Rough Timeline relation – Living at Waylon's home. Post chapter 13
…
…
"You know." Sebastian commented over his cup of hot chocolate one morning. "I didn't think you'd start avoiding me."
He wouldn't have had the spine to say something like that if Waylon was around. But as it was the owner of the house was blessedly absent from the room. Leaving Sebastian free to express himself naturally. It would never cease to irritate and amaze Jeremy in equal measure just how effortlessly Sebastian smothered his nastier qualities whenever someone else was within earshot.
Given that he was free to speak whatever part of his mind he liked, Jeremy was a little surprised by what part of his mind he chose to express. Not sure what to make of the accusation Jeremy glanced over his shoulder at the seated man with a little questioning scowl. He didn't need to say it; his expression was more than enough to ask what the hell Sinclair was talking about.
Sebastian for his part looked incredibly comfortable. As though he'd somehow managed to catch Jeremy in the act of lying. "You have been, haven't you?" He pressed on, ignoring Jeremy's glaring. "Ever since we had that little…chat on the balcony you've been putting some good space between us."
"Oh, because that's so unreasonable." Jeremy bit out sharply, eyes tossing more than his own fair share of accusations. "Given you nearly toppled me off it."
Humming quietly in acknowledgement, Sebastian merely continued to smile and that infuriated Jeremy. He could at least pretend to be guilty for that, although the act would have sent shivers of disgust up his spine. Jeremy rather disliked Sebastian pretended to be saintly when he was anything but now days. With a lazy shrug Sebastian sat back into his seat, the steaming cup grasped between his fingers.
Although Jeremy noticed that he couldn't hold it for long with his left hand. Risking a glance he saw that the heated surface of the mug had inflamed his burns. The blonde didn't draw any attention to this, pretending he was unbothered by it. "True but avoiding me seems a bit unlike you." Sebastian pointed out, dragging Jeremy's attention away from the scarred hands. "And given the amount of time we lived together—
"In captivity"
"—I never noticed you putting distance between us before." Sebastian shot him a warning look in the middle of his sentence. He wasn't about to argue the point, knowing full well that in this case Jeremy had the moral high ground – oh hell must have just frozen over – but he wasn't above scowling at the man for reminding him.
"There was not much room to take anyway." Jeremy groused and turned his back on the other, something that he'd gradually gotten used to doing once again. Today it was a mistake. He heard the chair being pushed back but he didn't realise how close Sebastian had gotten until the man's fingers brushed his arm.
Tensing in alarm Jeremy felt his breath catch for a second, a flood of unpleasant memories accosting him. He nearly expected the scissors to come back. Instead what he got was a slightly irritated Sebastian. "Honestly now, Blaire." He muttered, not bothering to cover up his frustration. "Isn't it too early in the morning for you to be this difficult? I'm only asking for a little clarity."
Gritting his teeth Jeremy was just able to stop himself from stabbing Sinclair with the fork he had in hand. But he made absolutely no attempts to stop himself from turning and jamming his hand against the blonde's shoulder as hard as he physically could. It was satisfying to see it actually hurt Sebastian a bit; he hadn't been strong enough to do that for months.
Stumbling back a few steps Sebastian looked more surprised than he was angry. That could change quickly and so Jeremy used the brief moment of silence he was given to snap at the man. "You can damn well ask for whatever you want – doesn't mean I'm going to give you squat."
Rubbing his shoulder Sebastian looked at Jeremy sourly. "You're being particularly prickly this morning." Sebastian muttered under his breath, looking at him with that expression that suggested Jeremy was the unreasonable one.
He just wanted his poverty coffee for god's sake. He didn't need this shit from Sebastian in the morning, or at all for that matter. "Mind your own damn business." Was what he eventually settled on, fingers pulling his sleeve down further over his arm.
For once Sebastian listened to him. But throughout the day Jeremy could feel Sebastian's eyes lingering on him, trying to figure out what Jeremy wouldn't tell him. He did his best to ignore that constant observation, trying to focus on the games Jackie wanted to play and the ways he got out of actually playing them.
Somehow he didn't think the whole 'you go hide and I'll come find you….eventually' trick was going to cut it anymore.
Jackie might be a rowdy kid but he was by no means stupid and so Jeremy had to keep coming up with new ways to avoid physical labor in their games. Noel was so much easier, happy to just sit and draw or play with simple toys. Usually Jeremy could count on the younger boy to provide an activity that was easy to navigate – although Jackie was never as happy as when they got to play physical games. Jeremy resolved to pull out the golf clubs again, that usually fired up Jackie's need to garner praise and prove his skills.
