Author's Notes: Okay, who else has been watching War and Peace? I caught part of it on Monday night while I was trying to wind down from work, and was delighted to see Tom Burke (well, I did say I was new to the fandom). The really odd thing? I recognized his sword-fighting style before I actually saw his face. I'm not entirely sure what that says about me … or that Fedya is proving to be the most interesting character in the mini-series so far. I particularly love the still of him with his rifle balanced across the back of his shoulders and his arms draped over the rifle. Yum. So! In this chapter, Anne pulls a fast one; Athos comes face to face with his sister for the first time in over twenty years; and the first mystery is solved.
Review responses:
A reader: What a coincidence … my dad grew up in Hackettstown, New Jersey, where my cousins still live, and my older brother lives in Bath, PA. And I'm an Air Force brat … we military brats learn at a very early age to turn lemons into lemonade.
Chapter Six
This Swirling Storm Inside
Pinon Deux, New Brunswick
Roughly a half hour later
She should have expected this … her time as Richelieu's headhunter left scars on the souls and bodies of those she encountered. And yet, at the same time, she was also vaguely insulted. If she wanted to hurt any of them, especially Athos, she would have done so already. Or maybe not already, since they just arrived, but she had ample opportunity every time she was in Montreal. In truth, every time she was in the Francophone city, she made it a point to check on Athos … make sure that even if he wasn't taking care of himself (he never did), his brothers were (did it really need to be said?). Anne followed the six to Treville's room, fully aware of Athos' tension, the concern of his brothers, and the scorn of the girl who had chosen to be his sister. But she followed them, her head held high.
She wondered what would happen if she told that girl that they were more alike than they were different. They, she and Anne, chose Athos, although in different ways and for different reasons. Anne shook her head and the thought with it, because it didn't matter. The actions she took while working for the Cardinal placed a divide between herself and young Constance. As Anne was ushered into Treville's room, she removed her phone from her pocket and typed out a quick text message. The phone buzzed with an acknowledgment and she eased her phone back into place. Her actions hadn't gone unnoticed, but Athos said nothing … just watched her warily.
It physically hurt to see that expression in his eyes when he looked at her. Even when he learned the truth of their marriage, he never looked at her like that. She wanted to blame the Cardinal and his constant drive to protect Bourbon and the Roy family, but her choices were her own, and she had to live with that. Even when the consequences involved seeing suspicion and wariness in the eyes of the man she loved. And she did still love Athos. By now, Anne was coming to accept that she probably always would.
Well. It was time she started giving him reasons to trust her … and forgive. But one thing she knew about Athos … even when he forgave her, he would have a harder time forgiving himself because he hadn't immediately forgiven her for her dishonesty. With that in mind, Anne explained, "Nearly ten years ago, I was sent here to Pinon Deux by my previous employer. He insisted that the local police hadn't done enough investigating into the deaths of Vincent and Eugenie de la Fere, who were long-time supporters of the Roy family. I was further informed that before they had to abandon their investigation, the prime suspect in the murders was their oldest son, Olivier Athos de la Fere. I was to start my investigation there."
Five cold pairs of eyes were staring at her … a sixth set was staring at something just past her shoulder, and the face those eyes belonged to seemed remote … to someone who didn't know him. But Anne did know him, and she knew his heart was racing, knew that he was almost dizzy from it. She went on, "But, something unexpected happened. I fell in love with a beautiful, kind young man … a young man who stood in a grocery store and provided assistance to a teenage girl who was nervous and excited about returning to school. A young man who no more could have killed his parents than he could have killed either of his siblings."
Athos blanched at the mention of his brother and sister, and Anne watched with a combination of fascination and amusement as his brother Musketeers closed ranks around him. However, she didn't comment on it … by now, she realized the fierce bond between Musketeers, particularly the Inseparables, even if she didn't understand it. Then again, she didn't need to understand it … she only needed to accept it. Just as she only needed to accept that Treville was an odd mixture of older brother/uncle/father to her Athos, something he reminded her of as he said, "So, you fell in love with Athos … and forgot about your mission?"
