Thank you so much for the lovely reviews, you guys really help motivate me to continue updating quickly :)
Here is another (long) chapter... I hope you enjoy.
Emily's POV
"Hanna!" I knocked on the door of my best friend's apartment again. She had already buzzed me into the building so she knew that I was here. I heard banging and cursing from the other side and finally a stressed looking Hanna pulled the door open.
"Sorry" she said as she ushered me inside. "I had a bit of a cooking disaster" I laughed when I looked towards the kitchen and saw the smoke rising from the obviously burnt pot of whatever it was she was cooking. The Marins' weren't exactly known for their cooking skills.
"Is it ruined?"
"I think I might just be able to scrape the burn off" She replied with a little laugh as she pulled me in for a quick hug.
"Where's Ben?" She had obviously only just realised I was alone.
"He had to work extra shifts again" I explained.
"On a Saturday?"
"He's working towards this promotion and he has to impress his boss and all that" I explained quickly. Hanna already knew about the arguments me and Ben had had about his work. It made him miserable and stressed but yet he still continued to spend so much time at the office. He had even spent most of Thanksgiving dinner checking emails from his infuriating boss. "He said he'll hopefully get here in time for desert" I added with a slightly apologetic smile.
"Well he's not missing the most amazing meal ever" she laughed as she shut the door and we walked over to the lounge area.
I was the first one here and it was nice to have a few minutes alone with Hanna. We'd both been so busy the last few weeks I'd not seen her in too long. It was already mid-December but today we had decided to have a delayed thanksgiving celebration lunch as everyone was finally back in town; Hanna was taking to calling it 'Thanksmas' as it was half Christmas and Thanksgiving.
"So how are things Em?" She asked as we took a seat. I shrugged nonchalantly at her question. "Everything with you and Ben alright?"
"They're fine" I replied casually, hoping she wouldn't expect more of an answer than that from me. The truth was things were fine. Everything was normal, easy and comfortable and I had spent another holiday at home with my parents swooning over their perfect 'future son-in-law'. The problem wasn't Ben… the problem wasn't me and Ben… it was me. I had finally begun to realise that the problem was in my own head. I was the cause of this turmoil, this doubt about my future… and it was only me who could sort myself out. So that's what I had been trying to do since that night in the bar with Paige, where I had come home and felt sick at how many foreign emotions were swirling around my head about a girl I hardly knew and I had told myself to get it together.
I had made a conscious effort not to be alone with her, and when I was I was stubborn with myself not to let her charm me and make me feel the things I shouldn't be feeling. I couldn't feel those things. People expected things from me and I knew I was too much of a coward to disappoint them.
"How're things with Caleb?" I asked with a smile, hoping to distract her from her line of questioning.
She smiled wider than she had all night as she began to speak "Really great" She giggled a little. "Why am I getting shy!" she laughed at herself and I was pleased to see how happy she was.
"Cos you're in love" I teased and she threw me a playful glare back.
"Don't say that when he gets here please!" she was still smiling though. "I know it's only been a few months but I really like him Em. You know when you just can't stop thinking about someone and when you're with them it just feel magical… cheesy I know… but it does."
"Cheesy's good" I said with a smirk, I really was happy for her. I had almost forgot that was the feeling you get when you fall in love.
The sound of the intercom distracted Hanna and she got up to answer it. A minute later and she opened the door to a man that must have been Caleb. I hadn't met him yet but Hanna had described him in perfect detail. He greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek before he gave her the bottle of wine he was carrying.
"Emily this is Caleb… Caleb… Emily" Hanna introduced us and I shook the hand he reached out to me.
"Nice to finally meet you, Hanna talks a lot about you" I already liked him from the genuine smile on his face.
"Likewise" I smiled back at him.
It wasn't long before the door went again and I felt the excitement at finally seeing Aria and Spencer after so long. They had both arrived at the same time and as the door opened I remembered how much I had missed them.
I excused myself from Caleb and went to greet the two girls who were stood at the door Hanna had just opened.
I hugged Spencer first as Hanna hugged Aria before we swapped.
"I missed you guys" I was sure we were all speaking at the same time.
"I've missed the Cali weather too" Spencer joked as she walked into the apartment.
