Disclaimer:
Nothing belongs to me, everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. I just play with the figures… And no, I don't make any money with my stories.
"To deal with words doesn't make you brave. It's with silence that cowards are beaten."
Beatrice Cole
Hermione was able to hold back her tears long enough to reach her dormitory. Arriving there, she just threw her rucksack in the corner and fell on her bed, feeling powerless and defeated. Her tears were flowing freely now and soon after her whole body was wracking with loud sobs. She gripped her pillow as if her life depended on it. There she was, lying behind her curtains on her bed crying her soul out of her body.
She felt a headache approaching, which was normal for her. She got one every time she cried so hard she could barely breathe. It was nothing new. Just the same old story. She knew that it was futile to hold the tears back, as they had tried to escape for a while. She was crying because she could not stand the memory of Victor and their wonderful time together: Everything had been perfect except the brutal end of their relationship. He had ripped her heart out of her body and now she had to mend her broken heart. Oh, how she wanted to be a young teenager again because those broken bones were easier to heal than a broken heart.
She was also crying for the death of her beloved parents. She couldn't stand all the pain their dead brought to the surface. Nobody had ever given her time to be sad or time to cry over their lost lives. In war, one didn't have the time to grieve for the lost ones. So many people died and there was nothing you could do about it. Being helpless drove Hermione nearly crazy and somewhere along the road all the pain and all the other feelings transformed into an even stronger hate towards Lord Voldemort. She had taken her strength from this hate and anger and it kept her going on and on without thinking too much. She had been able to continue the war, able to continue the fight against pure evil.
Hermione had tried to be strong, she had smiled and laughed whenever Harry or Ron were looking at her, but a piece of her was already dead and she didn't know how to bring it to life again. She didn't know how to really smile again without feeling and knowing that it was hallow. Her eyes had lost their fire, a loss she tried to keep hidden as long as someone was around. They all had their own problems to care about. This was just another sacrifice she had to make for the victory against Lord Voldemort. What was her personal happiness in comparison to the lives of millions of people?
Nevertheless, Hermione wanted to live again. She wanted to be happy, wanted to laugh out loud again and Hermione did not want to shy away every time someone was trying to touch her. The nightmares she kept having should end right now and go to wherever they belong. There were so many things Hermione wanted to experience. She wanted to be carefree like a child who does not know the dangers of the world. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child would make everything less complicated and she could easily imagine the pure joy. But at the moment, she wasn't even sure how to survive the next day without breaking down. Hermione felt numb to the core. For everyone else, Hermione had just changed outwardly, had matured in a nice, very tempting way. But Hermione did not feel all these changes because she felt nothing at all except the sorrow, the pain and the guilt of leaving her parents alone. It nearly seemed that Hermione Granger had lost the ability to really feel anything else than that sorrow.
Hermione cried herself to sleep and woke up a few hours later. She couldn't remember her dream or if she even dreamed at all, but as long as it wasn't a nightmare, she was content. Slowly, she opened the curtains of her bed and went to the mirror to look at her face: Her eyes weren't as red as she expected them to be after such a crying session and after all she seemed to look healthier than a few hours before. Hermione felt that the sleep had done her well.
She almost hadn't noticed her exhaustion through the pain, but apparently her body had finally got too much and collapsed. Nevertheless, there was a strange feeling in her stomach that she could not forget. She did not want to be alone any more, but she wasn't in a very talkative mood either and Hermione Granger only knew one person in the whole world who was able to understand this mood and so she began searching for Harry Potter.
She found him on the grounds near the lake, on their spot under the tree. He was just sitting there watching the water.
"Hallo Harry."
Harry looked up a little bit surprised and his green eyes met Hermione's brown ones. It was as if they were conversing without uttering a word, their eyes doing all the talking. Everyone else might have been disturbed by the long silence and the intensive stare but neither Harry nor Hermione looked away, and neither said a word. They were comfortable with the silence. Harry smiled.
According to what happened previously, Hermione would be furious behind belief of Ron and Harry because of the incident in Defence against the Dark Arts, but she had calmed down and was now able to make peace, at least with Harry. And she really needed to talk with him.
"Hey Hermione. "
"Could you please just hold me, Harry?"
He must have heard something in her voice, because he didn't hesitate one second with his answer.
"Of course, Hermione. "
She sat down in between his legs, and he wrapped his arms around her.
They didn't want to talk and so they just sat there in silence watching the surface of the lake which has moving whenever the wind blew. Hermione noticed herself getting calmer. Her fast heartbeat became normal again and she was able to breathe deeply in and out without thinking about it to much.
Hermione leaned down into Harry's chest and he embraced her and hugged her closer, so that she could hear his heartbeat. They had known each other since the age of eleven, and after all those years, one came to know a few things about the other one. They knew all the little things about each other, like the favourite food or colour, for instance, but they also knew each other deeper. They could see right through most façades the other put on, every mask they wore and nobody was able to read the silent messages as good as the other one. Harry knew exactly that nothing could calm Hermione as well as the silence of nature, his secure embrace and his heartbeat.
Hermione felt loved and secure for the first time since the incident in Paris. She had really missed the feeling, and she was glad to know that they did not die with her beloved parents. Harry, who had also lost his parents, knew better than anyone else in the world what Hermione felt like, he understood her pain and sorrow and he didn't force her to actually talk about what she went through. Of course, he would be there for her whenever she would decide that she needed to talk but, unlike Ron, he wouldn't force the confessions out of her. Ronald wasn't the type of guy who was able to stand the silence and to just listen whenever Hermione would feel the need to talk about something.
