A/N: I still don't know what I plan to do with the pairings, not fully, anyway. So bear with me on that. Still, even so, I was fairly happy with how this chapter turned out.
I don't own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome.
Chapter 7
Taking things in stride wasn't exactly her strong point. She wasn't always happy to accept situations as they came. More often than not, she'd be more willing to cause a commotion, than she was to nod her head to the facts at hand. This was one of those times, when tact, unfortunately eluded her. She'd idly bantered about it before, but frivolous chatter would get her nowhere.
Natsuki sat at the empty kitchen table with a deck of cards, passing the time. She was idly trying to think of her best choice, her options limited. I suppose I could just keep here at home. Natsuki thought to herself as she watched Shizuru do the dishes. She makes a good home maker, but I doubt that she wants to be a housekeeper. She sighed dejectedly. I guess I could take her to work with me, but man, talk about demeaning. Finally she sighed, and ran her hand over her forehead, tossing the cards haphazardly into a pile before huffing out a breath. Damn it.
"What's wrong?" Shizuru asked as she looked over her shoulder, seeing distraught emerald eyes wishing to burn holes in the cards.
"Hm?" Natsuki wasn't happy to be pulled from her daze, and sighed. "Nothing."
"Oh, alright." Shizuru went back to washing dishes, the air between them thick with things neither one of them wanted to admit. She noticed Natsuki mutter for the umpteenth time, when the woman opened up her wallet, and then pocketed it yet again. "Are you positive that you're okay?"
"Yes." The growl indicated otherwise.
"Being grumpy won't solve anything." That much, was true. "Talking usually helps." The latter statement, however, was Shizuru's demise.
"Humans talk." Somehow without even trying, there seemed to be defensive wall again. "Sorry." Natsuki finally urged herself to say. "Werewolves talk too, but, it's not like that."
"I'm beginning to notice." Shizuru wondered about Natsuki often. "It seems, that insults are the only manner in which you can validate your point."
"Who cares?" Natsuki was cruel one moment, and the next, embittered by her own tactless remarks. "Don't worry about it."
"Are werewolves really filled with such strife?" It was both amusing, and yet, very discomforting. "Is there really no other way to speak your mind, Natsuki?"
"We don't have a need." It was the best Natsuki could offer, before she returned to her card game, and her inward musings. Someone's gotta talk to her about this sort of thing. Natsuki had half a mind to force Shizuru to start reading the proper books, ones not sprinkled with human idiocies and half baked logic. But, even if someone did explain it, she wouldn't stop being annoying, that's just her way. She bit her tongue to suppress a curse. It can't be helped. This wasn't going to be a good time. "We kinda need to talk."
"Good observation." Shizuru couldn't help but feel a little cold herself. "I'm sorry. I haven't been sleeping well recently." Her heart had been feeling heavy, and she knew why, even if she didn't want to take notice. There was something about the woman at the table. Shizuru hated the fact that Natsuki could coax the most troubling feelings from within. "What did you want to speak about?"
"Shizuru, this isn't something we talked about before, but even as a werewolf, you still have to work." Natsuki licked her lips, they were dry, and she was almost out of soda. "I live quite comfortably, but I need money too." It left much to be desired. "I was just thinking that I've got to go back to work soon, and, that it might suit you to come along with me...you know, learn a few trick of the trade."
"I suppose I could find a job someplace, a clerical position, perhaps." Shizuru told Natsuki thoughtfully, only to be met with an annoyed growl.
"We're too young." Natsuki protested, hating to admit that fact. "Older werewolves know how to mask themselves, and live easily among the humans. You and I, we're not strong enough. If a hunter comes along, and they know what to look for, we'd be finished."
"You know, Natsuki, some humans do overlook things." Shizuru had both seen and heard of many werewolves slipping by unnoticed. "Just because a few families still like to argue, doesn't mean that the entire world thinks that way."
"It only takes one person. Besides, it's in our nature." Natsuki crossed her arms then, a fire in her eyes. "Hell, most werewolves live and work near the older ones for at least a good third of their lives. We rely on each other, Shizuru...so much so, we are very oriented in our community. We have to be, for our own protection." Be that as it may, however, Natsuki herself, was not a social butterfly. "I do free lance work, mostly..."