I greeted the two men who were stood behind my friends with hugs as well. Both Toby and Ezra had been dating my friends for a while now, I knew them well.
"I'm so excited we're all together… finally!" Hanna exclaimed happily as she shut the door and dragged everyone over to introduce them to Caleb.
Everyone except Ben. I suddenly felt slightly strange as I glanced over to where everyone was stood. Hanna and Caleb, Spencer and Toby and Aria and Ezra… everyone looked so happy. I had the same thing as these girls, I had my own relationship even though he wasn't here right now… I just didn't understand why I suddenly felt so disconnected from this world.
I tried to shake the feeling for the moment and concentrate on my friends and the night ahead… I had promised myself I wouldn't do this anymore and I wasn't about to ruin my night worrying about things that were all in my head.
"I am so sorry babe" It was the first thing he said as he walked through the door. I was back home now after the meal at Hanna's, it was past 6 and he hadn't made it to Hanna's at all. "Clive just kept on wanting to go over the report for next week and Johnson couldn't make it in today so it was just me. I was swamped I'm really sorry"
I carried on looking at the crossword that was on my lap. I normally hated things like this but I had found I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything else and so I had spent the last hour staring at the cryptic clues trying to stop my mind from wandering.
"Emily" He said my name when I didn't look up from what I was doing. I finally looked up and met his gaze, realising I was more annoyed at him than I thought I was now I was finally seeing him.
"What?" I asked, keeping my voice flat.
He held his hands up as if to say 'say something'. I sighed and leant back against the couch.
"Are you pissed?" He asked, his lips turned into a hopeful half smile. I knew he wasn't taking this seriously.
"Of course I'm pissed" I said as I put the crossword to one side and crossed my arms. "You didn't show at all today!"
"And I am really sorry about that but this promotion…"
"Is really important I get it" I snapped back at him. "I just thought it would also be important to have one day where you actually make it home in time to act like my boyfriend"
"That's not fair" His face was serious now. Maybe that was a little harsh.
I sighed as I stood up and paced across the room once. He stood and watched me.
"You're always the one that's telling me to not take work so serious and take days off whenever I want them… when you do the complete opposite"
"It's not the same" He shook his head.
"How's it not the same?" I was genuinely intrigued by his assumption.
"Em… look I don't want to…"
"How's it not the same?" I wanted him to answer.
"Because I can't just do that my jobs important and…"
"Mine isn't?" I sighed at his words.
"I didn't say that" He looked at me and I could see the genuine look in his eyes. I took a deep breath. I knew I was being more sensitive than usual but I was still frustrated with him.
"Why are you suddenly so obsessed with this promotion?" I changed the subject.
"It's a relocation okay" He replied with a sigh. "It's a promotion to manage a new branch"
"Relocation?"
"Ohio" He answered with one word.
Of course. I closed my eyes as I nodded. "This is about Ohio again" he still wanted that. This was real.
"Look babe I'm sorry… I don't want to argue… I've been so shitty recently I know but all I want is a good life with you. I want to be able to provide for you and take care of you" He had crossed the gap between us and I felt like the room was spinning. This was the moment. The moment I should tell him I didn't need someone to take care of me… I didn't want Ohio and marriage and 2 children with a white picket fence. I wanted excitement and a career and vacations to countries that didn't speak English… things that he just didn't seem to understand. I wanted the same smile on my face that Hanna had today… I wanted passion… I wanted fluttering in my stomach. The words were here I just needed to find them.
"I'm sorry. I love you so much" He had reached me now and he put his warm hand on my face. I closed my eyes as I felt the guilt twist inside me. I couldn't do it, I couldn't break his heart like that for selfish reasons.
"I can't do this right now" I said as I opened my eyes. "I can't think about Ohio or anything else… I need to go…I'm sorry"
I pulled away from him and he called after me. "Where are you going?"
I hadn't even thought of that. I could go to Hanna's but I knew Caleb would still be there… Even though it was a stupid decision I settled on the sports centre. If I left now I would make it in time for dance class. "To workout" I replied as I grabbed my stuff.
"Emily… we don't have to go to Ohio… just please… tell me everything will be okay?" I felt a lump in my throat as I looked at him.
"It will" I said, however much I wasn't convinced at my words I still hated seeing him like this.
