Here you guys go! The chapter you've all been waiting for! That's right. Kissing scene. I'm not going to bore you with anything since this is a long chapter. I'll go ahead and just let you read it.
Enjoy~! I worked hard on this one.
Warnings: Kyle's ongoing denial. Come on, you didn't think he would give in that easy, did you? ;D And of course, the kiss(es).
As soon as I'm done with dinner, I briefly help my mom clean up, thank Ike for his help earlier, and head straight for bed. There's really no way I can sleep; there are too many things for me to consider if I'm really going to take Ike's suggestion and go with it. But my room is really the best place for me to sit and think through my options.
I sit down at my computer desk and lay my head in my arms. Time to think about what I'm going to do.
Question one: Why should I tell him the truth?
Well, I suppose it might finally solve my problems. It's like Ike told me: I'll be better off if I face this head-on instead of continuing to run. If I... get together with him, so to speak, I'll really test my mind and finally see if what I'm feeling is real or not.
I'll finally know if I should be denying this.
Or if I really do...
I shudder. No, let's not think about that right now. We still don't know for sure, so we shouldn't just assume that, right?
Right.
Okay, glad we agree. No more of that.
But...
I sigh. I can't believe I'm about to consider this. I must really be going nuts.
But what if I do find that... this is what I really want? What if I really am in denial over this, and have been all this time? What if I do like Eric Cartman for who he really is? Would I actually be willing to -dare I say- date him?
No. Nonono. No. Just... just no. I would never, I mean never be caught da... da... dating Eric Cartman.
Eric Theodore Cartman.
Ahhh... Ugh, there's that nasty shiver again.
Yeah, I know. Don't give me that look. Please. I know you think this is very amusing, watching me suffer through this. This is just like a soap opera to you, isn't it? You just can't wait for me to waltz up to him and declare my undying love through watery eyes under a full moon at night, and have him love me back just as much to the point where we go home and do unspeakable things, can you?
Well, I'll tell you right now. This isn't a fairytale.
This is South Park.
Yeah. Exactly. Glad you understand. Now, if you would... please leave me to my inner turmoil.
I breathe out another heavy sigh. Question... God, I don't even know anymore. Whatever.
If so (I date him, that is), would I like it? Would he even treat me well? Hell, is it even possible for him to love anyone besides himself? Like I said before, he will never be capable of loving anyone in his entire life. He's way too egotistic for that. Besides, he lives on the pain of others, especially mine.
So, this being true, that would lead one to believe that he doesn't like or love anyone. But I'm almost sure that's what he was about to say before he stopped himself.
'People change when they're in... love.'
I'm positive that's what he meant by that. It has to be. What else would he mean to say? And if it wasn't what he meant, why would he stop himself so abruptly? Even more so, why would he try to hide it from me? He knows I won't do anything more than laugh at him -maybe- if I find out he has a crush on someone.
And if that someone just so happens to be me... which is very possible...
My stomach churns in a strange way; not good, not bad. Just strange.
But -shit- what if he wasn't talking about me? What if I have the totally wrong idea?! If he's thinking of someone else... do I even want to entertain the thought that he's thinking of someone else? I mean, the blushing, the kind gestures... he has to be talking about me! Right?
But even if he is, what if this is one of his jokes? He may know that I'm slowly falling for him harder and harder by the minute, and is waiting for the right moment to crush me. It may all just be a new game he's playing: Break Kyle's Heart.
Yeah, that's it. He'll build me up slowly, and then knock me down. By doing that, he would be getting the satisfaction he's been waiting to get ever since he met me: to see me cry. He would win another battle, and celebrate his victory by tasting my tears.
Just like he did with that kid so many years ago.
Would life even be worth living if he ended up doing that? Could I really go on?
I would have to. If not, he would win, like I just said. And I can't let that happen because God knows I would never ever hear the end of it.
However, if I put up that facade, he would only continue to torture me with worse things until he finally achieved his goal. By then I would probably be forced to move in order to get away from him, and I don't want to do that because that, again, is just me running from my problems.
God. This just can't be easy, can it?
There's just no simple way to approach this, is there?
I suppose my best option would be to just deal with his tricks. After all, I've been dealing with his shit for years, so why wouldn't I be able to take his newest dose? I've practically built up an immunity to it anyway. It would do nothing to me, right?
Right.
Besides, it's actually rather easy to steal his thunder and keep the satisfaction from him.
Think of it this way: I would have to actually cry for him to win. If I can anticipate his moves, which isn't very hard because his material is essentially all the same, I can beat him.
