I've been told
that if you repeat a word
over and over
it loses it's meaning.
I have stayed up
countless nights
repeating your name
hoping
that you will mean less to me
with each breath.
-unknown
"Look at you, Miss Thing!" Garfiel exclaimed as I stepped into the lab for a visit. "You look better than bacon, baby." He said with hand on hip. "Give us a spin."
I beamed happily and twirled, letting my long hair fan out around me. I felt so much better after a spa day to calm my nerves. I had thought hard about everything, and realized that it just wasn't in Ed's character to be cruel for no reason. There must've been something going on with him that made him say such awful things. Perhaps it was like the first time he tried to push me away because he felt he was too dangerous for me to be around. I told myself to buck up and have a little faith, and go get a facial and your hair trimmed while you're at it because you gotta look hot when he gets home and right now you look like shit.
"Yaaaasss!" He said with an extravagant wave of his index finger while taking in my full and shiny hair and my creamy, glowing skin. "Oh you just wait till Ed sees you! That man is a fine-ass biscuit, he's gonna sop you up like gravy."
I couldn't hold back my riotous laughter. I loved Garfiel for that, he really knew how to make someone feel downright fabulous.
"Will you be going to the tarmac next week to greet him?" I asked.
"Hell no. All that wind out there? Shit will fuck up my weave. But you're going right?" I shook my head with a sad smile.
"No, I'm going to wait here. Just incase he …doesn't wanna see me." I began twisting my hair nervously and Garfiel took my hand.
"You shut your mouth, he's gonna be thrilled to see you. Have faith, remember? He's not gonna let you down." I nodded and forced myself to smile, and she stepped away to open her compact and powder her nose. "Anyways, I'll see Ed when he gets back here, I've got a new arm and leg waiting for him 'cause I'm sure he got 'em blown up or some shit." I felt myself pale.
"You'd think he'd take better care of his limbs considering how expensive they are and how I put my heart and soul into them and whatnot, but nooooo." He continued, off on a rant. "He blocks bullets with them. How about he just not get shot at huh? Lots of soldiers go on missions and manage to not get shot at, but he's gotta go over there pissin' people off left an' right." He rolled his eyes dramatically as he picked up a pair of pliers and set to work prying something out of the small machine in front of him, but stopped when he spied me looking suddenly sick.
"Ah shit," He said. "Me and my mouth, you know I don't know what the fuck I'm going on about half the time, baby. This is Ed we're talking about; I've seen that guy weasel his way outta tight spots that Houdini couldn't make heads or tails of. He's gonna be fine. He's just gon' be fulla sand is all. Sand everywhere ...in all the …places lordy." He blew out a breath and started fanning himself, and I burst out laughing as he asked, "How the hell you manage to live with someone like that? I'm having a damn heat stroke over here just thinking about working the grit out of his ports for god's sake."
An hour had passed and Garfiel and I fallen into one of our happy conversations about racy lingerie and pore minimizers when he stopped suddenly, his focus holding beyond me as I heard the distinctive click of heels on the floor behind me.
"You're back already?" Garfiel asked.
"I'm back." Said a smooth, velvety voice. I spun around and found myself staring at the cunning grin of Lust. She wore tight black pants and a low cut tank that did little to hide her assets.
"Ed's not here. He'll be back next week." She said as if reading my mind before finally settling her cold dark eyes on me. I stood from my stool, unafraid to face her and plastered on a smile.
"Welcome back." I said. I could make out Garfiel on the edge of my vision rummaging through shelves of spare parts, pretending to look busy while he listened.
"So," I said in awkward attempt to make polite conversation. "How was it?"
She stood with arms folded and cocked her head to the side, sending me a sideways look of surprise before smiling.
"You're really asking me?"
"Well, sure." I said with a casual shrug.
"I'm impressed, didn't figure you for being so straightforward." She said. "Well... It was..." She paused, and her cold eyes snapped to mine again. A new gleam lit them, something sinister.
"It was amazing." She said grinning devilishly. "The best I've ever had."
My plastered smile faltered as I tried to figure out what she meant. Her 3 month stint in a war-torn country was ...the best she ever had? She shrugged with raised brows and said,
"Geez, I don't know why Ed didn't just tell me you guys had an open relationship. I mean why be so secretive if you've got the green light, am I right?"
Garfiel stopped rummaging behind me. I took a step back.
"Wait, I'm sorry, I don't understand..."
Lust's face changed to one of surprise, and she gave a maniacal laugh at herself.
"Oh! You were asking about the MISSION! ...oh, well, that was good too I guess..."
My heart stopped. I couldn't choke out words, and I could only vaguely make out Garfiel stepping between us and yelling at her to get out, calling her a whore and shaking a wrench in the air at her as Major Lust flipped her hair over her shoulder and pouted at me.
