AN- I don't really know what to say about this chapter. So just sit back and r&r.


Judy Fabray was an enigma to Quinn. She had spent most of her life trying to figure out her mother. There was something about her that was ethereal in a sense. She just seemed above it all. Quinn wondered if it had anything to do with her father and their convoluted marriage. Their relationship remained unclear to their young daughter as her mother was not particularly neglectful towards him, but she wasn't nurturing either. She was just there- like now.

"Quinn, you've never been one to mince words. Why don't you divulge whatever it is you are holding in but desperately want to say out loud?" Apparently, her mother could still read her like a book.

She huffed an irritated sigh. "Are you actually mad at me?" Her voice was vulnerable and her defenses were down.

Judy watched her daughter carefully. "No, it's just you're infuriating. I completely understand wanting to give the Puckerman boy a second chance." Quinn raised an eyebrow. "He is a boy. He isn't man yet. He still needs to grow up. You could've told someone though. It didn't necessarily have to be your wife although that is preferable to any alternatives. I want to know what compelled you to keep this a secret."

Quinn lowered her eyes in shame. "I guess because I know how everyone can be. All of my friends from Glee including my wife, well they tend to be melodramatic. They may be able to see with shades of grey, but in certain situations it is clear cut for them. Most of the time they tend to overreact, especially when they don't understand." She knew how her friends were. It was one of the reasons for the amount of fights they had only four months in.

"Yes, they are like that. But they are protective too. They are rallying around one another. No one is angry. They feel offended because you chose to bear this alone."

"It's my burden to bear." She told her mother. "Rachel isn't exactly a saint. If I told her, she would look at me with those wounded puppy dog eyes of hers. She wouldn't understand because she's always had loving fathers who have probably been overly involved in her life." Judy snorted in agreement. "The closest I could probably get her to understand the situation is bringing up the thing with Shelby."

Judy dropped her gaze. "Yes I can see why you had no desire to do that. It is a bit different than you and Puck and your fathers."

Quinn had to agree with that. Rachel had two loving fathers, but she sought a female presence- a mother. It is hard to face the sting of rejection because you aren't what someone is looking for. Rachel was already a social pariah, and then her mother made her feel more like one. She could understand why her counterpart wouldn't want to hash out the past and remind Rachel of her own history with a parent.

"I want to explain this to her properly since I will have to." They were finally in the city. Santana came over to watch the girls, while Quinn and Judy headed to the emergency room. "I don't want her to think this is about me having any sort of romantic feelings toward Puck. It isn't in the slightest. She's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. That is how Rachel operates. Most of the time she doesn't think she deserves all the good things that happen to her."

November 20, 2016

Rachel is officially pregnant. I can't believe it actually took. Rachel hasn't said a word. She's sat catatonic on our bathroom floor for the last three hours. I know she's happy, but there's something else bothering her.

-Q

November 23, 2016

We went in for the ultrasound today. Our baby six weeks. We could just make out a slight whooshing sound. Rachel completely freaked out. She cried hysterically. I had no idea what was happening. She wouldn't let me touch her when I attempted to calm her down.

She immediately got into bed when we got home. I think she's scared that she's going to lose the baby. The doctor said she needed to put on some more weight. She's actually lost ten pounds in the last few weeks because she can't keep anything down.

-Q

"It's up to you as her wife to reassure her. I know she wouldn't talk to you because she's stubborn as a mule, but you can be just as stubborn. Force her to listen, learn how to communicate for God's sake."

"I thought we don't take the Lord's name in vain." She gently teased her mother.

Judy rolled her eyes. "Some situations call for it. I need you two to be a team again. How can I be expected to remarry next year when one of the best couples I know is having difficulties? The two of you have allowed me to believe in redemption and love." Quinn squeezed her mother's hand. "Santana has her own weird way of being a protector. She wants to protect both you and Rachel. It's kind of hard to do that at the same time at the moment."

