Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Everyone ate their dessert quietly, while at the same time looking around the table at one another unable to contain their excitement. Veronica was busy wondering what she would remember next and how it would feel when she remembered. Her heart was filled with joy because she was really starting to think that she'd never remember anything seeing as how she was out of the hospital for 3 weeks and nothing had triggered a memory yet.

Keith was overjoyed and thinking about calling Dr. Stevens the minute Veronica went to bed to schedule an appointment to see if they could detect anything. Had something changed and that's why she was able to remember something or was this just a rare occurance?

Alicia was excited that their family was one step closer to being their old selves again and then she could call her mother and tell her to pack Darryl's things. He was too young to understand that his step sister didn't remember who he was so he was sent to his grandmothers for the time being. Their house seemed empty with out the youngest member of their clan around asking a million questions.

Wallace couldn't believe that Veronica had a mini break through and was anxiously awaiting the next one she would have. He wondered what would trigger a memory, a particular outfit or scent? Maybe being at a certain place. He hoped it wasn't a one time thing because Veronica was a great person and she deserved to know exactly how great she was. She had changed a lot of lives in Neptune and she had to know that.

"I'm going for a walk," Veronica announced while standing up to clear the dishes of those that were done. She had broken the silence that was lingering long enough.

"It's getting kind of late don't you think," Keith said suddenly getting protective of his 19 year old daughter as if she were his nine year old.

"Yeah but see, I don't have to get up early tomorrow for work, nor do I have to go to class or study for exams. I'm young and have no obligations, and if I don't walk off these sundae calories I'll shatter the hearts of so many young men and old perverts who won't be able to see me in that pep squad outfit," she joked while exaggeratingly sticking out her stomach as if to show the world she was fat.

"Take Backup with you," Alicia prompted. Veronica knew that was coming. Every time Veronica wanted to leave the house without a human she had to take the dog. She didn't mind. Backup was actually a great listener and he did deter people from walking up to her.

"Want company," Wallace asked her already knowing the answer. Sometimes she just wanted to be alone.

"Rain check on that," she told him with a smile, "I just want to think a bit," she went to her room to change into something less frumpy. She came out wearing a tighter more well fitting pair of jeans and a white tank top with her Heart sweatshirt draped over one of her arms. "Backup lets go," she said while putting the dog on a leash even though she didn't need one.

She made her way down the driveway of the house when Wallace came out behind her with a khaki coloured bag in his hand. "Wait up Mars," he said as he approached her. "Before you start bitchin at me, I'm not going with you. I just wanted you to have this, its yours," he said as he handed her the bag. "I know you hate when we say what you used to do but you honestly never left the house without this bag. It has your whole life inside," without waiting for her to reply he turned around and walked into the house.

"Yeah and that wasn't weird at all," she said slinging the bag over her shoulder. When she got to the beach she'd look through the bag to sort it out and see if anything looked familiar to her. She had to hand it to him, Wallace was one of a kind. It was almost as if he had some sort of vested interest in her getting her memory back. Either that or he just really cared about her and she was going to go with the latter.

Backup practically knew his way to the beach. Every day Veronica would get off her ass get dressed and take the dog out. It was the only routine like thing she had to do. It gave her a reason for getting dressed and out of the house. She enjoyed her walks with him. They'd walk down to the beach which wasn't very far from where they lived. Between Alicia's job at Kane Software, Keith being reinstated as sheriff and a very large payout from Kendall Casablanca's and the Mars were living in the 09 zipcode. Veronica and Backup would walk to the beach and then spend an hour or two there just running along the beach, playing fetch, or laying out and reading a book. Backup wasn't so great at reading but he really enjoyed chewing on his raw hide bones.

The night was fairly bright due to a very starry night. Veronica found a bench to sit on, which wasn't very hard since the beach was pretty deserted at this hour. "Now if I let you off this leash you have to promise not to go far or chase any kids. Just get your exercise and I'm going to look through this bag okay boy," she said speaking to the dog as if he was her human child. She unclipped his leash and watched him run off towards the water. The way he was in the water you would think he was a Labrador or Retriever. She watched him for a few minutes before her curiosity got the best of her and she began to rife though the bag Wallace had given her.

