A Promise to Keep
Chapter 7
Later, much later, Jethro would reflect back on the decision to shower after he got to Jenny's instead of at the gym. He would think about how different things would have been if the locker room hadn't been so crowded that day. He would imagine his life if only he hadn't gone in Jenny's bathroom to take a shower. And he would shudder at the thought.
Jethro laid out his clean clothes on the bed and pulled the blue velvet ring box out of his bag. He opened it and looked at the ring for the umpteenth time. He liked it a lot and he was sure Jenny would too. But, if she didn't they could get something different. Jethro closed his eyes and pictured in his mind how he was going to propose. He had it all worked out and had even practiced at home a few nights ago. He was excited and happy and nervous all at the same time. If she didn't say yes he knew he'd be very disappointed but he vowed to himself he'd just accept it and try again. He wasn't going to give up.
Jenny's meeting finally ended and she was on her way home about the time Jethro stepped into the shower. In traffic it normally took her almost thirty minutes to get home. She knew Jethro was probably already there. She pictured him sitting in the living room with the television on having a well earned drink. She tried to put her worries out of her mind but she knew this evening was going to be very difficult. Jenny suspected Jethro was at a point in their relationship where he wanted more than she was ready to give him. She didn't want to lose him necessarily but she was pretty sure when she told him she was taking the job in London in the summer he was going to be very unhappy. She had thought about waiting a few more months but that wasn't going to work. He'd probably find out somehow; like he did other things and then he'd be upset at her. She had decided that if they were going to break up anyway maybe it would be better to get it over with. She couldn't believe she was really thinking of ending it with Jethro. She cared for him very much, she loved being with him in every way but she wasn't in love with him. She refused to be. She told herself every day she wasn't in love. She was going to London for the job of her dreams and nothing and no one, not even Leroy Jethro Gibbs was going to stop her.
The other issue, the one that had kept her up at night all week was something else she needed to deal with but Jethro wasn't going to know about that. She sent him a text while she sat at a long red light telling him she was on her way. Then she started rehearsing what she was going to say and trying to anticipate his responses. Jenny knew Jethro as well as anyone except maybe Mike but she didn't really have much of an idea as to how he was going to react tonight. She hoped for the best.
Jethro finished his shower and stood at the sink shaving. When he was finished he dropped his razor in the trash can. At least he tried to. He missed so he bent down to pick it up and when he did he glanced in the trash and saw something that froze him in place. He'd seen a few of those boxes when he was married so he didn't even need to read the label to know what he was looking at. An at-home pregnancy test. Two in fact. Jethro sat down on the toilet seat and pulled the trash can out from beside the sink. He sat there staring at the empty boxes for a long minute. Then, being the investigator he was he reached in and pulled out the store receipt he saw there. The date of the purchase of two tests and bottle of Advil was last Saturday. So, he thought, while I was shopping for a ring Jenny was buying pregnancy tests. He checked through the rest of the trash but the indicator sticks weren't there. He put the trash back in the can and sat very still for a long time.
Finally, Jethro got up and went into the bedroom and got dressed. He was trying to figure out what, if anything, he was going to say to Jenny about what he'd found. Now he thought he knew why she had been so distant and tense sounding on the phone this week. He tried to decide if he thought that meant the test had been positive and she was nervous about telling him or if it had been negative and she disappointed. Then he tried to decide which he wanted it to be. They had certainly not talked about children. He knew he wanted another child or children some day and he was pretty sure he wanted them with Jenny but now would be a bit complicated. Well, he told himself, we'll figure it out. Maybe there wouldn't be anything to decide anyway. Maybe the tests were negative. Holding onto that thought, Jethro went downstairs to wait for Jenny.
Jethro found he couldn't sit still. The idea of a child was starting to nag at his brain. He had absolutely loved being a dad. After Kelly died though he told himself he wouldn't have another child. He never expected to be in love again anyway and he never wanted to face the possibility of losing another child. But, here he was with an engagement ring in his pocket and the possibility of a baby lingering in the back of his mind. He tried not to think about it and he refused to let himself be even the least bit excited but the idea was still there; floating around in his mind as he paced back and forth waiting for Jenny. He wouldn't bring it up first if he could help it. But if she wasn't forthcoming with the information pretty quickly he knew he wouldn't be able to hold out for long. He finally poured himself a shot of bourbon, downed it and when to check on their food.