"Yeah you are right." She nodded. "Santana likes to feel involved and a part of it all. Me not talking to her about this was like a stab in the back. She still wants to help and do her lawyer thing. I do owe her an apology. If there was anyone besides Rachel I should've told, it was her. She knows how to deal with Puck better than anyone. You know mom I find it disconcerting for you to know so much about everything. There was once a time when I believed you were above it all." Yeah my present, Quinn amended in her head.

Judy was chagrined. "Yes I have many regrets in my life as we both are aware. The one at the top of the list is when I allowed your father to kick you out of the house. I was far too comfortable, and in a moment my world slid from my finger tips. It was like I was on a speeding train and there was no way to stop the collision." She exhaled softly before continuing on. "We both know that you were better off not living there while your father was still there. He is a bigot as I'm sure you very well know. He's impacted your life in ways I'm sure you've never realized. It's hard to look back and not recognize the person you were."

"I look in the mirror all the time and never recognize myself." Quinn told her mother. If it was honesty time, she was going to be as forthcoming as possible. "I wipe away the fog and stare, deep and hard. I make all sorts of faces, but sometimes it doesn't feel like me."

"I wish I could tell you that the feeling goes away, but sometimes it doesn't." Judy glanced over at Quinn with thoughtful consideration. "When that happens, you have to remind yourself of who you are and how far you've come. Life is a challenge. Just because you've climbed to the top of the mountain doesn't mean your journey is complete."

Quinn frowned, her eyes closing slightly as she let her mother's words sink in. All this time she kept thinking that getting pregnant was the end of the world. She thought her life was over because she was going to have a baby. She believed that she would never get out of Lima. "I've stopped climbing." Quinn realized. "I've become passive in my life. Rachel has as well. We stopped listening because it becomes background noise at some point. You believe that it's just the same thing on repeat over and over. It is that whole saying in one ear and out the other."

Judy beamed with pride at her daughter. "A marriage is based on more than love. Part of the foundation of a healthy relationship is trust and communication. You once told me Rachel was your best friend. Best friends tell each other everything. Part of the reason Russell and I didn't work out was because he was never my best friend. I saw him as comfort. My family approved, and I thought he could provide financial security. Our marriage lacked passion. I never once looked at your father the way you look at Rachel when she's not looking."

Quinn took her mother's advice to heart. Santana mocked her endlessly in high school because in her opinion no one bullied someone as aggressively as she bullied Rachel unless they were over compensating for something. She correctly assumed that there were some underlying reason for why Quinn constantly tormented McKinley's resident diva.

It was never anything to actually do with Rachel. She naively believed it was for all this time, but being in the future was giving her a lot to consider. Why did she care if Finn cheated on her with Rachel? She knew her relationship with Finn wasn't bursting with love. So why did it matter? Did she really join Glee club to make sure Finn stayed away from Rachel or because she wanted to be closer to Rachel? Thinking about the different possibilities was giving her a headache. Had she really been this blind?


Rachel sat in the exam room contemplating the mess she had made. Her head was still fuzzy, and she was admittedly still quite drunk. She was in pain too. The pain was still a bit numb from all of the liquor she consumed. It was going to take a long sleep for the effects of the alcohol to fade.

In truth, she wasn't sure how she ended up in the bar. One minute she was looking at the perfect gift for her wife and the next she was ordering a shot of vodka. The whole night ended up out of her control as she couldn't stop. The worst part was she knew how irresponsible it was going off the grid as she had. She had even sent her bodyguard home- assuring him that she would be fine. It was a half truth. Physically she was fine, but mentally her mind was all over the place.

Her mind flitted all over as different possibilities crossed her mind. She wasn't sure why she immediately went to the worst case scenario. It was an ingrained habit of hers- one she had yet to break. She knew another one that she could break, but her stubbornness was overriding the logical part of her. Kurt was right though. She debated whether or not to call her wife. "I'm going to call her." She decided. "Yeah," she nodded her head.

