A/N: Happy day two! Possible triggers for this chapter…Would body dysmorphia be one? Because that's kind of addressed in this chapter. I don't know…And there's a slight mention of Lana's self-harming problem, but it's just that. A mention. And there's a part of this based on my own personal past experience and writing it kind of sucked. Nothing like war flashbacks. But wasn't it Hemmingway that said to write hard and clear about what hurts? Well…This hurt. Enjoy, guys. See you at the end.
I was really loving my new rut. Warm, cozy. The host club definitely did me more good than I thought it would when I first walked through these doors. I hadn't had an inkling of my anxiety all day. I got a smile out of Kyoya in biology. I felt like I could probably take on anything the world had to throw at me. it had been a long time since I've felt this good.
I walked into the host club with a smile on my face and excitement in my heart. This newfound attitude did not go unnoticed by the club. And of course, the first one to spot me like a heat seeking missile would be their fearless leader.
"Princess Lana!" Tamaki squeaked, "Always a pleasure to see you. You seem different, though. Could it be your cerulean eyes shining a little brighter? Perhaps the blush in your cheeks a little more prominent?"
"Or the fact that I'm in a good mood for a change," I giggled, rolling my eyes at him, "If you were ever planning on introducing me to Renge, now would be the time."
"Renge's out sick today," Kyoya skimmed through his notebook. After our trip to the library yesterday, I couldn't look at him the same way. I saw Kyoya vulnerable. Something none of his regulars would ever see. Hell, the host club would probably never see it either.
"Just my luck," I sat down, not letting it ruin my mood.
"Who are you sitting with today, Lana-chan?" Honey asked me, sitting on my lap.
"You know what?" I thought out loud, "I don't know, Honey. I really don't."
"In that case…" a dark grin appeared on Hikaru's face.
"Why don't you come with us?" his brother mirrored him, "Would that be ok with you?"
"Sounds good to me," I allowed with my weird spark of 'say yes to life' attitude, "Where are we going?"
"On a field trip!" they spoke in unison.
"Ever been treated like a princess?" Hikaru wondered.
"No…" I started to get a little nervous. Always did when those two were up to something, "Not that I remember anyway."
"Is it alright with you, boss?" Kaoru begged, "Can we clear our afternoon to play with Lana?"
"You…what…?" Tamaki dissolved into the shadows, "You want to skip out on the host club to take Daddy's other little girl somewhere…?"
"Um…" I gave Tamaki a look, "My dad's in the States. He's not you."
"Mommy dear…" he wept.
"What, Tamaki?" Kyoya groaned. I have a feeling he's done thins a time or two before.
"Do you think it's a good idea?" he worried.
"I think Lana is capable of making her own decisions," Kyoya explained, "She's aware of her limits. I'm sure if Hikaru and Kaoru get to be too much, they'll stop what they're doing immediately. Isn't that right?"
A red glint sparked in Kyoya's eyes as he shot a glare at the twins, striking fear into their very souls. And Mori's confirmation grunt solidified it. It even gave me chills. Hikaru threw an arm around me, "Don't worry, Kyoya-senpai."
"We can take care of Lana," Kaoru promised, "Wouldn't be the first time."
"That's very true," I confirmed, "I'm sure I can handle these two."
"By yourself?" Tamaki wrapped his arms around me, attempting to snap me in half, "I don't want anything to happen to you, Lana."
"Tamaki," I pried him off my waist, "I'm fine. I've been good all day. Your concern is appreciated, but I'll be ok."
"So, does that mean we can go?" the twins harmonized.
"I don't see a problem with it," Kyoya answered for Tamaki, who still pouted in his shadowy corner, "As long as Lana comes back in one complete piece."
"What about us?" Kaoru whined.
"Shouldn't we come back in one piece, too?" Hikaru shared his sentiment.
"I guess so," Kyoya shot a quick, discreet wink at me, sending butterflies directly to my stomach, "I'm sure our attendance would slip if you two were out of commission for a while. And we can't have that. Lana, are you sure you'll be able to handle it?"
