DISCLAIMER: All books and characters in The Twilight Saga are property of Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter Seven
It has been three weeks since my demise and Edward has not left his room once. Not even to hunt. His eyes were now coal black and I was worried about the amount of discomfort he was facing. I could tell that he was slowly starting to get weaker.
He lay on his black leather couch staring at the ceiling has he counted the tiles. As I was walking to kneel down besides him there was a knock on the door. Edward mumbled go away.
"I do not care," proclaimed Edward. Whoever was at the other side of the door was obviously talking to Edward through his mind. I am guessing it was Carlisle. I heard a sigh at the other end of the door and then the knob turned.
My suspicions were correct. It was Carlisle. Edward reluctantly sat up and Carlisle joined him on the couch. Carlisle took a deep breath before proceeding, "Edward, look I can not even begin to fathom what you are going through. If it would have been Esme that left this world, I can imagine that I would be in the exact same state that you are in. Edward, however, you know Bella would want you take care of yourself."
Edward violently shook his head. "She stopped loving me. Actually maybe she never really loved me. Perhaps those emotions Jasper was feeling was for someone else. Now when she is in heaven she must really hate me, because I couldn't even save her."
Carlisle put his hand up to motion for Edward to stop. "You don't honestly believe she was telling you the truth when you two split up do you?"
I look down at the floor in shame and hurt. How could Edward believe so easily that I didn't love him? I knew how. It was the exact same way I believed him in the past and how Edward considers himself a monster.
Now Edward was pacing the room. "But it makes perfect sense. Carlisle, I am soulless monster. How can she someone as good, beautiful, and kind as Bella ever love me?"
"Look Edward, I know have always let you believe as you wish. Just remember this though, you are not the one that determines who has a soul and who does not."
"Well neither are you Carlisle," he shot back.
Carlisle was now standing. "Yes you are correct, but however I am not spending the rest of my existence wallowing in self pity."
Edward's fists were now clenched by his side. This is the first time I have ever seen Edward act this way around Carlisle. "Dammit I just lost the love of my existence. Excuse me if I am upset." He said through clenched teeth.
"Edward, I am not chastising you for being upset. I am telling you that this self-hatred has got to come to an end. It is not your fault that Bella passed away. Regardless if you have a soul or not, does not mean that you have to spend the rest of your existence in so much agony. Look, I know you will never be the same as you were when in Bella was still alive, but don't make it any harder on yourself. Please, I love you, we all do and it pains us to you see this way,"
A small smile found its way across my lips. I am so glad that Carlisle had this talk with Edward. I hope to show him my gratitude if there is ever a chance I will get to talk to him again.
Edward plopped down on his couch and looked up at Carlisle. "I know I love you all too."
"Well what do you say about hunting then? It has been three weeks and your eyes are saying that you are thirsty."
Before I knew it all three of us were both out Edward's bedroom which had been the first time in three weeks since my funeral.
