Sorry for the delay, all, but you know about RL and health and blah blah blah non-important things that get in the way of yaoi. Curse them all!

Genesis: "Amarissia's not quite back to her usual self, everyone. Please excuse her. Fortunately, I'm here, and you can all gaze upon my splendor until she stops mumbling at inanimate objects."

Zack: *scoff* "Yeah, right. At the rate you're flaming, they'll all go blind."

Genesis: "Insolence!" *brandishes fake Death Note*

Gah, quit it, you headache-inducing bits of CGI tail. Uh, okay. Thank you all for the reviews, the support, the love, etc., you guys are beyond awesome. I'll try to keep posting with some semblance of regularity, but no promises. I don't own these characters, but Gaia, the things I go through for them...

NOT WRATH OF GODS

Chapter 7 - Slumber And Sorrow

The café was quiet and intimate, the only noises muted conversations and the movement of waiters delivering coffee and freshly baked snacks. Declan and Zack had a fairly isolated table, near the row of windows where one could watch people pass by in the quaint neighborhood square outside. Gavrone's was a casual place, one of many cafés on the Plate, popular with young professionals and adult students. Their waitress was much like the others, a bubbly brunette twenty-something who introduced herself as Millie and made no secret that she thought them the cutest couple ever.

Zack felt bad for wanting to get this over with, especially since Declan seemed to be having such a good time. So the higher-ranked, younger SOLDIER tried his best to smile and be attentive, and at least treat the 3rd as a friend, which he would hopefully be. Declan talked about growing up in Costa del Sol and Kalm, dividing his time between the two after his parents divorced. Zack, somewhat guiltily, spoke a little of his happy childhood in Gongaga, catching Touch Mes and making forts in the surrounding forest. He got a little caught up in the nostalgia and excitement of remembering home, and only managed to shut up when he realized the tenderness in the stare being directed at him.

"So, you use a katana, right?"

"Yeah, I like the lightness of it, and the speed. Of course, you could probably whip my butt blindfolded with that Junior Buster of yours."

Zack smirked. "We could spar sometime, if you want."

"I'd love that." Amethyst eyes glowed at him, even in the soft light of the room. "I'd love to spend more time with you."

That twisted the knife, every look of adoration and want did, but Zack felt too much pity for Declan to be annoyed. Zack had hardly touched his cinnamon-crumble coffee cake, but he took a sip of his cooling tea. When he put the cup down he let his hand rest on the beige table top. A palm and fingers covered it in light, faintly sweaty weight, suddenly flashing Zack back to a dark club and a bar where a wicked man was edging closer, touching more...

"You don't seem to quite belong here. You're very new to this, aren't you?"

Zack's shoulders jerked him back against the cushioned chair, and he yanked his hand away with a heaving gasp and eyes that darkened with expanded pupils. Alarmed, Declan lifted his hands into plain sight, palms facing outward, and after a few moments he leaned forward a little, only when Zack took a deep breath and nodded sheepishly.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - "

"No, no, it's not you," Zack said hurriedly. "I just wasn't paying attention. You know, I have a problem with - "

"Being touched." Declan's voice had dropped to a whisper, and his handsome expression was so kindly worried that Zack wanted to duck under the table and hide from it. "Zack, I know we don't know each other too well yet, but...I keep up with the news in Midgar. That murderer who was targeting pretty teenaged boys was caught and killed, in a Midgar P.D.-ShinRa joint operation. The same night you were gone on a mission."

"The details of that assignment are restricted to 1st Class and up, with myself as an exception," Zack said flatly.

"You weren't in classes the next day. You've seemed quieter lately, less energetic, and you're starting to get dark circles under your eyes."

"I've been tired lately. Missions and training and catching up on work I missed while I was in Mideel. I appreciate your concern, Declan, but I'm fine."

"You panicked when I touched you. I...I know you don't like me, but..."

"I do like you," Zack protested weakly.

"You know what I mean. You're the smartest of all of us, right?"