Paige's POV
"Don't tell me you prefer Taylor Swift to Pink" I shook my head at Lexie's admission. "And you call yourself a lesbian" I teased her.
"Taylor Swift is hot" she tried to justify.
"And Pink is a gay icon" I justified back. I was helping her move the exercise mats from one room to another. In the last few weeks I had spent a lot of time away from the reception desk as Kyle, the guy who worked here before me, was back from his travelling in China. I much preferred how I was now doing more varied jobs like helping the instructors and was happy I had to spend less time listening to Kyles boring stories about how he 'found himself' whilst travelling.
"So you're not working next Thursday right?" Lexie said as she held the door open for me to walk out of. Oh no I thought to myself. I liked this girl but I wasn't sure it was in a romantic way. She was attractive and quirky but I didn't feel any spark with her. I hope she's not asking me out.
"I'm not sure… I don't think so"
"I checked your rota... you're not" she smiled my way. "My band is playing at this club opening. You should come. Bring your friends I'll sort you guys some free tickets" she gave me a smile and I was relieved at her invite.
"Sounds cool" I smiled back as we made our way back to reception.
As we walked back into the nicely air-conditioned reception area I felt my mouth turn into a slight smile at the sight of the woman at the desk. Even the back of her head is attractive.
"So you're finally back" I said when I reached her, aware that I was probably standing a little too close to her. I hadn't seen her here for a few weeks. I knew I was probably reading too much into things but it almost felt like she was avoiding me.
She put the pen down that she was using to sign her name and looked at me with that adorable shy smile. I'd missed that.
"What do you mean?" She asked as she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.
"Just not seen you here for a while" I explained, my smile sill on my face. Kyle had took the clipboard back off her and was sorting through some other files now, paying little attention to Emily. I was sure he was gay.
"I've been busy" She said, and I noticed that now the shy smile had disappeared from her face she actually looked a little sad. I couldn't explain what it was but it was there.
"Are you alright?" I found myself asking as she began walking slowly in the direction of the stairs.
She stopped walking as I caught up with her and she gave me a curious look as she turned her head.
"You're very observant aren't you?" she said, almost under her breath.
"So you're not alright?" I took that to mean.
She smiled a little then and paused for a minute, almost as if she was about to say something. She shook her head though after a moment "I'm fine" she said.
I know you are, completely fine and completely gorgeous. I had to stop myself from saying.
"Okay" I let my smile return, not really believing her but knowing she wasn't going to tell me what was bothering her. I let my eyes linger on hers for a moment too long before I reached for the door to the stairs and pulled it open for her.
"Thanks" she walked through the door and I enjoyed how close she passed by me as she did. I got a scent of her shampoo and imagined what it would be like to bury my face into her thick luscious hair.
"No problem" I said, still imagining the feel of her. I knew I was doing the thing where I subconsciously flirted with her again, even if I was trying my best not to say anything bad… I couldn't help my eyes. "Enjoy your class"
She only smiled at me weakly before I watched her walk up the stairs. Taking a moment to shamefully stare at her ass as she walked.
It really wasn't okay for someone to be that good looking.
"Paige, I need you to make a note of anything in the building that needs fixing for when the maintenance guys come tomorrow" my boss was saying to me. "Just any loose hand rails or faulty lights… you get what I mean" He explained further as he handed me the notepad. I nodded at his instruction, happy to have another excuse to escape reception and escape Kyle's retelling of the time he first met his 'Chinese family'.
I checked the gym area quickly, hardly finding many things wrong. I made my way through the other rooms' downstairs spotting a few things for my list. I smiled as I made my way upstairs and headed to the studio I knew the dance class was in. It had been on a while and I hoped they would still be dancing.
The double doors to the room had glass panels in them and I moved forward to look through them, seeing there was still movement in the room.
I caught sight of Emily instantly, like my eyes were eager to seek her out.
She was phenomenal.
If I had thought she looked like perfection normally I had been wrong. Watching the way she moved her body as she followed the moves of the dance instructor made my heart skip a beat. She moved effortlessly and made the mediocre dance moves look like the sexiest thing I had ever seen, she shook her hips and the movement flowed through her whole body until it reached her hair and it flipped to the side in perfect time.