Between the idea of Jenny being pregnant and his impending proposal, Jethro was about to jump out of his skin. He couldn't remember ever feeling so nervous, scared and excited all at the same time. He paced back and forth in the kitchen, checked the food again and opened the wine. He reisted the urge to take a big gulp right from the bottle.
Approaching her driveway Jenny took a deep breath and tried to settle her mind. She was going to enjoy a nice dinner with a man she cared deeply for, then tell him about her job offer and see where that took them. Maybe he was fine with the way things were and she was just imagining that he was getting serious about them. It's all going to be alright she told herself. Tonight wasn't going to be the end. It was just a bump in the road and they still had several months before she would go to London. No reason to think things couldn't go on just the way they had been for the past year. Jenny relaxed as she shut off the car. She never gave a thought to the fact that she had forgotten to empty the upstairs trash this morning for the trash collection. She never thought about the possibility that Jethro had showered in her bathroom and seen what she had forgotten was in the trash can. She went in the house with a smile on her face looking forward to a nice evening. It wasn't going to happen.
Jethro heard her coming in the door and went to meet her in the hallway.
"Hey, you made good time. I've missed you this week."
Jethro wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. She returned the favor then, when he loosend his grip she kissed him on the mouth.
"Long week for both of us. Your case wrap up okay?"
"Yep. All finished. You hungry? Fettucini is waiting."
"I'm famished. Do I have time to change first?"
"Sure. I'll get it out and by the time you get back it will be perfect."
"I'll hurry. How about a kiss before I go?"
Jethro happily obliged her with a slow, lingering kiss that literally stole her breath away. When the kiss ended he held her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead. Jenny hugged him then scooted up the stairs to get into something more comfortable.
As soon as she stepped into the bathroom she realized Jethro had been in there. The shower doors were wet, his towel was wet and the familiar scent of him lingered in the air. She stood very still and then risked a glance at the trash can. One of his disposable razors that he kept at her house was in there. Right next to the home pregnancy test box.
'Shit, shit, shit. He knows. What the hell am I going to do now? Tell him it was negative. No worries. Kiss him and tell him it was negative and then go eat and get on with the night.'
Jenny quickly changed her clothes, pulled her hair up into a loose pony tail and headed back downstairs. Jethro was taking the garlic bread out of the oven when she stepped into the kitchen. There were fresh flowers on the bar and their places were set. Wine was poured. Jenny began to wonder if Jethro had something on his mind because this was more than the usual take-out dinner routine they had on Friday nights. Her confidence slipped a notch.
When he turned around and looked at her over the bar her confidence fell several notches. The look on his face confirmed that he had seen what was in the trash can. He smiled at her and the love she saw in his eyes wiped away any thought that she could get through this evening unscathed. This was going to be a lot harder than she expected.
They looked at each other for a long moment. Jethro leaned back against the counter and Jenny stood where she was, the bar between them.
"Go ahead Jethro."
"What was the result?"
She hesitated. Looked off to the right then looked at him and said, "Negative".
Problem was she hesitated a second too long and she couldn't look him in the eye. She was lying and he knew it.
"Jen."
"What?"
"Why are you lying to me?"
"I'm not lying. The tests were negative."
Jethro paused, tamped down his anger and said, "Jen, I interrogate liars for a living. Some of them are very good. You are not. For god's sake Jenny tell me the truth."
"Oh alright, it was positive."
She tried to gauge what his reaction meant but she couldn't decipher what she was seeing on his face. She thought it might be panic, or anger or maybe just confusion. When he didn't say anything she went on in a rush.
"Don't worry, I'm not keeping it. Nothing has to change for us. I'm taking care of it."
Jethro saw red and felt like he couldn't breathe. All he heard was a roaring in his head. He blinked and tried to grasp what she had just said. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The woman he loved was standing four feet away from him telling him she was going to kill his child. Oh hell no!
He roared at her in a voice she had never heard before, "What the hell are you saying? You're not keeping it? You're going to kill our child?"
Her voice was almost as loud and just as indignant as his, "Jethro, now is not the time for me to have a baby. We're…we're…I don't even know what we are. We've never talked about a future, certainly not about a baby. I'm not in any position to have a child. I don't want to have a child. I will take care of this. You don't have to worry about it."