In the ten seconds it took for Quinn to answer, Rachel considered hanging up. She was mortified. "Rachel, is everything okay?"

Her chin trembled before she began to cry. "I'm sorry." She apologized. None of this would've happened if she had let her wife explain. "I hate boys." She sobbed into the phone.

"Rachel you're still drunk. I'm not sure if you really know what you're saying at the moment."

Rachel nodded before remembering that Quinn couldn't actually see her. "I'm not really drunk. I wouldn't be able to touch my nose if I was drunk."

Quinn's raspy laughter could be heard booming through the speaker. "I will be at the hospital soon honey. Can you wait until I'm there?"

"Okay," she sniffled. "I love you." She whispered tenderly. She really did.

"I know. I love you too."

Rachel ended the call. Once upon a time she ended this. She told Quinn she loved her, but that she never wanted to see her again. It was hard to maintain a family when both people attended school in two different states on top of everything. Quinn had seen through her evasiveness, and stated in no uncertain terms that they were together for better or worse. Then she popped down onto one knee and the rest was history.

It was in that small moment that she knew without a doubt everything would resolve itself. They would figure out their long distance relationship and what it would entail for the next few years.

As a person prone to histrionics, it was in her nature to not necessarily consider another person's feelings before her own. Yes, her children came first, but after that it was herself. It was coded in her DNA to automatically assume the worst and come to the most dramatic conclusion. She was a thespian. She was predisposed to this sort of irrationality- not that it was any sort of excuse.

It was one of those moments where the rug was pulled out from beneath her. She didn't know up from down, right from left. She was left floundering because she had no idea what to do. It was an unexpected situation for her, one which she had no control or knowledge.

"Rachel," Quinn breathed as she pulled back the curtain. Quinn certainly wasn't expecting the woman who had been standoffish earlier that day to fling herself into her arms. She did. It was an awkward embrace until she slowly slid her arms around the brunette. She inhaled Rachel's lavender scent. Her hair tickled her nose, but she didn't mind. The hug felt like coming up for fresh air.

"I'm so sorry." Rachel cried into Quinn's neck. "I never gave you a chance to explain. And I've been indifferent towards you for the last couple of days. I'm sorry." Quinn tightened her hold on the brunette. "You actually came."

Quinn shushed her and rocked them from side to side. "It's okay Rach. Take a seat and calm down. We have time to talk about it. I promise we will. I'll tell you anything you want to know." She gently brushed away her Rachel's tears.

Rachel stared up at her with watery eyes. "I haven't completely ruined us?"

"No you haven't." She gave her a wane smile-tucking hair brown hair back. "You're so beautiful." Quinn murmured mesmerized at how she had never noticed. In her time, she constantly belittled Rachel. The names used were derogatory and malicious, and she had relished in the feeling of making Rachel feel small. But in that second with her sitting in front of her with her bruised nose, Quinn had never seen a more beautiful sight.

She had inflicted so much pain, yet Rachel forgave her for it. She fell in love with her despite all of her obvious flaws.

Rachel flushed under the intensity of Quinn's gaze. "I can't remember the last time you really looked at me like that." She mumbled. "I'm not even at my best. I'm still kind of drunk and my nose." She clasped her hands tightly to her nose.

Quinn pried away Rachel's tiny hands- wondering how they could call her man hands. "No, your nose is fine. I don't see any of that right now. You're alluring. All I can think about is the softness of your lips. My lips on your smooth, delicate neck. Your eyes are captivating. Those brown orbs melt my heart like a mug of hot chocolate on a cold day. It makes me feel at home. Your skin," she moaned as she caressed Rachel's face. "Is so soft. Rachel you are beauty incarnate to me. I know you don't feel beautiful, and I'm partially responsible for that. But to me, you will always be the most appealing person in the room. Falling in love with you was the best decision I never made."

