I do not own The Hunger Games.
Chapter 6: December"Deck the halls with boughs of holly…." Peet sang along with the stereo while he and Emma decorated the bakery. He was up on a ladder hanging garland and wearing reindeer antlers with bells on them when Katniss walked in for lunch. Christmas was two weeks away: it was Peeta's favorite time of year and he was in a great mood. Not even Johanna's "bah humbug" attitude could bring him down.
He climbed down off the ladder, grabbed Katniss around the waist and said "Ho Ho Ho, what do you want for Christmas, little lady?"
Katniss chewed on her lip. How was she supposed to broach the subject of taking a break from each other? He seemed like he was in such a great mood, and it was two weeks before Christmas. On the other hand, Gale was coming home for a visit and Cato had been giving Peet a really hard time about the annual winter break Tahoe ski trip. She knew that she could convince Peet to go. She didn't want to get in the way of his friendships, even if Cato was a jerk who called her a Seam slut every time she saw him. Streeter would be going, as would Madge and Delly. It would be good for him to get away. And it would give her time to think.
She found that she had trouble thinking with increasing frequency when she was around Peet. Ever since Thanksgiving, when they had fallen asleep on the couch wrapped around each other, something had changed. She enjoyed being around him, but it was more than that. It was like certain touches or looks made her want to just go up in flames. It made her flustered and angry and defensive because she just did not know what to make of it. Peet seemed so unaffected, which didn't help her confusion. In fact, it just made her want to hit him.
"Peet, Johanna needs some help in the back. Oh, hi, Katniss! Are you going to come to my house and decorate Christmas cookies next weekend? See if Prim wants to come too?" Emma's enthusiasm was always contagious.
Wait a minute. "You guys are making Christmas cookies? You work in a bakery! Isn't that weird?"
Emma's laugh rang out. "Katniss, I work in a bakery because I love to bake and I love people. Christmas is all about doing for other people. If I can do more by baking, then I am doubly happy! You guys should come. Johanna is making her eggnog. I'll even let you and Peet have some." Emma winked.
Johanna yelled from the back, "Bring Haymitch too. I'll make a big batch and he and I can taste test."
If she went, it meant that she would spend another night around a boy she was finding more and more irresistible. She glanced over at his reindeer antlers and saw him smiling at her. When she found herself smiling back, she knew she was in big trouble.
"Come to Emma's?" He said quietly. His voice was tender, intimate and full of entreaty. She felt herself mesmerized by blue eyes full of hope. They searched hers, the blue in his apron bringing out the darker blue flecks in them and the feel of his body, solid and warm, lured her in. It felt almost as good as she recalled walking up in his arms at Thanksgiving.
She nodded. When he grinned, she dropped her eyes and said to Emma, "Yes. I'll check with Prim and Haymitch, but I'll come."
"Great, it's a party!" Emma turned to help a customer and Peet went to help Johanna before breaking for lunch. Katniss sank to a chair and propped her head up on her chin. She was in big trouble.
-o-
Emma's house was festive. Although the sun set early in December, she had her patio doors open and the whole patio was lit with oil lamps and candles. Johanna had taken up residence outside with Haymitch and the two were slinging back eggnog laced with bourbon like it was the elixir of life. Periodically, the sound of them arguing over their chess game would drift into the kitchen, louder than the Christmas carols playing on the stereo. Meanwhile, Prim, Emma and Peet were in the kitchen pulling tray after tray of cookies from the double ovens.
"I still don't get it. You guys work at a bakery." Katniss sat on a bar stool and watched Peet paint a Christmas tree cookie carefully with icing. She had never noticed how long his eyelashes were, or how steady his hands were. Just watching his hands and the look of intensity on his face as he decorated the cookies made her shudder with something she did not want to name.
Prim laughed, but Emma answered. "I told you that they are different. I love working at the bakery. But that's hundreds of cookies at a time. These are the cookies I grew up with - cookies that my Mom made for us and her Mom before her. It's about love and tradition and giving to others."
"But what are you going to do with all of these?" Katniss asked as she stole a white ball shaped cookie rolled in powdered sugar and bit into it. The taste of butter and sugar and toasted pecans exploded in her mouth.
Prim said, "I hope we're going to eat them!"
"I was hoping we might give them out." Peet said. He looked up at three sets of eyes fixated on him. Katniss scowled.
"Give them out? Like to who?" Prim asked as she bit into a thumbprint cookie filled with blackberry jam. She closed her eyes in ecstasy.
"Well, what about to some of the nursing homes? People who don't have anyone to spend the holidays with would appreciate a little extra joy. We could do it Christmas Eve."