Fearing the worst, Shizuru paused, and closed her eyes. "What kind of freelance work?" The words felt dangerous somehow, and without noticing it, Natsuki had picked up on Shizuru's discomfort.
"I have a keen nose." Natsuki told her, as she stood from her position. She only did what felt natural, wrapping her arms around Shizuru, embracing her from behind. "All werewolves do get one, eventually."
"I've yet to acquire mine." Shizuru told Natsuki as she felt a soft breath on her neck. "So then, freelance work?"
Natsuki could taste the salt in the air, she was so close, and she rested her head on Shizuru's shoulder. "It's nothing bad." Natsuki went on to explain. "I track things. People, animals, objects...I'm freelance because a human who's a bit...eccentric I guess you could say...he gives us the jobs that he can't do alone." Natsuki knew it probably sounded horrible, but, she had to put food on the table somehow. "We find the things he can't, or sometimes we just follow them. Either way, I guess you could say that it's a bit like cloak and dagger work, sometimes."
"Have you ever killed anyone?" Shizuru dreaded the answer. That was a stupid thing to ask, really. She sighed to herself mentally. In reply came a soothing nip, one she'd come to expect, whenever she began to feel uneasy. A shiver ran down her spine. Is it really so hard to say? The tip of Natsuki's tongue also met her flesh, for only a mere moment. Or am I just that difficult to talk to? It spoke of everything, and Shizuru gasped softly. "That isn't an answer, Natsuki."
The retort worried her, but Natsuki didn't argue the fact, even if she could have easily. There was an old pain, and Natsuki knew whom she'd killed by accident before. She knew what Shizuru wanted her to admit. "I'm sorry." Natsuki murmured then, pulling back her fangs. "Things just happen." Even so, she refused to loosen the embrace.
"Rage does terrible things." Somehow, Shizuru knew saying that would not be enough. "Forgive me, it was the wrong thing to ask."
"Take her..." Natsuki could hear the echo. "Assure her that she's yours, and affirm your future bloodline." It was the calling that had so troubled her as of late."Take what you want, before she can no longer be taken." Shizuru's salty scent was nearly an intoxication, Natsuki found herself enjoying it, and the close proximity. "Take her, leave no room for debate." The voice ordered. "Claim that which is yours, and yours alone." Just like that Natsuki pulled herself away from the warmth she so craved, her eyes lit with things that she couldn't possibly begin to explain.
"I don't...it's not like..." This was going to be harder than she thought. "Life is an important thing, and I hate taking it away." Natsuki finally offered, her mouth running dry. She needed the space, and yet, craved the warmth. It was like a drum. Her mind began to fight a war with her instinctual urge. Despite her mind ordering otherwise, her feet stayed rooted to their place. "Anyway, as I was saying, it's time for you to move on." She tried to back pedal to a safe topic, but she feared even that would not be enough. "You need to start learning our ways of life. You need to get out of this house, before we both get tangled deeper than we want to be."
"We're already tangled, according to you." Shizuru murmured, words that Natsuki could hardly hear. "That was determined even before we were born." A little louder, she found confidence in that. "I don't even know what to say about that. I can't apologize, because that would sound empty." Truthfully, she had no idea what to do, or where her life would take her. "I can't just shrug it away, because even if I didn't do those things, I feel responsible." She put down the rag that was in her hand, and looked at the water that was hidden well by bubbles and dirty plates. "There's a numbing feeling that won't go away."
Natsuki understood. "Nothing we say or do, will ever change who's children we are." It was horrible to think, and worse to say. "We're bound by what by what our bloodlines have done." Natsuki still did it anyway. "I won't pretend that I can accept it. I won't play games, and pretend that I can just throw away everything I've ever been taught...I won't do it." She shoved her hands into her pockets, feeling the trembling in her breath. "But, I won't let myself make another mistake, either."
"I wouldn't want you to." It hurt to hear it. "If you would regret it, there would be no point." Still, Shizuru kept up the brave facade.
"You're not a human anymore, Shizuru." Natsuki could feel the gentle shift. "You can never be a Fujino again." She thought it was the nature of the topic, Shizuru's past, one that didn't sit well with any werewolf. "At the same time, you're not like my friend." Especially not a person who carried the last name of Kuga.
Natsuki didn't think to check for anything deeper than Shizuru's sadness, her discomfort, and even, the pang of something unmentioned that lingered between them.