But would I really be able to not cry when that happens?
Wait, what am I asking? I wouldn't cry if he broke my heart, right?
…
Of course I would.
Goddammit.
I'm in trouble. I'm in serious trouble.
God, I... I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm so confused, it hurts.
It hurts.
What should I do?
I groan, just about to lose my mind, when the vibration of my phone on the desk saves me. That must be Stan.
Thank God.
Maybe a nice, normal conversation with absolutely no mentionof Cartman at all will save my sanity... at least for the moment.
I scramble to grab the phone and open it quickly, more than eager to hear his voice on the other end.
"Stan?" My voice is quivering in excitement. I've never been so happy to get a call from him in my life.
"Hey, dude. What's going on? I see you weren't grounded too harshly considering you still have your phone."
The next words fly out of my mouth before I have time to stop myself. "Cartman saved my ass."
Goddammit! Why do I do this to myself?! Didn't I just say there will be no mention of him during this call?!
Why can't I stop thinking about him for just five minutes?! Five simple minutes?!
Jesus Christ, I'm like a freaking schoolgirl.
No. No no no.
No.
I will not compare myself to that.
I am not infatuated with him; I do not like him; he's an arrogant, self-centered, racist, lazy, manipulative bastard that will never be capable of love nor does he deserve it; I shouldn't even be thinking about him right now-
"What?"
I almost forget that I'm still on the line with Stan. What could have possibly made me forget about that?
Oh yeah.
Cartman.
That bastard, he manages to screw with me even when he's not here-
Dammit! Stop. Thinking. About. Him.
I sigh and return to my conversation. "Cartman.. saved my ass."
It's silent on the other end for several moments. No surprise there. I don't blame Stan for being completely speechless after hearing that. I don't believe it, either as much as it is true.
And it is true. Look at the talk Cartman and I had earlier.
"What?" he asks again, sounding incredulous.
"Yeah, dude. I'm off the hook because of him."
He hesitates. Again, probably still trying to grasp the fact of what I just said. "Why?"
I shake my head, more to myself because I know he can't see me. "I have no clue. I...I called him and-"
Stan interrupts me there. "Whoa, whoa, wait just a minute. You called Cartman?"
It's me who hesitates this time before giving him an answer. A slow answer. "Yeah... I did."
"Dude." he says bluntly. "You never call him."
This makes me stop and think for a second. He's right. I never call Cartman, even when he pushes me over the edge and has me literally pulling out my hair in frustration. I never call him. So why did I this time?
Well, I guess I was just really confused. I wasn't exactly thinking straight. After all, what he did threw me for a loop, and I guess I just really wanted an answer because honestly... it was driving me crazy.
But he drives me crazy anyway. Always has, always will.
I sigh into the phone. There's not really much to say on that. "Yeah. I know I don't."
I can guess his next question before he even says it. "Why?"
"Look, Stan, I really don't know why. Can... can we just not talk about it? Please?" My voice sounds strained and shaky as I beg him. I swear, the more I talk or think about Cartman, the sicker I get.
Oof. Just like that.
"Kyle." Oh no, now he's sounding concerned. Please, please don't have him play the best friend card on me. As much as I appreciate it, I don't think I can stomach thinking about... anymore. "Kyle, dude, you don't sound too good. Are you all right?"
"Yes! Yes, I am great, Stan! Never better! Life is just dandy, isn't it?! I really can't wait for your party tomorrow! I'm so stoked for you guys!"
There. That'll get him on a different subject. But damn, I didn't know I could sound so perky. I'm acting like a cheerleader or some-
God, no. No. I will not think of myself as a-
I think I need to go to a therapist. I really do.
Stan chuckles, but it's not really his normal laugh. I think I scared him. Great. I'm not only scaring myself, I'm now scaring other people.
Ha, maybe I can scare Cartman enough so that he'll leave me alone and I'll forget about ever-
Dammit, stop that!
"Thanks, man." Thank God he's talking again. "We really appreciate it. You... are going to be able to make it, right?"
I nod my head, smiling a small smile. "Yeah. I'll definitely be there."
Even though I can't see him, I feel like he's smiling too. "Great. I'm glad."
He almost sounds relieved for some reason. Like he's relieved that I said that because he doubted that I would be coming. "Stan," I reassure him, "were you afraid that I wasn't going to be there? Dude, I'm your best friend. I would have made it, grounded or not."
