If anyone of you would be so nice, I'm searching for a beta, you know, to get rid of those stupid mistakes! So if anyone is interested; please PM me!!!!!!!! PLEASE :)
Ok, so here's the promised update. Thanks to all who stuck with this story and especially to those three who reviewed my A/N and encouraged me to keep on.
I'm stilly VERY unhappy with this chapter. So... well... don't hate me or the story if it sucks as bad as I think it does.
About the songs... I took away the lyrics of the song except for the beginning, since I have changed the chapter for so mayn different songs and none seemed to really... fit. However, I'd recommend you listen to the following two songs and read through the lyrics (if you don't already know them) and THEN read the chapter, maybe you'll be able to see where the lyrics had been^^
Already Gone - by Kelly Clarkson
Listen - by Beyoncé
...there were more songs, but those were the most fitting in the end^^
Read and Review...
Responses:
sailor cyanide: Thanks, it means a lot to know you're liking this fic :) Hope I'm not dissapointing you or anyone...
fox24: Well, Rory has snapped out of her bubble now and knows she can't go on like she used to. This chapter is not so much about Logan, rather about Rory finally realizing what she has to do. Thanks for the review :)
TiaRat: Thanks for the review and the message. I appreciate your thoughts :) I guess you'll then like this chapter, because I took the lyrics out of it anyways, since I found none that fitted. However, I'll see about making bigger chunks next chapter, but I usually try to make the lines fit the text, so that it kind of feels like you're hearing the song while reading. I, personally like that better. Anyways, thanks for reading the story and for taking your time to review AND P.M. me :)
Here goes nothing...
Shot No 6
Rory was leaving her apartment at 8 a.m. in the morning. She was tired and had a feeling like even the tons of make-up weren't enough to cover up the dark circles under her eyes. She had returned from Hartford only a few hours ago, after she had taken the first train to the city. Only nine hours ago she had kissed Logan in the kitchen of her grandparent's house.
Now she was heading for the house of her boyfriend, she was heading for Tom's flat in Manhattan. She didn't know the words she wanted to say, yet she knew she had to go. The sooner they had talked, the sooner she'd be able to sleep again.
The drive with a cab through the awakening city was like a daze and Rory couldn't remember much of it afterwards. She just hoped that he would be home, that she wouldn't have to come back later or something. She had already tried to call his cell, but it was turned off, which either meant that he was at home or that his battery was empty.
But when the cab driver stopped right in front of Tom's apartment, Rory was suddenly scared. What was she supposed to say to him? After all he still had helped her back then when she had had nobody else. And here she was, planning on breaking up with him, having kissed another guy only hours ago. Rory climbed out the cab and paid the bill, but instead of going into the building and up to Tom's flat she walked in the opposite direction.
A few minutes later she entered the Central Park, the place she and Tom had had their first dates. Rory remembered everything like it was yesterday, sometimes they would walk around the whole time and sometimes they just sat down on a bench or at a lake. Then they talked, they talked the whole time and there had never been any uncomfortable pauses or this embarrassing silence, when both don't know what to say. It had been, especially in the beginning, mainly Rory who had talked, since theses conversations had been like her therapy. It had helped her, talking about what she was going through, about the progress she made every day, no matter how little it had been. For example the first week without a drink, she and Tom had celebrated and went to a Starbucks instead of the park. After the first month Tom had taken a day off and they had laid around lazy in the park the whole day. It had also been the day when Tom had told her about the perfect job for her at a little paper of a friend.
Rory sat down at a bench and smiled when she thought back to these days. Tom had been so patient with her and he had really helped her through every step of her "recovery". While Rory was letting herself drift through the memories from the very beginning, she thought about the hopes and dreams she had formed again from the moment she began seeing Tom on a regular basis. How different her wishes had been from before, before she had gone to New York.
Listen, to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
To be true, Rory still didn't know what she wanted exactly, but she knew that she had to find out. Because the life she was leading now, wasn't what she wanted for sure. She just hoped that Tom would understand it, that he would let her go without a fight or anything. That maybe they could remain friends. Because no matter what, he had done so much for her in the past years and had really helped her.