"I know, I'm nothing like Nao." Shizuru wouldn't compete with that kind of answer. "I never claimed to be."
That was Natsuki's first mistake. "No, Idiot-" She bit back her snarl. "Not...not her damn it." She ran a hand through her hair. "My other friend...a friend who was a human, once." She felt the heat in her eyes, the burning sensation she didn't ever want to show outwardly. "She was a human, but things happened...and she wasn't a human anymore." Her legs felt heavy, and she went to sit back down, letting her long hair fall over her face, shielding it from prying eyes. "She was headstrong, and not just a little naive. She wanted to live on both sides of the coin, and...I was stupid enough to let her get caught."
It was the first real insight Shizuru could grasp onto, but now that she had it, she feared to take hold. What could I possibly say to that, Natsuki? It was a tricky little thing, the admittance one that seemed not only difficult, but fiercely protected. Is it sadness or shame? Shizuru couldn't tell, the wetness in emerald eyes seemed so well contained, it wouldn't drip. How does one go about consoling that? She wanted to do something, but the only thing she thought to do, was the very same thing Natsuki had always done to her.
It turned out to be miscalculated, terribly so.
It wasn't a moment after her lips reached the base of Natsuki's neck, that the much stronger woman reacted violently. It was only a handful of seconds after that, when Shizuru was pinned to the floor, that glowering emerald orbs returned to normal. "Jesus..." Natsuki muttered then, breathlessly. "Don't ever do that again." Mere moments, a bated breath...all of it a flurry, and that was it.
"Take her while you can." The voice echoed in Natsuki's head.
Natsuki knew it was going to sound bad, but there just wasn't another way to put it. "Shizuru, my instincts are acting a little bit more violently than they normally would. To prevent what happened before, I'm being told to do things."
"What kind of things?" She wouldn't hurt me. Knowing that didn't comfort her. Or at least, she hasn't yet. If anything, it made her even more worried, unsure of herself as her heart started to pound just a little harder. Natsuki, what's really going on? Shizuru wondered, as let her eyes take a peak to the side. Her hands were still being held to the tile floor. "You can tell me."
"Werewolves get possessive around my age." Natsuki said then as she released her hold. "I'm reaching a sexual maturity." Trying to think about how best to explain, she finally just shook her head. "Remember when I said there was no way in hell you could have gotten pregnant from Nao?" When Shizuru nodded, Natsuki continued. "That's because a werewolf that is born female...like myself and Nao...literally have to grow and mature as a werewolf. We have years to wait, until we can accept a form that allows us to be a sire."
"Bluntly speaking?" Shizuru breathed out loud, pulling herself up from the floor she had been laying on.
"Nao may have the equipment, but she's not old enough to actually sire a child." Natsuki coughed then, and looked away. "She's not powerful enough to be the head of a family, and properly protect it. Though, if she wanted, she could birth a child, and become a submissive dam." She scratched her head, and then sighed. "Nao's a woman, so being a mother comes naturally to her body...being a father does not."
"What about those that are born as males?" Shizuru wondered that, never actually having book to read about this less than savory topic.
"It's the same for them." Natsuki said. "In order to be a dam, they have to grow well into their late forties before that can even happen." Then Natsuki just shrugged. "We live three times as long as most humans do, provided we aren't hunted down. Just because I can reproduce at this age doesn't mean that I should." She winced a bit. "Though, I am at that age, where most werewolves have someone in their lives. It's just natural to have someone to rely on. We're usually social people."
"Is that why you and Nao..." Shizuru trialed off, unsure if she wanted to know.
"I care about Nao." Natsuki told Shizuru. "I do, but that's just crazy." Natsuki swallowed hard. "There's a particular line, I guess, that werewolf creed follows." She didn't exactly know how to word it. "Sires are like warriors, protectors, and there's a place for them at firelight meetings." She hoped it didn't sound as bad as Shizuru's small cringe made it appear. "There's exceptions to every rule, it's not clear cut or anything...but put it this way. Nao and I would never survive in a mated relationship."
"You seem rather close to me." At that, the pang in Shizuru's heart returned.