"I know!" he says hastily. "I would have made sure you were able to make it. I'm just glad that I don't have to go through the trouble of doing so. Your mom is a hard person to win over when it comes to that."
"Yeah, I know." Now see? Stan is making the point that my mom isn't the nicest, most lenient mom in the world, but he's not being rude about it. If Cartman was as polite as Stan, I might not be questioning my feelings-
Argh! Stop, stop, stop!
I rub my hair furiously with my free hand, trying to free my mind. No matter what I do...
"Thanks for that, Stan. You're the best friend a guy could have. Wendy's lucky to have a guy like- Oh crap! I just realized that I don't have anything to give you guys!"
"You mean like a present?"
"Yeah." I say dejectedly. I feel terrible. I know it's not really my fault since I just found out that they're having a party, but I still feel bad. They really deserve something for being together for... I count on my fingers... almost eight years.
He laughs. "You don't have to do that, dude. Just knowing you'll be there is enough for me."
I can't help but smile. "Thanks, Stan. You're awesome."
"No problem, Kyle. So are you."
Yeah, I know this is probably the cheesiest conversation ever, but I don't care. It's a big relief from the one I had just a few hours ago. This one is stress free; civil; nothing but me and my best friend in the whole world talking about how much we appreciate the other; not revolved around the one person that makes my life miserable-
And who I will not let slip into my thoughts right now.
But now that I think about it...
"Hey, Stan?" I ask, "Is... is Cartman going to be there?" My eyes squeeze shut in fear of his answer.
Please say no, please say no...
"Well, yeah. Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be?"
My insides freeze.
No.
Nonono. No.
Why God? Why do you hate me?
It's not hard for me to think up a response. "Because he's only the biggest asshole in South Park. Honestly, Stan, I won't be surprised if he ends up trashing your house."
"Dude, I really don't think he's that bad anymore. He's kinda... changed since fourth grade."
Maybe Stan needs a therapist, too.
"Have you lost your mind, Stan?! He hasn't changed at all!"
"No, I think he has. I mean, what's the worst thing he's done to you in the past... let's say year?
Does he really have to ask? He was there for half of it! There was... Let's see, he...
Huh. I can't think of a single thing. Now that I think about it, Cartman's pretty much kept to himself this whole year. He hasn't really bothered me at all. Except for when he was at my house the other night.
Aha!
"He was videotaping me the other night at one in the morning!"
I hear Stan sigh from the other end and my face drops. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he's done anything to get at you. I think you're just paranoid, dude."
My face drops even more. Did he... did Stan just call me paranoid? Even worse, did he just defend Cartman? Eric Cartman? What the hell is... am I in a parallel universe or something?!
"W-well... I-I..." I make it evident that I can't believe what he just said. "He still rips on me for being Jewish! He hasn't changed in that regard!"
He doesn't miss a beat. "You should be used to that by now, Kyle. That's like a tic for him or something. He's always going to do that."
"Yeah, but that doesn't prove he's changed, Stan. Why are you defending him all of a sudden?"
I must have caught him off guard with that question because he goes silent for a second. Then, "I don't know. I'm not really trying to defend him, I just think that you're taking this a little too far." I don't say anything. "Look, just be glad that's all he does now. Sticks and stones, right?"
I think for a second and smile. "Yeah. I guess you're right."
Sure. Cartman still calls me names and all, but it's not like they have that same venom in them. It's almost halfhearted now. A tic, like Stan said. And he's been doing it for so long now, that I shouldn't really let it get to me. Because really...
It's Cartman.
Still, I feel incredibly sick knowing that he's going to be there tomorrow. But it's a party, right? Other people are gonna be there. As popular as Stan and Wendy are as a couple, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole junior class was there.
Though his house probably couldn't hold that many people. I chuckle to myself.
The point is, I'll be able to avoid Cartman. Heck, it'll be hard not to avoid him. I also have to account for the fact that he deliberately evaded me earlier today. So I should be safe.
I breathe a sigh of relief. I feel better.
"Hey, man, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?" Stan asks through my period of silence. Again, I almost forgot he was there.
"Yeah. See you tomorrow. Bye."
He says a quick goodbye and promptly hangs up. I flip my phone shut and toss it on the desk, flopping face down on my bed. It wasn't long before I fell asleep there, mind too exhausted to think anymore.
I knock on Stan's door a few times and wait patiently for someone to come open it. His party started at eight. It was now... eight twenty. Not too early, but early enough to be considerate.
Yeah, so I take a lot of thought of when to arrive at a party. Sue me.
