Chapter Seven

Jasper

Something happened when Bella broke up with Edward, something that changed every one of us and now we were learning to live with the consequences. I felt sorry for Edward because much as I knew he had brought it on himself he was hurting. Lost and drifting and I wondered if he would ever find his way back. The family had been tightly bound together before Bella entered our world, we watched out for each other, we worked and played together despite our differences, but now I could feel the family fragmenting.

It didn't happen all at once, in fact at first I thought it had brought us closer together as we closed ranks around Edward, striving to help him cope. Was it possible that Bella really was his mate, but she couldn't see it as a human? Was he fated to go through eternity alone because of that? It seemed unfair, cruel even, although I didn't blame Bella. I warned Edward to ease up on her, but he wouldn't listen and now it was too late, she'd gone and as Alice said, she wasn't coming back.

We stayed on in Forks mainly because Edward couldn't bear to leave, but slowly the cracks appeared and the first to drift away were Rosalie and Emmett. They left the family from time to time sure but this time felt different, it felt final, but Alice wouldn't answer me when I asked if it was. Carlisle and Esme restructured their lives and Esme grew stronger, more independent, as did Alice. At one time, Alice was content to float through life, a steady stream of fashion weeks, fun, and parties had been all she asked, but she too was now different.

My own life had started to change when Carlisle asked me to teach them and the wolves to fight Victoria's newborn army. It had been years since I fought, since I even thought about it, or my previous life, but once I got back into the swing of things I found myself coming alive once more. I had been afraid that the memories of my time as Maria's Major would shatter the peace I had found with Alice and the Cullens but instead it made me feel alive once more. It showed me that I was not really the person I had become, a weakling who needed watching and encouraging, but a warrior, a strong independent man who had control of himself, total control.

I felt the urge to break free and live my life the way I chose before Bella told Edward she was leaving Forks and Alice had understood my need.

"I will always love you Jazz but like Bella I think you understand I am not what you need."

I argued with her but it was largely ineffectual because I knew deep down that she was right, I had changed and I no longer needed what Alice had to offer, she had healed the crippled man she met in Philadelphia and now like a healed bird I needed to fly free.

She asked me not to say anything to the others until they were settled in Quebec and she and I had decided on our own paths, but she had also asked one final thing of me before Bella left.

"We both know Bella, how she seems to attract danger and I know there will come a time when she may need your help, Jasper."

"My help? Why me?"

"Because you are the fighter, the strong one, while without you the rest of us are not. So please, before she leaves, find a way to enable her to reach out if she ever needs to. I promise you that this is probably the most important thing you will ever do."

"What do you know Alice? What did you see?"

"You know it doesn't work like that Jazz, I can't see what will happen that far in the future. There are far too many variables and no one can decide so far ahead what they will do. This is just a feeling, like the one that led me to you, so if you care about me you will do this for me."

I hugged her and still felt the warmth I had the first time I had her in my arms but the heat that had stolen upon me gradually was but an ember now. I agreed, found a way to visit Bella just before she left and gave her my cell phone number. Whether she kept it or just threw it away once she moved I had no way of knowing, but I suppose I never really expected to hear from her again. She would go to college, find a career that interested her, marry, and have a family. I wondered if perhaps she would remember us and tell her children stories of us, fairy tales of kindly vampires and guardian wolves.

Photography had always interested me and I took some courses then started up in business and as Alice and I went our separate ways I used my time to capture the kind of photographs that only one of my kind could, standing for hours or days like a statue to get that shot, that once in a lifetime shot of a bird or animal or even an insect. I found it easy to sell my photographs to the nature magazines and even took on some contracts traveling abroad.

I kept in contact with Esme and Alice and met Rose and Emmett a few times but my life was mostly a solitary one and that suited me. Peter and Charlotte invited me to their ranch every time we spoke, but somehow I couldn't make myself visit yet I didn't know why. I knew it hurt their feelings but for now I wanted my life to be my own with no deadlines except my work commitments, and no ties.

There was just me and my horse Argo and we spent most of our time in the wild places of North America, alone with just my camera and guitar. The only other thing I always carried was my cell phone although I rarely used it, but I had given the number to Bella Swan and I promised Alice I would never be more than a second away from answering it. Yet, as the months passed I thought Alice must have been wrong, if Bella were going to get into trouble she would have done it by now but I still checked my messages when I'd been swimming or if I had to be away from my phone and I changed the batteries regularly almost as a kind of ritual.

I enjoyed the peace of the wilderness, laying on my back under a starry sky and reciting the names of the constellations or playing tunes I remembered from my time as a human. Argo and I would ride for hours or days without seeing a soul then I would treat him to a couple of days in a stable while I took a motel room and sent off my commissions, recharged my phone batteries, and browsed the local bookstores or brought the supplies for our next trek. I found it easy to be among humans now thanks to the Cullens, but they made me weary with their constant scuttling from place to place, the noise and stench of towns and cities and the overwhelming mixed emotions of the ever-present crowds. A few days was all I could stand and when I left, once Argo and I were back in the peace of the countryside, only then could I relax and enjoy myself again.

Invitations continued to arrive from Esme, Rosalie and even occasionally Alice, but my days as a part of the Cullen's were over, they were friends but nothing more although if they were ever in trouble I would be there for them. I knew if we got together conversation would turn to Forks sooner or later and I found myself unwilling to talk about it. Forks and Bella were a dream from the past and if I talked about it or her I would find myself strangely unsettled, wondering what she was doing, if she had found her mate, or at least the human equivalent although I knew human emotions were not so strong as vampire ones.

Sometimes, if I were still, waiting for just the right shot my mind would wander back to that hotel room in Phoenix, to her feelings of unworthiness and remember the words I had said to her. When I did I had the strangest sensation and then I would shut down, as if going further was dangerous, so I schooled myself to forget everything that had happened back then and think only of the future, but that too was dangerous as I saw nothing but darkness, a cold sterility, worse even than my darkest days with Maria. The only safe place for me was the present and it was here I stayed as much as possible.