Rory sighed heavily; she still cared about Tom, although she knew it wasn't enough to stay in a relationship with him. She hated the thought of hurting him, but she even more hated the thought of who she had become. She had become an entirely new person, someone she never wanted to be.
But, looking back now, she could somehow understand why she had changed. She didn't like who she was now, but she could still relate to the choices she had made. It had been hard on her to feel like a failure and like a disappointment for her mother and everyone she loved. She had been about to become an alcoholic and being raped, the only thing that had saved her was Tom. At least it had seemed like that to her. However, she had then tried frantically to hold onto Tom, her savior, because she felt like if she lost him, there was no guarantee for her life to go on normally.
Now things had changed, Rory had once thought that the old, naïve Rory had vanished, had gotten lost somewhere along the way. But Rory was still her old self, Rory Gilmore-Hayden had only been a mask, one that was beginning to fade. The old Rory was coming back, stronger than ever. And all that, because of her reunion with Logan and her mother and everyone else.
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Although Rory didn't want to become her real self again for her mother or for her former friends. Because even though she knew that she had handled things wrong when she had gotten to New York and into trouble, she still couldn't get over the things she had heard and felt in Hartford. How her mother had abandoned her, how Luke and Christopher had taken Lorelai's side, how Lane had just waked out on her, how even Babette and Miss Patty had talked negatively about her…
In fact, she wasn't changing for Logan either, maybe partly, but during the night and the hours she had spent awake doing deep thinking, she had realized that she needed and wanted to change for her own sake, because she had been unhappy for quite some time and she finally needed to do something about it. It was time for her to pursue her old dreams, the ones she had nearly given up on completely. She wouldn't let anyone manipulate her or change her dreams and believes anymore.
Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
they will not be pushed aside and turned
into your own all cause you won't listen
Suddenly a big dog bellowed and ran by the bench Rory was sitting on. The noise woke her up from the daydream she had been in. It made her remember the present and how badly things had turned out. Again, so to say. It seemed like in the end, New York just wasn't it for Rory.
Rory stood up decisive and began walking back to Tom's flat. She had to finally get it over with and she was feeling more like an idiot with every passing minute.
I need to do this now, because with every passing minute I'm betraying Tom and Logan and myself. Like Logan said, he doesn't like the new Rory, and yet he kissed me, because he still believes in the old me. I became a different person for Tom, I thought the old me had died somewhere along the way, but I'm starting a comeback and I'm going to talk to Tom. Now.
Rory nodded a silent hello to the concierge, who was letting her in without any questions, after all she had been Tom's girlfriend for years now and she was as well known to the concierges as every habitant of the building. She even had a key to his flat, she had never used it before, but it was in her pocket right now.
While the elevator seemed to move torturing slowly up to the tenth floor Rory wondered when the moment in Tom's and her relationship had come, where there had been no hope anymore. She asked herself how something, that started out so perfectly could feel so wrong now.
I guess there just isn't a happy ending for us. Tom told me flat out, that the society would always be a part of his life and I just… didn't fit in. I tried to and I managed to fit in somehow, but in the end I wasn't myself anymore. Just that I never really realized that, I always knew that something was wrong, that I wasn't truly happy, but I always ignored it and told myself that I was being ungrateful. I always felt obligated to Tom, because he saved me. He really did. But that's not the feeling you need for a solid relationship and the love I had for him, vanished when I got to know the other side of him.
The elevator finally reached the tenth floor and Rory left it quickly, knowing that the more time passed, the more she got scared and the bigger was the possibility that she'd chicken out. And that would only make it harder, since she had to talk to Tom eventually.
Ok, here I am. I only need to press this black button next to the door and then I can't chicken out anymore. So now, I only have to raise my arm and press the button. Too bad I don't wanna do it. I really don't wanna do it. It's do or die. Damn it.
But Rory wasn't moving her arm, she was simply standing there, starring at the button. Not able to will her arm to do what she wanted it to do. She remembered how she had been here once before already, standing motionless in front of Tom's apartment door. It had been the day after she and Tom had had their TALK. The conversation in which Tom had told Rory everything about himself and who he really was. Then, after a few days, Rory had come here, to tell him that she wanted to try it. That she wanted to give "them" a chance.