"Not exactly forgot. I just told my employer at the time that there was no evidence indicating that Athos was responsible for the deaths of his parents, and I was on my honeymoon. To this day, I still don't know how Thomas learned the truth. I'm not sure if it matters. Thomas did learn about my original reason for coming here, and he told Athos. I think the rest of you know what happened next. A little less than a week ago, I was approached by someone to whom I owe a great deal. It was she who forced me to look in the mirror and see what I'd become … and now, she was hearing disquieting rumors coming from Pinon Deux. She asked me to come up and investigate. And that's what I've been doing," Anne explained.
"This person who asked you to investigate … is it the same person who you said would be willing to die to protect Athos?" Constance asked and Anne inclined her head. She'd underestimated this little red-haired kitten. She wouldn't make that mistake again. Constance lifted her chin challengingly, adding, "Well, have you contacted her? Let her know about what's been happening?" Well. That was throwing down the gauntlet. But Anne was nothing if not forward-thinking and she smiled a little.
"I have. And …" she stopped in mid-sentence as a tentative knock sounded at the door. Anne smiled, quietly pleased with herself, before continuing, "And I believe that's her now." Treville exchanged an uneasy look with his men (plus Constance) and rose to his feet. Anne angled herself so that she could see the show that was about to start as Treville opened the door to his hotel room. Her smile broadened at the sharp inhale that came from the Musketeer head, and at the uneasy glances that passed between her husband and his brethren.
"Director Maddox … what are you doing here?" the man asked, backing up as Anne's sister-in-law slowly entered the room. Josie cast her a somewhat panicked look that said rather clearly, 'what the hell are you doing, I'm going to kill you for this!' Anne simply mouthed, 'trust me.' Josie's expression then reminded Anne that this was her husband's older sister, and Anne was fairly sure that Athos learned at least one of his unimpressed glares from her. She wasn't the only one who noticed, as Treville repeated, "What is your interest in this matter?"
It was then that he moved to one side and as Josie opened her mouth to speak, that the rest of the Musketeers caught sight of the petite, dark-haired woman who had entered the room, and Athos choked out, "Audelais?" Josie froze where she stood, about to answer Treville. Anne saw her eyes close and her lips move, and then she turned to face her younger brother with a tiny, almost pained smile. For the first time, Anne began to doubt the wisdom of bringing the siblings back together like this.
"Hello, little brother," Josie whispered … and all hell broke loose. Anne never took her eyes off her husband, as emotion after emotion crossed his face: confusion, hurt, anger, love. Her approach needed work, but the siblings had to be together. That was the only way they could put a permanent crimp in the Cardinal's plans, and hopefully find out why he was targeting Athos for his parents' deaths.
Anne had yet to realize that the Cardinal was not the only puppet-master in this play.
MMMMMMMM
Audelais was alive. That was the only thing he could focus on, as the rest of the world faded in and out around him.
His sister was alive and standing in this room, in front of him. She was twenty years older, strands of silver in her dark hair, hazel eyes tired and unspeakably sad, but she was his sister. As if sensing his desire to run, to leave, his brothers closed around him, and Athos truly wasn't certain if they meant to protect him, or his sister. Audelais whispered, a tiny smile quirking the corners of her mouth, "Hello, little brother." Athos wanted to scream at his sister, demand to know how she could leave him, how she could stay away … he wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her until her teeth rattled … he wanted to be folded into her arms as he was when he was a child … he wanted to cry.
He did none of those things. Instead, his captain observed, "I see introductions are in order. I've known you for many years as Josephine Ferry Maddox. I take it that 'Ferry' is not your true maiden name?" Under any other circumstances, Athos would have smiled at the dry tone, but right now, he was having a hard enough time just remembering to breathe. Porthos moved a little closer, and the pressure on his chest eased.