"Peet, that is an awesome idea! Do you think we need to do double batches of the ones without nuts? Or adapt anything to make them easier to eat?" Emma was thoughtful.
"Let's not. You said a lot of these are family recipes: let's stick with tradition and maybe some of the people we visit will be reminded of past holidays."
Katniss stared like he was an idiot. "You want to give this stuff away to total strangers so that they can be reminded of their families who are gone or don't care about them? Don't you think it might make them want to kill themselves or something? Not everyone has good times to remember, Peet." And she stormed off to the patio.
Johanna saw her coming and said loudly, "Looks like we've got a live one, Haymitch."
"Oh, sweetheart gets like this sometimes." Haymitch pointed his glass at Katniss.
Katniss glared at them both. "Bonding, are we?"
Haymitch ignored her comment. "What happened?"
Katniss explained Peet's idea to them both. "I think it's a stupid idea to remind people how great things used to be and how everyone they loved abandoned them."
Johanna snorted. "Yep, sounds like the Peet I know." She stared into her glass, swirling the liquid around. "If he can pull it off, he's not hurting anyone. I hate the fucking holidays."
Haymitch considered his drink. "Jo, she's not really a 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all' sort of gal, our Katniss. She's more of a 'hold a grudge and be miserable' sort. Which is why I thought the boy might be good for her."
Johanna smirked. "You mean besides giving her crank shaft a turn?"
Haymitch looked at her blearily. "Cars haven't had a manual crankshaft for a hundred years. You know that, right?"
Katniss glared at them both. "Why did I think you would understand? He's lost someone recently. I thought he would get that not everyone wants to be reminded."
Haymitch put his glass down carefully on the table so it would not spill and leaned toward her. All traces of a smirk were gone from his face and he was close enough that she could smell the fumes coming off of his breath. "Did you ever stop to think that he wants to do this because his loss is so recent? That he wants to hold on to the feelings of love and happiness that he had as tightly as he can? You could live ten thousand years and never deserve him, you know."
Katniss dropped her eyes to the glass on the table. Maybe if she could remember more of her Dad she would want to hold onto him too. Suddenly she was jealous of Peet and his memories; she remembered so little and each year they got hazier and hazier. She suddenly grabbed the glass and took a drink, almost choking on the harsh liquid as it burned her throat.
Johanna laughed as Katniss gasped and coughed. Haymitch took the glass out of her hand. "We shouldn't waste good bourbon on a lightweight like you. Now, go play with your friends."
She narrowed her eyes. "Haymitch, you suck."
"I know, sweetheart. I know. But I'm not going anywhere." He toasted her with his glass.
Katniss pushed out her chair and walked back inside. Peet met her at the door.
"We don't have to do that if you don't want to. I just thought… I don't know. I thought Christmas was always a happy time of year. I forget that it's not for some people."He gently brushed a piece of her hair from her face.
"Peet, I don't understand how you can be so damn generous. Especially after everything you've been through, don't you just want to be selfish once in a while?"
Katniss heard giggling from the kitchen. "Hey, look you guys! You're under the mistletoe!" She looked up and sure enough, there was a kissing ball hanging from the door frame. She scowled up at Peet when she heard Haymitch and Johanna chime into the laughter.
Peet looked at her thoughtfully, then leaned his forehead against hers. "You think I never want to be selfish? I look at you and all I feel is selfish." Before Katniss could react to that statement, he leaned in and gently touched his lips to hers, stealing her breath. She could never be sure who deepened the kiss. Katniss felt his hands cup her jaw, one thumb stroking her while his lips clung and slid against hers. He tasted of creamed sugar and butter with a bit of vanilla. She wanted to savor every bit of him. She wanted to gobble him up in one bite.
Johanna's ear-piercing wolf whistle brought her back to herself. She found her hands gripping his forearms, although whether to push him away or hold him in place she did not want to examine too closely. A quick glance told her that Prim was gaping at her and Emma was grinning widely. Peeta leaned his forehead back against hers while they both caught their breath.
Haymitch casually said, "He keeps practicing moves like that and he might actually get his baguette buttered."
That was the last straw for Katniss – she whirled and stormed out of the house.
Prim calmly washed her hands and said to Peet, "Why don't you come back and finish decorating? She needs to cool off." When he looked hesitant, she walked up and hugged him. "Peet, really, it will be ok. Katniss just has to blow off steam once in a while. She needs some space. I'll talk to her later."
Johanna chimed in, "That's not all she needs…." And then she and Haymitch chortled together.
-o-
Prim came to bed that night, not even trying to be quiet. She knew Katniss must be awake after spying the stiff set of her shoulders, so she sat down on her own bed and waited. Sure enough, Katniss rolled over.