I was aware my mouth was open slightly and I knew that there could be an earthquake right now and I probably wouldn't notice it as I was too busy watching her hips. The sight alone was enough to put my mind in the gutter. I couldn't help but imagine the way she moved her hips underneath those clothes, the way her body would feel on top of me as she moved like that. If only.
The instructor stopped the music and got them all to repeat the move again. I watched as Emily helped the woman next to her perfect the complicated spin. She was the best in the class by far. I watched as the music began again and they repeated the whole routine. I was happy no one had noticed me standing here like a complete creep… happy that I could continue being a creep for a little bit longer.
The music stopped for a final time and just as I was thinking it was about time for me to get away from the door before the class was over Emily tilted her head towards the doors and caught my eye.
There's no point pretending I wasn't watching her now I decided as I gave her what I knew was a flirtatious smile. I couldn't help myself. She looked away without smiling back and I felt slightly embarrassed for a moment before I saw her begin to brush her hand though her hair in what I could only assume was self-consciousness.
I leant against the wall and waited until the class began leaving through the double doors. Emily came out eventually and I was happy when she stopped where I was stood and looked at me carefully.
"You're really good at that" I spoke first, careful to watch her expression.
I swore I saw a little blush. "I'm alright I guess" She laughed a little.
"Alright? You don't give yourself enough credit" I teased, watching the way she began smiling.
"You always watch the dance classes when you're meant to be working?" I enjoyed the way she teased me back.
"No" I shook my head. "But there's always a first time for everything" I smiled when she met my eyes and I swore that for once I wasn't imagining the connection between us. There was something there as for the briefest of moments I saw a flash of it in her eyes.
"I'd love to be able to do that" I added, breaking the moment.
"I'm surprised you can't" she seemed to find that funny.
"I'm full of surprises" I said simply watching the way she nodded ever so subtly at that. She agreed.
"I should go… I need to get home" She pointed down the hall and I nodded as she walked away.
"See you at practice tomorrow" I called after her, loving the fact that early morning practice was no longer a dull place to be.
Emily's POV
I pushed the food on my plate around slowly, knowing I should eat but not being able to. I wasn't in work today as practice had finished for the holidays. It was nearly Christmas but we were still in California. Ben was working too much around Christmas for us to be able to go to either of our parents for the holidays so we had decided to spend it here.
I was bored already not being in work and the lack of distraction was only making the things going on in my head worse. I hadn't argued with Ben since the other week but there had been a tension in the air I couldn't describe ever since. He hadn't been working as late and he was making a real effort to talk to me about things but I was surprised that even that wasn't making this dull feeling go away.
The scary thing was that I knew that I was developing a dangerous routine. A routine where I would go to the sport centre every opportunity I got and speak to Paige, letting the conversation carry on longer than it should. I didn't know why but however I was feeling that day didn't seem to matter when I spoke to her there. When she came up to me with her smiles and her teasing words I felt giddy and happy and alive. I knew it was dangerous but I couldn't stop.
The way I had felt when I saw her watching me dance was stuck in my mind. I was a little self-conscious at first but then I remembered her compliments and the way she had almost smiled at me flirtatiously and I found myself enjoying the thought of her watching me. It was fucked up but I knew that I wanted her to watch me, I wanted her to find me attractive… I wanted her to want me.
I put my fork down and gave up eating. I was ridiculous. I didn't know what I was doing. I had a boyfriend. She had a girlfriend. She was a student… and I was crazy.
I pushed the plate away and stood up. I knew that even if I spent the next hour telling myself not to go there… I would end up going anyway, I may as well save myself the bother. Crazy is as crazy does.
I pulled up in the familiar parking lot and made a note of how quiet it was today before I got out of the car. I took a deep breath before I made my way towards the entrance. As I approached the doors I could see Paige through the glass.
My heart did the obligatory flutter in anticipation as I saw her. She was talking to that blond girl I often saw her with who also worked here. The girl intimidated me and as I pushed open the door I heard the sound of Paige's laughter at something this girl had said. I had never heard her laugh before and it was a nice sound, I couldn't help but feel a little disheartened that I hadn't heard it before, not a proper laugh like this anyway.
As I entered the reception I could see that the girl had her hand on Paige's arm as they both laughed and the site bothered me more than it should.
