Whew! This one took awhile! What with a job, school, and now i have driving class. Well, it's not that bad. I just had to think about where i wanted to go with this one. So anyway, enjoy my fellow readers, allow me to take you on a insane adventure while i slowly drain your sanity!

Enjoy


Chapter 6
Web of Lies

They start slamming me with questions right off the bat. 'What happened?' and 'How did they hurt you so bad?'

I try to answer as many questions as I can, but it's hard. It's hard to focus. I can't stop thinking about the damn kid. And his face after I…I…"Raph? What's wrong?" Don asks, making me realize that I'm crying. I grunt and wipe them away, "Nothing." I answer simply.

Leo eyes me with worry from across the lair, Mikey is standing beside him, talking to Leo in secrecy, which unsettles me slightly. Suddenly, everything seems to turn down. Don talks, but all I hear is his muffled voice.

I seem to fall into my thoughts.

"Hey honey."

"Hi Mom."

"I love you so much, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what I would do without you."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Raph!"

I shake, twisting my head toward Don. He eyes me with suspicion, "I need you to look at me." He says. I nod, then face him. He examines my eye, "You seem to have a bad friction burn on the left side of your face. How did you get that?" He asks. My mind races, then I blurt the first thing that comes to my mind.

"I…I don't remember."

Playing the forgetting card, my only option.

He eyes me, then something behind him makes both of us look. Leo's covering his face, sobbing softly. Mikey holds him, asking him if he's ok.

"What's wrong with fearless?" I ask, trying to hide the sadness in my voice. Don frowns, shaking his head, "He feels guilty for letting you go alone."

I nod my head, feeling even worse. Not only am I a murderer, but I'm making my brothers believe that he's a bad brother.

Instantly, I break down. I don't know why, but I burst into a fit of tears.

"Raph!" Don shudders.

I don't respond, I push past Don and run upstairs. I can't take anymore of this, the guilt is eating me alive. I barge into my room and slam the door, making it crack on impact.

Usually this wouldn't happen but something inside me just exploded. A mixture of pain, fear, and absolute guilt. I slide down to the floor and sob softly in my hands.

I don't know what to do anymore, all I want to do is stay up here. But I know I can't, I can tell myself that I will stay up here without food or water, but I know I'll have to go back down sometime. Don wrapped up my major injuries, so I'll be fine there.

I should have eaten that pizza before I left.

I shouldn't have ever left.

…..

It's been three hours, and I haven't left my room once. It's getting late, I'll go back down when everyone's asleep. I don't want to see anyone right now, I can't keep lying to them. But I have to if I want to keep this secret buried.

I wish that's all it could be, buried. I wish I can just forget about this and get on with my life. But that never happens does it? I mean, everything you do stays with you, no matter what.

Leo once said that he accidently killed a rat a couple months ago in the sewers, and he said he couldn't look at Splinter the same way for some reason. Every time he looked at him, he felt awkward.

It's like we try to move on, but our minds don't let us.

And killing a rat is different from killing a kid. But I didn't mean to do it for Christ sakes. I guess we don't ever mean to do half of the stuff we do. Well, I guess I do.

It's not as easy as you think being the 'aggressive' one in the group. I don't mean to be, but that's just how I am for some reason.

And there it is again, not meaning to be what I really am. But what am I suppose to be? A kid killer? What happened was an accident, there's no reason to tell anyone. But why do I still feel like there's a knife in my heart.

There's a knock at my door.

"Raphael?

It's Splinter, that dull, wise voice is noticeable no matter what. I don't want to let him in, but something inside me tells me I should. "Come in." I say.

The doorknob turns and swings open. Splinter scowls at me, he enters and takes a seat next to me on my bed. "You are troubled my son, but I feel that this ambush isn't what is really bothering you."

There's a hint of worry in his voice, but then there's also a hint of 'I'm disappointed' in his voice. I sigh, mind rushing to think of something to say. "Its just, I feel like…I-I didn't do what I could have. I mean…I've fought alone before!" I ramble, making this stuff up as I go, "So why did this happen to me now?"

Splinter hushes me, softly placing his hand on my shoulder, "It's alright my son, you are a great fighter." He says, "It happens, it has happen to me, it has happen to Leonardo. And it will happen to Michelangelo and Donatello. No good ninja has ever been through fights without acquiring a massive amount of injuries."

I feel my heart begin to race, wondering if it worked.

"But you need to learn from your failures, and not let them get you down."

I smile slightly, Splinter really knows what to say.

He pats my arm, then stands up, "Splinter, can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead my son."

My stomach drops, how do I ask this without giving myself away. "I-If you know you did something bad, but don't tell anyone, does it make it worse?"

Splinters face lowers into a scowl, "Of course it does." He says quickly, making my heart plummet, "If you hide something, not only are you hurting yourself, but you're hurting those around you by giving them false beliefs." He says, "And hiding something creates lies. And after you tell one lie, you have to continuously lie to keep your original lie believable. Thus creating a giant web of lies that could have been avoided." He continues.

I don't respond, I just let that sink in a bit.

He lowers his eyes at me, "Why do you ask?"

Then my heart rapidly beats again, my mind races to find an answer. "Mikey!" I shout without thinking, "H-he…he told me th-that…" I stop, trying desperately to think of something.

"Yes?" Splinter urges.

"I don't know, Mikey asked me and I was just curious."

Splinter rubs his chin, "I shall have a talk with Michelangelo. See what is going on."

Without saying anything else, he walks out.

I don't move, I'm to in shock to even think. Did I just really throw Mikey under the bus to keep my lie alive? What have I become? Some kind of mindless lying machine that has no boundaries.

I killed a kid.

And to hide that, I told a lie that made Leo feel guilty about letting me go out alone.

And needing to know if what I'm doing is right, I told Splinter that Mikey is hiding something.

What is wrong with me?