Okay guys, I forgot to say this in the beginning, but sorry if L isn't really himself. I didn't want to take Takeshi Obata's character entirely (I wanted to plagerize as little as possible) plus I didn't feel that I'd be able to write in my own style if I had to worry about someone else's character style. So I apologize that L is a little bit of an OC at parts, but I couldn't write a story my way without doing so.


We'd been seeing each other for a few months now, eventually setting ourselves into a routine. Everyday, after my class, I'd go and wait in the square for Ryuzaki. I never had to wait long, and soon enough I'd feel the chill of his skin as it rested against mine while he held my hand in his. He'd guide me over to the coffee shop, and no matter what, our booth in the back was always empty. I guess it wasn't close enough to the rest of the shop's society for some, but for us, it was perfect.

Today was Saturday, so I had no classes to go to after I met Ryuzaki, which is why I preferred the weekends. Having nowhere to go after my morning lecture, made it so I could spend even longer with him than I generally could.

Everyday I would wake up with a fluttery feeling deep in my stomach that would only be cured when I saw him standing next to me. And for my entire time spent with him, I never pulled my eyes away from his. His eyes seemed to reach back so far into his mind, and looking at their rich blackness, made me feel like I could almost see his very thoughts. The ones he tended to keep concealed from me, for reasons I could never guess.

I stood alone on the bricks of the square, and felt the cold November wind as it fought its way through the boundaries of my coat. I stood still, waiting for the moment when I would see Ryuzaki walk next to me. But today, I felt his hand before I saw him. He was never one to show his emotions outright, but today I could tell there was something amiss. He looked more drawn than usual, and the corners of his lips were pulled down into a slight frown as he caught my hand in his. I smiled down at him, hoping that he would tell me what was bothering him, but he only looked up at my eyes, and returned my smile with a weak one of his own.

"Hello Ryuzaki." I said, wishing he'd understand how much I cared about him. Wishing he'd trust me enough to confide his deepest secret, the one he continued to hide from me. I loved him with all of my heart, and I didn't want him to have to face his battles alone.

"Hello Ami. If you don't mind, I'd like to take you somewhere different today. There are some things I need to tell you, and I'm afraid even the confines of the coffee shop's booth aren't private enough for what I need to say." He recited to me, as he stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, sending chills up and down my arm. He didn't look at me, and I could all but see the waves of sadness as they trickled from every word he spoke.

I felt my lips fall into a frown, "Alright Ryuzaki, but are you okay? You don't look yourself today." I asked, hearing my own voice as it drifted through the air, filled with concern for the man who held my hand in his.

"Yes Ami, yes I'm fine." He replied, but I could see him catch his breath for a moment, as if in pain. He seemed to recover quickly, and I began to question whether my imagination was making me see things.

He walked me towards, what seemed to be a limousine. And as I climbed in, I could see a small flicker of snow white hair just above the headrest in the front seat. But the glory of my surroundings didn't register on my radar as I held tightly to Ryuzaki's hand for the whole drive. I tried to catch his eyes to mine, wanting to study the meaning behind his sorrow. He seemed to resist at first, but relented in the end, and I spent the entire journey in the car just looking over him once again. I wished he could trust me enough to tell me about his troubles. I couldn't understand why he kept so many things hidden from me. Surely he had his reasons?

We reached a very modern looking building in a short amount of time, and Ryuzaki quickly pulled me from the car. He led me to a room that looked like it didn't get used very often. There was a large bed at the center of the back wall, sheltered by only a black comforter. The walls were painted a warm shade of grey, and the furnishings were simple, but everything was organized. I wondered for a moment, where I was exactly, but then came to the conclusion that this must be Ryuzaki's room. The reason it looked as if it was never used was no doubt because it wasn't. When looking at the blackened lines under his eyes, one would never guess he even had a place where he might sleep. It was as if he didn't have the need to.

He guided me to the couch on the right side of the room, taking far more time than necessary. I wondered what he was doing, but let the thoughts drift out of my mind as the couch's springs creaked. Only more proof that the room was rarely used.

I watched his hand rise in the air, until it came to rest on my cheek. I felt the back of his hand slide down my skin. And I held his eyes to mine as his hand continued to move, only stopping when he grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. I watched a wall break completely behind his eyes, and saw as his emotions moved to fill them. Something that I had my suspicions about never happening to him before.

"There's something wrong. Just tell me what it is Ryuzaki." I said quietly, staring straight at him, willing him to tell me of his troubles as he slowly closed his eyes.

"That is." He said slowly, and before I could even come to terms with my confusion for his statement, he pressed his lips to mine with a sense of desperation. I kissed him back, but was perplexed as to why the way his lips touched mine, gave me the feeling that he would never place them there again.