Zack looked with badly-concealed misery at the older boy. Unlike many of the men who had made passes at him, Declan's interest was clearly more than skin-deep. He was age and rank-appropriate, handsome enough to please anyone, with a fit SOLDIER's body. According to Kunsel, at least, the eighteen-year-old was well-intentioned, patient, the type who would wait for physical intimacy and be satisfied with whatever his desired partner could give.

And he likes me. Declan's practically perfect. What's wrong with me? Am I missing vital hormones or something? Is that why I'm short? Damn it, I'll be a tiny virgin forever...

"Do you mind if...we go?" Zack heard himself ask awkwardly.

"Yeah, no problem."

The waitress brought their check, and a soft argument followed over it which Declan ultimately won, and paid. As they exited the café's peaceful atmosphere, Declan murmured "Can I hold your hand? Just as a friend, even?"

In answer, Zack offered his hand to let it be clasped loosely. Many of the people they passed outside under the cool sky flashed them smiles, no doubt mistaking them for a young couple taking a stroll. When they passed through an unusually crowded section of sidewalk, and Declan felt Zack shrink from an abundance of stares, he dropped the hand and put an arm around the younger man, drawing him nearer. Zack allowed this, mostly out of habit; he was used to Angeal being vigilant and overprotective in crowds.

"So, is it someone else, or..."

"No, honestly. I think I'm just missing a necessary piece of my brain or something." Zack laughed dryly. "Angeal would probably say that explains a lot."

"It must be amazing working with him."

"It is. He's the best," Zack said with a smile.

"Commander Hewley is actually nice, I know, but I'd be intimidated if I had to spend all my time with him," Declan confessed. "Like, I've seen him fight, and he can be scary."

"SOLDIERs are supposed to be, in battle at least. Trust me, he would never admit it, but deep down, Angeal's just a big old teddy bear."

"To you, maybe," Declan said with a smirk.

Zack turned faintly pink. "Hey, you're not implying - "

"It's not like anyone would blame you."

"He's my teacher."

"So you never thought about it?"

"It doesn't matter," Zack said dismissively. "It would be weird, and there's no way Angeal would ever think of me like that."

"Everyone else does. Why should the commander be different?"

The comment was made lightly, laughingly, as the pair strolled by brightly lit window displays and vendors offering foods and souvenir trinkets. Zack pretended to let Declan's words float past him like the city's faintly chemical breeze, or the people that brushed by and that Zack recoiled from when they glanced his way. Since Jonah's hungry gaze had burned his skin like a brand, every pair of eyes had gained the potential to be just as frightening. Except Angeal's, never Angeal's...

There I go again. How will I ever be a hero if I need Angeal with me to feel safe?

Without thinking, Zack leaned into Declan and was happily drawn closer. He didn't mean to tease or give false hope. It was merely Zack's nature to seek touch when he was distressed, even when he didn't want it from that specific person. From any specific person, the boy told himself, and almost believed it.

azazaza

"Stupid Angeal," Genesis grumbled under his breath, taking small, quick steps over the corridor's tile. "Stupid Angeal and his stupid obsession with dirt and plants covered with bugs."

"I'm right next to you, Gen."

"Stupid Angeal with his eavesdropping and making obvious comments."

"You're being childish, Gen," the younger man said reasonably. His chiseled features had a healthy bronze glow to them; Angeal always looked happier and more at peace after working outside. "It's not as though I forced you to help me garden. 'Help' isn't the right word, actually. You almost destroyed my violets."

"That huge insect startled me."

"The butterfly?"

"And I got all dirty!"

"That one smudge of soil will wash off leather, I'm pretty sure."

"There better not be any bugs on me." Alarmed by the thought, Genesis started shaking out and furiously brushing off his clothing as they walked, looking like a man in the grip of a strange seizure. "Ew! Shut up and tell me if you see any!"

Angeal managed to stop laughing long enough to assure his friend that there were no insects in the vicinity. A far more welcome sight - for both of them - came into view as they turned the next corner, and Genesis forgot his concerns to excitedly wave Zack closer.

