me closer, he holds me for just a moment, slowing our breathing momentarily. "That's just fine, Will. It's okay. We have all night together, remember? Plus, it's about time we did something about your sexual frustration..."

I gasp and playfully smack him on the arm. "I was hoping maybe you didn't hear that...I should have known that you'd eventually bring it up. You're mean."

"No, I'm not mean, and you know you don't really feel that way. I said it to tease you, but seriously, I'm so happy to be here with you. So, shut up Will Horton, and let me make love to you." And I don't say one more word.