A/N: It was really very nice for me to see that you are all so encouraging when it comes to the whole plotline of this story! Happy to see that you didn't find it boring and that you not only see the story as some simple smut piece! :)
This chapter got so freaking long (at least compared to the previous ones), no idea how that even happened... Hope you enjoy it though!
And once again I have to praise my awesome beta reader who has so much work with all of my mistakes - really happy to have found you =)
Chapter 7
Brittany took the whole week off. She had told Artie she was very sick and there was no way that she could see any clients in her condition - she knew he'd have no other choice but to let her stay at home. Artie had been right about one thing - she was his diamond and no one else had so many faithful clients who kept coming back on such a regular basis, he'd be insane to ever fire her. Brittany knew he'd probably make her work extra shifts when she was back, she'd probably have to visit him at his place to make up for everything, but even that she'd survive somehow.
The blonde knew she needed every minute of her free time to make life as pleasant as possible for Abbey - and she was aware that this would be quite a challenge.
Despite the fact that Brittany knew next to nothing about raising kids, Abbey was also in an entirely messed up situation. She missed her father, was stuck with a person she only knew from the occasional holiday visits, and was supposed to sleep in a strange home. Adding to the fact that she had witnessed god knows what in the night Puck got arrested. Messed up, yes, that's what it was.
Brittany's main problem was that Abbey refused to talk to her. She was entirely closing up, only spoke actual words when she was crying. It started on their way from the police to Brittany's apartment when Abbey did nothing but stare out of the car window with teary eyes.
The blonde built her a booster seat out of some pillows so the tiny girl would sit higher in the passenger's seat. She had bought her a small bottle of Fanta, hoping the lemonade would make her feel a little better, but Abbey did nothing but stare and brush away the huge tears that wouldn't stop falling.
"Hey Abbey..." Brittany had started, "I know you're feeling very sad right now, but I will take care of you, okay? You don't have to be afraid. Daddy is..." Where was Daddy? What would she tell her daughter where her father was now? She had no idea.
"...Daddy can't come home for a little while because he did something he wasn't allowed to do... but when he comes back, then no one will be mad at him anymore because he will have learned from his mistake..."
Brittany shook her head at herself - was that understandable for a 4 year-old? She didn't know and Abbey wasn't exactly helpful with her lack of reaction.
"So while your daddy is gone, you will stay with me okay? You and I will have an awesome time together, it will be like vacation for you! Isn't that nice? A little vacation where we will do lots of fun stuff, and before you even know it everything will be back to normal!" She tried to smile happily at the little kid but she didn't feel happy at all. Nothing would be back to normal, not within the next few years. She couldn't believe it, only a few minutes with her daughter and she was already lying again.
Abbey looked over to her with flushed cheeks and a tortured expression on her face, tugging her cuddle pillow even closer.
"Wanna go home with daddy" she whined, suddenly sobbing hard and loudly, tear drops falling uncontrollably on her pillow and leaving wet trails everywhere.
"Hey baby, don't cry..." Brittany tried to comfort her daughter, reaching out to stroke her leg but the girl just shrieked and pushed her hand away.
She wouldn't have been able to explain her feelings in this moment, she just figured she deserved all this. She deserved exactly this - her daughter, who she had given away, crying and showing her what a bad person she was, that she'd never be her real mother, that Puck was the only one she cared about. She realized there were in fact two things in the world she was truly good at - one was sex, the other was making the worst decisions possible in her life. She was an expert in that.
Only when they had reached the blonde's apartment did Abbey slowly stop crying. The occasional sobs were still shaking her tiny body but her eyes had widened at the sight of the huge and fancy apartment she'd be sleeping in. Her tired and slightly confused brain seemed overwhelmed with the new surroundings and was probably too busy to let her cry anymore. She had never seen anything like this before, the furniture, the huge rooms, the lighting - it was all fascinating.
Brittany realized she had nothing to wear for the kid, no pajamas, nothing for the next morning. She decided the first thing they'd do the next was pick up stuff from Puck's place and go shopping, but that didn't exactly help her right now.