Natsuki just growled. "There would be fights all the time." Shaking her head, to indicate the negative, she wondered where Shizuru had conjured that idea from. "In a werewolf relationship, there's no room for battles over who's in charge...the sire is always stronger than their dam. Always, without a doubt." To prove her point, Natsuki let her presence be known, and Shizuru instantly felt herself react. She sat down in a chair immediately, feeling urged to do so. She had no idea where it was coming from until Natsuki smirked. "See what I mean?"
Speechless at first Shizuru could only nod. "Well, that's odd." She found the courage to say. "Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"
Natsuki crossed her arms, thinking hard on that. "I read in a book once, it has to do with the voices we hear. A sire can contain them, but outside of that...I don't know for sure." Either way, it would explain the solid evidence Natsuki did know. "The thing is, instincts react to the most dominate werewolf in the area, like when I put you in a hold to calm you down." She licked her lips. "If did that to Nao, she'd probably beat the shit out of me."
It was a far cry from what Shizuru expected to hear. "I see." As she swallowed hard, pulling the tension back down into her gut, stifling all of the other questions that were running rampant in her mind. "As you've said before though, instincts are just ways to gather information."
"Yes, you're right." Natsuki nodded. "But, don't get me wrong, either, Shizuru." It wasn't her brightest idea ever, but it was one that kept agitating her, coming up from the shadows. It became more difficult to fight away. "They're still very much apart of us." And eventually, we'll want to act on them. Natsuki thought to herself, bitterly. "Don't underestimate them."
…
I wasn't a confession exactly, and she couldn't say she had feelings for Shizuru...so even after their tense morning, the afternoon gave no solace.
Natsuki sat around, waiting for something to strike her. she had fits of inspiration, occasionally. An answer would come to her out of thin air, and even as rarely as it happened, she wished for something like that to occur now. It didn't work out. At least, not as she had planned. If it was a godsend, or the spirits mocking her, she didn't have any idea. The nearest thing she got to a reprieve, was more of a migraine than expected.
Lacking that it was, Nao's antics begrudgingly kept her company. The poor little thing. Natsuki thought to herself. She really should just let it escape. At first, it was mildly amusing. There's no real treason for her to chase it.
Now it was just depressing.
Natsuki watched the the young werewolf harass a bunny as it tried to hop away. "Would you stop?" Hunting was not Natsuki's forte, in fact, she hated it. "You're scaring the poor thing." Nao, on the other hand, took a pleasure in chasing around helpless wildlife, even if she didn't actually hurt it. "You'll give it a heart attack, if you keep that up."
"It's fun." The protest was weak, and hardly even there at all, as Nao jumped in front of the creature again, watching it all but fall over it's own legs in the middle of a hop.
"It's mean." She stood from her resting position, and quickly jumped, stanching the critter, as it tried to get away from Nao. She held it her hands, inspecting it, before putting it in the bush to hide. "You have better things to be doing, than harassing defenseless animals." Inwardly, she knew Nao couldn't help it. There was once a time in Natsuki's own life, when out of boredom, she would have amused herself in the same fashion. Now that she was older, however, it was simply tiring for what little amusement it could offer. "You're not a pup anymore."
"Hey, don't spoil my good time!" The rabbit was long gone, likely, it found a safe place to hide. "Just because you have a stick up your butt, doesn't mean you have a right to boss me around." Nao grumbled at her. "What's your deal anyway? You've been crabby all afternoon."
"I'm not not feeling well, that's all." Nao saw beyond Natsuki's frown though. "Don't give me that look!"
"What look?" The redhead shrugged.
"That!" Natsuki pointed at Nao's smirk. "Whatever the hell that is! Just don't do it."
"Okay, so you want me to just sit here, and act like you're completely fine?" It didn't really matter either way, so she dropped her amusement, at least outwardly. "You do realize you've burned through an entire pack of smokes in an hour, right?" In truth though, as fun as it was to harass things, and tease Natsuki relentlessly, this was no laughing matter.
"I can't get her outta my head!" Finally, Natsuki relented. "Everything she does drive me crazy, and I swear to god, I can smell every little emotion she has. It's driving me insane."
"I doubt chain smoking is going to help." Her hot tempered friend had taken the bait, but, would she be easily reeled in? Nao wasn't so sure. "Did it ever occur to just, ya know, tell her?"
"Did it ever occur?" Natsuki chattered back. "What are you, high? Yes, it damn well occurred to me."