"I'm clean, Kyoya," I told, "I'm sure I can manage."
He knew. He understood completely what that meant. The others looked at me like I was on drugs, but Kyoya understood. Mori knew, too. I hadn't marred my skin in any way, shape, or form in a couple of months. I didn't want to break my streak.
"Alright," he let me go, "If they get to be too much…"
"I got it," I smiled, my heart radiating a warmth from the inside. It was so sweet when these boys worried over me. Unnecessary, but sweet.
"See you tomorrow!" the twins took each of my arms and practically dragged me out of the host club.
Dear God. When these boys had a mission, they really did take it seriously. And apparently, making me a princess was their mission. I wasn't really sure what that was going to entail, but I guess I was saying yes to life. I did say I was ready for anything today. I didn't know that the anything was going to be an afternoon with the Hitachiin twins.
They dragged me into the back of a limo and we left Ouran in the rearview mirror. It's alright, Lana. It's not like they're taking you to your death. With that little overprotective sneer Kyoya gave them, I'm sure they wouldn't dare hurting me. And I'm almost positive that Mori would be the one doing the execution. Something tells me he could seriously hold his own in a fight. And the twins would be bugs on a windshield.
"Uh, guys?" I watched out my window as the giant buildings passed by, "Is this Shibuya?"
"Sure is," Hikaru chirped.
"We were thinking Omotesando*," Kaoru admitted, "But we opted against it."
"Shibuya's a better fit," Hikaru assumed.
Shibuya was usually pretty busy this time of day. Everyone's gotten out of school. Students lined the streets. Night classes wouldn't start for another few hours. And everyone would tend to congregate here. It was kind of like a diner I went to back in the States after school. I had a regular booth that I'd sit and drink my lemonade in with an open sketchbook. But the thing about Shibuya? It was just like my diner…only bigger. And louder.
Say yes to life, Lana. You'll be alright. Besides, remember the nonverbal death threat Kyoya gave Hikaru and Kaoru before we left? And Mori only had to make a slight noise. Kind of nice to have the brains and the brawn of the host club backing me. This was going to be a rare good day, wasn't it? Granted, I was still careful, but let's call it being cautiously optimistic.
The twins took me everywhere. Honestly, I kind of just wanted to return to those good old days of my corner booth, my lemonade, and my sketchbook. But when I say we went everywhere, I mean we went everywhere. Shops, salons, and I wasn't allowed to pick anything. Or pay for anything. Anytime I tried to take out any sort of money, whether it be the little bit of cash I carry or my debit card, they'd yell at me. At one point, Hikaru took my wallet from me and tucked it into the inner pocket of his uniform blazer.
"You guys," I stopped them, my fingers a soft shade of rose with little rhinestones toward my cuticles like something out of a magical girl anime, "This is too much."
"Lana," Hikaru scolded me lightly.
"We have credit cards for this kind of thing," Kaoru justified.
"It's not a problem!" they chimed together.
"If we want to spoil you," Hikaru said.
"We will," Kaoru finished his brother's sentence. That was definitely something I'll never get used to.
I just shook my head, rolled my eyes, and went with it, "Fine. I guess I'll just have to live with it, won't I?"
"Welcome to the program!" the twins harmonized, dragging me into another shop. This one looked a lot more upscale than the others we've been in. I wasn't allowed to look around. I had to stay locked in a dressing room until one or both of them came back. And usually, they'd have armfuls. If I were shopping by myself, I'd never dream of even looking at some of these things.
I didn't have the body for half of this. I had boobs that gave me back problems and too much chub to be putting it in freaking crop tops, you morons! That's just wonderful. I needed more shirt. And more skirt. I couldn't do miniskirts, either! My thighs were massive. If I wasn't careful, I could knock over a small child just by walking next to them.
