A/N: Hey guys. There were questions about Ana's pregnancy. I have gone back and corrected chapter four for anyone who wants to go and read the correction. Here is chapter 7. Happy Reading!
~Ana~
"Christian!" I am screaming at him trying to break through to him, but nothing seems to be working. He's looking right at me, but he doesn't see me. Something has him utterly terrified. He's backing away from me and if he goes any further he'll fall out of the bed. I climb out and rush around to the other side and yell for Taylor. He comes bursting into the room.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm not sure. Something is scaring him. I won't be able to catch him if he falls out of the bed."
Taylor rushes around and stands at the ready in case Christian falls out of the bed. I go to the other side of the bed and look into Christian's eyes.
"Christian," I say softly. He stares right through me. "Christian, please. It's me, Ana. Look at me." I see his eye twitch slightly, but nothing more. I slowly climb onto the bed. "Sweetheart please look at me. I won't hurt you. I'd never hurt you." I am close to tears because I'm not sure what I did and I probably did hurt him. Whatever this is, it's my fault. "I'm so sorry Christian. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry and I just want you to see me and not whatever it is you're looking at right now. It's not real, but I am. See?"
I take his hand and place it on my stomach and, as if she knows how much he needs her, the baby starts kicking. He squeezes his eyes shut and his rigid posture begins to relax. "That's it. Come back to me."
He opens his eyes and this time he looks at me. "Angel?"
"Yes. God, Christian I'm sorry. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm so sorry."
He grabs me and pulls me to him. I feel his hand come up and rest in my hair as he begins to stroke it. "Shh. It's alright. I just saw something that scared me. It wasn't your fault."
I pull back and ask, "What did you see?"
"A man. He had a cigarette in his hand and he was coming towards me. I couldn't move and he just kept coming…" He trailed off and stared off into space in wide-eyed horror. I look over at Taylor and he has a knowing worried look on his face.
"It was a memory wasn't it?" I look back down at Christian and he is looking at me with scared eyes.
"I can't exactly explain what you saw Christian. I'm going to make an appointment for you to see your therapist, Dr. Flynn. He can explain everything and more much better than I can. Is that alright?"
"Yes that's fine. Are we going to see him today?"
"No. You've been through enough today. Why don't you just lie down and get some sleep?"
"Will you stay with me?"
"Of course I will." I look up at Taylor and say, "Thank you." He nods at me and leaves the room.
It's silent for a moment before Christian says, "You know what I saw."
It's not a question. I close my eyes. Of course he wants an answer. He's so confused about himself. "Yes I know what you saw."
"Then why did you tell me you couldn't explain it?"
"Because it's a delicate subject that I think a professional should handle."
"So you'd rather I go and talk to a stranger instead of my wife?"
He sits up and looks at me and he looks hurt, almost angry. "Dr. Flynn isn't a stranger Christian. He knows you as well as I do, if not better. You've known and trusted him long before you ever met me."
"But I don't know him now. I know you. I want you to tell me what's wrong with me." He gets up and starts pacing the room. "Why did I see that man? Why was I so afraid of him? Why did I hit you and, worse than that, why did I like it? Tell me what's wrong with me."
"Christian there's nothing wrong with you. I think it would be better if we talked with Dr. Flynn. He can help you a lot better than I can. I can't give you a calm and rational explanation. He can."
He looks at me for a moment and then turns and walks toward the bedroom door.
"Where are you going?" I ask him starting to panic.
"I'm going to get some air."
"Christian you don't need to be alone. What if you remember something else and pass out again?"
"I'll be fine."
He doesn't give me any more time to argue. He opens the door, walks out, and slams it behind him. I sit back on the bed and I start to cry. It has to be so frustrating for him not to know who he is, but it's equally frustrating for me because I have no idea how to help him. I think back over the few years we've been together and I instantly regret not taking more pictures. I should have made home videos and made scrapbooks. I can't believe how I have taken everything for granted. We have no physical memories. Just the ones in our heads and now Christian doesn't even have that. At that moment I vow to take pictures and keeping a journal of everything from here on out. I can't go through life and not have anything to look back on. What if we get Alzheimer's or dementia? Or what if it happened to our parents? What if our kids get in an accident and lose their memories? We all need something happy to look back on and remember. No one should struggle like Christian is right now.
I pick up a pillow from Christian's side of the bed and hug it to my chest as I cry for all I'm worth at the loss of the husband I knew and the pain that the current one is going through now.
~Christian~
I walk downstairs with an irrational anger. I'm not sure why I'm upset with Anastasia, but I am. I wanted information and she refused to give it to me. As I thought back on the conversation I felt my hand twitch. What is that about? I shake my head and approach the living room. Grace and Carrick are sitting with Teddy. I want to spend some time alone with him, but Ana's words come back to me. He may not be safe in my hands right now. This angers me once again and I make my way to the backyard. I walk outside and continue at a brisk pace until I reach the water. I sit down at the edge and look out over the water and the city.