"Then do something about it?" As great as it was, seeing Natsuki pace up and down the deck all afternoon, Nao knew that soon enough, Natsuki would completely change. That was never a good thing. "Talk to her, or something."
"Werewolves don't talk about this kinda crap." Natsuki muttered then, finally sighing as she drank deeply from her water bottle.
"We are." That statement froze the woman of midnight tresses, and she paused to study the floorboards under her feet. Nao couldn't let this opportunity pass her by. "You and I...we talk about this kind of stuff. How is Shizuru any different?"
"When I have sex with you, I know it isn't going to go anywhere." It was harsh, but it was the truth. "That's why." Silence fell over them. Natsuki couldn't lift her eyes from the twinkle of something, that just wasn't warm. It was like ice. Cold, bitter, and it wasn't anything she could truly explain. It was as if the sun wouldn't melt it, and no amount of warmth would ease her.
"Natsuki, you're an ass." It came smooth, and easy from Nao's lips. "You really are twisted, ya know that." The insult rolled of her acidic tongue in such a way, it seemed little more than truth.
"Yeah." It was all Natsuki could think of to say.
"I'm not one of you're damn placeholders." Nao told her easily. "Hell, I know I'm not Mai...I'm not even close to the kind of woman you need in your life." Still, for all that she'd seen, for as long as she lived, most people thought her to just be some lowlife teen, lost and misguided. Among the werewolves, many treated her as just a child. "I'm alright with that." The truth was, she wasn't even close to being either one. "But I won't let you turn your back on me. I won't let you pretend that you're not bothered by all of this crap."
She wasn't as much of a child as everyone told her that she was. The streets had made her see things she would never forget, and as a werewolf, her sins went deeper than she would ever admit. "You don't smoke." With slow and measured steps, she walked up, pulling the last remaining cigarette from between Natsuki's lips. "You hate it, and you always tell me it's a bad habit." She put it to her own, inhaling deeply.
"It's a horrible habit." Natsuki regretted doing it at all, but in truth, it was a habit her father had. "I'll always think that it is, and you're the last person that needs to be smoking these." It reminded her of him. It was stupid to believe she would find his guidance this way, and she knew it. "You'll make your mom worry." Old habits just died hard, as did haunting memories.
"Why are you worried about my mom?" Nao already knew that answer, but she couldn't just brush away the gaze as she'd hoped, because Natsuki actually answered her.
"Someone has to worry about her." The words came gifted upon a silver platter, malice all on it's own. Natsuki didn't even have to sound angry, to know the words would cut Nao deeply. "You're never home, and god knows she worries about you." Nao could accept many things, but blame wasn't one of them. Natsuki knew it, but, she said it anyway. "I'm the one looking out for you, because you won't let her do it. Why do you think that is, Nao?"
Nao swallowed, Hard. "I don't have time for regrets." Yet she had a world of them. "I don't have time to worry about my mom's heath, because we both know she'd hate herself even more...especially if I did that." Nao would worry about it, she lost sleep over it almost every night. "She can't take the pain, and I won't give it to her." Nao pushed herself away from everyone, and she was a black little sheep, but even that, she could accept.
"You don't have to shut everything away, either." Somehow, Nao could pull words from Natsuki. "You tell me to open up, but you're the one who's a walking mystery." Words that no one else seemed to be able to draw from her lips, slipped out easily for Nao.
Nao pulled the cigarette from her mouth, regarding it. "Do you know, that this is the nearest thing to a kiss that I've ever taken from you?" In the end of it all, Nao was okay with things, because she'd endured them with Natsuki...the only true friend she'd ever had. "This is the closest thing I'm ever going to get, isn't it?"
"Do you realize how perverse this is?" Natsuki asked her then. "We're werewolves." She shook her head. "We don't talk about feelings, or love, or commitment...we just don't do that."
"Because it's implied." Nao knew, she could see it in Natsuki's every breath. "If you want to live your life based on that kind of cop out, be my guest." Nao told her. "But, then don't just stand there, and act like you're okay with everything. You just want to beat the shit out of me, so do it." She put the cigarette back to her lips. "Get it over with."