Dammit…There it is. There's the other shoe. I felt my stomach knot up and here it comes. My inevitable breakdown. Fantastic. Just what I wanted today. I was doing so well, but heaven forbid, if Lana has a good day. I put my back against the mirror to keep myself from seeing the disgusting pig staring back at me. One day. Just ONE. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and NOT have this problem.
"Lana?" a pair of voices broke my light sobs, "Are you ok?"
"No," I snarled, "Go away!"
"Lana…" only one voice on the other side of the door, "It's Kaoru. Please. Will you let me in?"
"No," I softened a little, "Go away."
"I'm going to go get her some water," Hikaru excused himself.
"Ok," Kaoru let his brother go, "Please, Lana. Talk to me."
"No," I swallowed back anymore tears trying to force their way up my throat, "Just go, Kaoru…"
"I don't want to," his hand slipped under the door, taking mine, "You don't have to talk, but I'm not going anywhere."
"I'd rather you did," my breathing started to even out a little, "I can get through this by myself. It wouldn't be the first time. Probably won't be the last."
"You shouldn't have to do this alone," Kaoru ran his thumb over mine, "I've always had my brother, so I've never had to deal with being alone. I'd always have him. No matter what happened. I'd always have Hikaru around. We've never relied on anyone else. I can't imagine the kind of hell that's raging through your head right now, Lana, but it's completely unnecessary. And if you want to talk about it, I'm sure either one of us would be more than happy to listen."
The suck part about being me when I'm upset? Whenever someone tries to make it better, it only makes me worse. And the burden was definitely becoming too much for me to bear on my own. I didn't care that I was practically half naked at this point in nothing but my underwear and my cardigan. I cracked the door to my dressing room, letting Kaoru in, and bawled in his shoulder for a little while. I remembered back to my time in the hospital when they would force THC pills down my throat to increase my appetite. At least those made me feel a nice, calm buzz for a while.
"Body dysmorphia sucks," I hiccupped, coming down a little more, "I don't like mirrors for that very reason. I've always been teased relentlessly about my appearance and I always took their comments to heart. That's why I can never take a compliment without thinking that they're lying to me as a sick, twisted joke."
"It's not your fault," Kaoru assured, cradling me in his arms, "They're blinded by how stunning you really are."
"That's right," Hikaru rolled a bottle of water under the door, "That was kind of the objective of today, Lana. We've been meaning to do it for a while now. We didn't mean for it to turn into this."
"It was kind of working," I admitted, taking a good, healthy drink, "This was strangely fun. Until this happened."
"Even when I took your wallet?" Hikaru teased.
"Yes," I giggled a little, "Even when you took my wallet. I'm sorry I put you guys through this. You shouldn't have to either see me like this or be the ones to put me back together."
"That's what we're here for," Kaoru promised.
"If you ever need us, Lana," Hikaru comforted, "Say something."
"We'll be by your side whenever you need it," Kaoru kissed the top of my head, "I'm going to let you get changed and we'll go, ok?"
"Ok," I smiled a little, letting Kaoru out, "Thanks, boys."
"No problem!" they chimed.
I was left in my dressing room with nothing but my thoughts. Any other day, that thought would've been pure terror. But the twins made it all better. I finished the rest of my water and put my uniform back on. The twins were sweet enough to get me ice cream on the way back to my house. If anything could make me feel better, it was the cold sweetness that ice cream was. And the massive sandwich hug I got from the twins before I went home.
A/N: To my lovely guest comment from yesterday (?), yes! You were, in fact, right! You clever, clever bean, you. A date with the Hitachiin boys makes the world a better place. I had some people in my comments section saying how much Hikaru and Kaoru were their favorite hosts, so why not? Why not let these two make you feel a little more body positive? And I love these boys like you wouldn't believe. They're so adorable. My little anime Fred and George Weasley…But that's here nor there. Anyway, I'll see you guys tomorrow and I'll see you next chapter. xx
*Omotesando: A district in Tokyo known for upscale shopping, fashion, and design.