Looking back now, Rory noticed that it really had taken her pretty long to decide what she wanted. She had even been standing in front of his apartment for about 20 minutes back then. Maybe that had been some kind of sign or something.
Oh stop it, there's no point in searching for signs or something stupid like that. We just weren't meant to be. Plus I wasn't very spontaneous back then, I just came out of a very bad phase in my life and sponateous-ness was something I really didn't need. One thing about Tom that really amazed me back then was his complete un-spontaneous behavior he showed most of the time. No surprises and I got what I expected. Back then I needed that.
Suddenly the door was opened and Rory was immediately embarrassingly aware of her arm that was half raised and made her look like a complete idiot.
"Miss Gilmore-Hayden! Are you here for Mr Welton? He's right inside. Go ahead!" Susanna, Tom's maid, told Rory with this horrible fake, cherish smile that Rory hated so much about the society. Here in New York not only the women of society smiled like this but the maids too.
"Oh, ehm, sure. Thanks, Susanna." Rory told the maid, who just walked away without another word. Rory decided that she liked Linda better, another maid of the Welton family, who worked in the Tom's house outside of New York.
Rory walked into Tom's apartment and felt somehow strange, knowing that it was probably the last time she'd be in here. Nothing seemed to have changed, everything was just like Rory remembered it to be before the fight, before she had met Logan again, before the little trip to Hartford. Yet everything felt different.
"Tom?" Rory called out softly, not able to really call loud enough to let her voice reach every room of the large apartment. She knew that and sighed, she really hated feeling this intimidated by only a freaking apartment, but that was something she couldn't change now. "Tom?! Where are you?" She called now louder.
When no answer came back, Rory just walked into the living room, figuring that it would be the best if she waited there for Tom to show. He had to eventually.
Unfortunately, from her spot on the couch, she had a direct view of the pictures on the shelves, which partly showed Tom and his family and his childhood, but some were showing Tom and Rory together, like the perfect couple. Only that they weren't and never had been. It had seemed like it once to Rory. But that had been nothing but a lie, a beautiful mistake.
Rory tore her look away from the taunting pictures and closed her eyes. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out. She had never seen a moment like this coming, where she was ashamed of herself, where she had to admit that she had led an entirely fake life.
But she had. She hadn't felt home at her own home this night and it had been a hard realization to accept.
"Rory?" Tom asked from behind. Rory stood up quickly and spun around, not having heard him coming.
"Tom. Hey." She stuttered, trying to overplay her nervousness.
"What are you doing here? You didn't call, did you?" Tom questioned, sounding confused. His tone and his face told Rory that he had a major hang-over, which had to be the reason that he was acting this rude and wasn't apologizing or something.
"No, I didn't call, Tom. You called me last night, but I didn't call you." Rory explained annoyed. "I came here to talk to you. Ring a bell?"
It was as if a light literally shone on Tom's mind, because his face lit up out of the blue. He clearly seemed to remember everything again. When the smile appeared on his face and the half-apologetic, half-loving look entered his eyes, it physically hurt Rory to know what she was about to say. She had never wanted things to get this far.
"I'm sorry, Rory. I just had a little bit much to drink yesterday. However, I'm so glad you came by. After that call I really thought we had a little misunderstanding or a problem or something stupid like that. Good to know everything's fine, because I got plans for tonight, for you and for me. I hope you're not busy tonight?" Tom asked clearly excited about whatever he had planned.
Rory made an afflicted face, not knowing how to start, how to tell Tom that "they" weren't fine at all. That she only came by to break up with him. She really wondered how he could actually think that all the stuff she had told him yesterday had just been forgotten over the night. Every other guy would know that something wasn't right after that kind of a "talk" with his girlfriend. But Tom obviously didn't, he seemed quite confident about the very healthy state of relationship he and Rory had in his opinion.
No way back. Just start talking, tell him calmly and well-over-thought that things just aren't working out. He'll understand. He won't fight you or anything. The world will keep on spinning and moving just the way she's doing it right now.
