I still haven't decided whether or not to write in Sirius' or James' perspective sometimes….hm. So for now, it's all still through dear old Lily's eyes.
Disclaimer: If I was J.K. Rowling, why would I be on this site writing a fic about my own freakin' story?
Later that night, Izzy and I were walking down to the Quidditch pitch. The sun was falling quickly over the horizon, like a child barely able to keep her eyes open. Trees were already casting their shadows like blankets across the lawn and we could hear the sounds of birds settling into their nests for the night. The lake was golden and scarlet in the fading light of the sun, its waves washing calmly against the banks and making a soothing sshhh sound.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Izzy sighed happily, gazing around. I smiled.
"Yeah. Hard to believe we've only been here five years, isn't it? It feels like I've known these grounds forever." There was silence between us, but it was comfortable with the knowledge that if we had wanted to talk we could have, and simply chose to let our friendship speak in silence for the moment.
Izzy sighed again, but there was a sadder edge to it this time. I turned my head in the direction she was staring and at once saw what was making her sound so dejected.
In the stands still yards from us sat Remus, the sunset casting a golden light into his blonde-brown hair. He was not watching the practice being conducted above him, but instead gazing out across the grounds with a relaxed, wise look chiseled into his face. Seeing for a moment through Izzy's mind, Remus looked sadly handsome; in the way that people did when you thought the world of them but knew they never would of you.
"Izzy," I said softly to her. She turned to me, trying to disguise the look of dull hopelessness in her eyes.
I realized that there was nothing I could say to her in this moment that would help the situation at all, and so I simply said, "Let's go sit down."
As we approached the stands, two of the dots above us waved. I assumed it was Ari and Jen and joined Izzy in waving back. Remus then noticed us as well. We were now only feet from him, clambering up the stands to reach the place he was seated.
"Izzy, Lily!" he called to us as we approached. When we stood next to him, he gestured towards the seats on either side of him. Izzy hesitated for just a fraction of a second, then sat beside him. I took the other seat.
"Aren't they great?" he said, grinning and pointing to the tiny red blurs swooping around the pitch like hawks. "Mind you, I'd really rather be holding a book right now, but I suppose your company will have to do for amusement."
"Love you too, Remus."
"Look, someone just scored on Jen!" he said, pointing. "Was that MacLane?"
"Actually, it looked like Sirius to me." The figure flew over to Jen, hand outstretched for a high five, and she kicked him in the shins. "Yup, definitely Sirius."
"So, are we still on for the Three Broomsticks this weekend?" Remus asked after a slight pause. His voice was perfectly casual, but he was distinctly not looking at me.
"Yes," I said, eyeing him suspiciously. "Why?"
"No reason, just checking." There was definitely a guilty air about him now.
"Remus, you are a terrible liar. What did you do?" When he remained silent, avoiding my gaze, my eyes narrowed. "Did you possibly invite a young man by the name of…oh… maybe James Potter?" His silence I took for consent, coupled with the fact that he was turning a faint pink.
"Remus!" I cried, annoyed. My voice echoed around the empty stand. "I told you not to!"
"Oh come on, Lily," he replied, equally exasperated. "He's not that bad once you get to know him!"
"Yes, and if you can ignore the fact that he is an arrogant git who enjoys bullying and harassing people for the fun of it."
"Just give him a chance. He'd really like to get to know you."
"If that's your way of saying he asks me out every breath he takes and refuses to comprehend the word 'no'," I said dryly, "then yes, Potter obviously wishes to get to know me."
"Well, maybe if you'd speak two words to the boy that weren't an insult—"
"Are you saying this is my fault?" I demanded, incensed.
"I'm saying that you're being unfairly stubborn about the situation."
"Fine," I seethed, standing up. "Fine."
"Where are you going?" Izzy asked, the first words she had spoken in Remus' presence.
"I'm going to bed," I said, stalking off.
"But it's 8:00!"
"I'm going to bed," I repeated, still striding away angrily.
"Lily!" Remus called after me.