"Hey Abbey, what do you usually sleep in?" Brittany asked in a friendly voice, sitting the girl down on the sofa.
The small blonde didn't say anything, just stared down on her lap, sniffling.
"Do you usually wear jimjams?" the woman tried and was relieved when the girl nodded and at least seemed to be listening.
"Okay, so what do you say - we make you some awesome new jimjams now! Sadly I haven't any clothes for children but we will totally make you some ourselves, that's even cooler! I will show you my closet and you can pick whatever you like and we will cut it to fit you. You will look amazing!"
Brittany held out her hand in front of Abbey who seemed to consider carefully the strange woman's offer. When she finally took her hand, Brittany let out a relieved sigh, taking the girl into her bedroom.
She opened the extremely huge closet (her private closet, not containing any of those dresses she'd wear at work) and saw Abbey's eyes grow bigger at the insane amount of clothing.
The girl came closer and carefully touched a few of the colorful shirts and dresses, feeling the fabric with her tiny fingers, occasionally looking over her shoulder to see if it was really okay that she was touching all of these things. Brittany just gave her an encouraging smile and nod before the small blonde shyly pointed at a pink satin blouse.
"Oh you want this one?" Brittany queried, taking the fabric from its hanger. "Great choice, you will look fantastic in that!"
Abbey's thumb was back in her mouth, the sucking probably comforting her.
"Now look how I will make the coolest jimjams for you" the blonde woman said happily, taking a huge pair of scissors and cutting the blouse short, sliding the scissors right through the expensive material.
Abbey's mouth fell open in shock, the thumb forgotten for a second.
Brittany raised her daughter's arms, taking off her green dress and pulling the pink new nightgown over her head. She cut off its sleeves so they had just the right size for the little girl, even though the whole thing still hung loosely around her thin and short body.
Abbey seemed to like her outfit, twirled around in it and examined herself in the mirror.
"Do you like it?" Brittany asked hopefully and the girl nodded almost eagerly.
She pushed the blanket on the huge bed aside, patting the mattress and suggesting she lie down when she saw the fear and sadness slowly crawl back into her daughter's eyes. It was crystal clear that she didn't want to sleep in a strange bed, her new outfit not really helping her.
It took her almost two hours of homeshopping TV on the big flat screen in front of the bed before the little girl finally gave in to her exhaustion and slept, embracing her cuddle pillow.
Brittany was exhausted herself, physically and emotionally. It was the first night she'd ever slept next to her daughter. The first night in four years.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning after barely enough sleep, Brittany woke up to the sound of the crying girl next to her who sat up in her bed, sobbing and looking down on her lap.
"Hey, sweetie, what's up, why are you crying?" she asked, immediately wide awake.
The girl didn't answer, didn't look at her, just dragged her own legs closer and hugged them in front of her chest.
"Honey, are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you some breakfast?"
Abbey just shook her head and Brittany tried to drag the slightly shivering girl in for a hug. When she came closer she realized the wetness on the mattress, quickly understanding that her daughter had peed into bed in her sleep, explaining her uncomfortable embarrassment.
"Aw, baby, hey" she said softly. "It was just an accident, don't be sad, I will clean that up, it's really no problem."
She hugged the girl who looked so much like herself and carried her into the bathroom, letting some warm water into the huge bathtub. Abbey continued sniffling and sobbing, burying her face in the taller blonde's neck.
"You can take a nice bubble bath with Mister Duckie now, then when you're fresh and clean we will have some food and pick up your stuff and buy you something nice, okay?"
Putting the girl who was still not reacting to her words on the toilet seat, she opened the small bathroom closet and fumbled for the rubber duck that she kept in there, one of the few remaining items that reminded her of better, happier days.
She squeezed the small toy which let out a squeaking sound and Abbey turned quiet, staring at her with her huge blue eyes.
"Mister Duckie can't wait to take that bath with you, he just told me he doesn't like sad little girls, he'd love to cheer you up and see your beautiful smile."