He almost forgot about his watcher throughout the day but Jeremy would occasionally catch the man's mismatched gaze and be reminded once again. He couldn't very well just let the subject drop could he? No, he had to keep staring at Jeremy.
Sebastian was still watching Jeremy and the kids when a cup was set down in front of him. He startled, not having heard Waylon coming to sit by him. Immediately he warmed his face into a smile, uttering a thank you for the drink. The pair spoke briefly about Riley, the poor hung-over man, and then turned their attentions on the kids. Sebastian felt very domestic, sitting with a cup of tea watching the kids play in the yard. Wasn't even his family and he managed to feel like something out of a white picket fence family film.
Then again…at least one of those kids could be called his.
The thought made Sebastian's smile a little more malicious than it should ever be with Waylon in close proximity. But watching Jeremy struggle his way around the two young boys was more entertaining than he could say.
His kid just happened to be the bratty one.
"It's weird that he's so tolerant of the boys." Sebastian commented idly. "Can't stand me…" He realised a moment too late what he'd said and hurried to take it back, to cover the comment up, but Waylon didn't seem to understand the barely concealed implication at all.
"Well he's not the nicest guy." Waylon shrugged absentmindedly before adding with a nearly impish smile. "And he's never liked us very much."
Deciding it was okay to push his luck to see if he could get an answer from Waylon somehow, Sebastian tried prying for more information. "He seems more at ease with you around. But whenever I'm in the room…"
Waylon tossed him a look that almost had the blonde rolling his eyes in reply. "You did chase him all around that asylum." He reminded, as if Sebastian could forget. "He's just getting used to you."
Right, Sebastian thought bitterly. Waylon didn't know he'd had more than enough time to acclimatize to Sebastian. That wasn't the reason; there was something else that Jeremy wasn't telling him. Even when they'd been back at the shack, Jeremy had never purposefully avoided him like this. What changed? What the hell didn't he know…?
Not knowing was going to drive him right back into insanity.
"You should just talk to him about it." Waylon suggested, as though that hadn't already been tried.
"And how do you propose I ask Jeremy Blaire anything without just getting sworn at and kicked out of the house?" Sebastian inquired miserably.
Thinking Sebastian was just depressed that Jeremy was being so unfriendly; Waylon offered him a consoling pat and then said something that in any other scenario would have been perfectly fine. "Well he's much more agreeable at night after a drink or two." Sebastian's interest was piqued. "Ask him then, he might not be nice about it, but I think he'll at least be honest."
Well…now there was an idea.
Sebastian did as Waylon suggested and pulled back for the rest of the day.
Instead he spent time around the house, cleaning what Waylon couldn't persuade him not to and checking on his brother every once in a while. Now that he wasn't focusing too intently on Blaire, time moved more quickly. Before long the sun was setting and Waylon was asking if they wanted to stay another night – Sebastian agreed more quickly than he ought to have.
Dinner was a pretty normal affair, although it seemed Lisa had decided that if the house was going to be as full as it was, she was pulling out all the stops. Which would have been fine, except she was a rather chaotic cook and watching her make a mess of the kitchen was nearly more than Sebastian could stand.
The distress must have shown on his face because he caught Jeremy snickering in his direction once or twice.
But ultimately the food was saved by Waylon's attentive care and with some efforts made to not look at the monstrous condition of the kitchen; they were able to eat in peace.
The boys did most of the talking; leaving little room for any awkward pauses and Sebastian was content to chat along. But he was keeping an eye on Jeremy again. Waylon remembered their earlier conversation and broke out something that looked about as expensive as they could afford. Still too cheap for Jeremy's tastes but he took it all the same.
Knowing what he did about Jeremy, Sebastian was unsurprised that he drank a lot and did not seem the slightest bit inebriated as a result. That was fine; the goal was not drunkenness – just something to take the lethal edge off of the man's temper.
Finally it seemed to work. Jeremy was less tense. He spoke a little more freely and whenever Jackie said something he was particularly fond of, Jeremy had no reservations giving the boy an approving word and ruffling the boy's hair. This display of how secure Jeremy felt was nearly enough to have Sebastian forgetting he had questions in the first place but…whenever Jeremy glanced his way that relaxation would leave his eyes and he'd be back to glaring.
Something had to be done about this.
Once dinner concluded Lisa had no choice but to let Sebastian help her clean up. It was clear he'd go mad otherwise.
