"I cry in silence, can you not see my tears?"
Bella's POV
It's been a couple of days since I was back with the Cullens. It has been a very big step. I hadn't remeber the acident, just the part where I got hit. It was very frustrating to know that I couldn't remeber. Carlisle said it was normal that I didn't remember since I was in the coma. But I try so hard to remeber. To find out why I was hit,why they said I was drunk. I think that maybe I should just move on. I mean, if it was so important, why couldn't I remeber?
Jasper and I have gotten really close. I know we have those little moments and Alice just smiles and taps her head. I know I like him, maybe even love him, but can I let him in? I know I knida already have, but it's still hard. He loves me and I think I love him. I just...sometimes I wish that maybe Charlie wouldn't have found me. That Jasper didn't caught me cut. I just don't know what to do. Maybe my life would have been easier
"You know, if Jasper finds out what your thinking, he would have a cow." Edward said from the door way. I sighed.
"Is there any privatce in this house?" I murmued. He chuckled and sat down. Edward and I have gotten close too. He's like my best guy friend.
"You know I'm always here Bella right?" Edward said, "If there's anything you need to say, you can say it. Don't be scared."
"Thank you." I whispered as I hugged him.
"Come on, Emmett wants to beat you at one of his video games." He said pulling me up. We walked downstairs and into the living room. Emmett and Jasper were so fousced on the game, they didn't hear us walk in.
"Gah...yes...no...NO!" Emmett said as Jasper won.
"Haha! Who's better now!" Jasper gloated. This is the first time I've seen him this happy in awhile. I smiled at him. He smiled a big ass grin and kissed me.
"Good luck." He murmured. I smiled and gave him another kiss.
"Come on Bella! I will be victorious this time!" Emmett said rasing his fist in the air.
"Haha, yeah okay." I said as I made my way over there. After 3 hours, 44 losses, Emmett finally stopped playing.
"Damn Bella, wouldn't even let me win." Emmett whined like a little baby.
"Aww is wittle emmy sad." I said in a smug baby voice. He pouted and nodded his head. I grinned.
"I will have my cumuppts!" Emmett yelled and ran into his room. We laughed. Jasper grabbed my hand and lead me to his room. He turned back to me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. He started to kiss me along my jaw. It felt really good. He picked me up and lead me to his bed. He layed me down and got on top of me holding his own weight. Being like this with Jasper didn't make me feel ugly and nasty. He made me feel like I belonged. Like I was someone.
I put one hand in his hair and the other one on his chest. Even though his hands roamed me body, it was like each touch was full of real love.
"Jasper." I said when I caught my breath.
"Mhhmm."
"I think that I love you." I said. He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes.
"I love you too Bella. I want you to know that for forever." He said. I smiled back and pulled him back down.
"Bella, I think that in your condition, you should see a counciler." Carlisle said. I looked up at him from my ceral.
"What?"
"It's just so you can remeber that night and the other things in your life." I knew this was bound to happen. And I really wanna know what happened. I sighed.
"Okay, whatever." I said. He smiled.
"Good, I already have an appointment for you today." I looked at him in shock
"Alice." He said. I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, whatever, let's do this." I said. I went upstiars and got ready. I don't know if this is going to help. Telling a complete stranger my 'problems'. I've been to ones before, didn't help one bit.
"Okay, I'm ready." I said emerging from the hallway. Carlisle nodded and headed to his car. The car was filled with slicene. It's not that I have anything against Carlisle, it's just, I don't know him well enough. It's not going to do anything. We drove and drove and drove till we finally got to the little building. I sighed.
"It's gonna be fine." Carlisle told me. No it's not.
"Sure, let's go." I said. We got out and went into the waiting room. A couple of teenagers and their parents were in the room, looking completely bored. I'm with you there buddy. I sat down farest away from everybody while Carlisle was at the desk. Maybe I will remember what happened. Hopefully.
"Isabella?" A man called down from the hall. We stood up and I quickly made my way towards him.