This feels so familiar and it frustrates me that I can't remember. In the distance I can see the neighboring house has taken their children out on a small sailboat. The memory is at the edge of my mind and it's almost there.
I close my eyes thinking that that may help. "Grace," I whisper.
"I prefer mom."
I am startled from my concentration and turn to see Grace, Carrick, and Teddy behind me.
"Sorry. We didn't mean to scare you, we just thought you might want some company," Carrick says. When I still say nothing he clears his throat looking a bit uncomfortable and says, "If not we can go back in the house and leave you to your thoughts."
"No it's fine. Please sit."
They take a seat next to me and Teddy instantly reaches his small arms out to me. I take him from Grace and place him in my lap.
"Daddy water," he says happily to me.
"That's right. You're such a smart boy." I rumple his hair and kiss the top of his head.
"Are you alright Christian? We saw you leave out of the house with a rather upset expression." Grace looks at me with such concern in her eyes.
"Ana and I had a…" What should I call it? We didn't argue I just got upset with her. "Disagreement," I finished.
"Oh," she says and looks out at the water.
I sigh and say, "I just want to know more about myself. I'm so confused and she wants me to go see a shrink."
"Dr. Flynn?"
"See?! Why does everyone know about him? Why do I have a therapist in the first place? What's wrong with me?!"
"Christian there is absolutely nothing wrong with you" Carrick says. "You are a magnificent young man and we love you. We only want what's best for you. Ana only wants what's best for you. She's just as lost as you are and she wants to get this right. We want you to remember, but we definitely don't want to overload you with information. If she recommends you see Dr. Flynn then it's best that you go. John is excellent. He's been with you a long time and you two have become friends."
"Honestly Christian I think he knows more about you than we do."
"But how is that possible? You're my parents."
"Everyone has their secrets. We all have something we feel is too uncomfortable for anyone else to know about, but we need to tell someone and who better to talk to than a therapist who is under the oath of patient/doctor confidentiality?"
I nod my head. Perhaps I pushed Ana unnecessarily. I look down at my son and he smiles up at me. "Daddy look!"
I look out at the water and see the family from before sailing across. They wave to us and Teddy waves excitedly back at them. I gather Teddy in my arms and stand. "Thank you Gr—" I clear my throat. "Mom and dad. I'll give what you said some consideration."
We head back into the house. After assuring them I'd be alright they leave and the nurse tells me she is leaving for the afternoon and the overnight nurse will come to the house later in the evening. I carry Teddy upstairs with me. I bypass his room and take him to the room Ana and I share. I don't want to face her alone. I slowly open the door and find her curled up in a ball on the bed with her back to the door. I walk around to see that she is sleeping. Her chest is rising and falling in uneven beats as her breathing is interrupted by small hiccups. She's been crying.
I did this. I made her cry.
"Mama." Teddy is reaching for Ana and begins to cry when she doesn't reach back. I try to quiet him with soothing bounces on my hip, but he just twists in my arms and reaches further for Ana. She stirs and slowly opens her eyes.
"Teddy?" She sits up in the bed, swings her legs over and stands. She takes him from me and quiets him. He lies his head on her shoulder and sighs contentedly. "Are you ready for lunch?" He nods his head and they head out of the room.
I am left standing there. She barely looked at me. She didn't even acknowledge that I was in the room. I follow them downstairs. I stand in the doorway of the kitchen as I watch Ana put our son in his high chair and take out the little tray that the woman named Gail has put together for Teddy's lunch. There is a sandwich cut into four triangles, grapes, apple slices, and an iced oatmeal cookie. She takes the cookie and puts it on a napkin, placing it on the counter and puts the tray in front of him and he begins to eat as Ana returns to the fridge and grabs a juice box. She puts the straw through and puts it next to the tray. We watch him eat in silence for a while and finally I've had enough.
I walk over to where Ana is standing and wrap my arms around her. "Angel," I whisper.
"You're not in this alone Christian. I'm trying to help you, I really am. You can't just walk away from me just because I feel uncomfortable telling you what you want to know. I'm scared and I don't know how to help you and it makes me feel like the worst wife in the world because I can't help you." She starts to cry against my chest.
"Shh. Hush baby. You have helped me. More than you know and I appreciate all that you're doing. I'm sorry that I got angry with you. I don't know what came over me." I tilt her chin up so that she can look at me.
"I'm sorry that I frustrated you. I know this isn't easy, but I really do think that what you saw is a subject that Dr. Flynn should handle. You should take Grace and Carrick with you." At my look of puzzlement she says, "Just trust me."
"I do trust you." I bend down and kiss her lightly on the lips.
"Mama!"
We look down to see that Teddy has finished his lunch and is reaching for something. Ana steps away from me to retrieve the cookie on the counter. She hands it to him and plucks him from his chair. I grab her hand and lead her outside and we sit by the water. Teddy munches on his cookie as we watch the family on the boat sail by.
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