"So mystery bag are you holding the keys to my past," she asked as she undid the two clips that kept the bag closed. The first thing she pulled out was a light weight laptop. She opened it right away and saw that she couldn't see anything as everything was password protected. She tried to guess at what the passwords were but each time she'd get an error message. Hopefully that would be her next memory, a password list. She laughed at herself and then pulled out a rather large and advanced camera. She held it in her hands just inspecting its exterior. Shutter buttons, lenses, focuses, nothing out of the ordinary. She turned the camera on and it was set to view photos. The first few she didn't understand why they were on her camera. There were a couple of pictures of what appeared to be two dark bodies in the middle of the night outside a house. She resisted the urge to delete the photos. Was she some sort of voyeur she thought as she scrolled through more pictures? She saw pictures of a man in his tightie whities leaning over a bed kissing on a woman much much younger then he was. She pressed the back button a few times when a confused look made its way onto her face. She was staring down at a rather happy looking picture of herself and Logan and it was dated about 8 months ago. Logan was kissing her cheek with his eyes trying to look at the camera while Veronica smiled happily into the camera. By looking at the picture she was able to tell that it was a picture that was taken by herself. One of those arms stretched as far as it goes to take a picture.

She didn't understand how the picture she was looking at was so filled with joy and happiness and yet they had broken up. Their breakup must have been something major if they went from super happy couple to the its complicated exes. She stared at the picture for a few more minutes trying to memorize everything about the picture. She had memorized the outline of Logan's face and was convinced if she ever had to draw it from memory she'd get a gold star. She was wearing a gray and white striped shirt with a collar and very little makeup. Logan was wearing a brown shirt and his blonde tipped highlights were shining in the bright sun. They were literally picture perfect.

She didn't want to dwell on the picture any longer and she turned off the camera and put it down on the bench and continued to dig through the back. She found a notebook from Mr. Landry's Introduction to Criminology course that contained lecture notes, a few pens and pencils.

She kept digging through the pockets of the bag and found old packs of chewing gum and a wallet. She opened the wallet and then confusion really set in. "Veronica Mars? Lily Kane? Cassandra Dell? Betsy Thyme? No wonder I can't remember who I am, I'm apparently suffering from multiple personality disorder," she said aloud as she looked through a handful of ID cards from different cities and states with her picture but a different name each time. She covered her face with her hands and started to cry out of frustration.

Instead of getting easier with time Veronica was finding it harder and harder to live each passing day. Every day she hoped that she'd wake up her head filled with memories she didn't have the night before it never happened. Instead each new day would bring on new questions and new pieces to a puzzle she wasn't sure how to solve. "Just remember already," she said to herself as she hit herself on the head with the palms of her hands a few times. She let the tears flow freely not caring anymore. She was alone at the beach at night and Backup certainly wouldn't tell anyone that Veronica had an emotional melt down.

"I think this belongs to you," she heard a voice say quietly. She didn't look up for a few seconds.

"What does," she said finally lifting her head and coming face to face with Logan Echolls with Backup at his side. "Thanks for the intruder alert Backup," she said to the dog who immediately came to her side at the sight of his master being in distress.

"You okay," Logan asked taking a seat on the bench next to Veronica without asking if it was okay?

"Yeah I'm fine Logan."

"Sure you don't want to call me King, it might make you sleep better at night," he said trying to get a smile on her beautiful face. It was killing him to see her like that. It was one of the reasons he didn't come around much. He couldn't stand to look at her knowing she didn't remember the love they shared. Their love went far beyond what her and Duncan had. Who needed a 'Cinderella story' when they had something more epic than 'Helen of Troy'. If Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships Veronica had one that launched millions.

"I wouldn't want to make Backup here jealous," she said following his lead. "Only one dog per master."

"I don't mind and I don't think he does either. He actually likes me," Logan said leaning over to pet Backup. His body was now dangerously close to hers. Both of them felt slightly nervous, Logan because he knew all about their history and Veronica because she was curious about her history with him. She knew there was a lot that she wasn't being told.

"Well I do, something about loyalty," she said and she got a reaction out of Logan that she wasn't expecting. Hurt had come over his face and she quickly replayed the scenario over in her head and she couldn't figure out what she did wrong.

"Wow, you sure you don't have your memory back," he asked while backing away from her, "because that really stung," his mannerisms towards her were now cold and she was beyond confused.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure Logan and believe me, I wish I had my memories back. I really wish I knew why in the hell no one wants to tell me about my life and I wish I knew what happened in our relationship because its hard to imagine that 8 months ago we were like this and today we are like this," she said grabbing the camera and showing him the picture.

"Yeah that was taken on The Sundancer," Logan said the moment he saw the picture. "That's my boat. You and I would try to go out on the water at least once a month," he said sounding nostalgic. "We had a lot of fun that day, I was actually teaching you how to fish," he laughed as he remembered Veronica squealing with disgust when he told her they were using real worms as bait and that she'd have to bait her own hook. She did it with a grimace and then proceeded to wipe her wormy hands on his crisp new shirt.