Do I have to mention that I spent almost an hour getting ready? No? Good. I don't want to think that I spent as long as a girl would-
Dammit.
The door opens, and I'm greeted by Stan looking as casual as ever. "Hey, dude. Come on in." He steps back to let me in, holding the door open.
I walk in and immediately scan the living room, breathing a sigh of relief. Good. There's a considerable amount of people here. Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, Timmy, Clyde, Butters: all people I can hang around and hopefully avoid fatass.
Well, maybe Butters is an exception.
Yep. You guessed it. Standing right next to him is none other than the person I'm aiming to avoid. I shouldn't be shocked, though. Butters is like a leech when it comes to Cartman.
My heart pangs slightly and I raise an eyebrow.
What was that?
Huh. Oh well. There's still plenty of people here who aren't going to be around him. Hell, I'll even talk to the girls if it means it'll reduce my chances of talking with him.
Unless, of course, he decides to seek me out.
Which is exactly what he's doing right now.
Goddammit...
He's approaching fast, and my mind screams at me to get the hell out. My feet don't move. They're completely frozen.
Gah, what a time for my body to lock up on me.
My eyes widen as he stops in front of me. He's scowling and I can faintly smell alcohol on him. Not surprising. Stan isn't a pansy; he's not afraid to throw a party with alcohol. It's not like his parents know, and his sister probably doesn't care as long as she doesn't get blamed for it.
Cartman doesn't look drunk, but he looks angry. I can't imagine what's going on in his mind right now.
Then again, I never can. This is nothing new to me.
"Kitchen. Now." His voice is dark and holds a great amount of authority in it. A shiver runs violently down my spine, but it's more... enjoyable than the others.
Wait, what?
When I don't budge, he roughly grabs my arm and yanks me away. My mind grows fuzzy as his hand makes contact with my skin. He drags me to the designated place, and surprisingly there's no one in here. His touch has triggered something in me that almost has me collapsing. I probably look like the drunk one, and I haven't had a thing.
I can only stare blankly at him as I try to suppress the fever in me. He leans coolly against the counter, arms crossed. I lean against the island, but I definitely don't pull off the 'cool' look.
"Look, Jew," he snarls. I can already feel that this isn't going to turn out well. "You do not, I repeat, do not tell anyone of what I said to you on the phone yesterday. Do you understand?" He speaks through clenched teeh, pointing a finger harshly at me.
I finally manage to find my voice along with a little bravery. "No, not really. Please explain it to me because I'm an idiot like you." Smooth move, Broflovski. You just bought a death wish. Of all the things I could choose to say, I say that. Sarcastically, no less.
Oh well. I guess I've had a fulfilling life. I'll try to enjoy my last few moments on earth before he rips me to shreds.
He growls menacingly, and I shiver in a not-so-scared way.
No.
Nonono.
Don't tell me...
Don't tell me I thought that was hot?!
"Don't make this harder than it is, Kahl." He says my name in that terrible accent of his, but all I do is shudder again. My temperature's rising; I don't know how much more of this I can take. My mind, my vision, my judgement: they're all getting fuzzy, glazed over with this strange feeling.
Again, it's like I'm drunk when he's the one who has the smell of alcohol on him.
Mixed with that musky cologne of his... it's getting harder and harder for me to stand. I can feel the edge of the kitchen island digging into my back as I continue to press more of my weight on it. It's the only thing supporting me right now.
His eyes are wild, burning. I can see the gold flecks in them sparkle in a mad rage as his face inches closer and closer to mine. I'm boiling now. I realize that he's doing this to intimidate me, and it's working... sorta. It's making me scared, yes; scared that I'll lose control if he doesn't back off soon.
The next words that come out of his mouth are dripping with venom.
"You tell anyone what I said, anyone at all... and I'll have your head. Do. You. Understand?"
A chill runs up and down my spine, giving me another thrill. Ahh... that last word was spoken more like a command than a question.
I'm panting slightly as his gaze bores into mine. My mouth has long since gone dry and I've completely given up on words. The only thing I can focus on is how close Eric Cartman is to my face, and how much authority he's displaying right now.
And how much I'm liking that authority.
"Jew? Hello? Are you listening to me?"
He needs to stop...
"Jew! Listen to me!"
I can't take it... I'm about to lose it.
"Kahl! Goddammit!"
Stop talking.
"Kyle Broflovski!"
That's it. I can't take it anymore. I have to shut him up.
He growls, baring his teeth. "Kyle."