It was while he was desperately trying to scrape away something that she'd managed to burn onto the table that Sebastian caught Jeremy telling Waylon he was going to bed. That was…a bit of a problem. Sebastian grimaced but did not stop the job at hand. He hadn't wanted to corner Jeremy in any way, but he needed this sorted before the night was out.
Once the kitchen was in a notably less horrendous condition, but still in desperate need of saving, Sebastian made himself an excuse. An excuse that Lisa took with an alarming amount of ease, she didn't even seem surprised and Sebastian wondered if Waylon had told her something.
Making his way upstairs, Sebastian hesitated outside of Jeremy's room for a second. He knew that if he knocked he'd be turned away but every single cell in his body screamed in protest when he didn't. Honestly, being rude shouldn't even be a problem for him anymore. But his mind still reeled in disgust when he did not announce his intentions to enter the room.
Forcing the thought aside, Sebastian pushed the door open, words already on the tip of his tongue. Each one died there before he could say them when he made the incredibly poor choice of walking in when Jeremy was half out of his shirt.
Nothing he hadn't seen before but Sebastian's body still went tense, an overwhelming sense of intruding flooding him. He was mortified, feeling every bit the voyeur, but he didn't move.
Which was definitely a mistake because Jeremy just so happened to turn and catch him there.
Oooh boy—
"The hell are you doing!" Jeremy shrieked. There was no other word for it and while Sebastian did try to explain himself, Jeremy didn't actually stop to hear it. Instead he grabbed the first thing available to him and tossed it at the startled blonde. That thing just so happened to be a lamp.
His initial reaction was to dodge but the risk of the thing breaking was enough to keep Sebastian in place. He tried to catch the lamp but fumbled with it, the impact knocking the air out of his chest.
"Jeremy, wait a second!" Sebastian tried to stop the man from throwing something else, stumbling to set down the lamp and lift his hands in a sign of surrender. "I-…just calm down for a moment."
"This is my room." Jeremy snarled and Sebastian saw he had a book in hand now, looking only seconds away from throwing that as well. "You're not supposed to be in my room."
Recognizing the delicate line he was currently stepping on, Sebastian kept his hands up and tried to pacify Jeremy before anything else. "I know." He stressed the words, speaking slowly, eyes on Jeremy's face for any warning that he was about to throw that book. "I know it's your room I…I just wanted to talk. That's all."
He was begging Jeremy to calm down with his eyes, watching for anything that might give him some sign that he was in the clear. Jeremy was still scowling at him but slowly his arm dropped, the book being lowered and Sebastian could relax just a little bit. With a deep breath Sebastian straightened up, but didn't dare lower his hands or step further into the room. Not yet.
"What do you want?" Jeremy huffed, still watching Sebastian with distrustful eyes. Fair enough.
"Just to talk. That's all." He repeated and watched as Jeremy mulled this over for a while for a few seconds. He knew the moment he was in the clear because Jeremy turned away from him with a small growl under his breath.
Now free to enter the room Sebastian carefully closed the door behind him, relieved that it didn't seem anyone else had heard the commotion. Once the door clicked Sebastian glanced back to Jeremy, taking note of how ridged his stance was.
Part of him felt bad now for not knocking in the first place, but he was in and so he couldn't feel all that repentant about it.
"What the hell do you want to talk about?" He groused, sounding very much like he was considering retracting his permission. If the first words out of his mouth were about Jeremy still avoiding him Sebastian knew he'd be kicked out in a second flat.
However this was no longer a problem because Sebastian's attention had been caught by something else. He hadn't noticed it at first but… "What is that?" He asked, startling Jeremy. He actually felt the older man jump at the sound of his voice, had he just not noticed Sebastian approaching him?
Cursing himself Sebastian remembered just how quietly he moved now days. He'd always been rather light on his feet but he'd gotten alarmingly good at sneaking up on people recently. Specifically on Blaire. He'd have to be conscious about how much sound he made from now on or risk giving someone a heart attack.
Calming from his own near heart attack, Jeremy fixed his scowl back into place. He took a deliberate step away from Sebastian and the blonde felt a familiar ugly emotion twist in his chest. The urge to reach out and grab Jeremy was nearly overwhelming. He knew it was a kneejerk reaction, a relic of a time where he actively had to physically keep Jeremy from getting away.
Even now…he found methods of restraining Jeremy.
Instead of ropes he used words and deals, ensnaring the man so he couldn't go far. Funny, Sebastian though this to be a very Blaire way of dealing with a problem. Had he used these underhanded tactics on anyone else – Jeremy might have been proud of him.