"Listen, Tom. I don't think us going out tonight is a good idea. I came here to talk to you, because I think it's time to talk seriously. About us." Rory began tentatively, trying to read from his face what kind of reaction was waiting for her. "Me coming here, wasn't supposed to give you the impression that's we're "ok". What I said yesterday while we talked on the phone, I meant it. I know you didn't mean to upset me and I also know that you only wanted to be a good boyfriend, but I'm not a girl like that. I want some privacy and I want to be actually asked about a date or something BEFORE the day it's supposed to happen. But I'm not here to tell you how to ask me out. You remember how I told you that I hated society when you told me who you really were? Well, I know I said that I'd want to try and that I wanted to make it work, and I really did, but now I realized how stupid that was. It might seem a little late, but I don't think it's working. It's at least not working for me." Rory finished and took a deep breath since she hadn't inhaled during the whole speech.
Tom wasn't looking really impressed or just affected at all, what caused Rory to wonder if he had understood her or if his, probably bad, headache had prevented him from hearing her perfect break-up speech. Well perfect is always relative.
She waited for the words that were bound to come now, all the promises about how things would change, about how they'd be able to figure things out. Only that, that wasn't going to happen.
"Ehm, don't you have anything to say?" Rory asked after a few moments of silence.
"I'm not sure. Because what you just said made no sense at all. Maybe it's the hangover that's to blame, but right now I don't really know what you want me to say." Tom explained slowly.
"What I want you to say? Great, you know, in the last ten minutes the reason why I'm here has gotten clearer to me than in the whole last two years!" Rory exclaimed frustrated. It felt like some higher might was trying to make it really hard for Rory to get through this conversation. "You shouldn't tell me what I want to hear, but what you think. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours, that's all I'm asking for. But you know what? Forget it, I'm really not here to fight with you. I think it's too late for that and there's no point in it. I know this might sound pretty blunt, but this whole thing is really getting on my nerves and I haven't slept much this night, so let's just get to the point.
I think that our relationship isn't working out. We should take a pause, take some time apart from each other and think about what we want our future to be like. Maybe seeing other people, finding out what we want and everything."
"You gotta be kidding, right? What does this mean? Seeing other people? I'm happy with seeing you and I certainly don't need time to think about it. I don't get you today, Rory. I mean a few days ago everything was ok and now it's suddenly over?" Tom questioned confused and upset.
"No, Tom, it's not suddenly over. In case you don't remember or if you have suppressed it, but we had a fight after that charity function a few days ago. Plus, last night, you didn't mistake that for a normal, all lovey-dovey conversation, did you? Besides, as I tried to tell you, that things haven't worked out for me for quite some time. I really tried to fit in, to be the girlfriend you wanted and be a part of the society. But that's just not me! I thought about us, and my whole life, a lot in the last days and I realized that I don't wanna live like this anymore. I don't want to go to any charity functions anymore and I'd be entirely happy if I wouldn't have to talk to these so called society women ever again. When I think about my everyday life, I noticed that I've become what I hated since I was a little kid. I don't wanna be this woman anymore and the first thing to change this is what I'm doing here. I'm sorry to say this and I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me, but we're over." Rory ended sounding slightly impatient.
Tom looked pretty upset by now and Rory saw the protest that was about to come on his face. She sighed, not knowing how much more of this conversation she could take. She didn't hate Tom and she knew that she was hurting him, especially since he really had been clueless about how unhappy Rory had truly been. It wasn't his fault that Rory had learned to be such a good actress, she had even successfully fooled herself for years. But he had to understand that she wasn't the woman he thought she was. She just wasn't the perfect trophy wife, the one who just stood behind her man and didn't say what she was really thinking. The one who appreciates it to have men telling her what she wants to hear instead of the truth.
She didn't want to hurt him, because she still cared about the kind Tom she knew he could be, but she was growing tired of his attitude and that he kept on ignoring what she said really got on her nerves.
"Rory, I see that you're serious about this and I get that we have to talk. Unfortunately I have a business meeting in half an hour and I really got to get going and grab some coffee on the way. So I'd say let's talk about this whole thing tonight and maybe we can put aside this misunderstanding or whatever you want to call it. I already booked a table at that one restaurant, that one you liked so much last time we went there. I'll pick you up at eight?" Tom asked while he was already retreating from the room.