He exploded.
"You can't do that! I won't let you. That's my child and I won't let you kill it."
His tone and the look on his face scared Jenny. She had definitely never seen Jethro in a rage and he was certainly in one now. She bucked up her own anger and stubbornness.
"I don't think you can stop me. It's my decision. Jethro if I'd remembered to take out the trash this morning you wouldn't even have ever known about this."
They stood in the deafening silence of the kitchen, both angry and both determined. Jethro looked at her and she managed to hold his glare and return it. Then something changed. His face softened and tears filled his eyes. Jenny was so shocked she didn't move. She just stared at him.
Jethro was looking at a woman he had been prepared to propose to just minutes before. Now he didn't think he knew her. He was processing the idea that she was willing to abort their child without even telling him about it. How could he have been so wrong? He took a deep breath and with a voice choked with emotion he pleaded with her.
"Jenny, please don't do this. Please don't take a child away from me."
Her response was quiet and practical sounding.
"Jethro, this isn't the time for us to have a child. For me to have a child. I'm taking a job in London in June. I can't take a child with me. I don't want to take a child with me. I don't want to have a child now. I'm sorry you found out about this but think about it logically and you'll see I'm right. I've thought this through and I've made up my mind. I'm sorry it upsets you so."
Jethro brushed aside his tears and when he responded this time his voice was hard and cold and very quiet. Frighteningly so.
"Upsets me? Are you freaking kidding me? I'm so far past upset I can't even tell you. This is not going to happen, Jen. I have rights and I'll exercise them. You're not taking my child away from me. Do you think your bosses will want you going off to your fancy new job after you're involved in a nasty, public fight with me over the life of my child? I don't think so."
Jenny roared back at him, "Don't you dare threaten me, Jethro!"
"I'm not threatening you. I'm telling you what's going to happen if you don't change your mind. I'll do whatever it takes to stop you."
"Are you going to keep me under constant surveillance?"
"If I have to."
Jenny was furious. She wanted to hit him. She never imagined such a reaction and she was at a loss as to explain it. She had no idea Jethro felt so strongly about abortion or children in general for that matter.
They both took some breaths and tried to calm themselves down.
"Jenny, I'm begging you, don't do this. I'll take the baby, you won't have to do anything you don't want to do once he or she is born. Please, don't take this child away from me. I'll pay for everything. I'll take care of you. You wont' have to do anything."
"Except carry a child I don't want for nine months and then give birth to it."
"It's only a few months, Jenny. I know you'll do all the work but we're talking about ending a life here. A life that will last a lot longer than nine months. I'll take care of everything and I'll raise the child alone if that's what you want. You can go to London and have your career. The baby won't interfere with that. I'm begging you. Don't make me force the issue because I promise you I will."
Jethro was standing right in front of her now and his intensity was unsettling. He wanted to touch her, hold her and make her understand. At the same time he wanted to shake her and god help him he very nearly wanted to hurt her. He refused to tell her about Kelly at this point because that seemed like using his dead daughter and he wouldn't do that. He had to make her understand what she was doing to him without using that information.
"Jethro why are you so adamant about this?"
"Because we're talking about a child I helped create. I don't want that child destroyed because you think it's inconvenient or bad timing or upsets your life plan." He spat his words in a torrent of anger and bitterness.
Neither of them said anything for what seemed like a long time. The food was cooling on the stove, the wine was breathing and the two of them stood in the middle of the kitchen glaring at each other. Both of them stubborn and sure they were right. Both of them shocked by the turn of the evening. Jethro felt the ring in his pocket and almost cried he was so devastated by the loss of his dream. He was determined not to lose another child if there was any possible way to prevent it.
Jenny finally spoke, "I think you should go Jethro."
"Not until you tell me you won't kill this baby."
"I could tell you that now and go do it on Monday and you can't stop me."
Jethro felt like something was crushing his chest. He flashed back to Kuwait and his commander telling him his family was dead. He stepped up right against her and took her bicep in his hand. He gripped her tightly and said in the most menacing voice she'd ever heard, "You don't want to do that Jen."
Jenny tried to pull her arm away but he had a firm grip on her.
"Jethro, let go of me. You're hurting me."
Jethro loosened his grip minimally. He knew there would be evidence of his grip on her arm the next day.