"Does the concept of personal space completely evade you?" Jeremy hissed, not answering the initial question.
That didn't sit right with him.
With a step forward that Sebastian made sure Jeremy took notice of, he once again reached out. This time Jeremy did little more than tense, but he didn't pull away when his arm was caught. Through his cringe Jeremy still managed to scowl. "I asked you what this is." Sinclair spoke again, voice lower now. Tone taking on a harsh edge.
He wasn't going to let Jeremy weasel his way out of this, not when there was a scar on him that Sinclair did not remember.
Watching the horror flash across Jeremy's face was painfully telling. He tried to cover it quickly with a growl but Sebastian had seen enough. He was crowding into Jeremy's space now, a small voice of reason in his head screamed at him to back up. To give the man room to breathe, to run if he needed it. But Sebastian wasn't listening to that concerned voice of reason; instead he was wholly focused on the offending patch of skin that had caught his eye.
Jeremy's body was a canvas littered with evidence of his misery. Sebastian had painstakingly patched every single part of him back together countless times. He knew every single one of these marks, how old they were, what caused them – if it was him that left them on Jeremy.
But this one was not one he knew.
In comparison the little scar was barely worth mentioning. It was little more than a discolored line of slightly raised flesh. Like something from a cut that had scarred rather than fade. Against Jeremy's arm, where there were substantial chunks taken out of him – it was easily lost. But not to Sebastian.
That tiny scar felt like an offense.
It was an unwelcome new addition to Jeremy's body and Sebastian's mind was running wild with his imagination. Realistically he knew it must be something mundane. But his panicked mind was coming up with all kinds of scenarios he didn't like.
What if since being separated Jeremy had been hurt by someone else? What if he hadn't actually gone straight to Park, but had actually gotten into trouble? Sebastian wasn't aware that he was squeezing down on Jeremy's arm until the man in question let out a hiss of pain.
That was sobering and Sebastian's fingers eased up just enough to stop from bruising.
Then in the same second he surged forward with his other hand, cupping Jeremy's face to keep the man's eyes on his. "What happened?" He demanded, voice remaining low even though he should have made it reassuring.
"Stop." Jeremy's voice came out sounding strangled. Fingers meekly trying to pry Sebastian's hand away from his arm to no avail. "Don't fucking touch me, Sinclair."
Not good enough that louder voice in Sebastian's head snapped and he very nearly slammed Jeremy against the wall. It was only his self-restraint that kept him from once again tuning his grasp into an abusing one. "Patience, Jeremy." Sebastian bit out. "I only have so much of it."
There was a clear battle going on in Jeremy's head and for as limited as his patience might be, Sebastian let him fight it out.
Finally he was rewarded with a snarl and more words. "It was just a fucking accident you moron. Playing with Jackie, caught myself on a branch, that's it!" Somehow this was amusing to Sebastian and he smiled. Thumbing gently over the scar now that he knew it was something so innocent.
Funny that he didn't for a second doubt Jeremy's story. A pathological liar who had made an art of the act – and Sebastian believed him in a heartbeat.
"Stop that." Jeremy snapped again and Sebastian was a little surprised. He expected to be growled at but there was a note of urgency behind Jeremy's demand this time that caught his attention. There was desperation in his voice. "Stop touching them god damn it."
It clicked.
The thought pushed into place so suddenly and firmly that Sebastian was amazed it did not make an audible snap.
"Why not?"
He knew better. God he should have known better. Sebastian knew, even as his words dipped down into a near mocking murmur, that he should have backed away the moment Jeremy demanded it. He had no right to crowd Jeremy in like this, to trap a man who already bore the scars from their encounters on his mind just as much his body. But in that moment Sebastian couldn't pry himself away.
There was no malice in this. There was no desire to see Jeremy afraid, as he no doubt though Sebastian wanted. Instead the blonde moved with an entirely different purpose. One that Jeremy would have likely laughed at if he were not insulted.
With Jeremy's arm still caught in his hand, Sebastian twitched his fingers a little tighter around his wrist, holding the older man steady. He cringed, looking between Sebastian and the grasp he had tentatively. There was the promise of a struggle if Sebastian overstepped his bounds any further and similarly, there was the promise of failure should Jeremy try to fight him off.
Again his thumb traced over the slightly upraised flesh of Jeremy scar, the man flinched but didn't put up anymore of a fuss than that. Sebastian's eyes were on his face, carefully watching for any sign of real resistance as he pulled Jeremy just that little bit closer. His arm turned upwards, exposing the paler flesh and scar along with it.