Abbey took the duck wordlessly and squeezed it carefully in her hands, trying to control her sobbing.
"What do you like, strawberry or peach? Oh, or green apple, that's awsome, too!" the blonde queried in a chipper voice, pointing at the different bottles next to the tub.
Her daughter didn't say anything, just stroked the duck's head with her thumb.
"Okay, I guess we'll take apple. Mister Duckie says green looks good with his yellow feathers."
The blonde wished she were better with kids, she wished she knew how to make her smile, wished she knew more about her own baby.
Making sure that there wouldn't be too much water in the tub for the small girl and carefully checking the temperature, Brittany faced Abbey again and helped her get out of their homemade nightgown. She carefully helped her into the warm water and put Mister Duckie next to her, giving him a small push so he'd swim slowly over the surface.
"I'm gonna see if I have some yummy breakfast in the kitchen and come back in a few minutes to help you wash your hair okay?" She tried her best to sound cheerful and comforting and Abbey finally nodded.
She felt that insanely big knot in her throat when looking at the sad and thin girl sitting in her tub and looking so entirely lost. She tried to smile at her once more before leaving the room, leaving the door slightly open so she'd hear her in case Abbey called for her.
Brittany realized she had no idea what her own daughter liked for breakfast, she didn't know what her favorite food was, didn't know how much a girl her age even needed to eat. She knew nothing and she just wished she weren't alone, she wished someone would please come by and tell her what to do.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Brittany's goal for the rest of the day was to see Abbey smile. She hadn't wanted the cornflakes for breakfast, she had cried when they stopped by at Puck's house to pick up her things, she had clung to the bedpost, whimpering that she didn't want to leave.
Looking at the small box of Abbey's toys, the blonde woman realized that none of the gifts she had given her daughter were in her room. Puck must have taken them all away. All she owned were old and quite used-looking toys and a bunch of jeans and dresses, some of them probably already too short for her. What had Puck been doing with all the money she had sent him every month? She figured she didn't want to know the answer.
They stopped to buy Abbey a real car seat and some Winnie the Pooh sunshades for the car window that she picked herself. Brittany wanted to do everything right, wanted to do her very best and not miss any important details.
In the city they walked into every single toy store, bought her new clothes that Brittany hoped would fit since she didn't wanna force her daughter to try them all on. They bought some furniture for her new room, stuff that would be delivered to Brittany's apartment by tomorrow, and stopped at the videostore to purchase every single animated movie they offered.
At the candy store, Abbey finally admitted she was a little hungry, so they left the building with two huge bags full of candy and a big share of pink cotton candy that the smaller blonde carefully stuffed into her mouth.
"Do you like your new things?" Brittany asked in a friendly voice, petting her daughter's blonde hair. Abbey shrugged.
"We can watch one of these movies tonight if you want. We can even watch two or three if you're not too tired. Winnie can watch with us!" she exclaimed, letting the huge stuffed bear peek out of their Disney Store bag. "He's already excited to see the new Piglet movie!"
"Oh, yaay, I miss Piglet and Rabbit and Christopher Robin!" she imitated the bear's voice, hoping to finally hear the small girl laugh.
Abbey just nodded and Brittany took her small hand into her own, walking her back to her car. She knew it would be a long road ahead of her, a long way until her daughter accepted her, and the fact that she needed to hire a nanny to look after her, another stranger she'd have to confront her with, was killing her inside.
"Hey, honey, we can also visit your Daddy at some point if you want..." she offered half-heartedly, looking at Abbey who - for the first time that day - replied with a nod and a smile.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A few days had passed since Brittany had taken her daughter in and she still hadn't been brave enough to call Santana. She didn't know if she would ever call her again, she felt entirely torn. She knew it was better for her not to get her involved, she knew Santana probably hated her anyway, she just needed someone to talk to, to have something to look forward to, to have someone around to take her mind off the fact that she was a terrible mother who couldn't do anything right. She wanted support - but who was she kidding? She hadn't had anyone to suppport her in years, she had been all by herself and that's the way it was supposed to be. If only she didn't feel as if she needed it so badly.