"Tom, did you even listen to any of what I was saying?" Rory called after him indignantly. "Didn't I tell you that I'm not going to this date tonight with you? What's there left to talk about? I hate that things ended this way, because they began so seemingly perfect, but this isn't something we can discuss while dinner. It's over, Tom." Rory ended half pleading, pleading for understanding and for Tom to finally just accept it.
Rory followed Tom into the kitchen, where he was taking some aspirin along with a glass of water. When she saw him like this, she couldn't help but to think about how perfect he had once seemed to her. But here he was, having a major hangover and a hell of a headache, he suddenly seemed vulnerable and even weak to Rory. She couldn't quite explain it, before she had always seen him as the strong boyfriend, but now she realized that he was nothing but trapped in the world he had been born into. Maybe he wasn't even that happy with his life himself, only that he wouldn't break the pattern since he didn't know anything else. Then Rory felt another emotion towards him, one she hadn't felt connected with Tom ever before. Pity. She pitied him, because she could say for sure what his life would be like from now on until the end.
His job and his whole life might have seemed perfect, just like their relationship had, but there was no spirit in it, no life. He was stuck in a pattern that always repeated itself and he'd soon enough find another girlfriend that would replace Rory easily. Like she had never been gone.
Rory really hoped that he'd find the perfect woman for him, that they'd be happy together. But this woman wasn't her and it was the right thing to let him go. The right thing for both of them was to move on.
"Tom, I…" Rory began again, not even knowing what to say. She felt somehow exhausted, like she had spent hours of talking.
"I'm sorry, but I really gotta go now. I'll give you a call and if I won't, I'll see you tonight and then we'll talk." Tom said and rushed out the door.
Rory felt like in a very weird dream. Tom had completely ignored what she had told him, he hadn't listened at all. And now he really thought she'd be going to that stupid dinner with him tonight.
God, what's wrong with today? I really tried hard to make him understand, but it's like talking to a wall! But I'm not going. I'm so not going tonight.
It was 6 p.m. and Rory was sitting in her apartment, watching TV while the phone was ringing. She made no move to pick the phone up, although it was placed right next to her. The only signs that she was actually hearing the rings were the annoyed side glances she threw in the direction of the phone.
The reason for that untypical behavior was that she knew exactly who was calling her, or better she could narrow it down to two persons: Lorelai or Tom. She wanted to talk to neither of them.
She wasn't up to talking to her mother, since that would either have ended in a huge argument or in a make-up and both were things Rory didn't feel like doing. She had said what she wanted to and wasn't in the mood to discuss it with her mother. She knew, that if they talked, Lorelai would eventually ask about what had happened to Rory and Rory didn't wanna tell her what had really happened in the first months she had spend in New York, but she didn't wanna lie anymore either. So she just didn't pick up. Even when her mother had been calling her already ten times since she had come back from her little shopping trip. She had gone shopping after she had left Tom's apartment and had been in all of her favorite book stores in the city, with other words in quite a lot.
And if Tom was calling, then she sure as hell didn't want to pick up, because after a few hours of book-shopping, she had gotten really mad about how Tom had ignored her. She still wasn't sure if he had really been that oblivious or if he had done the whole act on purpose, only to force her into going to dinner with him.
Whatever had really happened, she hated Tom for doing that to her and she hated herself for letting him do that to her. But what she hated most, was that stupid phone that kept on ringing.
The phone stopped ringing – finally – and Rory was about to thank God, that she was finally able to understand the cheesy, pathetic TV-show she was watching. It made her feel better about her own life, watching a druggie lying about him being clean live on TV. Too bad these shows were all fake.
Suddenly her cell began to ring and Rory groaned while she fished for it in her purse. Why couldn't people just leave her alone to swallow a bit longer in self-pity? Well, at least it wasn't the phone that was ringing.
"Yeah?" Rory asked annoyed when she excepted the call. Unfortunately she had forgotten to check the Caller-ID.
"Rory, finally! I called you about fifty times at your apartment, but you weren't picking up!" Lorelai's hasty voice came out of Rory's cell, causing her to groan silently once again. Why were people, her mother, so insistent, when it was so obvious that she didn't wanna talk?!
"Mom, ever thought of the possibility that I don't want to talk to you right now?"
