I don't own the Wardstone Chronicles.

This is some Lamia x John Ward. Enjoy!

The stormy grey eyes & everything are a reference to Zeus, by the way. I imagine he would have those, seeing as how he was the god of the sky and everything in Greece.

I know he has questions.

I can see them in his eyes, sometimes. I can see it in the way his mouth opens, then closes for the briefest of times when he considers it . I can see it in the way his voice changes when he wants to ask, the way it becomes unbearably soft and gentle, as if he is afraid he will frighten me. I can see it in the way he frowns, in the way he looks at me, in all those small ways any human would be able to see if he of she was willing to pay attention enough to notice.

What bothers me , is that I can also notice it in a way no human ever could. In the way his heart flutters , before accelerating. In the way his breathing gets a little harder. In the way his blood flows faster.

I can notice it in so many ways, as a human could've but also as my kind could have – if they had refrained from killing long enough to do so of course- and I always panic just a little.

I panic, because it reminds me of what I am, I panic because I am afraid I will lose control and I panic, because I am afraid he will somehow notice. That he will somehow notice that I can smell so much better than him, that I can hear small sounds no human will ever hear, that I can use magic that could destroy anyone.

I am afraid he will notice just how different I am from him and that he will leave. I am afraid that the affection in love in his eyes will change into revolt and anger. I am afraid of getting my heart broken again.

It's ironic really.

It's ironic that this life I didn't want is now something I can't bear to lose. It's ironic that the man that I only saw as a means to an end, now is the one that makes my heart flutter.

It's ironic that I have fallen in love with one of the creatures that hates my kind.

I didn't expect it to happen. I foresaw many things, but I would have never foreseen losing my heart another time. And especially not to a human.

But he isn't just a human, he is different somehow. Perhaps it's the way he says my name, like a prayer. Perhaps it is the adoration, near worship in his eyes.

Or perhaps it is the look in his eyes when the first was born.

He looked stunned, overwhelmed really. His eyes grew a little moist and he smiled at me. He smiled at me with such honestly and love that I couldn't help smiling back. I actually felt happy , despite the exhaustion and the soreness and the way my hips felt. I think it is , because he didn't run.

I had been afraid he would till that moment, not able to really shake off the fear that he would leave , that history would repeat itself. I knew he wouldn't, but it was all I could think about for some time.

About those stormy grey eyes, that handsome face, the way I had completely given myself to him. About how right it had felt to be with him, to ignore that little voice that warned me. About how wrong it felt when I realized what I had done, when I realized the danger I and the precious children in my womb were in. And the devastation, the anger, the sorrow when she appeared and took them from me.

I cried then. I screamed, yelled, cried, but I couldn't do anything. I was powerless against her, despite all my power, I was still powerless.

And he wouldn't do anything.

I sometimes still dream about that moment, about realizing he wouldn't help me, wouldn't even help his own children. I still dream about that painful moment. It has haunted me for millennia.

But the weirdest thing is, it isn't like before.

I still feel it every day, I still am reminded of him and it by little things, but my dreams are slowly changing. Instead of seeing stormy grey eyes, I now see my husband's eyes . Instead of their lifeless bodies, I see my children's life reflected in the way they run around or simply laugh. Instead of hearing her sharp , mocking voice, I hear their small voices and calls of Mom.

I no longer have to fear sleeping, I no longer have to carry around all that weight. I no longer have those nightmares, those painful reminders of what once happened. I finally no longer am bothered by them.

I finally feel like I can really live again.

I love him all the more for that.

And I don't want to lose that love, don't want to feel the agony all over again, so I never tell him. I ignore the questions in his eyes, distract him when he actually asks one and do everything I can to avoid raising more questions.

It isn't that I don't want to tell him, it's just that I can't . Because all his love, all the kindness , all the adoration he shows and gives me will turn into revolt and hate and I know now I won't be able to survive that. My heart won't be able to survive.

Not a second time anyway.