"Puppy! How was your date?"

"It wasn't a date," the boy said, a little more defensively than one would expect. "Declan's just a friend."

"What, was he dropped on his head?"

"Genesis," Angeal said in warning, then directed warm eyes and a softer tone at his student. "Are you all right?"

Zack smiled at him, a genuine smile that Angeal was reassured to see, but just after it came a sigh too weary for a sixteen-year-old. "I'm tired."

"You look exhausted. C'mon, you need to eat something and get to bed early."

"Not hungry," Zack murmured, though he knew Angeal wouldn't accept that. The commander took out his phone and dialed the kitchens, leaving Genesis to roll his eyes sympathetically.

"He was always like this. My parents used to pay him to make me eat broccoli."

"But I've seen you choose to eat broccoli."

"Only out of spite. So, do I get a hug? I feel unloved."

Though he saw through the elder's feigned sadness, Zack stepped into Genesis's embrace, which wasn't as warm and all-encompassing as Angeal's but still felt nice. While lightly squeezing him, Genesis silently took note of how the boy's body slumped weakly against his own, how dampened the young one's usual blinding vitality was.

"Are you wearing perfume?" Zack asked curiously.

"Not today. I was helping 'Geal in his garden."

"You?"

"I know, I even surprise myself." Genesis took hold of Zack's upper arms when he drew back. "Hmm, did Hollander check your mako level?"

"One-eighty." That was a high normal, and usual for Zack.

"Blood panel?"

"All normal."

"Sleeping potion?"

"It tastes like someone barfed into an ether."

"They're sending up some of that vegetable rice dish you like," Angeal said, snapping his phone shut.

"See? He's still pushing broccoli like it's crack."

A roll of the eyes. "C'mon, Puppy."

Angeal went straight into the shower once they reached the apartment, and came out to find his student picking with disinterest at his food. Zack was half-slumped over the kitchen table, one hand cupping his chin and supporting his head. Angeal poured tea for both of them and brought the cups when he sat down opposite him. Zack murmured a soft "Thanks" and made a little more of an effort to eat.

"Puppy."

"Hmm?"

"Did the potion help at all last night?"

"I don't know," Zack said, finally meeting his eyes. "I know I slept. I've been sleeping. I'm just tired anyway."

"If you're having bad dreams, you can tell me. It's all right."

"I would tell you. I don't remember any dreams lately. Not since that one in Mideel."

"The one where you were being chased by a giant can of hairspray? You must have been missing Genesis."

Zack laughed, and for a moment his heavy-lidded eyes went back to their former striking brightness, sunlit water revealed before clouds darkened it again. Even for that instant only, it was a sight that made Angeal smile. His Zack was still in there, unchanged, beneath whatever this present difficulty was. Angeal just had to figure it out, and fix it.

"Your sleep has been disturbed lately, though."

"Huh?"

"You've been...tossing and turning," Angeal said after a quick pause. Hopefully he could avoid embarrassing his apprentice.

"You've been watching me sleep?" Zack asked, not upset but a bit uneasy.

"I've been checking on you," the commander half-lied. "You don't realize it? Or anything unusual?"

Zack looked down and stirred his remaining rice and carrots together, using this time to pray Angeal hadn't noticed how often he'd been washing his sheets. "Uh-uh."

"Part of it might be your age," Angeal said diplomatically, shrugging. "It's natural to have sleep disturbances when you're sixteen, and especially for men. I know I did. That's normal...you know that, right?"

Zack nodded, wishing he could disappear through the floor, though he realized Angeal was trying his hardest to be vague and reassuring. For a moment, even while he wanted to hide, Zack wanted nothing more than to do it in his teacher's protective arms, where it always seemed his troubles couldn't touch him.

C'mon, this is ridiculous, you're a SOLDIER, not a baby!

"Zack, I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, and I promise you can. But if you don't want to, I hope you at least talk to one of your friends, or the counselor when you begin seeing him."

What if Angeal thinks I don't trust him? Zack's eyes stung a little.