He pulled his lips from mine and I looked at him in confusion.

"What was that for? Why won't you tell me what's wrong Ryuzaki?" I whispered, hearing the worry seep into my voice. I saw him cringe for reasons that I didn't understand.

"I had to do that on more time, because after what I'm about to tell you, I may never have another chance." He breathed, opening his eyes once again as I felt a frown of puzzlement move onto my face.

"What do you mean Ryuzaki?" I asked in confusion, and felt a base of fear in my tone. He was starting to scare me, but he was being so vague. Why couldn't he just tell me what was troubling him?

He stepped away from me, and I felt a wave of loneliness crash over me. It was as if he was going to leave me, but I didn't understand why.

"My real name is L Lawliet. I've been lying to you all these months Ami, and I'm sorry for that, but I had to. You couldn't know about the real me, not when we first met. Not about the things I've done, my reasons for everything I do." He whispered in a voice that was only barely audible, but my breath caught in my throat as I heard his words.

"You're the L?" I asked, unable to hide my gasp of astonishment, even though I tried in obvious futility with my hand.

"I see, so you've heard of me," he said with a tone of sarcasm as he winced in evident pain.

"I've gone by many other names in the past, but the three most known detectives in the world, L, Eraldo Coil, and Deneuve. Are all actually me. I'm a sort of trump card, somebody the police call if, and only if, things get bad enough that they can't take care of it themselves. Generally, by the time they call on me, I've already started my investigation, but I'm apparently the best of the best. I've solved every case ever given to me, in a record amount of time, and I've become quite famous for it." He said slowly, as if wanting every one of his words to sink in, for me to understand everything he said completely.

He began to pace slowly in front of me, letting his shins nudge the coffee table with every pass he made. He wouldn't look me in the eyes, and seemed to go out of his way to do so.

"The weight of this burden actually weighs me down every day; it makes my back hunch with every step. Every move I make just brings back memories of the things I've done, the people I've chosen to let die for the sakes of others. The children I had to watch get killed, just because I couldn't find the answers in time. The screams of horror that ring in my ears every second of the day, have curved my spine." I heard him say even though I had closed my eyes for a moment, not wanting to see the pain that hunched his form as he spoke the reasons. I couldn't bare to see him in pain, and I wished I knew how to help him, wished I could wrap my arms around him and make everything alright. But by the way he distanced himself from me, I had the feeling my touch would do nothing, as if he no longer wanted it.

I opened my eyes; to listen to what else he had to say, because I could tell, there had to be more. There must be more pain hidden deep in his eyes, that I could never see, and I had to hear it, no matter how much I couldn't bear to see it.

"I constantly need something sweet in mouth, because I can't stand the bitter flavor that's permanently fixed there after everything I've done. My eyes, look like they've been outlined with a sharpie, giving me the look as if I haven't slept my entire life, and this isn't really a lie. My job requires that I can function without sleep, yet still have a brain that works beyond that of any regular human." He said, as his feet continued to walk him back and forth in front of the table. I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes at the pain he must feel every day, not just from what he's done, but from having to hide his emotions. To act as if everything he does doesn't move him at all.

"So, when the ICPO called upon me, to aid them with the Kira investigation, I told them I'd already been working on it. In fact, I'd already made some crucial discoveries, and to prove the legitimacy of them, I would need the help of the world's police, Japan especially. They questioned my motives, but when I pulled my stunt of goading Kira on television, I not only proved that he was residing in Japan. But that he could kill a person, without even lifting a finger, or being in their presence. I had already lived up to my reputation, and I hadn't even started yet."

I could feel a hint of sarcastic pride in his voice as he stopped speaking for a moment. The great detective L, rumoured at accomplishing the impossible. What type of burden must he carry. To have to look back on everything he's done for the sake of others, and still feel the pain and guilt at being unable to save some. I felt the tears, warm on my face, as they trailed down my cheek, and continued to listen to his story.

He stopped pacing for a moment, turning his head to look at me. I saw him struggle for breath at the sight of my tears, and saw him raise his hand as if to move towards me. But he only allowed it to hang limply in the air, before dropping it back to his side. He turned his head away quickly, and refused to look at me, keeping his eyes fixed on either the floor or the wall as he continued.

"In a few weeks, I already had a suspect, and my task force had been dwindled down to only a handful of people driven by the sake of justice. It didn't help that the person I believed to be Kira, just happened to be the son of the Japanese's chief of police. Nobody wanted to believe me, but they knew of my past accomplishments, so they had no choice but to follow my lead.