Harry and Hermione sat there in silence, watching the sunset. The sky was fiery red and Hermione was fascinated by the orange-yellow sun disappearing in the dark of the lake. From time to time, Hermione felt romantically and she was really glad that nobody except Harry would see her silly, girly fascination.
Hermione was the one to break the silence.
"It's beautiful out here, isn't it? Just sitting on the riverbank, admiring the sunset. A peaceful moment like this was everything I dreamt of through the war."
Hermione smiled blissfully and Harry wasn't able to suppress the happiness running through his veins. Hermione must have been send from the gods above to make their life a little brighter, because that was what she did with every smile and even every frown on her cute face. When she scowled at them for being lazy or breaking the rules, she always did it in her personal way of which they had been used now for many years. A few years ago, she had just been a plain little bookworm, a stuck up know-it-all without any friends until Ron and Harry saved her from the troll. These years had been funny, maybe even carefree. Sure enough, the darkness had been lurking in the corners but it had not attacked him. All these memories seemed to be so far away, like they were from an entirely different life.
"Yes, it is wonderful here, Hermione. Unbelievable beautiful and peaceful. When I experience calm hours like this or when I see all those laughing faces around me, I know why we fought all those years. I know that all the pain wasn't fruitless. We should think of all the loved ones who sacrificed their life in the war to secure the happiness and peace of the living. I'm very grateful that I can see it wasn't worthless. ."
Thinking of all the dead people who had given their life fighting against Voldemort, Harry and Hermione just stared at the calm surface of the lake. All those people had sacrificed their life for a better world, believing that the Golden Trio would finally make it right again. And they really did. They saved the day once again, but at what cost? They saw all the laughing faces that were once full of life in front of their eyes. They regretted their deaths, their sufferings, they really did, but they knew that they couldn't have changed anything without risking the victory. Nothing happened without a reason, the lesson Dumbledore had taught Harry again and again.
As if reading each others thoughts, the two friends rose as one, and walked towards the castle with linked arms. They entered the Great Hall in same fashion, which really wasn't a surprise to anyone, even though not one of the many students thought that they were involved romantically...
They shared a special understanding between them and there was nothing anyone could do to take them away from each other. They were loyal to the bone. Hermione had been tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange, but nevertheless she was able to stand by Harry. She did not give in under the pressure of the Cruciatus Curse. What was there left to say about their friendship? Nothing. Period!
There wasn't anything deeper between them than friendship, although it was friendship of the strongest kind. Although, if anyone had studied Harry, they might have noticed a small change in the way he looked at Hermione.
They sat down at their normal spot on the Gryffindor table when Sirius entered the Hall, grinning madly while making his way towards the two. Hermione couldn't help but think of their little "conversation" in the library, and blushed under his curious gaze. He winked knowingly and turned towards his godson, who was looking at him expectantly.
"Harry, Hermione."
Sirius didn't say anything about the way his godson and Hermione acted. They were laughing and smiling at each other. They were cosy and too close for his comfort. Of course, he was an old man when he considered her age, and would probably be believed to be robbing the cradle. Beside, he had no right to interfere in a growing relationship of young people, but he would have to talk with Harry about this. It was absolutely necessary, because there surely would be things his Godson did not know about women and feelings and stuff like that. Not that Sirius himself was an expert on feelings, but he definitely knew a few things about how to charm witches in general. He had not been a womanizer for nothing in his youth.
Of course, Sirius wouldn't advice him to seduce a female student just to show that he is able to, especially not Hermione. No, she wasn't a girl, or even lady. But Harry and Hermione were just friends, he knew that. Nothing more.
"Hey Sirius, how was your first day back at Hogwarts? "
"Well, I honestly can't complain. I'm really looking forward to my first lesson, although Moony says that I'll be the worst teacher Hogwarts has ever seen. And will see in the next century."
Sirius grinned at the thought of his long time friend.
"Honestly Sirius, Remus would never say something like that. He is your best friend. I'm sure you just misinterpreted the whole conversation."
Harry and Sirius started laughing at Hermione's try to sooth things over, as she always did. Even when she didn't know what was said or done. She just believed the best in every person and was eager enough to fight for their honour. It was one of the typical features both Harry and Sirius liked so much about her.
"Nah, a Black doesn't misinterpret something. We are always very attentive and we get what we want nearly all the time. I thought you knew that, Hermione didn't you? "
Hermione didn't like the path this conversation was heading down and so she just shrugged her shoulders. He could talk all he wanted, she secretly knew Remus Lupin better than most of the other people and she was sure he wouldn't criticise his best friend in such a manner before he even had a chance to prove himself.
"They have scheduled the necessary test for tonight. I hope you two will be there, won't you? With Ronald, of course. I know these tests aren't worth your time because, well, you know what I mean, but just think of it as an amusement."
He patted the back of his godson and left with a wink in Hermione's direction. The smile on his lips was seductive and devilish and Hermione felt her cheeks redden. She cursed silently that the damn Sirius Black was able to make her blush every time they met.
How did you like the scene between Hermione and Harry at the lake? Or her little emotional break-down? I just wanted to show you a different Hermione behind the new façade. Nothing is the way it seems…
If you have got some ideas or criticisms please tell me. I would really, really appreciate reviews and I promise to answer each and every question.
I like my readers to decide what is going to happen to Hermione and the guys in her life so it is partly your decision what is going to happen.