She needed something normal in her life, something that had nothing to do with the situation she was in, but Brittany felt frightened and even guilty for even considering making Santana part of her life.
Yet despite everything that was going on, Santana was in her mind all day and night, a mix of this warm feeling the Latina triggered in her body and the extreme embarrassment she felt when remembering the last time they had seen each other.
Brittany tried to shrug off her thoughts, remembering what was on her schedule for today - the nanny interviews.
She had put the want ad in the newspaper and on some online portals, looking for a woman who had experience with little kids, who was loving, caring, funny and willing to work through the nights, sleeping in a what would be her own well-furnished bedroom in the apartment.
Many people had called - probably because the blonde was willing to pay extremely well - but only two of them seemed decent enough to be considered.
Brittany had to admit that she had secretly hoped the Latina would see her ad and call her, ask her how she was doing, maybe even offer her help, but she knew the thought was silly and insane, she had been the one who was supposed to call Santana and she figured she knew the brunette well enough to know that she wouldn't make the first step after their agreement.
Abbey was dressed up in a cute yellow dress with a red bow in her hair and some pretty patent leather shoes. She was sitting on the couch, waiting patiently, the cuddle pillow on her lap and Winnie the Pooh held protectively in her right arm.
There was a small moment in which Brittany felt proud, proud to have such a beautiful, well-behaved daughter, proud that she had gotten through these first few days without her getting sick or crying too often. In fact, they did have a couple of nice moments, watching TV in bed, eating chocolate, messing around with tomato sauce while cooking lunch – and yes, a few times Abbey had laughed and smiled, even though she still wasn't talking to her.
The doorbell rang and both blondes jumped in their seats at the sound.
"Oh how exciting, isn't it? I'll let her inside, you can just wait here, baby."
Abbey nodded and Brittany jumped over to the front door, staring at the tall woman who looked slightly different than in the picture she had sent in her application. She was dressed in some weird skater outfit, a green fuzzy cotton hat sitting so low on her head that it almost covered her small eyes.
"Hi. Zizes. Lauren Zizes." the woman introduced herself, not bothering to accept the handshake that Brittany offered her and just pushed her aside, letting herself in. "So where's the little cupcake?"
Brittany raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat, closing the door behind her, frowning.
"Right over there, in the living room..." she explained, following the rather brusk woman.
"Hey there, shorty!" she heard Lauren yell through the room, patting Abbey's shoulder in a friendly manner, "how's it going?"
The girl's eyes widened in shock, looking at her mother as if she needed to be saved.
"She not talking?" Lauren whispered to Brittany, trying to cover her mouth with her hand so Abbey wouldn't hear her.
"She needs time to get used to people..." Brittany explained, already wondering if she should kick Miss Zizes out again.
"Oh, you'll get used to me super quickly, puddin', no need to be shy!"
Brittany could see Abbey drag Winnie closer to herself, distracting herself by adjusting the bear's red shirt on his belly.
"So... Miss Zizes..."
"Lauren!" the woman corrected her and Brittany cleared her throat.
"Lauren... why do you wanna have this job?"
"Oh, I love children, cute little thingies. I'm awesome with kids, you can ask anyone."
"I'm sure of that..." the blonde replied slowly, looking around in the room. "Have you worked with children before?"
"Nahh, but I have a little sister. She can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I used to take care of her when my mom was on crack."
Brittany stared at her like a deer in the headlights.
"I'm kidding, blondie!" she exclaimed and burst out into a wave of loud laughter. "I worked at McDonald's and organized the kiddie birthday parties there, believe me, the little monsters loved me!"
The blonde woman moved around uncomfortably in her seat and looked at Abbey, feeling the need to save her from this situation as quickly as possible.
"Abbey?" she called her in a soft voice. "Tell me... do you like... McDonald's?" she asked, hoping her very young daughter would either magically get the hint or really just not like the fast food chain.