"This way." He said, we walked down a long hallway. A boy came from the other direction. He looked at me and it was like my world stopped. He was tall, maybe 6'2, and had black long hair. His eyes looked like black oceans, drawing me in. He was very pale too. Why did he look so familiar? He seemed to know me too.
"Bella? You okay?" Carlisle asked me. I didn't even realised I stoppped.
"Oh yeah, fine." I said recovering. He led me into this small room witch consisted of a couch, table, chair, and a book shelf.
"Hello, Im Dr. Marc Vicker. I'll be your therapist." He said. He was good-looking for a 40 year old. Bright blue eyes with black curly hair.
"Bella." I murmured. He nodded.
"You can sit on the couch and I'll tell you what we are going to do." We sat down.
He talked mostly to Carlisle.
"I'm just going to start out with the basic and then work my way up to that night..." I tuned him out. I'm wasting my time here.
Carlisle soon left and it was just me and Marc.
"Okay Bella, I'm gonna start out with me okay? Im Marc Vicker and I went to Texas A&M and mairred my wife and have two kids."
"That's cool." I said nonchalantly.
"Tell me about yourself."
"Black hair, blue eyes, shy, quiet." I said bored. He sighed.
"Well in your file, It says that you have attempted suicide several times and cut. I am correct?"
"Well it's in my file, is it not?"
"Why did you do it?" I shrugged.
"Bella, I can't do my job, if you'r not willing to cooperate." He said. I could tell he was getting angry.
"Then don't." Bingo. He sighed in frustration and pitched the bridge of his nose. I smiled.
"Okay, What happened on that night Bella?" He said. Why not tell him.
"Uh, I was going to see a friend and I walked to his house." I said.
"Why? Who?"
"Because I can and Jacob Black." I said. He nodded.
"The docter said they found whiskey on you."
"OHhhh yeahh, I was drinking. Then I guess I was drunk and walked into the road." I said. No wonder. I remember now. Charlie, Jacob, the whiskey, the voices.
"Okay..."
"How was it?" Carlisle asked. I shrugged.
"Good, I remember now."
"That's great Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed, "What you do remember?"
"I was going to see Jake because I was mad so I drank on the way there and that's when happened." I said. Something passed on his face but covered it.
"That's great Bella." I nodded.
Jasper's POV
"Hello Bella, how did it go?" I asked her as she came through the door. She was emotionless and said
"Mhhmmm." and walked up the stairs. I looked at Carlisle and he just shrugged.
"She remembers." He said. I nodded and followed Bella upstairs. She was quiet as a vampire and wasn't expressing any emotion. She inside her room and I shut the door.
"Bella?" I asked her, kneeling infront of her. Her face was pale and started bawling.
"Oh Jasper!" She said as she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, stroking her back.
"I'm a mess Jasper! Look at me! Im so messed up and I hate myself of bad. Look at this-" She showed me her wrist, "I couldn't stop Jasper! This is so ugly and terrible, but I can't seem to stop! I've tried so hard... committed to stop. I can't, it helps me Jazz. Every time I up, I think to myself,'Today is the day I'm going stop' and I never do. I want it to all go away. Jasper. Im so broken." Bella said.
"Bella, listen to me please. You are so special to me, to everyone. When will you see that you're so beautiful? Only you are so beautiful and wonderful, it's amazing. This-" I said holding her wrist, "will become better, you have to have faith in yourself. I want you to see you for who you are Bella, the Bella I know. I love you so much and I know that down the road, You will be become a hero to yourself and to me. Bella, I love you." I said, my voice dripping with love.
She started to quit crying.
"Jasper, you know just what to say. You are my hero. I love you." She whispered. I kissed her forehead.
"I love you too darlin'." I said as I drew her close.
"I believe you. I believe in you." She said quietly into my chest. I kissed her head. One day I know that she will become the most strongest people I know and that I'll be lucky to have her.
:)
