I ran for most of the night. I ran through the rain and the mire until I saw the Aillte an Mhothair. When I reached the edge of the cliffs, the edge of my rope, I stopped.
I hadn't a clue what to do now.
I slumped to the ground as the weight of the last few hours began to overwhelm me. For the past few decades, my life had seemed so eternally finite. I ate, I slept, I went about the duties that Aro assigned me. For one hundred years, my life had simply continued. But with one quick swipe, Alice had changed that. I felt a longing now to seek out my…family. If only to see what had become of them. If only to find out what happened when I left.
My mind's eye saw red. I wanted to find the mysterious man who always stood beside Alice. I wanted him to hurt for her, grieve for her, just as I was mourning right now. I wanted him to pay for the pain she felt. I was angry at him for her, even if I didn't know the reason why.
I had absolutely no idea where to start.
I knew they wouldn't be in Forks. Too soon. People, the tribe especially, might still remember us. When we left Forks, they had all headed to Dartmouth. But they would have moved on from there by now. Alaska was always a possibility, but only for a short time. No one could tolerate those three for long. Knowing Carlisle, they would have returned to Europe. He has spoken of it, even in those early days. He missed the civility, I suppose. But even with Europe, the choices spread out almost endlessly. France, Scotland, Norway. Even Russia stood as a possibility. All of the remote and dreary landscapes we had discussed flash through my mind. But I couldn't check them all at once. I rub my temple and sighed with pure mental exhaustion.
Even though Europe seemed like the choice Carlisle would make, New Mexico was locked in the forefront of my mind. It wasn't Carlisle who had mentioned it. During our endless hours of free time, one of the others had found that New Mexico was one of the most uninhabited areas of the States, despite the long hours of sunlight. I don't know why, but I needed to go there. I was searching for answers, and those answers were back in the States.
"Dia is Muire duit, lobe. Ey ye be oot on te'eights o' suche soft ol' nigh? 'Avn' ye a cailín o' e'mistress?"
I tried to control the start I felt, having let a human walk so close without sparking my attention. She stood facing me, with the moonshadows falling on her hair. She was every bit an Irish maiden, her accent hanging thick around her dark auburn hair. Her coy smile and her thoughts told me what my body already knew: she had her mind set on me tonight.
I must have seemed a sight sitting there, but the moonlight softened the darkness under my eyes. I didn't say a word as she slid across the grass toward me, her hand reaching out for my face until she brushed my cheek with her fingertips. She didn't shy away from my coldness, otherworldness. She was intoxicated by the sight of me, I could tell. She leaned forward to place a kiss on my cheek, hair falling around her face and mine. I caught her scent in the wind.
Freesia.
It was subtle, just the slightest whiff, but it was enough to pull my mind away from the vision of beauty before me. All at once, I wanted to rip her throat from her neck.
All at once, I didn't want to be a monster any longer.
"Síoraí," I growled under my breath. She pulled her face away, her lust-filled eyes suddenly swimming with suspicion.
"Tá mé ag cáineadh. The damned have no loyalty, and they let no one go free." My words were soft, but the tone screamed the danger of this moment. She pulled away slowly, backing toward the path behind her. To her misfortune, she stepped down on a large stone. With a clumsiness I remembered from my dreams, she fell backwards, her auburn hair flowing in the wind and waving her scent toward my open mouth. I couldn't help myself.
I pounced atop her before she fully hit the ground. The devil within me growled and hissed with pleasure. I lay there above her, seconds from draining her blood, when I saw a different face before my eyes.
Alice had come back to haunt me, and the disappointment in her eyes tore through my bloodrage.
I caught hold of the monster within me. As I loosened my grasp on the young cailín, I hissed only one word.
"Run."
She wasted no time scrambling up from the grass and taking to heel down the path. I watched her run, imagining it to be my sweet Bella, knowing that it never would be. I could not let my Bella leave to run through the fields. I could never beg my Bella for the forgiveness I so desired. I could never love her in the only way that she deserved or demanded.
I knew immediately that I had to leave the area. It would be only a matter of time before she found enough men to form a rabble, and they would seek me out to burn me then. But for a moment, I remained on my hands and knees, face to the ground. Sobs racked my body, but I could cry no tears. Here I was, a terror among the gods, and I could not feed on a young girl. I could only think of Bella. My conscious ate at me like a nightmare.
Alice was right.
I had to find my family.
I needed to patch my soul together again.
I had to go to New Mexico.