"Well, you did talk to me last night. And no, I totally suppressed that scary thought. I actually called because I think we need to talk. You said some things last night and… well… I'm in the train right now, but I'll arrive in the city in about half an hour, so if you don't have plans for tonight, maybe we could have dinner or something?" Lorelai explained quickly and she sounded pretty nervous.
"What? Now, after I told you that you were a bad mother, now, after two years of not seeing each other, after the way you treated me last night, now you're asking me out for dinner?" Rory asked incredulously, not believing the nerve her mom had. As if that would make everything right, as if that would help Rory.
The calls had been nice and Rory had been kind of happy about them, very deep inside, but she sure as hell wasn't happy about her mother just showing up in New York without any warning. Actually Rory had planned on calling Lorelai back as soon as she had figured out the whole breaking-up thing with Tom and had calmed down a bit. But now it seemed like this option had gone with the wind.
But Rory wasn't going to just give in like that, she had pushed her dreams aside for far too long to take it for even one more time. If certain people didn't want to hear her words or didn't want to acknowledge them, then it wasn't her fault anymore.
"Listen, you said some things about how I wasn't there for you when you came to New York. You're right, I wasn't, I didn't know something was wrong, I really didn't. I had been so occupied with my own life, with Luke and Chris, because your father had decided he wanted to actually move to Stars Hollow. And Luke had been so jealous, I would have laughed if I didn't have to keep them apart and prevent world war three. Who knew that it was nearly started over a woman? I'm pretty sure now that the first two were started because of some women too, believe me, nothing get's men in better mood to fight than over a women. Screw money, might and fame, deep down these people were all romantics!" Lorelai ended her little theory, clearly expecting Rory to laugh and make some assumptions herself. But Rory wasn't laughing, nor retorting anything witty.
"Mom, I'm busy tonight, sorry. I have work to do and everything, I think best thing would be if we'd talk tomorrow or sometime other." Rory suggested calmly, not letting any of her feelings show in her voice.
"No, I'm not taking "no" for an answer. You'll just have to cancel for tonight and take some time for the woman who gave birth to you and raised you so you would be able to work at "The Times" today, never forget that, it's all because of me! Besides, you're always working too hard anyway and "The Times" should better be happy they got you working for them, not the other way round!"
Rory listened impatiently to her mother babbling, the more Lorelai talked, the more Rory knew she wasn't ready to talk face-to-face with her mother yet. But she also knew that her mother wouldn't leave her alone until they had agreed on a dinner date.
What is it with everyone today that they all wanna force me to go out to dinner with them so badly? Am I the only one in this god damn city that doesn't wanna go to dinner tonight???
Suddenly an idea came to Rory, an evil idea. Evil but perfect and most likely very effective. At least she'd be left alone for the night. Hopefully.
"Mom? You can stop talking, I'm giving in. Let's have dinner tonight. 8 p.m., give me a second I'll just book a table for two, alright?" Rory asked and before Lorelai could answer anything she had already put her on hold and dialed another number. All the time she was having this really evil-and-malicious-joy-grin.
"Tom? I wanted to talk to you about tonight…" She said as soon as someone answered the phone.
"I'm sorry, it's not Mr. Welton, it's Susanna. Miss Gilmore-Hayden, what can I do for you?" Susanna's fake friendly voice answered. Rory was surprised for a second, but then she shrugged her shoulders, it didn't make any different if Susanna was on the phone or Tom.
"Oh, Susanna, hi. I just wanted to let Tom know that he doesn't need to pick me up, I'll come straight to the restaurant, if you would let me know which one he chose. He told me he had booked a table at one we've already been too before…"
"Sure, Miss Gilmore-Hayden, it's the "Rainbow", I believe. I'll tell him about your call when he comes home from the meeting."
"It's Miss Gilmore, please, no Hayden anymore, alright? Thanks, Susanna." Rory said sweetly and hang up, getting back on the phone with Lorelai.
"Mom? Come at 8 p.m. to the "Rainbow", alright? It's in Manhattan, I don't know the address by heart, but just ask anyone; it's kind of famous for its excellent food. It's booked on the name Welton, I'm sorry about that, but don't get confused alright? Just say that you're Miss Gilmore and they'll bring you to the right table. I gotta go now, bye!" Rory explained quickly and hang up before her mother could say anything else.