For a moment longer Sebastian merely watched Jeremy over the arm he held. "Why does it bother you?" He asked again, quieter still and without a hint of the earlier teasing. He felt Jeremy go taunt under his hands, no doubt taken off guard by the seriousness of his tone. Or perhaps it was how the words came across too gently for his liking.
"Don't fuck around. Just let go of me for god's sake." Jeremy snapped, voice breaking on the final word. "Damn it Sinclair, don't look at me."
That's not an answer; Sebastian thought his eyes narrowing just a fraction. "You're an extraordinarily dishonest person, Jeremy." He replied evenly. "Can't let anyone know when you actually want something nice, can you?"
Sinclair was a little surprised to hear Jeremy's breath catching in his throat. Something about those words jarring him. Frowning he again glanced down at Jeremy's little scar.
Such an innocent little blemish against the horrendous marks across his body. It dawned on Sebastian that while this scar irritated him with its mere existence…it was a badge of sorts.
Once that thought slipped into Sebastian's mind he couldn't shake it.
Disbelief accompanied this new idea as he looked at the scar, this was perhaps the first and only physical evidence of what Blaire could be. A scratch he'd gotten playing with Jackie and Noel – something that would have been impossible for the man Jeremy had once been.
For as much as Sebastian hated to look at it…this small patch of wounded skin was all the evidence in the world that Blaire had become something different from what he had been and for that he could not ignore it.
"What are you doing!" Jeremy yelped, horrified when Sebastian pressing a small kiss to the scar.
He'd never seen Blaire blush before and peering up at his mortified expression as red gradually filled into his cheeks – Sebastian couldn't help but smile mischievously into his wrist. "You fucking freak, knock it off." Jeremy ground out, voice nothing even close to steady. "I told you to stop fucking around…" The words tapered off when Sebastian gave him another little pull forward. As to why Jeremy didn't even attempt to jerk away was anyone's best guess. He certainly didn't stop to wonder himself, instead staring at Sebastian's face when he should have been lining up a punch for it.
Sebastian had that look again, that faint smile and gentle eyes that Jeremy had seen so often directed at Riley or at Waylon but this…this might have been the first time it was just for him.
Now that he had it Jeremy didn't have the first inkling what to do with it. "Will you tell me yet?" Sebastian inquired gently. He paused, waiting for Jeremy to find the words but they never came. With a quiet sigh Sebastian's fingers reached for Jeremy's other arm.
He ought to have pulled away, refused to allow Sebastian access to more of his body. But Jeremy couldn't find the will to do it. Some sort of quiet dread settling over him as Sebastian's gaze turned downwards. Passing over every little imperfection and disgusting scar that had accumulated on his body. Jeremy knew them all intimately. He'd run his fingers over every dip and rise in his flesh, stared at the wreck of a body that replaced the one he'd had before. He knew it well enough that when Sebastian's eyes settled on each scar – he saw exactly how unsightly he was.
"Stop." Jeremy croaked, voice tight with emotion he'd rather bury. "I'm…I'm serious, Sebastian."
For a second Sebastian did stop.
Eyes flicking back up to Jeremy's face and away from the worst of his deformities. Jeremy had more words; more demands for him to step away and stop whatever stupid thought had been conjured up in his silly little head. But when he tried to speak, Jeremy's eyes met with Sebastian's discolored set. The milky white eye on his face snuffing out the words before he could so much as whisper them.
Sebastian's own scars staring back up at him, silencing Jeremy's objections.
After a beat of silence Sinclair smiled faintly, and for a horrible moment Jeremy could almost swear his mind was being read. Sebastian's eyes dropped back to Jeremy's arms and this time he didn't say a word as they traveled up. Then once Sebastian was confident Jeremy would not bite, his fingers followed that path.
Jeremy winced at the gentle contact. He felt disgust seeping into his gut, hot and sickly as Sebastian's fingers fell into every gouge and passed over every imperfection on his body. Running delicately over his disgrace of an arm. They made it to his elbow, dancing across the joint and coming to rest just under his shoulder. Here Sebastian paused, gaze flicking to Jeremy's face for just a moment. He regarded the silent man closely, searching for any sign he would say something to stop him.
Nothing was said and Jeremy could feel the heat burning in against the back of his neck, racing up into his cheeks.