She turned around when I started walking across the hard floor. She smiled when she saw me and I made a conscious effort to stop whatever bitter look was on my face for a smile back.
"Good evening Coach Fields" she seemed to forget about the blond girl and I knew it was wrong but I felt a little triumphant. I ignored her use of 'Coach Fields' the best I could, it always reminded me of the real situation and I didn't like that… part of me thought she said it every now and again for that very reason.
"Paige" I greeted simply. My eyes focusing on the other girl again when she whispered something into Paige's ear before she walked away with a smug smile. I was pretty sure she was flirting with her.
I let a heavy breath out as I walked towards the reception desk. There was no one else there so I assumed Paige was meant to be sat there but was wandering to talk to that girl.
"What?" She gave me a half curious half amused expression. I was suddenly horrified that she had caught onto my dislike of the situation.
"Nothing" I tried to cover up casually… but this girl was just too damn observant. "You sure Shana would be fine with her flirting with you like that?" I regretted it as soon as I said it. It wasn't my place.
"Shana?" Paige seemed genuinely confused. Maybe she didn't know that I knew they were dating.
I gave her my own confused look back before she nodded slowly.
"Lexie wasn't flirting" she said with a smile. "Honestly… she's not that subtle"
I just nodded slowly, feeling a bit of an idiot for saying anything at all.
I pushed my hair back slowly. "Do you have the dance class sheet… thingy" I said awkwardly.
"There's actually not a class on tonight, just the main fitness gym is open over the holidays" she replied.
Shit. I did actually remember her telling me that the other day.
"Oh yeah… I forgot" I said with a slight frown.
"You can still use the gym… if you want?" I liked it when she spoke genuinely like this every now and again, it made me feel less stupid about the Shana comment.
"Yeah" I shrugged. "I was in the mood to dance… but I guess it'll do" I smiled at her.
I watched as she checked the time on her watch, giving me a brief curious look before she smiled again.
"Wait… we can solve this" she said simply.
It was my turn to give her a curious look as she began walking towards the door leading to the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
"Upstairs" she was always annoying vague.
"What about reception?" I pointed to the desk.
"You're like the second person to come in all day… only crazy people come to work out this near to Christmas." She teased.
I watched as she reached the door and opened it.
"And what about crazy people who are working two days before Christmas and not at home wrapping presents like every other college kid?" I teased back.
She gave me an almost appreciative smile at my attempt at teasing her. "Those people are the craziest…"
I smiled back.
"Are you coming?" She swung the door back and forth gently. I walked to follow her as I asked her what we were doing.
"You'll see." She said, indicating for me to walk through the door. The way she held it open for me like always made my stomach flutter slightly.
She pointed upstairs and I followed her direction, trying not to think about how closely she was following me.
"Why are we going to the dance studio, there's no class?"
"We're making our own class" she seemed happy with herself.
"But there's no one to teach the routine" I said to her as we entered the room and she flicked on the lights and headed over to where the CD player was.
"Yes there is" she replied casually as she ran a finger over the pile of CD's as if deciding what to pick.
"And who's that?"
"You" she flashed me a smile before she went back to picking what to play. I felt my heart beating a little faster. "I didn't know people still used CD's" she said to herself as she seemed to find one she liked. I had no idea what she had planned as she put the CD into the player and pressed play.
"You can't go wrong with 'Queen B'" she said as she turned around to face me again. I listened as the Beyoncé song filled the room, sounding good on the surround sound speakers.
"'Dance for you'?" I knew the song and I knew the routine… but my head was fuzzy as Paige just smiled back at me in that way she did.
"You know the routine?" She made her way closer to me now and it was all I could do to nod in response. "Teach me?" She raised an eyebrow as she asked the question.
I knew I should say no. This was the sort of situation I should avoid. This was what was truly dangerous; this feeling right here where I was alone with her and she was making my heart beat faster than it had in years.
"Okay" despite my thoughts I found myself saying yes, a nervous smile etched onto my face.
Despite the fear I wanted to be here, I wanted to be in this room with her and I wanted to dance with her.
"I don't know where to start" I admitted as she continued to meet my gaze.
"The beginnings usually the best place" I watched how she bit her lip slightly as she smiled and it made heat rush to my ears. Maybe concentrating on the steps would be a good distraction.