"...and I know you said Declan is only a friend, but...I hope you're not...forbidding yourself more than that, Pup." Angeal's voice sounded halting and oddly forced, but so full of tenderness, as always. "If you don't want to be...touched by anyone yet, that's perfectly understandable. But...dating might help with...this. You're so exceptional, Zack, in so many ways, you need a little normality too."

The joy that a compliment from his revered teacher would normally evoke was overtaken by a hurt that Zack didn't quite understand. Angeal wanted him to date? Did Angeal, too, think it was weird of him not to?

Defficient, different, something missing, something wrong...

"Pup..."

Zack didn't realize he'd made an audible sob until he heard Angeal's concerned voice, and the scrape of a chair on tile as the commander stood up and came to him. What the hell, Zack thought miserably, and turned to throw his arms around Angeal's waist and rest his forehead on Angeal's abdomen. Hands massaging his scalp and shoulder held him there for a few moments, then he was being lifted to a standing position and hugged properly. The two of them fit well together, one form comfortably contouring to another, with one head laying against a muscular chest and the other resting on silky spikes. One arm was around Zack's waist, and the strength of Angeal's hug actually lifted him just off the floor, but the teenager was too distracted to feel small and powerless. He felt them both, and a jumble of other hurts, already.

"Let it out, Puppy," a kind voice whispered to Zack, and a hand pat his back soothingly when the quiet sobs threatened to turn into a fit of hiccups. Angeal always encouraged him to cry when he got started, never made him feel that it was an immature thing to do.

Zack burrowed against him like a frightened puppy seeking protection, his tears only furthered by his confusion about what exactly had brought them forth. The thought of dating? Angeal possibly knowing that he'd been waking up to sticky underwear and sheets, like a twelve-year-old? This damned mysterious fatigue, the constant distress only eased when they were together?

"I'm...sorry..." Zack choked out, breathing rhythmically to calm himself down.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I shouldn't...I just..."

"What? Tell me."

"I keep getting scared when I'm not with you," Zack blurted, obviously angry at himself.

"Since the mission?" Angeal asked shortly, to keep him talking.

"Yes," Zack practically spat the word out, like he'd taken a bite of something sour.

"Zack, it's okay."

"It's not!"

"It's normal." Angeal made gentle "ssh" noises over another of Zack's streams of barely audible apologies until the voice faded. "Puppy, listen. You were put through something traumatic and terrifying, and fear like that doesn't just go away. I promised to protect you for as long as you need me. You needed me, and I wasn't there. You can be angry about that if you want."

Zack had been calming at first, and now shifted with distress at that suggestion and huddled closer to his mentor with sounds of stubborn refusal. Angeal smiled wistfully and let that go, wondering how long his pup had felt the need to shield him.

"Okay, you don't have to blame me. Blame the situation, then. You were in danger of death, and you were hurt, not physically but in a worse way. The fear just hasn't passed yet. Some part of you thinks the danger could return any time, and you don't want to be alone with it again."

Is that it? It makes sense...

"It will pass," Angeal assured him. "Until it does, you can stay as close to me as you want. You know I never mind."

Zack's fearful clinging was relaxing into a hug, easing up as he realized that Angeal wasn't going to leave him. Gradually, the breathing warming the T-shirt over Angeal's heart became heavy with only weariness, not barely-controlled hysteria. He set Zack back on his feet and continued to hold him close, a position he greatly enjoyed, and let the boy edge back at his own pace. When Zack finally revealed his face, it wore the embarrassment Angeal had expected, and the pretty eyes everyone envied were pink and puffy, but Zack gave him a weak, brave smile as well.

Angeal placed his palm against a wet cheek and gently swept the marred porcelain skin with his thumb. "This will get better. Trust me, okay?"

An immediate and willing nod. Angeal took Zack's hand, led him to the bathroom and stayed by his side while the 2nd brushed his teeth and cleaned the sticky tears from his face. Then the bedroom, where Zack put on a pair of pajamas (patterned with dragons this time), drank the sleeping potion Angeal poured for him, and got into bed. He was already nodding off when he tried to say that he was fine, Angeal didn't have to stay...then he was out, and peace prevailed over the sweet face that Angeal was trying to keep innocent.