Thud.
In two seconds flat, I've jumped onto him and forced him to slam against the kitchen counter, my lips pressing harshly against his. My body is running on pure adrenaline now as I force my lips onto his. He claws and scrapes at my back, trying to escape my assault, and I claw back so I don't lose him.
He doesn't fight for long.
Slowly but surely, he relaxes and simply stands there, taking it all in. I relax too, and soften the kiss. We stand there for a few seconds, not moving at all. It's like all the world has melted away, vanished, and we're the only two left.
Finally, I pull back slowly and gaze at him through half-lidded eyes.
"Shut. Up." I say softly, managing to add a dangerous edge to my voice.
His breath comes out in short pants, face slightly flushed. He says nothing for a few seconds; he just stands there against the counter, panting and staring at me as if I've grown a second head.
Suddenly, a hand touches my shoulder; it's his.
He grips softly but firmly, the other hand gently resting on my hip. He's still very silent as he looks me in the eye, searching for something. My heart beats wildly as he looks me up and down, and I fear what he's going to do next.
His gaze is incredibly intense, and I feel all of the blood suddenly drain from my face. Another chill runs down my spine as my mind finally comes back to earth, and I now realize what I've just done.
Oh.
Shit.
He opens his mouth to speak, and I in turn squeeze my eyes shut. There's no telling what he's about to say or do.
I fear the worst.
"Okay."
My eyes snap open. I'm met with a smirk and a soft look.
What did he just say?
Before I can respond, he leans in and grabs my head, pulling me in for another kiss.
Oh. My. God.
No... no way... no way is Cartman...
No, just no.
This can't be happening. It can't be.
...
But it is.
Unlike the kiss I initiated, this one is soft, gentle, and slow. He's testing the waters. My body freezes again; I can't do a damn thing. But really...
I don't mind.
The second he threads a hand into my hair, I turn to jelly. I collapse against him like a broken rag doll. It's hard to even breathe.
But wait... this doesn't feel right. Aren't we...?
Oh shit!
I yank away from him as fast as I can, and spin around to face the kitchen door.
There's no one there. Thank God. We're off the hook...
...for now.
"Do you realize where we are?!" I whisper harsly, pointing behind me.
His face is still flushed, and his eyes are glazed over. He's still trapped in the kiss. I walk over to him, grab both of his shoulders, and shake.
"Cartman!"
It doesn't take long for him to come back to his senses. "Wha...? Oh shit!" He scrambles to his feet and quickly looks around the room. When he doesn't see anyone, he relaxes and looks at me intensely. The look in his eyes draws me in and I can't look away. "What," he begins tentatively, "What the fuck... was that?"
I shake my head, eyes not leaving his. "I... don't know."
Honest answer. I don't have a clue what that was. My body just... reacted on its own. My mind was on autopilot or something. It definitely wasn't my plan of telling him the truth. I wasn't planning on telling him at all, actually.
Yeah. That worked out well.
He looks warily about the room again before he puts a finger under my chin, that dark look forming in his eyes. Though I'm intimidated again, I don't move an inch. His eyes don't change as he leans in again and studies me intently. My heart is racing, pounding against my chest like a drum. It hurts, but I've figured out now that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I consider myself quite brave for staying my ground. I can't even begin to fathom what he's about to do to me.
He surprises me, that's for sure.
My face heats up as he presses his lips against mine again, trapping me in his arms.
What the...! Did he forget where we are?!
I struggle for a moment, but it's no use. His vice grip is too fucking strong. In the end, I succumb to his kiss and let him take control.
It's actually kinda nice...
My mind races as he holds me there, kissing the life right out of me.
Am I finally getting my answer...?
Is this what I want?
Do I really love-?
Cartman pulls away again, not saying a word. He smiles, if only a little, and I feel my heart speed up.
"I...,"
That's all I have to say before a voice sounds behind me. A voice that definitely isn't Cartman's.
"F-fellas?"
I freeze for the third time that night.
Oh shit.
*collapses* There... there you go. I told you guys I wouldn't tease. ;D So what happens next? Can't tell, of course. But I'm pretty sure you guys figured out that that's Butters who walked in on them, right? Poor Butters... you know he's going to get it from Cartman.
So, what did you guys think? Did I satisfy your Kyman craving? Are you wanting more? I hope so because I sure as hell am going to give it.
As always, the next chapter will be up ASAP. In the meantime, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
Drop a review if you can, tell me what you think!
Until next time! Love you guys!
-Soul