"Don't look so heartbroken, Winry. We had a fun romp in the sack but I'm not out to steal your man, he's coming home to you. I only got to play with him for a little while."
Garfiel strung together a new rash of names to holler at her on my behalf as she swung out of the lab. I couldn't feel my fingers and my vision became white and splotchy as Garfiel turned and hugged me close, saying how she must be lying and there had to be some explanation. That it couldn't be true. But I couldn't process it. My ears were ringing, my heart was pounding, I was instantly sick to my stomach. Edward slept with someone else. Edward cheated on me. My throat tightened horribly and I couldn't stop the tears as I folded into Garfiel's arms and cried.
Two hours later I was back in our apartment pulling my clothes out of the walk-in closet and flinging them angrily across the room towards my open suitcase. Riza was wringing her hands nervously and trying to talk me down, but I was hysterical.
"He'll be home soon," Riza said, grabbing me by the shoulders. "We'll get this all straightened out."
I lurched away from her as though her touch were red hot.
"There's nothing to straighten out! I knew this would happen, I felt it in my gut! I fucking knew it!" I tried so hard not to cry, I was sure I'd cried all the sadness out of me, but it fury was my newly adopted emotion and I couldn't stop the tears. "How could he do this?! I thought... I thought..."
Riza took handfuls of my clothing out of the open suitcase on the floor as I dumped each one in, trying to reason with me. "Winry, we don't know anything-"
"Why would she lie?!" I screamed at my friend. "That bitch had her eyes on Ed the second she got here! How could he do this?!"
Riza paused, looking for a sensible response and coming up short and she shook her head sadly and dropped my clothes back in a messy pile in the suitcase. She looked up at me with watery eyes.
"I don't know how Ed could do that to you. In a million years I would never believe Ed would do that to anyone, especially you. Its just…. not like him." We looked at each other sadly, not knowing what else to say, and Riza moved to leave the bedroom.
"I'm gonna go downstairs and see if Roy's gotten any word on Ed's status and why Lust is back early, she's not telling us anything. Should I come back?" She asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat and swiped the wetness from my face as I nodded.
"Yes. Later maybe. I just really need to be alone so I can get my things together. I don't want to be here when he gets home."
Riza looked like she desperately wanted to implore me to stay, but she was smart and bit her tongue. "I noticed you're out of tea. Would you like me to bring you some from the mess hall?" I crossed the room and hugged her, fighting back flood of tears when I thought of how life would change now that I was leaving Edward, how my relationships with our mutual friends would always be just a little bit worse.
"That would be great, thank you Riza." She returned my hug and made her way to the elevator as I returned to the closet where he held me close as I cried before he left. My heart only shattered further when I spied his black suit jacket hanging on his side, directly across from where my favorite white dress hung. The same black on black Italian suit he wore to the McKittrick, the night when I first realized my attraction to him had grown so much deeper. My mind was flooded with images of him. As I smoothed my hand over the luxe fabric I thought of his dazzling smile, his beautiful eyes unlike any I'd ever seen, the way he smelled crisp and earthy like early fall mornings. Tears fell to the carpet as I thought of his warm laugh, the way he always made me feel so safe and so ...loved. I fell to the floor and sat among the empty hangers and piles of strewn clothes as I held my head in my hands and wept angrily.
An untold number of minutes ticked by in which time my wails had reduced to round, watery eyes and sniffles of sadness as I rooted through the clothing on the floor and packed only what I really loved because I only wanted to deal with two suitcases. I didn't care about my other things. I could send for them later or they could sit here and rot as a reminder for Edward of the terrible things he'd done. If he was looking for shits, I officially had none to give. I heard the elevator ping, announcing Riza's return with my tea, and I considered that I should really smooth things over with her. I had been a hysterical mess all day and yelled at her a few times, I didn't want her to think I was ever angry at her, and even though I was leaving, I hoped she and I would remain friends.
"Thanks for the tea, Riza." I called out from the closet as I swiped my nose and sniffed. When I received no response, I called her name again, but dropped the shirt I was holding when I heard footsteps on the bedroom's wooden floors behind me. My heart rate fluttered madly and I was sure I'd pass out when I realized the footfalls were uneven; one heavier than the other. I turned to look over my shoulder from my spot on the closet floor, and sat frozen as I found myself gazing into golden eyes.
A/N: I have received some of the nicest reviews and compliments this week, far greater than anything I could've imagined. It's so hard to describe how it feels when someone tells me that my story is their favorite on the site, or that they daydream about my versions of Ed and Winry, or that they wish my stories were their own original series and not just an AU fic. What incredible compliments! Thank you all for reading and reviewing, hang in there, there's more on the way.