Then she reached for the control and turned the TV louder, the evil smile of satisfaction still on her face. This was just too good, and although she'd die to be in the "Rainbow" tonight to see how dinner went between Tom and Miss Gilmore, she decided to just stay home and enjoy the evening. After all Casanova was on TV tonight, she couldn't miss that, now could she?
Rory woke up at 1:30 a.m. in the middle of the night, due to some banging noises from her apartment door. Although, while Rory was unwillingly getting up, the sounds rather reminded her of someone actually KICKING against her door.
"I can't believe you did that!" Tom exclaimed as soon as Rory opened the door. Then he marched right next to Rory into the apartment, not even waiting for her inviting him in. She sighed and closed the door, knowing that she had had it coming. She even had had a slightly bad conscience, because she had totally set up her mother and Tom as well. But if they had just listened to her, everything would be alright and she wouldn't have her angry boyfriend – EX-boyfriend – in her apartment right now.
"So, I guess dinner didn't go that well?" Rory asked sarcastically, fighting hard to not laugh or at least grin while picturing Tom's and Lorelai's face when they were seated next to each other.
"That depends on what you mean; if you're asking if it didn't go as planned. Damn right. If you're asking if my girlfriend had stood me up? You're right there also. If you're asking if I enjoyed being questioned all night about said girlfriend by her mother about her time in New York, I can tell you, I don't, so that didn't go well either. At least not for me. I'm sure that Lorelai is kind of happy now, she really was eager to find out what was going on with you ever since you left that small excuse of a town of yours, although she's probably going to call you or something tomorrow. She didn't seem happy about your dinner arrangement either." Tom ended his rant in order to take a deep breath. Rory would definitely have lasted longer with the whole "talking-without-getting-air-thing".
Rory sighed, she really wasn't looking forward to continue this conversation since she already knew the ending. She just wished Tom would just accept the break-up and wouldn't make it so hard. It wasn't like there was anything left to say that would change her mind or something.
"I'm sorry about that dinner tonight, but you weren't listening to me. Neither was my mother. You both were so determined to just move on and act like nothing ever happened, but it did. I'm not happy with my life and with you Tom, and I'm really sorry, but I can't change it. I know that you don't get it and that you probably think we could figure things out and everything, but… we can't. I'm not the one for you and you're not it for me. I really care about you, and that's why I'm breaking up with you. I'm honest with you Tom, and I hope that maybe we can remain friends." Rory ended, not breaking eye-contact with Tom. This time it seemed like he was actually listening.
"But I love you." Tom stated somewhat disbelieving, like a little child who wasn't getting that his feelings weren't the problem and not the only ones that mattered.
Rory looked at Tom sadly, thinking that this words were just too typical for him. So Tom-ish. But she wasn't really believing that it was true, that he really loved her. Because they weren't right for each other and somewhere deep down he had to know that. At least that was what she hoped. But one thing was now more than obvious, Tom didn't understand her, didn't get what she was feeling. And how could he? Rory was sure he had never felt like he had lost himself, like he had changed into someone he didn't want to be.
She saw how he opened his mouth again to say something, and his pleading eyes told her what he wanted to tell her. That they would figure it out if she gave him just one last chance. That everything would be alright.
She saw how he opened his mouth again to say something, and his pleading eyes told her what he wanted to tell her. That they would figure it out if she gave him just one last chance. That everything would be alright. The sad thing was, that he really still seemed to believe that it would work. That he could talk her out of breaking up with him, that he could just convince her otherwise, just because he said so. But that wasn't going to work this time, because Rory had literally found herself again and she wouldn't give that up once again. For no one.
"No Tom, it won't be alright. Just let it go, please." Rory asked pleadingly. "Let me go."
"So there's nothing I can do to change your mind?" Tom asked calmly.
"No, I'm sorry but there isn't. And it's not your fault; I'm the one to blame, I tried to make things work, but I couldn't." Rory assured him, glad that he finally seemed to listen.
She nearly sighed relieved, because it seemed finally done. She felt good about it, a little bit too good actually, considering Tom had been her boyfriend for years, but she just felt like one of the biggest steps to become her old self again had just been made, and that made her truly happy for the first time in the last years.