Rachel covered Quinn's hands with her own and held them to her face. She was left speechless. She was astounded at Quinn's ability to make her feel like the most special person in the world. "You're simply lovely Rachel. I once wrote a poem about you. At the time, I didn't know it was you who I was writing about."

December 5, 2009

I close my eyes

I take a breath

I picture your face

I feel your breath

It warms my insides

It speaks to my soul

I know you're there

In our place

Waiting for me

Like I'm waiting for you

It isn't right yet

But soon it will be

And then it will be just you and me

In the stars as long as they shine

It will be our safe haven

A place only for us

-Q

"How come you never told me about it?"

Quinn shrugged in an attempt at deflection. "I guess cause I forgot about it. I wrote it in one of my old journals. Back then I was going through a lot. Teen angst, changing hormones, confusion, repression, I didn't know what I was feeling." Quinn was surprised to realize that it was the truth. While she wrote the poem, she ignored the image of Rachel that kept popping up in her head. She tried to convince herself that it was someone else. She couldn't be gay on top of everything else that was wrong in her life.

"It was perfect." Rachel's lips quirked up. "I think you touched my soul." Quinn poked her nose because Rachel was still very much under the effect of alcohol.

Rachel giggled, and Quinn felt a weight lift off of her. Rachel's laugh was one of her favorite sounds. It was infectious. Her eyes would sparkle and it was like her whole body was feeling it.

"Okay Mrs. Fabray, we got your X-ray shows that you definitely have a nasal fracture. It's a break on the bone." He pointed at the X-ray. Quinn glared at him for delivering the bad news. "I noticed that this isn't the first time you've broken your nose." Quinn eyed Rachel.

"Uh yeah in high school, my sort of ex accidently punched me in the face." The blonde clenched her fists because she knew exactly who Rachel was talking about.

"Well the swelling should go down in a few days. The bruising around the bridge of your nose and eyes will fade in two or three days max. We are going to put a splint on the nose, and I recommend maybe a cold compress. You should also probably take Tylenol or Advil for pain relief. Luckily it isn't a bad break that requires surgery. You also don't show any signs of concussion luckily. I'll get the nurse to place the splint and then you can be discharged. By the way my wife is a huge fan of yours." Quinn smacked her head and groaned. It was seriously not the time for that. Couldn't he see that he was being unprofessional?

Quinn cleared her throat and he regained his composure. Rachel snickered as he excused himself. "Idiot," the blonde muttered.

Rachel smacked her arm. "Be nice." She warned with a raise of her eyebrow.

"But come on Rach, that is unprofessional." She gestured wildly in the direction the man left.

The other woman pursed her lips and raised a shoulder. "I'm used to it by this point. Now if it were my Ob/gyn then I would have a problem. But he's harmless baby."

The blonde's insides warmed at hearing Rachel call her baby. She liked it- a lot. Such a simple name had her jumping for joy on the inside. The nurse entered shortly, and Rachel winced as she splinted her nose. She squeezed Quinn's hand tightly. Quinn kissed her forehead when it was all said and done. "Keep that on for a week or two just to make sure that your nose is properly aligned as it heals."

Rachel nodded, chagrined over the whole night. She had made a mockery of herself. There were lots of people taping her ridiculous, childish behavior, and it was bound to get out. "Quinn," she looked around with wide, searching eyes. "I can't find my coat," the blonde stared at her in disbelief. "But I found myself."

After everything that happened that night, Quinn completely forgot that Rachel was still drunk. She had her serious moments. Kurt had said as much when he described her odd behavior. However, he warned her that Rachel had half a bottle of tequila, and an unknown amount of vodka before he arrived on the scene.

"Rach," she bit her lips to hid her laughter. It was just funny. "You're wearing your coat."

The brunette glanced down and then gasped in surprise. "So I am."