All SOLDIERs, just like all people, lose their innocence eventually, and sooner than civilians. Angeal, who honored Zack's dreams as much as his own and had promised to help the boy reach them, felt a brief, disturbing desire that Zack had been born with a different fate.

azazaza

There was something instinctively reassuring about the sight of Sephiroth. Zack never voiced this opinion aloud, partly because there had never been a need to and mostly because he tried not to remind his friends and classmates that he himself was close to SOLDIER's unbeatable Trinity. He dealt with enough jealousy about that already. Also, almost everyone felt fear mixed in with their awe of the general, and if you asked the average person how they'd feel if placed within ten feet of Sephiroth, few or none would say "Safer."

Like them, Zack had once been starstruck to the point of muteness. He cringed to recall his fourteen-year-old self actually hiding behind Angeal when the legend appeared unexpectedly.

"Sephiroth's not going to hurt you, Puppy," Angeal laughed, looking over his shoulder at the boy who was, impressively, managing to cower and salute at the same time. "He saves his wrath for unruly 1sts."

Sephiroth, though about the same height as Angeal, seemed to look down from a great distance upon him. He cocked his head to gaze with faint curiosity at the child. "Perhaps Junior Lieutenant Fair doesn't wish to be one of my 1sts?"

"I do!" Zack said eagerly, edging back into sight and lightly bouncing with excitement. "I do, General, more than anything. Well, I want to be a hero, but a 1st Class hero!"

A faint, rare smile. "Then that is what I will expect of you."

Once they had entered the small conference room, Angeal had patted Zack's shoulder, told him to pick a seat, and excused himself to speak quietly with Lazard. Instead Zack wandered toward the head of the table, where SOLDIER's ethereal general was reading the contents of a folder, requiring only seconds for each page. Silver eyes flickered up and looked Zack over before settling on his face.

"Good morning, Sephiroth."

"And to you, Zack. How are you?" What was an indifferent pleasantry from most people always came out Sephiroth as a vital and serious question.

"I'll be okay," Zack said, figuring it was the easiest honest answer.

"The Midgar Police Department's expert completed her post-mortem profile on Dr. Jonah Keller. She concluded that his perverse compulsions would most likely not have responded to any kind of rehabilitation. He never would have stopped killing." Sephiroth carefully analyzed Zack's wince at the name, his uneasy posture, the tiny "Oh" that escaped his mouth. "We cannot know exactly how many victims he would have slain. Nonetheless, I may say with certainty that you have prevented many deaths, Zack. I am sorry we had to put you through that mission, but you did well."

An actual compliment from the lacking-in-emotion general could pierce through any kind of dark mood, and Zack brightened a bit, though sad clouds still seemed to be weighing down his eyes. "Thank you, sir. And it's okay. I know none of you wanted it to happen," he said, referring to the other occupants of the room.

"Has Instructor Titus rescheduled his Survival Skills lesson for today?"

"Actually, I excused Zack from his responsibilities today," Angeal explained, as he approached with Lazard and Genesis close behind. "Since he's expected to advance quickly through the company, I thought it might be good to show him the duties of an executive. So he'll be shadowing me."

"I learn survival skills during missions, from Angeal, anyway," Zack said with a shrug. He missed his few classes all the time, and his mentor always filled in the gaps in his education.

"Hmm, 'Geal is such a resourceful country boy, isn't he?" Genesis drawled with a teasing grin.

"We grew up in the same village, Gen."

"And yet we couldn't be more different."

"You guys should have your own sitcom," Zack suggested.

"Oh, we've been offered. But someone wouldn't agree to nude scenes."

"Perhaps we should start the meeting, gentlemen?" Lazard was on the other side of the table, waving sheepishly.