"The investigation drew out, and soon, my prime suspect was about to go to the opening ceremonies of To-Oh University. As the freshman representative no less. I had to make a move then, the timing would be perfect. So I took the entrance exams as well, and passed with the same scores as he did, ensuring that I'd be able to talk to him as we left the stage after the freshman address." He stopped suddenly, aware of my voice as I interrupted his story.

"Light Yagami? He's your suspect?" I said in disbelief, not able to think of such a respectable student performing the monstrosities that Kira was known for.

"Yes, he always has been. He is Kira, I know it. I just can't prove it in a way that anyone else will believe." He replied to me, not letting his eyes flicker to mine for even a second as he winced in pain once again.

He moved even further away from me, as if he couldn't stand to be in my presence anymore. I couldn't understand why he was doing this, and I felt my tears as they showed my confusion.

"When I returned to headquarters that day, I replayed everything in my mind. Going over every single detail of that day, making sure I hadn't missed a crucial piece of information. I followed my every move, and as my foot hit the third step from the bottom as I walked off the stage, who should come into my left field of vision, but you." He said, letting a tenderness smother some of the pain in his voice as he looked up at me. I felt a flutter in my chest as heard his next words.

"You captivated me, Ami, never before had I seen another human being as lovely as you. But I thought you were going to be just another one of those people, the ones that caught my attention for some reason or another. The ones who would lose my interest after a few days, and would never occupy another one of my thoughts.

"But not you. After the opening ceremony, you took up a permanent residence in my mind. Even after learning as much as I could about you, all I wanted was more. I practically stalked you after that day. I learned your favorite way to have your coffee. I learned how you were never very social as a child, how you preferred to study or read than to go out on the weekends. I know that you blame yourself for the fact that your parents divorced when you were eight years old. I know that when you were ten, only ten years old, your mother stopped talking to you altogether. I know that she showed up at your high school graduation, the day that was supposed to only be about you, and you refused to even speak to her." He said, and I felt a sadness I hadn't thought of for a long time well up in me.

He was right, Mom and Dad had never really gotten along, and when they divorced I thought it was because of me. But then two years after, Mom stopped talking to me altogether, not even bothering to tell me where she was heading off to. And then, after eight years of silence, she showed up on my graduation day, trying to act like a proud parent, when she didn't even know where I planned on going to university, or what I wanted to study. I hadn't wanted to speak to her, but then…

"I've read countless articles depicting how your father pulled your mother away from you, into the schools parking lot. How he tried talking to her gently, telling her how she had no right to just show up on that day of all days. How they were still standing there, arguing, when the truck hit them both. I know how you blame yourself for that even more than the divorce. How since that day, you've been wary about getting close to anyone, shutting yourself up in your own world, being even quieter than ever." He said, and I couldn't keep a cry from escaping my mouth. He overcame the space between us in mere seconds, and held me in his arms as I remembered that day.

Dad had grown more attached to me over the years of silence from Mom, and had taken on the protectiveness of both parents. So when Mom had shown up that day, he had pulled her away from me, worried for my safety. But soon enough, they were arguing again, loud enough to not even hear the truck as its brakes squealed.

Then they were gone, and everyone was screaming around me, the ceremony and the pride momentarily forgotten. Someone had taken me back into the school, and had sat me in the principals' chair. They had told me to wait there, and eventually the police showed up, asking me questions that I answered robotically. I had only wanted to leave, to go home and be alone. But no one had let me go until well into the night. I had tried to forget that day over the years, but it always came back to haunt me. I cried into his arms as he held me, and felt the warmth of his hold calm me slightly.

"Ami, these past few months with you, have been something I never thought I'd be able to experience. You made me feel things that I never thought possible. I'm sorry for lying to you, but I want to thank you for the time you gave me. The moments I've spent with you will always be remembered by me, and I can understand how you may never want to see me again. But please Ami, please let me finish before you leave. I know you owe me nothing, but please don't leave me before I tell you everything. I'll never be able to live with myself if you do." He said, and I felt confusion hit me quickly, leave him? What did he mean? I tried to speak, but my voice caught in my throat as the tears slowly dried. He took my silence as an answer to his request and released me so he could continue.

"That second day at the coffee shop when I asked you countless questions, I already knew the answers to all of them, and more. But I had to keep up appearances. It would be odd if a man you seemingly just met knew every detail there was to know about your life. But it was actually quite simple to acquire the information. If I chose to do so, I could learn things about any human on this planet, things about themselves that even they didn't necessarily know. Being me isn't simple, I have to deal with horrible tragedies daily, and make it seem as if they don't even faze me. But, being me also comes with its perks.

"I can control entire armies all over the world, make them do whatever I tell them. Millions of people on this planet idolize a man whose face they've never even seen, whose voice they've never heard if it hasn't come through a synthesizer. They rely on me, which is why they chose to put me in charge of the investigation to capture the worst murderer of all time." He said with a tone of guilt, as if he should be held accounted for the mistakes of the world.