Natsuki frowned and before Nao knew it, she was pinned to the side of the house. "The only thing I want to do, is smack that damn grin off your face." Instead, her fingers plucked the cigarette from Nao's mouth, and then dropped it onto the wood below. "But if I did that, what kind of person would I really be?"
Her kiss stifled the gasp, her foot snuffed out the embers, and just like that, on a bright and sunny afternoon, their world became dark under hooded eyes. Her lips claimed Nao's own, and her tongue begged for permission as they slid down, until the wood broke their fall.
"Ass." Nao breathed again.
"Bitch." Natsuki told her, as she loomed over the breathless woman, her hands the only thing holding her up. "Nao..." I'm sorry...she couldn't say it out loud.
"Natsuki." It didn't matter anyway. I know. They'd never have to say it.
"The sun's up." Nao whispered in Natsuki's ear.
"No." She grabbed the outdoor tablecloth, and flung it over them. "It's still dark." They melted into an embrace, as her lips slid lower to kiss the nape of Nao's neck, and to slowly undo the buttons of Nao's shirt, her fingers quaking the entire time.
…
There was a lingering sense of doubt that fell over Shizuru, who had been doing the cleaning that afternoon.
She hadn't wanted to see such a personal thing, and yet, she knew deep down, there was no shame to be had. What the two women were doing, wasn't any of her concern. At least, it shouldn't have been. It never should have hurt, but it did. It wasn't meant to confuse her, bother her, and torment her...but it still seemed to do just that. This wasn't her cross, her personal failure...she was just a bystander, and one that wasn't truly noticed. Who would, after all? The smoke that lingered in the air burned even her nose, so she was sure Natsuki wasn't aware of the problem at hand.
Besides, it isn't a shock. Even logic didn't calm her. Natsuki admitted it...that they did things... Nao's words only further served the proof, and it was one Shizuru hated to begin to understand. Nao does love her... Only a world of hurt...shuttering sighs Nao would never admit to, gifted such an explanation. She could hear the whispers, and it bothered her. She had half a mind to just open the door and put a stop to it, perhaps impeding on the moment, by putting laundry out on the line.
Nao's voice however, crashed her little plan before it even could begin.
"Do you really have to deny it?" It was as if Nao could see right through Natsuki, and Shizuru let go of the door.
"This is the first time I've done anything like this, without the moon telling me to." Natsuki's voice was not it's usual husk.
Is she...is she nervous? Shizuru couldn't shake off the fact that Natsuki's voice, while raw, wasn't at all menacing, or depraved.
"Never though I'd be the one to corrupt you." Nao's own murmurs were also quite unusual.
"You haven't corrupted me." It wasn't filled with power, and it lacked authority. "I did this to myself Nao, all of it." It was a gentle caress upon anyone who might lend an ear. "I'm just sorry that you got tangled in it too."
I can't compete. Shizuru thought to herself. Even if it isn't a competition, I can't be compared to Nao. For Natsuki, I was just a person whom she was unlucky to make an acquaintance with. She forced herself to back away, a feeling she just wasn't sure of, mingling with the facts that had been unceremoniously brought to her attention. She didn't want me around, not truly. That hurt, it stung something fierce, a poison so unreal. Her gut twisted tightly, and her mind shut down.
There was something incredibly arousing to what she'd just encountered, but even so, the pain in her heart nullified any whimsical feelings she might have had. Oddly enough, she didn't feel hopeless. She just felt lonely...and the people outside were none the wiser.
When nighttime came, Shizuru sat down at the table. She'd set it, and the dinner was beginning to get chilly. She could hear the bugs outside, chirping away, but that wasn't what she was listening for. The voice that so troubled her, wasn't anywhere to be found. It was gone, and it hadn't bothered her in a while. It was quiet, and even her own breath seemed deafening. The television droned, but it wasn't enough to welcome solace. She'd poured a glass of wine, but even that didn't gift her the comfort she'd thought it might. She didn't hear anything beyond the loneliness that she couldn't escape.
Everything else just muddled around her.
She hadn't even noticed when there was a visitor in the house, until it was a belated realization. Her eyes partook of the flowing black silks the woman donned. A cloak gifted shadow to the woman in front of her, tall, as unearthly light tresses slipped from the darkness. With slender fingers, she exposed her face, as she slid back the cloth that kept her safe. "So, you're the little human." Anh said it softly. "Well, isn't this, interesting..."