"Okay… well we start in this position." I began, even though we were no longer in time with the music.
I showed her the position and she nodded, moving her arms in a similar way. "Like this?" She asked and I nodded. "And then?" She asked when I forgot to tell her the next move.
"A twist… but you also have to move your feet… like this" I said as I did the move. She nodded and began to copy. I laughed when she moved her arm in the opposite direction.
"Arm tucked in" I said as I subconsciously reached forward and put her arm against her body. Her eyes followed my hand and I didn't let go right away despite the nervous feeling in my chest.
"Try it again" I remembered what I was trying to do.
She did the move again and it was good. I smiled at her efforts.
"And now this move is a bit harder" I smiled as I did the move, it involved moving your hips and I was going to enjoy watching her trying it.
"You're really good at that" she said when I had shown her the move. I shrugged her compliment off with a smile, if I concentrated on it I knew I would blush.
"Your turn" I said, and she copied my move with a surprising amount of talent for someone who couldn't dance.
"Do you want to know something?" I teased her and she raised her eyebrows as if to say yes. "You're not too bad for a beginner" she smiled at that and nodded slowly.
"Do you want to know something?" It was her asking me now and I waited for a witty remark. "Shana's not my girlfriend" her words surprised me.
I looked down at the floor momentarily trying to work out why she had just said that. "What?" I didn't know what I was meant to say. And I didn't know why the hell the news was so nice to hear.
"Just saying" she looked almost pleased with my response for a moment before she continued speaking. "What next?" she carried on like she hadn't said anything.
"Erm… I can't remember… erm" I suddenly felt flustered, I could feel my face was getting hotter and I was fully aware that our eye contact was becoming unhealthy. The music had reached the chorus now and I listened to it fill the room.
"Lucky I know a few moves of my own" I swear her voice was lower than normal.
She had moved forward and I suddenly realised that she had one hand holding my right hand and her other was hovering near my waist, not quite touching the skin. "Let me lead" she said as her eyes bore into mine.
I found my voice "I thought you said you couldn't dance?"
"I lied" she smiled at that as I found myself subconsciously gripping her hand tighter. The music was building up now and I couldn't help but glance down at her lips that were still turned in a smile. My heart was beating fast, my skin was hot and I could feel her breath lightly on my face. I was petrified by my bodys reaction but at the same time I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this alive, I wanted her to put her hand on my waist. Without thinking I reached for her hand and pulled it into place on the side of my bare stomach, losing my breath slightly at the feel of her hand there.
I met her eyes for a moment "Let's dance" it wasn't my own voice that came out but a huskier almost breathless version.
She didn't need a further invitation as the chorus came again and she led our bodies into a fluid dance, I wasn't sure what moves I was doing as my body moved with hers but it didn't seem to matter. All I knew was that the hand on my stomach was gripping tight and helping to move my body the way she wanted.
I could feel my heart beating as the dance brought our bodies closer again, her breasts pushed against my own and the unfamiliar sensation sent the heat around my body. My eyes were locked on hers the entire time as we moved in sync until she let go of my waist and used the other hand to guide me into a spin, pushing me away from her as the song began to come to an end, she brought me back towards her and I spud round so I was face to face with her as the music stopped.
My heart beat fast as I stumbled into her and she caught me by returning her hand to my side, the silence in the room now making my heart seem louder. I took note of how similar we were in height, how easy it would be for me to lean forward and capture her lips in my own. How easy it would be for me to taste her kisses that I was sure would make my stomach flutter the way her words did, the way her smile did and the way her hand on my bare skin did.
I was here… right at the place I knew I shouldn't be. I was at the jumping off point and it was exhilarating.
"I need to go" The words came out of my mouth but I don't remember thinking them. All I remember was the feel of her breath and the closeness of her body… but the words were mine. They came from the part of me that knew this was wrong, the part of me that used my brain and wasn't controlled by the heat soaring through my body.
I took a step back meeting her eyes for a moment before I walked back further.
I expected her to say something but she didn't. I could only watch her breathing… and for once she actually looked just as breathless as I felt. I turned around and walked quickly out of the room not slowing down until I was safely down the stairs... as I knew if I didnt i would turn right back around and pull her lips against my own.
I'm cruel... I know! Thanks for reading, let me know your thoughts? pretty please :)
