Thanks for all your awesomeness! Really feel appreciated when reading your reviews!

Thanks to all the regulars & kelly2727! If you're a newbie, welcome to my world!

P.S. Sam will start making an appearance from around chapter 9, & Nick will fade out soon, so watch this space...

Chapter 7-Sharing Secrets.

Sarah came back after what felt like she had only been gone for mere minutes, Andy resigning to the fact that her time with Sam was up.

She had spent the better part of two hours not talking to him, not saying all the things that she had wished she had said, but never had the guts to, or the chance to. Now given the opportunity, she just hadn't said anything. She just sat and took the sight of him in as her mind ran over memories, some sad, some making her smile. She had held on to the silence for as long as she could while she tried to accept the fact that right now, things weren't looking all that great from where she was standing.

She had considered telling Sam about her dreams and aspirations and how they had turned into mirages when they moved to out of reach, but the words wouldn't leave her lips. She wanted to talk, but somehow saying anything now when he couldn't hear them just seemed wrong.

She even considered telling him what it was really like for her being under, and how scared she had been that she wouldn't be coming home, but that was something that she never wanted to admit too. Not even to him. Not even when he couldn't hear her. Saying that, it would just make everything so real.

When Andy left Sam's room, Sarah looked much calmer than she had when she left for Sam's house, she had showered and changed and had a ridiculous grin on her face for no apparent reason. She had also stopped wringing her own hands together.

Nick stood up when Andy came back, his face searching her's as he asked her twenty questions without saying a word.

She of course, answered in syllables, her voice clinging to the hope that the doctor had instilled in her.

Nick forced Andy to eat at lunch time, this time a toasted bacon and cheese that was still warm from the coffee shop.

Sarah hadn't made another appearance, so Andy and Nick spent hours alone just sitting and waiting it out.

Familiar faces stopped by throughout the day, at random times; Nick's phone had a flat battery too so now everyone was coming by in person.

Gail had stopped by and asked Andy for her phone. She traded out their cards and gave Andy her fully charged phone before leaving with Andy's flat phone. "Just in case you need anything" was what Gail had whispered in her ear when she hugged her goodbye, surprising them all that she was showing sudden warmth in Andy's direction.

"You, can call me later" Gail added to Nick before walking away, Nick's face erupting into a goofy grin as he stared after her.

Seeing that nightfall was drawing closer, Nick handed Andy his car keys and told her to head home for a shower and that he'd wait if she wanted him too.

His offer made her see what she loved the most about him- his nature to forgive.

He had set his differences with Sam aside and cut off all ties to their recent past by pocketing his pride and doing it for her. She knew that it was hard for a man to put their pride away, but here Nick did it without hesitation because he thought she needed him to.

Andy considered the option, before reaching out for the keys and mumbling a "Back in forty-five" before literally running out the door.

Andy raced home, carefully and grabbed a shower. She called the Penny and ordered Nick a decent meal of steak, two vegetables and fries. How anyone could eat veggies and fries together she had no idea, but he did. She ordered one for Sarah too and a Thai chicken salad for herself.

She stopped at the Penny and picked up her order before heading back to the hospital feeling better than she had when she left. It was as though she had her second breath for the day.

It was just beginning to get dark when she returned, Nick giving her a disapproving smile when she handed him his food. But he appreciated it immensely.

They sat and ate, Andy picking rather than eating but it was better than nothing.

Half way through their meals Sarah arrived looking a little shaken. It made Andy want to drop her food, but somehow she managed to hold on to it by instructing her brain to clamp her fingers around the takeaway carton a little tighter.

Standing up, sensing that something was wrong Andy handed her food carton to Nick who stood up as abruptly as she had when he saw Sarah, his own hands fumbling to take hold of Andy's container while holding onto his own with a frozen mouthful of food.

"I..." Sarah didn't say anything other than that before running off to the closest exit that would lead her outside.

Andy charged after her, while Nick stood rooted to the spot still holding the takeout containers. He had no idea what to do or what was happening.

"Sarah?" Andy called after her as she made it outside into the parking lot to find Sarah crying and fumbling blindly with her own hands. "What...?".

Andy was fighting the urge to grab hold of Sarah. She had seen her make minimal contact with anyone, so she didn't like to be touched. Grabbing her suddenly would freak her out, and probably scare her so it wasn't really a good idea right now.

Sarah froze and faced Andy when her voice tugged on her ears, her face crumbling as she spoke. "I need... Something, anything"

Andy didn't understand. Her face scrunched up, and her head shook lightly while she allowed Sarah's words to rattle around inside her head.

"Is Sam... Is he okay?". Andy managed to get out in a desperate question.

"He's fine". Sarah's mood seemed to sway, she was a puddle of mush one second then hard and closed off the next as she glared at Andy like the mere sight of her was wrong.

"Sarah, are you crashing?".

Andy recognized the signs when she started paying close attention, when her senses turned on and she looked and saw what had been there the whole time.

She had missed it, missed the clues because she was some place else facing her own demons. She had totally missed Sarah facing hers.

Sarah seemed shocked that Andy caught on so quickly. She was good at hiding things, so good in fact that she was even able to hide things from Sam, the person closest to her.

Andy let out a loud sigh as her hand made it's way to her forehead and her eyes squeezed out the sight of Sarah crumbling. She had no idea what to do right now.

Sarah was high, and she was coming down hard.

"I'm so sorry Andy" Sarah said in a tone that resembled a child's.

"He broke my heart". It just totally slipped out, blurted out randomly into the air between them as they stood outside in the dark, under the stars and splintering lights that lit up the hospital parking lot and front lawn.