"I fish," she asked shocked.

"I was trying to teach you but you just couldn't keep your hands off of me," he said with a smile appearing on his face again.

"Perv."

"Hey, it was you, not me who was all gropey," he said

"Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself instead of me," she joked with him feeling at ease around him. It was strange one minute she'd feel very nervous and the next she'd feel as if they were on the same page.

"Maybe I am, I had a little something to do with the gropeage that day," he laughed, "So what are you doing out here by yourself Veronica," he asked turning serious on her.

She looked at him and tried to judge why he would be asking her that type of question. Did he really care? The words of Nurse Alice and Wallace popped into her head how they tried to convince her how much he really loved her.

"Why haven't you been around Logan," she asked sounding hurt herself and avoiding his question at the same time.

"Don't think I don't know what you are doing Veronica. I'll answer your question but you'll answer mine too." He looked up to the sky ask if looking for the answer to her question. Could he really just come out and admit that he hadn't been around because he was just depressed without her. He had tried to just live his life, he tried to move on but he couldn't. Epics had really powerful endings and he didn't feel that their story was properly finished. They couldn't end it on a bad note. Didn't Odysseus make it back to Penelope in The Odyssey?

"It hurts me to be around you Veronica," he said weakly while bringing his eyes to hers. He reached out and grabbed her chin in his hand and turned her face towards his. "I understand that you don't remember your past but it kills me that you can sit there and look at me and not know what I know about us. You saw that picture of us, we were happy Veronica. Tell me, have you seen a picture of you and Piz like that? I can't stand him. I can't stand that he's always there and I'm out in the cold hoping that one day your memory will come back and then even if your just the slightest bit mad at me you'll be able to look at me and remember how deep our love is," he said speaking to her not breaking eye contact. He wanted nothing more than to lean in and give her a kiss but he knew better. He wasn't afraid of Backup, he was afraid of her.

"I guess it kills two of us that he is always around," she said half joking with Logan as she moved her face out of his grasp. A part of her didn't want to move, a part of her wanted to stay where she was and wait for him to man up and kiss her. The other part of her didn't want that at all. The other part of her was terrified of what would happen if she let that happen.

"Why would I be mad at you," she asked him softly wanting to know what would cause her to break up with a guy who was so obviously madly in love with her.

"Veronica, I swear its complicated and if I thought I'd be easy to explain I would," he said and he saw the flash of anger in Veronica's eyes.

"Rule number one is that life isn't fair. Rule number two is that its not easy. Rule number three is that you can't complain about the pervious two rules," she said as she stood up. "You cheated on me didn't you," she asked as if she knew the answer already.

"I would rather have you tazer me with 1 million volts of electricity for seven hours then cheat on you Veronica Mars. I swear on a stack of Bible's I'm not that stupid," he said convincing her beyond a shadow of a doubt that cheating wasn't the cause of their breakup, "but apparently I'm more stupid than that," his face dropped, "You and I were having one of our stupid fights and we broke up and while I was out of town I got drunk and hooked up with someone you hate." He was deflated now and he grabbed her by the hand urging her to sit down again.

"True love huh," she said feeling tears rise again. She didn't know why she was about to cry. It's not like she remembered the pain a tear formed in the corner of her eye and slowly dripped down her cheek.

Logan brought his hand to her face again and cupped it. He used his thumb to wipe away the tear as he spoke softly in her ear, "You never gave me the chance to apologize so I want to do that now. I'd never hurt you intentionally Veronica and I'm sorry for being an ass. If I could take it back I would," tears began to form in his own eyes as the two of them sat closely on the bench watching each other cry. "I just want you to have your memory back so that at least you can remember that you hate me, because if you never loved me you couldn't hate me," he said using Echoll's logic.

"Why'd you do it," Veronica asked him trying to figure out why she cared at that very moment.

"I was upset with you, I was drunk and I'm stupid. You have to understand you and I have a roller coaster of a relationship. Our highs are really high but our lows were really low too," he said and she nodded as if she understood.

"I have to go," she said quickly gathering her things and sprinting towards the main road with Backup hot on her heels. "What was I supposed to do boy," she asked him when they were far away enough from Logan and she stopped to put him back on his leash. Only then did she realize that her camera was in Logan's lap. "Fuck!" She thought as she continued her walk back home.

Logan sat with the camera in his hands as he stared at the picture of him and Veronica on the Sundance and tried to figure out what had just happened between them. Was it possible that for the second time in a year she was angry about something that happened when they were broken up? At least he had her camera now and that was an excuse to see her again.