I left the stands still fuming, but I did not head towards the castle with its lights appearing in the windows like fireflies coming out at dusk. Instead, my feet led me across the grass and to the edge of the lake.
I sat down in the cool grass and leant against an old maple tree, its limbs spreading above me like a canopy. Resting my head against its gnarled trunk and closing my eyes, I slowed my breathing and concentrated on the sound of the waves washing over the bank feet from me.
Once my body had relaxed into the air around me, I opened my mind to all that Remus had said. What was he talking about, I was being unfairly stubborn? I had given Potter a chance, hadn't I? I hadn't disliked him straight off, but then he'd had to go and insult me when I was scared enough of all that magic. Besides, he'd offended Jen. And as if all that weren't enough, he had attacked and almost killed Snape for no apparent reason.
How was I supposed to give Potter another chance when I didn't want to get to know him? He harassed people—and not only Snape—just because he could. It was sick, the way he picked out people who already felt insecure enough and humiliated them in front of the whole school. My temper was getting hot just thinking about him. If Remus wanted to confront someone about our relationship, why didn't he confront Potter? It wasn't as if I was going to like him just by getting to know him, because no matter how well I knew him nothing I found would be able to compensate for the cruelties he did to others.
I closed my eyes, and to my immense frustration felt myself blinking back tears. Why was this matter affecting me so? That was another reason that Potter annoyed me so thoroughly—I couldn't hate him without feeling ashamed, and even slightly sad. I hated disliking anyone.
After about half an hour had gone by, I heard faint voices from somewhere to my left. Opening my eyes—I had been dozing in the calm inspired by the lake's rhythm—I looked around. The sun had set long ago now, and only a shade of light still lit up the sky. On the distant horizon, the moon was poking its head above the trees and stars began to shyly come out of the inky dome.
Barely discernable in the twilight were four figures walking up the sloping lawn to the castle: one stockier, one medium height and the other two lean and tall. I did not even need the starlight to know who they were.
As I watched them distantly pass me, one of the taller two turned in my direction. He did not stop, but I could almost feel his eyes lingering on me until the group reached the stone steps. Then the large front door opened, spilling light for a few moments onto the darkened grounds, and before the world became black again I saw that my assumption about their identities had been correct. Then the door swung shut, and silence once again fell across the land.
Feeling peaceful, I looked at my watch. It was 8:45, and my patrol started at 9:00. Stretching sadly, not wishing to leave the comfort and serenity of this darkened world, I stood.
The wind twirled around me, its cold wispy fingers toying with my hair and the scarf wrapped protectively around my neck. Feeling a sudden surge of freedom, I leant down and unlaced my sneakers. Pulling them off and clasping one in each hand, I sank my toes into the earthy ground. The soil was cool and moist, radiating harmony and wild energy.
Another cold breeze wrapped around me, and I took off into the night. My legs were moving seamlessly, chided by the voice of Mother Night. Trees rustled all around me, encouraging, breathing life into my feet. At their every whisper they seemed to be urging me, Faster...faster…
And at their every call, I sped faster. Soon my toes barely skimmed the grass. I was no longer running.
I was flying.
The darkness seemed to pull apart my essence until I was one with it; one with the night. The wind lived my hair, rejoicing in it and making it tumble about my face and behind my neck. I didn't know whether I breathed, or whether I simply existed in the darkness, without need for oxygen. Closing my eyes, I spun around in circle after circle, leaping and twirling and dancing. My heart was free and wild, untamable. The darkness protected me.
Only…it wasn't completely dark anymore.
Stopping mid-twirl, I stumbled and spun around in horror. There was a sliver of light trickling onto the grounds, coming from the open door in which, illuminated, stood James Potter.
My first foolish thought was that he looked like an angel. The light spilling out all around him shone like a halo against his inky hair and fluttering black robes. But then I truly registered his face, and rage networked through my body. How dare he intrude upon my night?