"Light Yagami, has been proving to be a very difficult adversary. He's cunning, and always has a plan up his sleeve. He even concocted a way to make it so nobody on the task force could continue to hold him or Misa Amane responsible for being Kira and the second Kira. He squirmed his way onto the task force, and helped us to catch the person that he no doubt planned to be Kira for the time he needed them to be. Mr. Higuchi of Yotsuba, was apprehended just the other day. We had him in our grasp, and finally, we learned how Kira could kill his victims."

"The Death Note. One just has to picture a person's face in their mind, and then write down their name. They can choose the time, and the way for it to happen, but that's all they have to do to kill somebody of their choice." I gasped in amazement, not even thinking that this could be a lie. Something as impossible as this couldn't be a lie, and the fact that such a device was in the hands of Kira frightened me.

"Any person, who touches the Death Note, can see its original owner, a shinigami. A shinigami is able to see, not only your real name just floating above your head, but your exact time of death as well. Now I know how hard this must be to believe, but I wouldn't tell you this if I hadn't seen proof. And Ami, you must believe me, because what I have to say next will be the hardest for me to speak aloud." He said as he swivelled around to face me. I saw him wince when he looked at my eyes, and saw that his were swimming in pain.

"Unfortunately, just after we learned how Higuchi had been killing his victims, he died of a heart attack on the scene. I don't know how, but Light Yagami did this. And now we're back to square one, I know that Light is Kira, nobody believes me, and we have no suspect. But that's not the worst bit Ami. I wish with all my heart and soul that it was, but it's not.

"I know what Light Yagami's next move will be. The shinigami attached to the notebook we took from Higuchi, is oddly attached to Misa Amane, and would do anything to keep her safe. Somehow, in two weeks if I am correct, Light Yagami will trick this shinigami into doing something to save Misa from further harm." He moved closer to me as he said these words. I could tell what he needed to say next had to sink in, because it seemed that even he hadn't accepted it yet.

"In two weeks, on November the sixth if my deduction is correct, Light Yagami will trick the shinigami, into killing me." He said, and I saw his body begin to shake as he spoke the words. I wanted to cry out, but my voice wouldn't allow it.

Was there nothing I could do, could I not save him somehow? I plead to God, praying that if he existed he would save him. That I'd give anything for his deduction to be wrong this time. That if it wasn't, I'd gladly take his place. Just save him, please.

"I want to thank you Ami, for giving me the time with you that you did. Thanks to you, I now have something to look back on before I die, and find joy in some of my memories. I love you, Ami, and I am so grateful to you, for lighting up my world, even if it was only for a short time. I'm sorry for lying to you about everything, and I'm sorry for making you listen to everything I've had to say. But I wanted to die with as much of a clean slate as I could create for myself. I'm so sorry, Ami." He said as he reverted back to his normal way of speaking.

"Watari is outside in the car, he'll take you wherever you wish to go, since I'm sure all you want is to leave. Just please promise me Ami, that you'll be happy. You deserve so much better than me, and no matter how much it hurts me, please find someone who makes you as happy as you've made me. Please." He let his legs fall from his chest as he spoke, sitting normally on the couch as he breathed deeply.

He closed his eyes as I rose from the couch, but I saw them jump open in surprise as I wrapped my arms around him. I could feel streams of electricity flowing through every part of him that touched me as I held him. And soon enough, I felt his arms wrap themselves over me as he pulled me even closer to him.

"I understand that you lied to me Ryu….L, but I recognize why you had to. How could you ever think that just that would make me want to leave you. Especially now, that you tell me you may die in the next few weeks. You say you know everything about me L, that I've occupied space in your mind since the opening ceremonies. But you can't know me at all if you think I'd do that. I am not leaving you L, and you're not getting rid of me. I love you." I felt my tears soak into his shirt as he reached his hand to his face. He gasped in surprise as he realized that he was crying himself, but not in sadness.

He tightened his grip on me, and he was close enough to me that I could feel him everywhere. I could feel the tears drip off his face as they fell onto my shirt; I breathed in the scent that drifted lightly from his hair, and moved my hand up and down the tense muscles of his back. Slowly trying to soothe him while his body trembled as he held me.

"Thank you Ami. Thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for making it so that I won't have to return to my life of solitude before I die. Thank you Ami." He stuttered, probably finding it difficult to talk and cry for the first time.

"I love you, L Lawliet. And I will never leave you, so don't even think about trying to make me." I whispered to him sternly, trying to make him smile.

"I love you to Ami. And I wouldn't dream of it." He replied, and I felt the corners of my lips lift up into a smile.