Then Sebastian's icy fingers drifted across from his shoulder, pressing against the uppermost corner of his torso. Jeremy's breath stopped in his chest, daring not take another sip of air, knowing Sebastian would have felt him shudder as his fingers glided overtop the scars that littered his body. Sebastian was focused on whatever it was he was doing, but when his fingers pressed into Jeremy's side, against the very familiar shape of a scar belonging to scissors, Jeremy broke again.
"Please." He spoke quietly, that single word stopping Sebastian dead. "Please don't look at me anymore."
Again the young man was staring up at Jeremy's face. His own a mix of surprise and uncertainty. It lasted for perhaps thirty seconds before melting into something more heart wrenching. Blaire knew that emotion, that obnoxious mix of concern, grief and sympathy. Jeremy was about to snap at him to keep his useless fucking pity to himself, but then Sebastian was pressing a gentle kiss into Jeremy's side.
The action pulled a hiss out of Jeremy who flinched and tensed up immediately. Part of him could not believe how much of a fucking lunatic Sebastian was but…the rest of him was aching.
It hurt.
It hurts.
Sebastian's attention snapped back to Jeremy who had not realised the words had actually come out of his throat until Sinclair was there, hands hurried as they wound around his neck and lips just as feverish as they pressed against his own. Jeremy's eyes shot wide and he stumbled back a step, his own hands hovering at Sebastian's sides – not sure if he wanted to touch, not sure he was allowed to even if he did.
The blonde's lips were soft, just like Blaire expected they would be even with the urgency behind the kiss. The only part of Sebastian that was rough, the only part of him that was not smoothed to perfection was where the burns had toughened his skin. Jeremy found, as he unwittingly pushed back into that kiss, that if he was able to take control, if he was able to maneuver Sebastian and change the direction of the kiss – he could just feel that slightly uneven skin against his lips. A small thrill shot through him when he could, that well acquainted sense of ownership washing over him.
It was evidence of Sebastian's place in the world – evidence that he belonged to Blaire.
But a moment later Jeremy came back to himself, jerking back and ending the kiss. He put on an appalled expression, one that was almost authentic when he felt a traitorous sense of disappointment filling him at breaking the contact with Sebastian. "What are you playing at!" He barked, voice not nearly as firm as he'd intended it to be. He felt like a damn blushing maiden, hand lingering over his mouth as that telltale heat rushed up into his face. "You think this is funny?"
"No I, Jeremy…" Sebastian stared at him, wearing that perfectly kicked puppy look. Jeremy hadn't seen that one in a while and for a second his mind didn't quite know how to process it. But then Sebastian's hands were reaching out to catch his wrists again and Jeremy only just had the presence of mind to be alarmed before the blonde pushed them both backwards. He half expected to be met with a wall but instead felt the world fall out from under him as Sebastian pushed them both back onto Jeremy's bed.
The mere fact that he was on a bed with Sebastian did nothing for Jeremy's sanity in that moment.
An undignified yelp found its way out of his mouth when Sebastian's freezing fucking fingers found their way back onto his chest. Once again narrowing in on a scar. Jeremy nearly snarled at him again but the sound was lost in the back of his throat when Sebastian kissed this mark as well. His fingers traveled away, finding another and Sebastian repeated the process. Each one too light, barely more than a brush against his skin and Jeremy couldn't fucking stand it.
His hands came up to his face, covering his eyes as though he might somehow be able to block out the humiliation if he pretended not to see it. But he felt every tender touch, each little caress of Sebastian's fingers drawing a shiver out of him. "Christ…" He ground out. "Why do you have to be so fucking- god damn it." He could hardly even put into words how much he currently hated Sebastian. Drawing attention to each of his failings, forcing Jeremy to remember how revolting his body had become.
How Sebastian could even bear to touch it was beyond Jeremy.
Then Sebastian's cold hand was pressed against the side of his face, and Jeremy jumped again in alarm. Peering out through the cracks in his fingers to scowl at the moron, Jeremy was met with that same faintly determined but no less pitiful expression. The hand cupping his face curled slightly inward, a comforting gesture as it cradled Jeremy's cheek. A feeling Jeremy had never actually felt before. He knew it was supposed to be a gesture of affection, had seen others use it on loved ones. But Jeremy had never been on either end of that contact before.
When the man above him spoke, his voice was kept low but did not manage to entirely keep the slight waver out of his words. "I know you're not the type to believe things easily." He began guardedly. "And I know you sure as hell don't trust what I have to say. I also know you're not the type of man that approves of sweet words…but unfortunately I don't have any other way of getting my thoughts across to you right now. But I'll try to say it in a way you might understand."