A weak smile twisted his sister's mouth, and she replied, a slight Texan accent becoming apparent for the first time, "Actually, it is. I legally changed my name when I was eighteen. My birth name is, indeed, Audelais Josephine de la Fere, but my legal name has been Adelaide Josephine Ferry for the last fifteen years. Actually, if you really want to get technical, my maiden name is d'Athos, but my father dropped that when he moved to Canada and decided that our last name would be de la Fere. But you're not interested in our family history."
"Not exactly … although I am interested in why you ran away from home as a sixteen year old girl, and why you didn't return with the deaths of your parents. I'm interested in learning why you sent Milady here to Canada to learn the truth about that event. And I'm very interested in learning why you never told your brother that you were still alive," Treville answered. Audelais' shoulders went up and back in a familiar manner, and Athos found himself holding his breath to brace himself for what was to come.
"I did not run away, Monsieur! For all intents and purposes, I was thrown out of my childhood home by my own mother!"Audelais snapped. Her voice never rose above her normal volume, but her fury was quite obvious. D'Artagnan gasped, Aramis frowned, and Porthos swore under his breath. Audelais took a deep breath, clearly trying to compose herself, before saying, "I was sixteen years old. I was all that stood between my mother's neglect and my brothers. I would have never, never, left them if I'd not been forced."
Her eyes drifted to Athos then, and she smiled sadly, saying, "I don't expect you to forgive me, little brother. I truly don't. The last thing I said to you that night was that I loved you, and that I would die to protect you and Thomas. And when you woke up the next morning, I was gone. I can't even begin to imagine … You must have thought I was a liar. But I meant every word I said, Athos. I loved you then, and I love you now, and I would give up my life for you or for Thomas without a second thought. The only reason I didn't come back when Mother and Father died was because … was because I feared I'd be putting my daughter in danger as well."
Her daughter. Audelais had a daughter. He had a niece? Porthos said softly, "Someone was threatenin' your little girl, and your brothers?" Athos looked at his brother quickly, and Porthos explained, "There's no way she would have left if she was the one in danger. But if it was you and your little brother, Athos? Oh, that's somethin' else altogether."
"So you left to protect your brothers? What sort of responsible parent would ever ask a teenager to do such a thing?" Aramis protested and Athos looked at his brother. Aramis shrugged a bit sheepishly, adding, "My apologies, I forgot we were speaking of a woman who makes Cora Mills look like the mother of the year. Don't roll your eyes at me, Constance, you're not the only one around here who gets to make Once Upon a Time references! Of course, that begs the question of which of the three is Regina." Much to Athos' surprise, his older sister actually smiled at that … and he knew that smile. That was her smile when she was trying oh so hard not to laugh, and he couldn't help but smile as well.
"I'm not sure if that was an insult to my mother or to Cora. We can worry about who Regina is later. Regardless … you are entirely correct, Monsieur du Vallon. Don't look so surprised … of course I know your name. I know all of your names. When I learned that my younger brother was one of the Inseparables, I made it my business to learn everything about all of you, and about your captain. I even know that d'Artagnan tried to kill Athos, due to a mistaken belief that Athos had killed his father. And yes, I also know who is responsible for that belief. What was I talking about? Oh … right. I was answering Monsieur du Vallon's question. I thought about returning to Pinon Deux when our parents were killed, if only because I knew that my brothers would need me. But … I was told that my presence in their lives put them at risk. So long as I was Josie Maddox, the boys were safe. But if I returned to Pinon Deux, people would realize that Josie Maddox and Audelais de la Fere were one and the same … and not only my brothers would be in danger, but my daughter would be as well. I couldn't risk it. No matter how much I missed my brothers, no matter how much I wanted to say good-bye to my father, I couldn't put their lives in danger," Audelais replied.
