~A Standard Life~
A Collection of Cupcake Stories
Day 6
It's the most unexpected Burg wedding of the century. People spill coffee, tea, Red Bull and Mountain Dew everywhere and choke on pancakes, cupcakes and oatmeal porridge upon hearing the surprising news. The man who owns the most hairy ass in Trenton and the woman who allows him to hook a finger in her collar to peek at her breasts by busy roadsides during rush hours in broad daylight are going to tie the knot? Today? WTH? WTF? And why the rush? OMG! She's not pregnant, is she?
It seems that God is pretty shocked, or rather annoyed, by this marriage. So He decides to add some fun and excitement to it. The weather is plain horrible. The sun hides himself behind heavy black clouds and wisely refuses to come out. The chilly howling wind and icy roaring rain simply won't stop. People start crossing themselves when sleet and hail fall from the scaringly foreboding dark sky. The flower arrangement is aiming at expensive and elegant but ends up cheap and tacky. The organist, cellist and violinist are caught up in car accidents and can't make it to the church in time. The bemused and frightened guests desperately pray the hairy groom's crazy grandmother will not try to put the Eye on them, while the bride's drunken mother starts singing loudly and out of tune Madonna's Like a Virgin and Papa Don't Preach. The family and friends of both parties wince and cringe inside as the tall dark and very, very, very hairy groom walks with a swagger to the altar. How come he looks more and more like an ape? They wonder. Minutes later, the smiling bride shows up in a creamy-white satin wedding dress, and the quests dutifully wow as if they have never seen a more stunning bride.
Just as the bride puts the platinum wedding ring on the man who molested too many innocent little girls in his father's dirty smelly garage when he was only 8, there comes a crack of thunder right above the church barely 0.5 second after a flash of lightning penetrates the stained glass windows and hits the hairy groom's ring. A blue ray of electricity runs through both the bride's and groom's bodies. People then gape and stare in stunned silence as both of them crumble to the floor, twitching, frothing and convulsing uncontrollably for a few second and finally become very still, and very dead.
Too bad they have to get struck by lightning and thus become a pair of burned black corpses on their own wedding day. And what sucks even more is that they have NOT been announced as husband and wife. And no, she's not pregnant. He has nonobstructive azoospermia, and, alas, it's incurable...
End of Day 6
~With This Ring I Thee Wed~