She didn't know what would happen in the next weeks, but she was certain that there would be some more changes and she looked forward to it. Come what may, she finally felt like she was on the right way.
"Well, if you want me so bad to leave you, then I will. But once I'm outside this door, then I won't take you back, no matter how much you'll regret your decision tomorrow. Sure you don't want to think it over, before you come crawling back to me when it's too late?" Tom questioned still completely calm, but his voice was threatening soft. While he spoke, he was going to the apartment door and stopped walking on the outside, turning around, facing Rory who had followed him. His look told her, that if she closed the door it was over. Funny, he was acting like it was a threat, when in reality, Rory had asked him now several times, exactly for this: the end of their relationship.
"What are you talking about? Why should I regret my words tomorrow?" Rory asked, clueless what Tom was implying. A part of her just wanted to close the door and end this stupid conversation, she couldn't think of a reason why she should change her mind, so why was she still listening? If he didn't want to end it on friendly basis, then it wasn't her decision to make. But she couldn't help but being curious about what he meant and so she stood there, waiting for him to share his thoughts.
""When you're going to work tomorrow and you'll find yourself fired, I think then you'll probably regret your words." Tom explained coldly, not letting any emotion show on his face. He was the perfect poker-player, which came in handy now.
Rory gasped, not believing what she heard. Tom claimed to love her, he wouldn't really do this to her, would he?
"You wouldn't do that." Rory said disbelievingly. It was hard on her to understand that the guy she once really loved, was threatening her right now.
When Tom didn't answer and only kept starring at her, the realization sunk in and Rory began thinking quickly. So he would try to get her fired. She really should have expected it, in his world, Rory had just done him wrong, so now he wanted revenge. The chances that he would go through with it weren't that bad, considering she had only gotten the job because of him. For one moment the naïve Rory contradicted, said that her boss wouldn't fire her just because Tom said so, after all she had done good work. But then the realistic side in her took over, and she knew, that if she broke up with Tom, she'd sooner or later lose her job at "The Times". All the hours she had worked her ass off would have been in vain.
The strange thing about that was that Rory didn't find it scary or anything. It was something that was bound to happen and she wasn't going to stay in a relationship with no love in it. She wasn't going to lead this fake life for the rest of her days if she could help it. Besides, she had thought about leaving New York anyways, due to Logan not living there. Although Rory had tried hard not to plan her future with Logan too far before she had really ended things with Tom, she was pretty positive that she would be with Logan in the near future and that she wasn't going to do a long-distance-relationship.
"Alright, do it, if it makes you happy. If they fire me, I'll live. And rest assured that I won't come "crawling back to you" ever, because if I didn't know it before, I know it now, you don't love me and staying with you would be one of the biggest mistakes in my whole life. Because you're nothing but a good-looking, cocky, insecure bastard."
Tom looked at her half angry, half surprised, he certainly hadn't expected her to just brush his threat off. Rory knew that a month or two ago, she would have quickly reconsidered and thought it over if she had been afraid to lose her job, but now she didn't even care.
She made one last time eye contact with Tom and said silently good-bye to the spoilt rich man, because that was all she saw now in him and closed the door. She was more than just one of his girls who only wanted his money and social status and everything. She had been with him for his own sake, not for his last name. But that was something he probably would never understand.
Rory went back to bed and switched off the lights. She laid there in the dark, starring at the ceiling, when a soft smile crept on her face. She was going to go her own way and she wasn't going to fail or let anyone get in her way ever again.
Ok, so that was it. It wasn't very good, now was it? See, that's what I meant. But I still don't know what EXACTLY is off, I can't pin point it. And that sucks. Not knowing totally SUCKS. So, please try and help me out, tell me. Maybe I can then finally rewrite this chapter into somehting I'm happy with too...
Maybe I repeated Rory's thoughts too often, but everytime I rewrote that it turned out the same (believe me I tried several times). Same with Tom. Maybe I pictured him a little bit too harsh in the end, but... oh well, I think you're getting my point by now...I'd give anything for your opinions^^
Anyways... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE (WHITE) CHRISTMAS! Also hope that your wishes come true and maybe, maybe mine (concerning a certain guy) will come true too. Well, you can always hope, right? ;)