"Don't threaten me, Jethro. I don't react well to that."
"It's not a threat Jen. It's a statement of fact. It would be a mistake for you to do that." The coldness and certainty in his voice was very unsettling.
Jenny wanted to argue with him but honestly at the moment she was afraid of him. Jethro had never so much as raised his voice to her and had certainly never physically harmed her. Even when they got rough in bed he apologized if he even thought he'd hurt her. This was a whole new side to Jethro that she didn't want to deal with.
"I want you to go."
"I want your word, Jenny."
He knew he was scaring her. He hated himself for it but he was grasping at straws at the moment and the outcome was more important to him than the process.
"I won't do anything without talking to you again. I want you to go. We both need to calm down. You have my word."
"Thank you."
Jethro walked out of the kitchen and to the front door. Jenny stood in the kitchen for a moment then followed him to the door. He stopped on the porch and turned to look at her. The sadness she saw on his face startled her.
"Jethro, think about your life, your job, the hours you keep. Be reasonable. What would you do with a child?"
He looked at her with a grim, desolate expression and said, "Love him. Protect him."
Then he walked to his car and Jenny went back in the house.
Jethro was operating on autopilot. He backed out of the driveway but only made it halfway down the block before he pulled over and parked. He sat in the car staring at Jenny's house. He couldn't believe what had happened in the last half hour. He tried to think logically but he just couldn't. All he could do was feel and what he felt was so confusing he didn't know what to think. He was sitting, staring at the house because he didn't know what else to do. Part of him was afraid Jenny would leave and go somewhere she could get an abortion and he wouldn't be able to stop her. Another part of him wanted to trust her to keep her word to him. He knew he'd scared her and he knew she believed him when he said he'd do whatever was necessary to stop her from killing his child.
Jenny went in the house and collapsed on the couch in sheer exhaustion. The emotional encounter with Jethro left her weak and shaky. She was so stunned by his overpowering reaction to her news that she couldn't really think straight. As a woman she firmly believed it was her right to carry or not carry a fetus and to have an abortion if she wanted one. She had to admit that Jethro, as the father should have some say in the situation but she still thought it was ultimately up to her. Having Jethro be so adamant and so emotional about the situation had really surprised her. She had agreed to wait partly out of fear and partly out of respect for his wishes. She was loathe to admit her fear but it was there and it was real. Of course she knew Jethro was capable of violence; it came with his job and his past as a Marine sniper. She just never imagined that violence would be directed at her or even threatened to her. Jenny lay down on the couch and pulled an afgan over herself and fell into a fitful sleep.
After an hour of sitting in his car Jethro was still numb but he decided to go home. Even after everything, he had to admit he trusted Jenny and he was sure she would keep her word to him. If she didn't, well he didn't want to think about that so he didn't. He drove home in a daze and went straight to the basement and his boat and a bottle of bourbon.
Sanding on his boat always relaxed Jethro, took his mind off whatever was going on but tonight it simply didn't work. He couldn't stop thinking about being a father again. Having a child with Jenny. The idea she would carry the baby to term and just turn it over to him and not be involved didn't seem possible to Jethro. He thought he knew Jenny and he couldn't imagine the sweet, passionate woman he had spent the last year with would turn her back on her own child. It made him angry to think that could happen. Jethro had every confidence that he could raise a child but he believed children needed two parents; he didn't want Jenny to abandon this child with him.
Since the sanding wasn't working Jethro turned his attention to the bourbon. After a few drinks he abandoned the sanding all together and devoted himself to getting drunk. The more he drank though the more confused and sad he became. He couldn't explain to himself how he had been so wrong about Jenny. Over and over again he asked himself how he could have spent so much time in such intimate situations with her and not known she was capable of willfully deceiving him to the point of aborting his child without his knowledge. To save time and energy he stopped pouring his drinks and just took them right from the bottle. It had been a very long time since he sat alone and got drunk. He stared around the basement and pictured Jenny sitting on the old couch reading and watching him sand. Then he pictured her pressed against the side of the boat, her shirt off and her mouth on his. A few more drinks and all he could think about was the fact he wasn't going to have that anymore. The touch of her hands on his body, the feel of her lying atop him, the sensation of being inside her while she fell apart beneath him calling his name. The tears came then and he finished the bottle and passed out on the hard, cold floor.
TBC