For a moment, we simply stood there. I was too far to make out his face, but could guess that he was smirking cruelly at me. Suddenly another emotion undercut my anger: humiliation. I was sure Potter would spread this all around the school. Who did he think he was, telling everyone that I danced in the moonlight? That was my secret.
Calm down, Lily, I told myself shakily. He hasn't told anyone yet. Maybe he won't. But I couldn't fool myself.
With as much dignity as I possessed, I strode calmly up to the castle, not bothering to put on my shoes. The moment I got close enough to see Potter's face, I could tell that he had been staring at me ever since I stopped spinning. How long had he been there? I wondered, my sense of dread intensifying. How much had he seen?
I ascended the steps and stood facing Potter for a second. His expression was unreadable, but I was startled to realize that it didn't look as if he were laughing at me. There was silence for a moment.
"I wanted to make sure you didn't forget the patrol tonight," he said, still looking at me. I started at his voice. It was not taunting, or even hinted with a snicker.
"Um, thank you," I responded awkwardly. The only time I had ever spoken to Potter in a voice other than a shout had been our first ever conversation. We stood there uncomfortably for a second longer, then I began to walk up to Gryffindor tower, my still-bare feet tracking mud on the polished floor. Potter followed.
"Oi, Prongs!" We both turned around to see Sirius sprinting down the hall in our direction. He fell into step with us, grinning devilishly. I decided to ignore his presence.
"So, you two finally going out then?" I whipped around, incensed. So much for ignoring him.
"Maybe," Potter said casually before I could respond.
"No!" I snapped. Why was it that silently walking along a corridor with Potter when we had patrol duty together meant that I wanted to date him?
"What are you doing, then?" Sirius asked, obviously not believing me.
"I was coming to make sure she wouldn't be late to patrol, and she was outside dancing in the moonlight." To my absolute fury, I found myself going beet red. Why did he have to tell that to Sirius, of all people?
Not to my surprise, Sirius howled with laughter. "You were dancing in the moonlight?"
"Oh sod off!" I growled angrily, walking faster to escape them.
"Where are you going?" Potter called. "We have patrol right now!"
"Not together, we don't!" I snapped back. "I'm patrolling the fourth floor and above; you can do what you want. But Merlin help you if I see so much as your shadow tonight!" And thus said, I stormed off.
Walking up and down the corridors gave me plenty of time to stew in my resentment. As a result, I was perhaps a little too testy towards a pair of second-years wandering the fifth floor; they hurried away, terrified, as soon as I had finished telling them off. I felt a twinge of guilt as they ran off, which only helped to fuel my anger towards Potter. This was all his fault.
By the time I reentered the Common Room two and a half hours later, I had walked off all my fury and was much too exhausted to be angry anymore. So tired was I that even the sight of Potter sitting in one of the couches, jumping up when I came in, did not spur my temper. Instead, I simply kept walking past him, hoping that he would not say anything.
"Evans?"
Predictable. The boy always talked when I least wanted him to. But, seeing as that was all the time...
"What do you want, Potter?" I asked tiredly, not turning around but stopping. All I really wanted was to go to bed.
"Evans…I—I'm sorry that I told Pad—Sirius about what you were doing. I didn't…it wasn't…I wasn't trying to embarrass you."
"'Sorry' doesn't take it back," I said wearily. "But thank you for apologizing." That last was the automatic response I'd had since I was eight. My parents had taught me not to say "It's okay" when it wasn't. This was one of those times.
"Goodnight, Potter," I said as I walked up the stairs to my dormitory, barely able to keep my eyes open. Halfway up the stairs, I heard him whisper,
"Goodnight, Evans."
Too tired even to pull on my pajamas, I simply flopped, fully clothed, onto my bed. An inch away from sleep, I closed my eyes. One last conscious thought floated through my head.
Did Potter just apologize to me?
And then I was swept away in a tide of dreams, carried off to a distant shore where I would stay until morning.
A/N: Next chapter is Hogsmeade! Hee hee hee……..
As always, review!
The Phoenix Queen