Kurt and Judy were still in the waiting room when Rachel was discharged. Kurt took full responsibility for letting the situation get out of control, and he wanted to know how his best friend was fairing. Rachel smiled at him dopily. "Psst, Kurt do you want to know a secret?" Kurt shot Quinn an amused look and nodded. "Did you know that I can sing because I'm Barbra Streisand?" She stage whispered, but all of them heard it. It was the last thing any of them were expecting her to say.

"Is she still drunk?" Kurt asked.

Quinn nodded. "She's probably not as far gone as earlier, but she's such a tiny thing. Alcohol hits her harder than most. I think being in the hospital sedated her a bit, but now she's got people to talk to again."

"Kurt I love you. And I'm not just saying that cause I'm drunk. I'm like really serious right now. You're so important to me, and I'm just bursting with love for you. Like my heart is just boom, boom beating for you. You're so special." Her eyes were earnest. "Do you love me?" She frowned. "No wait don't answer that." Kurt couldn't handle it. He started giggling like a little school boy at the hilarity that was ensuing before him.

"Come on, it's time to get you to bed." Rachel pouted. "Don't look at me like that. You need to sleep this off. I already know you'll be praying to the porcelain gods in a few hours."

"Can we have sex?" She blurted. Quinn froze mid-step as she choked on her spit.

Kurt and Judy excused themselves. They made some excuse about hailing a cab for Kurt. It was awkward to say the least.

"Babe, you can barely walk let alone take your shirt off. We can table this discussion for later. Besides I have a feeling, you'll be glad that we didn't have sex in the morning." Rachel sighed. "Now come on, we need to get some water in your system and maybe some food. Did you eat anything?"

Rachel scrunched up her face adorably. "Uh… I wanted a pizza. Cause you know each bite has bread and veggies and cheese. It's an amazing concept. How do they do that?" Quinn couldn't take her seriously. She had never seen this side to Rachel before. The now woman was always headstrong, ambitious, abrasive, and most of all annoying. They were far too different (at least it seemed that way) to ever be friends, let alone what they've become. For the first time though, she was seeing the real Rachel Berry- not the one who hid behind a diva façade. This was the girl who was afraid to have fun.

"Come on my little leprechaun." She threw an arm around Rachel's shoulders to steady her. Also maybe for the close proximity it allowed between them.

Rachel half-heartedly stomped her foot. "Did you have to add little?"

"Yes," Quinn smirked. "Let's go get you that pizza. Then you can sleep and vomit. Then we can talk tomorrow. After that we can go home."

"You still want me even though I'm drunk and my nose is all messed up?" Rachel murmured.

"I'd still want you if you couldn't sing ever again. Aesthetics mean nothing, and that doesn't mean I don't think you're beautiful. And everyone's had some bad experiences while being drunk. It's all apart of life." She leaned her head against Rachel's as they said their goodbyes to Kurt.

"Feel better," he said. Rachel made no move to hug him- content in Quinn's arms. "Call me tomorrow after the hangover passes."

"I will." She nuzzled her wife's neck, enjoying the warmth that flooded through her.

"I'll see ya Quinn. And Judy it's a pleasure as always." He kissed the older woman on the cheek before getting into his cab.

"I'll drop the two of you off at the apartment, and then drive back to the house to relieve Santana. You can call Thomas tomorrow to pick you guys up."

Quinn nodded, not really listening to her mother. She just wanted to lie down after such a long day. Yesterday seemed like ages ago. She could hardly believe she had only been there for less than a day, and yet so much had happened. She wondered when she would go back because as lovely as it all was, she wanted to experience how she got there firsthand instead of through a secondhand account. She wanted to fall in love with Rachel, not only through her words, but in person. Without a doubt, she knew that when she went back she would still choose Rachel and all of this.


AN- Up next is the big talk. We'll see how that goes. Then the whole family will be reunited. Rachel barely has a filter sober, so I feel like drunk, she literally just says what she's thinking, no matter how ridiculous.