Disclaimer:
I Do Not Own Twilight
Chapter 7
Authors note: After this, I swear I am only going to post one more chapter since all of you have been so nice to me and patient.
I Don't Know What I'm Feeling
Bella POV
After hitting ten more stores, Alice and I finally arrived home. I collapsed on the couch after dropping the bags at the door.
Everything was exhausting. The shopping and spas' and driving and walking. Everything was just so god damn exhausting. My feet were so undeniably sore after walking from store to store. But that's not the only reason I was tired. It was Jasper.
Ever since the night before. When we had had sex, I had been so confused and frustrated. Alice was still ranting about our shopping trip when I had finally had enough of her stupid voice.
" Shut up'', I say, rubbing my temples. She just laughs and continues talking.
" Oh. Bella''. I hate that she thinks that I'm joking. That I'm not thinking about throwing her into a lion's den.
" I said, shut up!''. This takes her by surprise as she narrows her eyes and huffs.
" Well, I didn't know we were being so mean today''. I don't even listen to her. I am instead looking at the ceiling, my eyes trained on nothing. Like me.
Nothing.
Alice is still there, putting the clothes next to the stairs and still going about her bitchy self.
" You know'', she says,'' Jasper is bad news. He's only a problem. And trust me Bella. I know you deserve better''. I'm sitting straight up now and soon in front of Alice.
" No'', I say.'' You DO NOT know what's best for me!''. I am balling up my fist. " You don't have any room to criticize-''.
" I am not criticizing. Just giving advice''.
" -My choices''. Alice is glaring at me.
" Well why is that. Miss Swan?''. She sneers the name Swan, as if it is venom on her tongue.
" Because'', I say. " You are an unfaithful, annoying, sniveling little bitch that thinks that the world revolves around her and thinks that money makes the world go around and thinks that it's okay to cheat on her husband''. I say the words in a low, harsh whisper.
" What is he to you?'', she says, pointing a finger at me. " What is he, to you!'', she yells. I just glare at her and say the first thing that comes to mind.
He is Everything to me
He makes me laugh and smile.
And I don't care what you or Edward says.
I love him. Jasper Hale.
" Everything''. I spit. Alice looks at me and takes a cautious step back.
" N-no''. She starts to shout. " No! It is one thing to leave me. But to leave me for you''. She smirks an evil smirk, " Is ridiculous''.
" He loves me''. I can't stop the words from flying out my mouth.'' He loves me and I can prove it!''.
" How! Tell me how!''.
" We. Had. Sex''. Alice looks at me with wide eyes.
" Never would he touch another woman. Never.".
" Well. I guess he got tired of waiting''. I cross my arms over my chest and it is my time to smirk.
" You know what?'', she speaks in a low tone. " Have him. Have the bastard that tried to murder you''. And she walks out of the door with a slam and is gone.
And then I'm alone.
Again.
Everything.
I don't care what he tried to do to me.
I will always love him.
I will always feel for him.
And I will not let anyone tell me otherwise.
I love Jasper Hale.
Jasper POV
I heard her say it. Every word that she said fills my heart with joy.
" What is he to you?''.
" Everything''.
I run inside. Nobody is home except Bella. I can hear her- feel her- within the house.
" Bella!'', I sat bursting through the door.
" Jasper'', she says. I sweep her in my arms, but am surprised when she rejects me.
" You heard it didn't you?''. I nod and go to kiss her, but she steps back.
" Then''. She is looking up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. " That I didn't mean any of it''.
And my heart shatters.
I am in the water, drowning, breathing. Coughing. Sputtering. I need this. I need this release. I feel the need to kill myself. To rid myself of all this pain. I can't stand the thought of her just sitting there, smiling. Without me.
Without you.
It hurts so, so bad.
And you deserve it.
For thinking that she could love you.
A monster.
A beast.
Not Edward.
I let the waves take me under. They pile over me and drag me down to the bottomless depths of the ocean.
This... isn't so bad.
Dying like this would be all right.
A quiet peaceful death.
A quiet and peaceful death.
Without... Her.
No. I heard her say.
" But-''.
" Alice was so mad. So I said those things... To get her to... Shut up''.
'' I-I jumped off a cliff for you!'', I scream.
" I fucked a girl to get my mind off you!'', I throw a chair across the room, and she barely dodges it before it shatters into a million pieces after hitting the wall.
" W-what!''. Her eyes are wide. Her mouth is open.
" I LOVED YOU!''. I step toward her and steps out of the way, but I land on my feet and lunge again.
" I did everything for you''.
Gave you pleasure.
Took the pain of Edward away.
I gave you my heart.
" So why won't you love me?''. I don't get an answer. Bella has already ran out the room. I scared her off.
I am a monster.
" And monsters don't deserve love'', I whisper to myself, before crying and collapsing on the couch and crying venom tears.
Monsters like me
Will never
Love.
And I continue to cry out my woes,and hear a howl in the distance and know that life has no meaning without Bella.
Without Bella.
" Without Bella'', I whisper, before continue to cry gut wrenching, venomous tears.