Sebastian's eyes slid back open, eyebrows knitting together as he stared at Jeremy firmly. Each word spoken with deliberate slowness and finality. "If I catch you thinking like this ever again, I am going to take your ass to therapy. Understand?"
Jeremy laughed. How could he not when Sebastian managed to say something like that? The implication of a 'real' therapist laughable after all they'd been through. The sound of his laughter was unpleasant, dry and just a touch desperate. "What do you think you're looking at right now?" Jeremy managed after a moment. "I'm a wreck."
"Maybe." Sebastian allowed bitterly. "But this." He continued, fingers pausing on one of Jeremy's many imperfections. "This does not change anything. If anything…I love these scars." Jeremy snarled in answer to that, thinking Sebastian was mocking him but the blond only chuckled quietly, pressing a kiss against what must have been a scar left by Walrider. He then whispered into Jeremy's flushed skin. "You don't believe me but you of all people should understand. These scars are proof that you're alive, Jeremy. They're proof that you kept on going, that you're the ridiculous, dishonest man that is currently living with Waylon Park of all people. They're proof of everything you've done…everything I've done and I love each one for it."
"It's ugly." Jeremy hated himself for saying it. For saying it in such a wretchedly broken voice. Hated himself for becoming something ugly in the first place. Most of all he hated Sebastian for claiming otherwise.
Displeased by this Sebastian glanced up at Jeremy once more. His expression twisted into a frustrated frown before he shifted up, hand pulling Jeremy's chin down so that he could kiss him again. This time Jeremy didn't even have it in him to pretend he wanted to pull back. Instead he let his eyes slide shut, hands dropping away from his face as he relaxed into the gentle contact.
It occurred to Jeremy that Sebastian was such an inexperienced brat.
No idea what he was doing, but rushing ahead to do it anyway because…what? Because he was passionate? Jeremy couldn't help but be amused by this, leaning into the chaste kiss that Sebastian was really putting his all into. This guy…was seriously a complete moron.
This time Jeremy's hands didn't hesitate, coming up to grip Sebastian's sleeve at the shoulder, pulling him in that little bit closer so that he could deepen the kiss. Sebastian startled but didn't resist when coaxed to open his mouth, allowing the more experienced of them to show him what he was lacking. Even as Sebastian lingered over Jeremy, being the driving force behind this contact he was all but putty in Jeremy's hands, going so far as to whine into the kiss at one point.
Jeremy knew he was smiling into the kiss now, amused by Sinclair's blatant lack of knowledge.
This time when he broke it Jeremy only did so when he wanted to leave kisses against Sebastian's neck. He would have bitten immediately, a punishment for all of Sebastian's nonsense were it not for the fact that the kid was shivering a little bit above him, looking just that little too overwhelmed. "You started it." He reminded Sebastian wickedly, almost having forgiven him for that stunt earlier just because he was so entertaining.
"Shut up." Was his genius response and this time Jeremy did laugh out loud.
In retaliation Sebastian pushed Jeremy back into the bed, glaring down at him. "I'm serious." He stressed but Jeremy just could not wipe the grin off his face. Eventually Sebastian cracked as well, a reluctant smirk rising on his lips as he looked down at Jeremy. "Insufferable bastard…" He muttered with a scoff.
The counter quip came easily. "Inexperienced brat." And one of those dazzling smiles graced Sebastian's face. Not nearly as sweet or perfect as the expressions he gave Waylon – but no less brilliant. He laughed and Jeremy almost felt dizzy, at a loss with what to do with this man's attentions.
Then it softened and Sebastian sat up, another glance down at Jeremy just to remind him about how exposed he was. "When I said I wanted to talk this… wasn't exactly what I had in mind." He commented with a little helpless shrug as though somehow he'd tripped into this situation rather than it being all his own doing.
"Are you sure about that, Sinclair? Sounds like a lie to me." Jeremy mused, getting an exasperated glare from the man that didn't hold any heat behind it. Then the expression crumbled and Sebastian looked a touch uneasy.
"Jeremy, can I…?" He struggled for the words for a moment before deflating with a sigh. "I'm sick of you avoiding me."
How was Jeremy supposed to tell the kid that he was being avoided for reasons precisely like this?
Christ, even now he could feel Sebastian's body above him, focusing in on little details his mind had no place focusing on. But of course Sebastian wouldn't think of that, of course he wouldn't realise the distance was there for a good fucking reason. Instead he had to barrel in headfirst and start making demands to fix some imaginary problem.