Abbey looked back at her with her huge blue eyes, shaking her head wildly. Brittany had to grin.
"Okay, um, I'm very sorry Lauren, but I think you might not be right for this position. We appreciate you coming by..."
"What the...?"
Brittany just got up and pushed the tall women out of the room, sighing in relief when the door was closed again.
"Now that was something, eh?" she said, looking over to the smaller blonde who had gotten up from the sofa and walked over to her. Brittany felt her heart stop when the small figure hugged her leg shyly.
"We will find a better nanny to look after you when I'm gone, sweetie, I promise" she whispered softly, touching her hair affectionately.
Almost half an hour later the doorbell rang a second time and Brittany sent short prayers to god that this woman might be a much better fit – and less scary than the previous one.
When she opened the door a friendly face greeted her. A very thin redhead in a conservative orange skirt and blouse was standing in front of her, so skinny that Brittany immediately felt the need to feed her.
"Hello Miss Pierce, my name is Emma Pillsbury, so pleased to meet you" she said smiling, reaching out a hand on which she wore a glove. A glove? Now that was weird.
"I'm so looking forward to meeting your daughter, I'm sure she's just as gorgeous as you!"
Brittany smiled at the woman's compliment and lead her inside, frowning a little at the sight of Miss Pillsbury scrubbing the chair before sitting down.
"Hello sweetie, my name is Emma" she greeted Abbey with a friendly smile. "What's your name?"
"Her name's Abbey" Brittany jumped in for her daughter, sitting down next to her and laying her hand on the girl's leg.
"She's four and a little shy" she added.
"Oh, that's fine" Emma laughed, removing her gloves and cleaning her hands with some germicide she had fumbled out of her huge bag. Brittany wondered what else she might be storing in the huge thing, waiting for her to get out a big floor lamp like Mary Poppins.
"You like it clean, don't you?" the blonde queried with a slightly amused look and was relieved when the redhead didn't seem offended.
"Oh, yeah, I just don't like germs" she admitted truthfully. "Not that I think your house is full of germs" she added hastily "it's just a habit. You know, if you hire me as a nanny you also hire a cleaning lady, it's a double package!"
Brittany couldn't argue that she approved of that information, she barely had enough time to clean the apartment by herself, especially now with having to take care of a kid.
"Okay then Emma, what would you like to know about us?"
"Oh, there are so many things" the other woman replied in a chipper voice, clapping her hands.
"I really love to cook, so what is Abbey's favorite food?"
Brittany turned quiet. She still had no idea what her daughter's favorite food was, so far they had only eaten candy and pasta.
"She loves pasta?" she stated, though it sounded more like a question.
"Oh okay, pasta is fine" Emma replied. "What about allergies? Is she allergic to anything that I should avoid cooking?"
The blonde figured these questions were reasonable but she had no answers to them. She just stared at her.
The potential new nanny seemed to sense the blonde's discomfort and decided to drop the question, giving her a sympathetic look.
"Um.. so where would I be living?" she decided to change the subject and Brittany got up to show her her room. They made a small tour through the house, Abby following them. The small blonde still preferred hiding behind her mother's leg but she seemed to feel less uncomfortable than around Lauren.
Brittany explained to her that she'd start working around seven on a daily basis and leave the house again around eight in the morning, but that they'd of course arrange days that she could have off. Emma assured her that this was no problem since she was living a single life and that there was no husband or kid waiting for her at home.
When all first questions were out of the way, Brittany turned to Emma again.
"If you don't mind I would like to talk to Abbey alone for a minute, she's the one who has to make the final decision."
"Yes, of course" the woman replied smiling, sitting back on her cleaned chair. "I'll wait."
Brittany led Abbey into the kitchen and sat her down on the counter so their faces were on the same level.
"So, sweetie, what do you say? Do you like Miss Pillsbury?"
Abbey shrugged.
The blonde really wanted her daughter to like Emma because she had a positive feeling about the other woman, when suddenly she realized who the redhead reminded her of.