"Course you couldn't … any more than my maman could have put me at risk," Porthos said fiercely. He inclined his head, adding, "And you call me 'Porthos.' You're family, after all." Athos looked at his brother Musketeer, more than a little surprised. Then again, maybe he shouldn't have been. Porthos' own father and sister weren't worthy of the title. Porthos had evidently seen in Athos' sister what was lacking in his own. Audelais smiled, her face lighting up with surprise and pleasure. Porthos added, "But we need to know what happened that night. 'Cause I got the feeling that you bein' ousted from your own home when you were hardly more than a child is connected to your parents bein' murdered."
"I think I'd be more surprised if there's no connection," Anne observed and Athos watched in bemusement as his Musketeer family all looked at her. She glowered, asking, "What? The first rule in trying to control someone is to isolate them. You isolate them, you make them feel like you're the only one who truly cares about them. It's Manipulation 101. But the more I think about it, and as much as I hate to say it, the ones who were being isolated weren't the children." Treville was shaking his head, and he looked annoyed.
"No. They weren't. The children stood more or less united. The ones who were isolated were Vincent and Eugenie, at least in the beginning. Then, threats were made against Athos and Thomas, which drove their older sister away. And little by little, the rest of the family was pared away, until each stood alone," Athos' commanding officer observed and Anne inclined her head in agreement. Treville then asked the question that was at the heart of this, "Why? What about this family is so very important that the only daughter was driven away, the first born son was accused of the parents' murder, and the youngest son vanished after revealing the truth regarding his sister-in-law? Why is someone so threatened by your family?"
"I don't know … but I think it's past time for us to get answers. We need to know what happened after you tucked Thomas and me into bed, Aude," Athos said quietly, speaking for the first time. She would ever be Audelais to him, not Josie. And because his sister deserved that much from him, he added, "I haven't forgiven you. Not yet. I know that you had no choice, but that doesn't erase the sorrow or the grief or the guilt. But … I haven't forgotten. All for one, and one for all." He wasn't sure if his sister would understand. He should have known better.
Her lips curled upward into a smile, and she inclined her head. If his acknowledgment that he couldn't forgive her yet hurt her, there was no obvious sign. She answered softly, "As you wish." Athos felt as though someone was squeezing his heart. She did remember. Of course she did. It was she who taught him about 'all for one and one for all,' and about 'as you wish.' Audelais took a deep breath before saying, "What I remember most about that night was how still, how calm, it was. Of course, I grew up with the myth of 'it was a dark and stormy night,' as a prelude to evil deeds. It was dark, certainly, but the only storms were inside …"
MMMMMMMMMM
De La Fere Estate
Just Outside Pinon Deux
June 1993
Audelais de la Fere gently closed the door to her brothers' room behind her. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she thought of the last words she said to her two brothers. A quiet voice asked, interrupting her brief solitude, "Did you mean it?" Aude's eyes flew open and she straightened unconsciously when she realized it was her mother's voice she was hearing. And yes, Eugenie de la Fere stood only a few yards from her, her expression … solemn. There was none of the usual disdain and disappointment that Audelais saw in her mother's eyes when she looked at her two older children. Only … sadness, especially when her mother again asked, "Did you mean what you told Olivier? That you would die to protect them?"
"Of course, Mère. I'm their older sister … it's my job to protect Olivier and Thomas," Audelais answered. She had to remind herself to refer to the middle child as 'Olivier,' rather than 'Athos,' which was what he preferred to be called. But their mother insisted that none of the children have nicknames or pet names. The children's father ignored that, but where his wife couldn't hear him. And it was a measure of just how … different … her family was that she even considered such things. Then again, while she knew that her family wasn't unique, she also didn't think that most women looked at their daughters as her mother looked at her.
But still, that normal disappointed/disdainful light in her mother's eyes wasn't there at the moment. She stared at Audelais for several moments, as if evaluating her, and then she said, "Come with me. Your father and I need to speak with you." A chill zapped its way down Audelais' spine, because oh, that wasn't even remotely ominous. Audelais had learned over the course of her relatively short life that 'we need to speak with you' was code for 'all hell is about to break loose.' And so she did what she always did in these situations … she braced herself.