There was no force, heaven, hell or earth that would have gotten Jeremy to be honest with Sinclair in that moment.
Instead he reached up grabbed a fist full of blonde hair – ignoring the little yelp Sebastian meekly gave – and spoke what must have been the most well intended lie of his life. "So I put a little distance between us because I was thinking you still had ambitions of snapping my fingers one day." A guilty look and a lie believed. "But seeing as you clearly have other idiotic motions rattling around that head of yours – a compromise." He suggested smoothly and was pleased when Sebastian was clearly paying attention. "I'll stop dodging you every other moment of the day, and you will not lie to me again."
"I didn't-" Jeremy fingers tightened in Sebastian's hair, cutting the words out.
"You will not." He repeated firmly, each word a slow growl. "Lie to me again."
"I didn't!" Sebastian protested and oh Jeremy could have loved him for his naivety in that moment. It seemed he might have forgotten how easily Jeremy could twist people to his whims.
All those months spent playing the bad guy and Sebastian was still clueless in moments like this. What was the point of playing the big bad if he couldn't hold the act once he was even slightly out of his depth? Bullshiting as you drowned at the deep end was half of a good act after all.
"Oh?" Jeremy mused, jeering tone getting Sebastian's guard back up. "Then what exactly did you have in mind when you wanted to 'talk'." Of course he knew Sebastian really only wanted to talk to him. He didn't have it in him to think dirtier than that surely.
He wasn't like Blaire.
But it was easier to mock him about this than to talk about the lie that truly bothered him. The lie that Sebastian insisted was true – that he was not disgusting to look at.
Jeremy did not know how he did it…how he sounded so convincing when he said the things he had. But he didn't believe him, not for a second. He knew his body was repulsive and none of Sebastian's white lies would change that.
As to why he lied at all…well Jeremy couldn't even begin to fathom.
"I swear this wasn't what I…" Sebastian began, sputtering at the insinuation he'd had less than pure intentions. "I just-…you were so…and the scars."
"Jesus, kid. Don't hurt yourself." Jeremy laughed, watching as Sinclair began to turn a nice bright red. Embarrassed and stumbling for an explanation. It was beautiful.
Now frustrated he glared at Jeremy but didn't pull away from the hand in his hair. Instead he took a deep breath and said something Jeremy had not accounted for. "Maybe sometimes it crosses my mind…" He admitted quietly and it felt as though Jeremy's heart just…stopped.
Right there dead in his chest, frozen or broken he had no damn idea but certainly not functioning.
"It…I know it's strange, I'm sorry okay? But I swear I didn't have any bad intentions when I came up here tonight, I swear I didn't."
And fuck he was so sincere. So earnest in the way his eyes pleaded with Jeremy to believe him. His heart was definitely malfunctioning and Jeremy wasn't even sure he was breathing. This kid actually fucking knew what something like lust was, for him no less? Hell definitely froze over that time and Jeremy was pretty sure he'd just lost his marbles.
Congratulations he thought dryly, survived working for Murkoff, every lunatic in that asylum and months of seemingly endless bullshit – but it was some inexperienced kid that did your sanity in. Good work.
"You…you don't believe me, do you?" Sebastian asked, sounding miserable as he misunderstood Blaire's silence. "I know I've been nothing but horrid…and granted you probably deserved half of it – but I'd never…I swear I'd never do something like that."
Wish you fucking would. Jeremy's mind viciously thought, traitorous as it wandered back to a few…very select dreams he'd had. Cursing himself bitterly and cursing Sinclair even more vehemently, Jeremy's expression settled into a scowl as he learnt how to manage with a clearly no longer beating heart.
Gradually his grip on Sebastian's hair turned lax, freeing the man that should have at least tried to pull free at some point. "You are un-fucking-believable." Blaire muttered angrily, still glaring at Sebastian out of the corner of his eye. And the man had the poor manners to still sit there looking like some poor lost pup.
And Christ if those eyes didn't damn near do Blaire in.
"Must be insane." He muttered to himself before reaching up to catch Sinclair by the front of his hoodie and drag him down into a searing kiss. The younger man let out a little sound of surprise before realizing what was happening and it did unholy things to Blaire's pride when Sebastian immediately melted into him. Not once trying to pull away, instead pressing deeper into the small contact Blaire provided.
It was likely not testament to how good Jeremy could apparently be that his first thought after breaking the kiss was, I suppose if I ever want to drag him to my bedroom all I have to do is start ignoring him.