Sarah seemed to snap out of wherever she was lost in to focus on Andy as she said that, so Andy nodded towards a cement bench that stood to the side of them under a light that hung overhead. Right now Andy was going with the only thing she had to go on: her mouth and Sarah's need to know what had happened between her and Sam.

Sarah nodded and wrapped her arms around herself fiercely before walking in the direction of the bench and sitting down.

"Sam uh... He shut me out after Jerry, wouldn't let me close enough to understand what was going on inside his head. He just pulled away- all the way away until there was so much space between us that neither of us knew how to close the distance between us".

Andy noticed that Sarah was rocking herself back and forth slightly, a sign that her body was hitting rock bottom right now. She wasn't trained for this, but she had to do something. There was no way that she could walk away from this, or just leave Sarah to do this on her own.

"I let him do that, let him put the space between us.

Traci read Jerry's wedding speech at the Penny the day of his funeral, and Sam just got up and walked out. Me being me, wouldn't leave it alone, so I followed him outside.

It was raining, had been raining all day, and it still hadn't stopped. You know the kind of drizzle that's nice, until you're standing out in it.

When I asked Sam what was wrong he said that he couldn't be a cop and be with me, like he was blaming me for Jerry"

Sarah made a snorting sound, like she found what Andy had just said so typical of Sam.

"He said he didn't, but I could see it, see that he did, you know. The truth always flares in his eyes he just doesn't know it.

So we're standing in the rain, and he breaks up with me. He just walked away and left me standing there. I tried calling him for six weeks, but he avoided me. Changed partners on shift.

I knew it was over".

Sarah was hanging onto her every word, the swaying motion had faded away, and her gaze had become a little more focused on Andy now than it had been minutes ago.

"So this guy kidnaps a kid and tapes her hand to a grenade, I find her and take off the tape, take the grenade from her and stand there waiting for it to explode in my hand when Sam walks in. He just strolled in like he was walking into another day at the office.

He um, he... He told me that he loves me, right then and there, in present tense like he was feeling it right at that moment. Who does that? Breaks someone's heart and when they think they're about to loose that person they walk into that kind of situation and say that?

And you know how I screwed it up?".

Sarah shook her head, riveted by Andy's story.

"He says he loves me and I say 'Sam I'm holding a bomb'. Stupid I know. So he holds on to my hands and says 'so am I' and then tells me that he wishes I was in his head. And there was no way for me to change what I said or take it back, I totally screwed everything up with that answer".

Andy's eyes had been prickling with tears since she started talking, her hand moving up for her fingertips to touch her tears like it would confirm that they were really there.

"ETF arrived and took the grenade, and I left. Sam came to find me at the barn but the first signs of me shutting him down had him covering it all up, like it didn't happen, like he didn't say it.

When he saw me getting ready to leave, he made promises ... Promises that I didn't give him the chance to keep because when I walked out the door, I went straight under and was away for six months. I came home to find Sam dating Marlo".

Sarah stayed quiet, just watching Andy as her heart broke all over again at having to recount the bane of her existence.

"Sammy told you he loves you?" Sarah whispered out after letting the silence drag on for a while.

"Andy?".

"I know, he screwed up, I screwed up more. It just happened. I was so scared when I saw him standing there while I was holding a bomb. Then he did it again, and we ended up here".

"Where's Sam's... What's her name?".

Great, Sarah would just have to call Marlo Sam's right now.

"I honestly have no idea. She hasn't been here since...". Andy felt like sharing what Oliver had told her, but repeating his words would make it real and she really just didn't know how real that was.

Sarah seemed to have calmed down, her fidgety tendencies subsided while she gave Andy her full attention.

"Sam said he loves you?" Sarah repeated like she was having trouble wrapping her mind around it.

Andy's head shook to confirm her answer before she looked away.

"Andy, why did you leave?" Sarah was really having trouble understanding this woman. She could blatantly see that she had feelings for Sam but why was she hiding them?

"You don't want to tell me that do you?". Sarah said after Andy didn't answer.

Andy shook her head, it was something between her and Sam, not her and Sarah.

"He'll be okay I... I just don't know if I will?" Sarah said when Andy looked at her.

"You will be" Andy said flashing a feint smile at Sarah as she said that. Sarah didn't have a choice, she had to be okay, and strong because she had to be there for Sam.

"I've been, I... I've been clean and sober for six years Andy, one bump in the road and I throw it all away?".

Andy wasn't expecting Sarah to say that, Sam hadn't really told her much about Sarah and he had certainly never mentioned that she was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic.

Sarah cocked her head to the side as she watched Andy with an expectant expression.

She was waiting for the disgust and the pitiful looks that people always gave her when they found out that she wasn't exactly a model citizen.

But with Andy it was different, it never came.

Andy gave her a sad smile instead, a little bit of acceptance and understanding flooding her eyes as she kept them firmly trailed on her.

"My dad, he um, he's an alcoholic but he's been sober for a while now. He's trying but someday's I can see how hard it is, how it calls too him to give up and give in but he keeps fighting. It makes me proud".

Sarah saw the admiration Andy had for her dad written on her face, and perhaps she had a tiny amount for her too because she spent six years fighting to stay clean.

Looking at Andy now, her guard totally down and her face a little less creased with worry Sarah saw why Sam was so taken with her, why he had been drawn to her and why he had totally closed off about them having called their relationship quits.

He hadn't let her go, he hadn't accepted that they were over and he was still feeling something.

He still loved her, a whole lot.

Andy just didn't know that.

*****thanks for reading!

Let me know who's still here & what you thought? Seems like Sarah's chasing her own demons.

Have an awesome day!

Jelly Bean Jenna©