"Hey Abbey, do you know what I realized?" she asked smiling and Abbey shook her head.
Brittany lowered her voice and whispered into her daughter's ear.
"I realized that Emma looks a little bit like one of those monkeys from Madagascar! Have you seen her huge eyes?"
The small girl grinned and started giggling, remembering the movie she had watched with her mother the night before. They had been eating popcorn and laughed at the jokes and Brittany had danced for her to "I like to move it move it".
"So do you think we should give her a chance?" she queried hopefully and felt more than relieved when Abbey finally nodded.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The first day when she had to leave for work, Brittany felt entirely miserable. She knew Emma would take good care of Abbey, she trusted her, but she couldn't get rid of the feeling that Abbey was disappointed in her. While leaving her kid with a nanny she would let a strange man take advantage of her body. What a terrible role model she was.
At the end of the night, Karofsky was waiting for her in his car - already growing impatient because she'd been gone longer than usual - when the blonde finally approached the black vehicle, looking completely emotionally mixed up.
"Just drive okay?" she ordered when sitting down next to the man in the car who immediately sensed something was wrong. He took a closer look at Brittany and realized the red bruises on her neck and the dried tears on her face.
"What the fuck, Brittany, what happened? Tell me right now, what happened, where's that son-of-a-bitch and what did he do?"
"Nothing, Dave, it's okay..."
"Shut up and look at me, Brit!" he ordered, the anger in his voice allowing no protest. "What the fuck happened to your neck?"
She looked away from him, sighing and trying to control her emotions.
"He was into some kinky role playing..." she started explaining with a broken voice. "I mean, it's okay, I have to play such fucked up games all the time, but it got a little too much..."
"What do you mean too much? Seriously, are you insane? Why did you not call me? You're supposed to keep the phone right next to you, you just have to press one goddamn button! Is he still inside?"
"Dave..." she tried to calm him down. "Relax, please... he wanted me to pretend I had just returned from some self-defense class, told me he'd want to see if I had learned something..."
"I'm getting sick..." Dave groaned, biting his fist in order to keep his self-control.
"He was just rough and yelled that I should show him what they taught me, and I mean, this stuff isn't fun, but it's okay, I do it... but when he started choking me I got worried..." She swallowed, touching her neck.
"I know kinky, I know people do this shit to get off, but it wasn't the deal, he should have told me before we started, kinky costs extra, he can't just do it, I got scared..."
"I'm gonna kill him..." Dave muttered but Brittany laid her hand on his.
"I managed to push him away... he didn't even finish but I didn't care..." she continued. "I don't think he really wanted to hurt me, he had no weapons, he didn't attack me when I pushed him off, I think he was even a little embarrassed... gave me an extra big tip..."
"He should be ashamed..."Dave corrected her between clenched teeth and Brittany gave him a small smile.
She knew such risks were part of her job, she knew it shouldn't be worth being upset about it. The problem was that the line between 'acceptable' and 'life-threatening' was close and often blurry and it was hard to tell the difference. In any other night in the past she might just have gone through with it, might have accepted the pain and the discomfort and the fear that maybe she had finally gotten a client who was willing to hurt her or worse... but this night it was different. This night she had a child waiting for her at home who was relying on her, who'd be all alone if she died... she couldn't risk it.
"Let's just drive back, okay?" she asked slowly and Dave nodded.
"Why are you doing this, Brit? What are you punishing yourself for?" the tall driver wanted to know in a serious voice, facing the road in front of them.
Brittany said nothing. He wouldn't understand. No one would.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The blonde couldn't go home yet. She had called Emma and asked if everything was okay and the woman had assured her that Abbey was asleep, had eaten dinner and brushed her teeth and she shouldn't worry. She knew Emma would still be there for several hours and she just felt like she needed distraction. She couldn't just lie down next to her daughter after everything that had happened, she needed to get her mind off things.
Before she could even think about it she had dialed Santana's number – the need to hear her voice, to seek comfort in her presence becoming unbearable.