There was no amount of bracing for what she heard from her father less than five minutes later. He was in his study, working on something, and looked up as her mother announced them. First bad sign … while he smiled upon seeing her, as he always did, his smile looked strained and it didn't reach his eyes. Audelais began to think what she might have done during the last week or so to upset her father, and kept coming up blank. That bad feeling grew worse when he said, "Addy, my beautiful girl, come sit with me."
Normally, when her father shortened her name, it was to 'Aude' and it was never when her mother was around. However, she straightened her shoulders and walked proudly across the room to sit beside him. She was just enough Eugenie de la Fere's daughter to mask her absolute terror. She thought she was prepared. But nothing could have prepared her for the words that came out of her father's mouth. His long fingers curled around hers, and he said, "Audelais, my sweet girl … I never thought I would have to say these words. You have to leave."
Leave? Audelais' brain stalled as she stared at her father blankly. What did he mean, leave? Her mother intervened, saying, "Your presence places the lives of your brothers in danger. Who you are … who someone thinks you are … endangers your brothers. In order to protect them, you must leave. And we both know that you would give your life to protect them." Her father's fingers tightened around her own, as if he could keep her here, as if he could protect her from what she was hearing. She was endangering the boys? None of this made any sense!
"Listen to me, love … none of this is your fault. It isn't fair, it isn't right, but your mother and I have looked at this from every possible angle. Certain individuals have noticed … similarities you bear to an old friend of your mother's. Those individuals have threatened your brothers," her father said. Audelais, stunned and barely able to comprehend the words coming out of her father's mouth, latched onto one particular phrase. 'Similarities you bear to an old friend of your mother's.' That one, innocuous phrase, that sent her world splintering into a thousand pieces.
"I … I'm not your daughter? Is that what you're telling me, that I'm not your daughter?" she managed to force out. It was idiotic, really … she was being forced to leave her home because of a mysterious threat to her brothers, and she was focusing on the thought that she might not be her father's daughter. Something sparked in Vincent de la Fere's eyes, sparked and then hardened. He released her hands and cupped her face in his own, his bright blue eyes (so very like Athos') boring into her own. In that moment, the world aside from Vincent and Audelais ceased to exist. Even Eugenie, with her airs and her constant disappointment in the hand she'd been dealt, in the family she'd helped to create, no longer existed. There was only this gentle man and the daughter who adored him (even as she wished for him to take more of a stand against her mother, but even so, even so, she knew he did the best he could).
"You are my daughter! You are my own precious Audelais, my angel and my imp! That is what the world knows, and that is my truth! But this individual … she doesn't see that. She only sees you as a threat to what she has built, and she's prepared to do whatever it takes to remove that threat. She doesn't care who she has to hurt to do so!" her father answered fiercely, and that was when Audelais finally understood. She wasn't the threat to her brothers … but this mysterious woman saw Audelais as a threat, and had no problem at all at hurting two innocent little boys.
Hatred was a foreign sensation to sixteen year old Audelais de la Fere. There were many, many people she disliked (including, much to her grief, her own mother). But she'd never hated anyone in her life. Not even the girls who had the attention of the boys she liked in school. Until the night she was cast out of her own home because of a mysterious woman who feared what Audelais represented. Was she the wife of this friend of her mother's? It was the only thing that made sense.