"Lazard was gonna be the annoyed next-door-neighbor character," Genesis continued, as though no one had spoken. "The straight man to our wackiness, you know? We had to explain that Lazard is anything but straight, as though the purple jacket doesn't scream that information loud enough - "

"Genesis," Sephiroth interrupted, gesturing to a chair.

"Anyway, once the producer started bringing up guest appearances by Seph and salivating all over the contracts, that was pretty much the end of it."

"Sit by me, Genesis?" Zack asked, settling between Angeal and an empty seat, and the auburn-haired man finally shut up and accepted.

Out of gratitude toward Angeal for being permitted to stay near him, Zack tried to follow and absorb the information exchanged during the meeting. But the main topic was a complicated review of the SOLDIER program's budget, and the boy afterward only recalled a few interesting tidbits. Something about a suggestion to hire a full-time masseur, which was shelved when Genesis offered too eagerly to handle the interview process. Something about retooling the Sephiroth variable in the VR database ("Ooh, let's make it anatomically correct!" "Gen, you do realize you don't need to be here?"). Funds allocated to a new PR campaign. ("Yeah, we need more of the 'Look, we're all sexy heroes' and less of the 'You may be kidnapped by Turks'. Speaking of Turks, what's the name of that little red-haired one? He looks like a screamer, doesn't he?")

Good thing Angeal had told Zack in advance that he wouldn't be quizzed or anything afterward. For a while, the boy passed the time by subtly examining the other people at the table. Lazard, with his formal and unusual style of dress, his boyish blond hair and vaguely aristocratic features, his kind, spectacled hazel eyes over a paternal smile. Genesis, participating playfully but now and then being solemn and even helpful, restless like Zack but practiced at containing his fire. Mischievous, electric-blue eyes above amused, smirking lips, occasionally glancing at Zack and smiling warmly at him.

Sephiroth, the animated statue, a marble angel whose beauty still surprised Zack, though he'd known the man for years. The general was all seriousness, conducting them smoothly from topic to topic, demonstrating his usual attention to detail and concern for his men, as though he didn't realize that the sight of him alone was enough to bring most people to their knees.

And Angeal, intelligent Angeal, with his brown eyes full of thought and his handsome face nodding or frowning at the points brought up to be discussed. Zack envied his focus, his calm, the way he seemed to effortlessly know the right thing to do or say. Watching him brought up Zack's annoying impulse to nudge closer and cling, so he looked instead down at his own hands, folded loosely on the table. A familiar hand briefly smoothed its way over his dark spikes, Angeal reminding him that he was still close by, and Zack closed his eyes when the touch ended. He felt so tired, and inexplicably uneasy whenever he felt sleep approaching, except when Angeal was close by, and Angeal was close by...

"Is he asleep?" Lazard asked softly.

Zack was slumped over the table, one cheek resting heavily on his forearm. His eyes were shut, the skin beneath them faintly dark, and his breathing was soft and steady. Angeal reached out slowly to brush a few glossy spikes out of the boy's peaceful face, and other than a slight shift closer to the petting hand, Zack didn't stir.

"Yes. He's been exhausted the past few days."

"We shouldn't wake him, then," the director said. "But perhaps we should move him?"

Angeal edged his chair closer to Zack, so he could keep a comforting arm around him and a hand on his shoulder. The commander gestured that the others should continue, but his eyes returned immediately to his student and stayed there, watching him with a concern that forgot the rest of the planet. Without a doubt, Zack sensed his protector was close by, and a tiny smile curved his pink lips.

"Oh, I think Puppy is quite comfortable right where he is," Genesis said with a quiet laugh.

Next time, on Not Wrath of Gods:

The words left unspoken ran gin the air much louder than the ones the general murmured. I understand now that I was right to keep people at a distance, to be untouchable, to resist you and Genesis trying to open me up. My mistake was giving in. To both of you.

"Sephiroth, it wasn't a mistake," Lazard said urgently, as though the general had really spoken. "I..." He couldn't admit love, that would only scare Sephiroth away. "When I'm with you, I..." Every word he tried led to the same point, and he could only look helplessly at the one person he had ever lost his heart to.

See you then!