When Santana answered, a huge wave of relief flowed through Brittany's body, relief that the Latina still picked up when she saw her number, relief that there was the slight chance of making it work with her.
"Are you okay?" the brunette wanted to know, apparently sensing the blonde's distressed tone when she had greeted her.
"Not so much..." Brittany admitted in a voice that was so shaky and high-pitched that she didn't even recognize it herself. She wouldn't start crying now.
"What's wrong? Is it Abbey?" the Latina asked concerned and the blonde was happy that the other woman had remembered her daughter's name.
"No... she's fine... she has a nanny now..." she explained, though she wasn't sure why she had added the last bit of information.
"Yeah, I saw the ad..." Santana admitted slowly and somehow Brittany wasn't surprised. Some moments of silence passed between them.
"Did you consider applying?" Brittany managed to ask after a while, somehow needing to hear the answer to the question she'd been asking herself all these days.
The Latina laughed, trying to make the woman's idea sound absurd. "Uh, no? I told you to call me when you have figured things out..."
"I know..." Brittany replied slowly.
"And...? Have you?"
Brittany hadn't figured out much, but she had a nanny and she wanted to be with Santana, didn't that count for something?
"I might be getting there... slowly..." she tried to sum up the situation.
"Well, that's good" Santana concluded and waited for the blonde to go on.
"Have you... um... thought of me? These past days?" Brittany's voice was shy and insecure, scared of the other woman's answer.
The silence was back, the blonde hated silence.
"Yes."
It was one word, one simple word, three letters, but there seemed to be so much meaning in them. It was all that she needed to hear.
"Can you tell me where you are?" Brittany pleaded and the brunette told her the address of her hotel.
It didn't take long for her to get to the place, she had driven a little bit faster than she should have. She couldn't wait to see her again, to take in her smell, to touch her hair...
When Santana's door finally swung open, Brittany couldn't help but drag her in for a hug, she needed the physical contact, the feeling of safety. She felt like she could finally be herself, even though the feeling was completely absurd, considering the other woman still didn't know her biggest secret.
They sat down on the bed and the blonde couldn't let go of Santana's hand, needing the closeness.
"Oh my god, Brittany, what happened to your neck?" the woman asked in shock at the sight of the blonde's bruises. Brittany quickly wrapped her hands around the red marks in a protective gesture.
"Nothing happened."
"It doesn't look like nothing, Brit, please talk to me..."
"Santana, I want to ask you something" the blonde just brushed her off and it was clear she was not going to give her any explanation.
Santana seemed to be fighting an inner struggle, not really wanting to let this go but also not knowing how to get the blonde to open up to her. She looked at her, tensed, until she finally sighed.
"Sure... what is it?"
Brittany looked into her eyes, something like hurt, like vulnerabilty reflecting in her gaze.
"I know that... I know it's complicated with me..." she started stuttering, "I really know that. And there are things about me, certain things about my personality, my past... things I can't talk about, not yet..."
Santana's gaze showed confusion and helplessness but she listened closely.
"I can't expect you to understand, but it's hard for me to open up to people. And I know that I wanna open up to you eventually, I just can't yet..."
Santana nodded slowly, not sure that she understood what the blonde was trying to tell her.
"But you... all I know is that I feel truly good when I'm around you... it's like you're truly good for me... Oh my god, I don't wanna sound like a weirdo..." she mumbled, breaking eye-contact.
"No, just say it" the Latina whispered, something like sincere hope in her voice.
Brittany cleared her throat.
"Would you... would you be willing to keep seeing me? Despite everything you know about me so far?"
She felt like she was laying her emotions completely out in the open, unused to needing someone else.
"Seeing you? Uh... I'm not sure I know what exactly you mean..." Santana deliberated out loud, brown eyes searching blue ones.
Brittany didn't know it herself. She couldn't explain it, she just knew she didn't want to not see Santana, she needed her in her life to have something to look forward to. She replied with the only thing she did know, the only thing she felt she could offer anyone.
"I don't know, just keep seeing me... at night... just... physically. Not complicated, I promise, just us – easy, no strings attached..."