Her mother spoke, "We'll make sure that you're provided for, Audelais. Your father will drive you to the bus station tonight, and he's made arrangements so you can continue your education. I …" The words died as Audelais turned her head to look at her mother. Eugenie de la Fere swallowed hard, and Audelais wondered a bit numbly what her mother saw in her eyes. She didn't even know what she felt for her mother. Eugenie (she no longer had a mother) whispered, "I know I've always been hard on you, Audelais …"
"Don't," the girl ground out, feeling tears starting to slide down her cheeks. The older woman stopped, looking stricken, and Audelais gasped, "Just don't. I've never been good enough for you, not a day in my life. And the only times when I did seem to be good enough for you was when you needed me to take care of the boys. I love them … God knows, I love them with everything I am, but I've been more of a mother to them than you have been. So don't. Don't try to tell me that you've only had my best interests at heart, because you haven't. Don't try to tell me that you did this for my own good, because I won't believe you. As far as I'm concerned, I no longer have a mother. When I leave this house, Audelais de la Fere will no longer exist."
She was being cruel, she was being harsh … she knew that. She knew that she was being unfair, that she was lashing out. But she didn't care. And one day, she might regret what she was saying. But today was not that day. So many times her mother had hurt her while she was growing up. This was one hurt too many. Her father's gentle hand resting on her cheek brought her attention back to him, though she could hardly see her childhood hero through the tears pouring down her face. She would be chastised, she knew. But again, she didn't care.
"Enough, Audelais. I know you're hurting, but saying these things only hurt you worse. Oh, I know. I should tell you to apologize to your mother, but I won't. Not this time. We've made our beds, and now we must lie in them. From this moment on, my girl, live … live for yourself. And if you learn anything from our poor example, learn this: it isn't enough to love someone you intend to marry. You also need to like them. Now go, my love … pack as much as you can carry into your backpack and duffel bag. We leave at midnight," Vincent whispered, kissing her forehead. Audelais collapsed against her father, who held her tightly, whispering over and over that he loved her and hoped she would one day be able to forgive him.
She didn't know that she could, because this wasn't right! She would never deny Athos and Thomas the protection of their parents, or her own protection, but she needed protection too!
That was why Audelais de la Fere had to die, really. She would leave this house to protect her two little brothers, but she would become someone else to protect herself. In a distant part of her mind, she wondered at herself. What was wrong with her that she would think such things? Shouldn't she be weeping and ranting and swearing that she would never forgive her mother, even though those were actually things she wanted to do?
Perhaps. But none of them would help Audelais survive, and being the caretaker and second mother to her two younger brothers during the last eleven years turned her into a pragmatist. At last, reluctantly, she pulled away from her father, telling him hoarsely that she would go pack. Just as reluctantly, he let her go. As she passed her mother, she saw Eugenie reach out to touch her … but Audelais didn't stop. She just kept putting one foot in front of the other until she passed the threshold into the hallway. She took a few more steps before she sank to her knees and doubled over, one arm wrapped around her middle as if to keep her hurt inside, and the wrist of her other arm pressed against her mouth as she wept. Inside her father's study, she heard her mother saying hollowly that if it was any consolation, she would never forgive herself … and her father's acidic response that he would never forgive her for taking his daughter away from him.
There were so many things Audelais wanted to tell her father. She wanted to tell him to be kind to Athos and Thomas, but especially Athos … he was no one's favorite but Audelais.' She wanted to remind him that Thomas needed his Pooh to sleep at night. But in the end, she could only push herself to her feet, still shaking, and force herself to move toward her room. She would pack. And then she would kiss her brothers one last time. As she began to make her way up the staircase, she wondered, in the very back of her mind, where her darkest thoughts remained hidden … she wondered if God would ever forgive her for being relieved that she would no longer be a sister and a mother at the same time.
TBC
Additional Author's Notes: In some ways, the last page or two were the hardest to write. Did I write Audelais as a mature young girl who quietly accepted her fate … or did I let her be a heartbroken sixteen year old girl who just had her entire life ripped away? In the end, I chose the latter, because I thought it seemed more realistic. That included her rant at her mother. That's also why her father let her get away with it … that, and he believes she's fully justified. Next chapter … Tommy shows up again, and he's not alone. Oh, and as I'm sure you realized, the title of the chapter comes from the song, 'Let It Go.'