"Oh" Santana replied, not able to hide her disappointment. "Sure, yes, of course I want to."
The blonde woman smiled warmly. "Emma stays until morning, we could still see each other every night after work. I mean, not every night after work of course..." she corrected herself nervously.
"Yeah, that's fine with me, I have late shifts at the restaurant as well so I guess I won't be home much earlier than you."
"Great" Brittany breathed out relieved, making no attempt to hide her smile.
"Great" Santana repeated, though her laugh seemed a little insecure.
They looked into each other's eyes and Brittany couldn't hold back any longer, she simply felt thankful, encouraged, finally able to let go of the night's unpleasant experiences. She let her hand rest on the Latina's thigh and kissed her, much slower, much softer than the times before.
Their lips were softly brushing against each other with no hurry, the blonde's tongue only slowly seeking entrance.
The room was completely quiet except for the occasional sounds of police sirens and honking cars on the streets of New York City. The window was opened and a cold night breeze was brushing over the blonde's arms, making her shiver.
Santana dragged Britt closer, offering her a warm embrace and trailing her soft kisses down the other woman's chin until she reached the bruises on her neck.
She didn't even hesitate before slowly caressing the abused skin, softly letting her tongue run around the red marks as if trying to make them disappear. Brittany felt grateful that Santana hadn't asked any further questions but was yet willing to acknowledge that whatever had happened hurt her, that she needed exactly that kind comfort.
Santana took her time, carefully laying the blonde down on the mattress and moving on top of her, still licking the area underneath the blonde's chin, down to her cleavage, while softly massaging her breasts through the material of her shirt.
The blonde was finally able to relax, something that was so rare, something she didn't even know how to do. Sex was always like work for her, always an act that had only one goal – getting her client to come – and quickly, if possible. It's what she had tried with Santana that first time, showing her what she could do to make their time together more amazing than anything she had ever experienced – but this? This felt simply wonderful, the feeling of being cared for.
Brittany couldn't help but let out a whimper when Santana caressed her nipple and she felt her need and arousal grow stronger.
"I want you to just lie back and enjoy, okay? I wanna make you feel good..." the Latina whispered into her ear and the blonde's eyes fluttered shut at the sound of her beautiful and seductive voice. It seemed as if she knew exactly what was going on inside her head, as if she knew just the right places to touch her, just the right words to say – they just functioned together.
At first it was weird when Santana started caressing her clit with her mouth. She felt the muscles in her belly tense, felt her usual impulse to shut down her desires, the typical protective mechanism that kicked in whenever a client touched her so intimately - but she made herself ignore it, made herself realize that this was the woman she truly desired, not a person she despised.
"Relax, baby..." Santana ordered softly, sensing the blonde's slight discomfort. "Just feel me."
And Brittany did feel, more than she ever thought was possible. She felt the heat in her body, felt the soft wet strokes of the woman's tongue, felt her soft hands on her body, felt her warm breath between her legs, the vibration of her moans around her most sensitive spot. She felt - and she didn't want it to end.
"Please don't stop" she whimpered after a while, the pleasure becoming almost unbearable, the sudden need for release, something she just wasn't used to. "Don't stop."
Santana didn't plan on stopping, she didn't even plan on teasing, she just softly licked her to the point of no return.
Brittany realized she needed no further stimulation, she needed no fingers pumping inside of her, no simple fucking - all she needed was intimacy, and Santana was giving her just that.
When she came she pressed her hands on her eyes, not able to hold back a loud groan. Her orgasm shook through her with full force, reminding her what it could be like to be with someone she cared about, wishing this feeling would never stop.
There was no embarrassment, nothing she felt that she needed to hold back.
She didn't even notice the tears streaming down her cheeks, she didn't know where they had come from, she wasn't able to explain it. She was just grateful for this special person who slowly crawled up her body, who comforted her with her warm weight on top of her and just kissed them away.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TBC
A/N: The next chapter will focus more on Santana again! Oh and review please :D