"You should have stayed. It was fun and Peet is an amazing cookie decorator. Did you know that he decorates most of the cakes at the bakery? Well, at least the ones that don't require power tools. He said that Johanna does those." Prim said, watching Katniss's jaw clench when she mentioned Peet's name.
"I'm glad you had a good time, little duck." Katniss said evenly.
"Katniss, he really likes you. Why did you leave?" Prim asked.
"I don't think Peet and I should be together – I mean fake together – anymore. He needs more than I can give him." Katniss looked away from her sister.
"You're kidding. I felt that kiss all the way down to my toes. There is no way you can give up on him now." Prim gaped.
"I'm in the way of his friendships. And you heard Haymitch, I don't even deserve him. He wants to give cookies to little old ladies for Christmas. I can't even remotely live up to that!"
"Katniss, I have never, ever thought of you as stupid, until tonight. How can you think that this is a competition? He likes you. You should be thrilled with that. Did you see how he looked at you after that kiss? Some people never get anyone to look at them like that, ever, in their whole lives!"
"Prim, you are so young, sometimes. That was just the look of an eighteen year old boy who just kissed a girl. And what do I do about Gale? It's not fair to him to lead Peet on."
"I'm young? I'll bet that was your first kiss. And what about Gale? You guys weren't a thing. Just because you always joked that the two of you would get together if neither of you found anyone doesn't mean that you will be disappointing him if it doesn't happen for the two of you. I think this is a cop out. I think you feel something for Peet and it scares you."
Katniss stared at her sister, and then flopped down on her back. "I'm not listening to this. I'm breaking up with him and then Gale and I can have a shot at something."
"I don't get you. You never wanted a relationship with Gale when he was here. But now that he's hundreds of miles away at school, you're all talk. Just promise me you won't break it off before Christmas. Peet deserves that at least."
When Katniss didn't answer, Prim reiterated, "Katniss, promise me."
Finally, a sigh came from Katniss. "Alright, little duck, I promise. But the minute that Christmas is over…"
"I can live with that." Prim said and then shut off the light.
"Love you, Katniss."
"Love you too, little duck."
Although Katniss could hear Prim slip into sleep, she stayed awake a long time, haunted by a pair of blue eyes.
-o-
"I want you to go to Tahoe." Katniss was holding the Christmas tree steady so that Peet could tighten it into the tree stand. Prim had worn Haymitch down into agreeing to put up a tree. Both Katniss and Haymitch agreed that Christmas trees were a waste of money - real trees in Southern California didn't last long because of the dryness and needles were already starting to fall. They would be lucky if the tree wasn't a dried out stick with no needles by Christmas. Katniss wondered sourly if her sister would disappear the day of tree take-down as well as tree set-up.
"What?" Peet's voice was muffled.
"Tahoe. The trip to go skiing that everyone keeps talking about. I heard that Madge and Delly and Streeter and Cato keep bugging you to go. You went last year. You should go."
"Katniss, keep holding it straight. There! I think we got it!" Peet slid out from under the tree. They stood back and eyed their handy work critically.
"It's good enough."
"No, it's crooked." Peet slid back under the tree.
"Peet, no one is going to care if it's not perfect."
"I'll know and I'll care." He said, loosening and re-tightening the tree into the stand. "There." He checked the tree one more time.
Katniss thought that Peet was going to ignore the Tahoe topic when he said, "Did it ever dawn on you that I went to Tahoe every year to get away from my Mom?"
Katniss hadn't thought about that. "But you have fun when you go, right?"
Peet got quiet as he started to unpack the lights, ignoring her question. "I just wish you were going."
"We've already talked about this. You know I help Haymitch close out the books. And I get some of my best photos taken this time of year. "
"That doesn't mean I can't wish for it." Peet looked at her the way he had under the mistletoe, his deep blue eyes triggering a yearning in her that she pushed down and ignored.
"So that means you'll go?" Katniss took the lights from Peet, circled the tree with them and passed them back to him.
"Yes. If it will make you happy, then I'll go. I'll miss you though." Katniss didn't meet his eyes: she hated when he said things like that. It made her feel guilty and horrible for not being able to return his feelings. Peet never expected her to say anything in return, which was the worst part. I get five days, though. A whole five days to sort out why Peet makes me feel this way and what I should do about it.
-o-
Prim made Katniss buy a sparkly sweater for Christmas Eve, insisting that they should both look festive for the cookie deliveries they were going to make with Emma, Prim's best friend Rory, Peet, Madge and Streeter. Even Johanna had grudgingly agreed to come, stating "I'll drive, but don't expect more." Katniss was sure that Johanna would be hanging out in the parking lot until she saw her when the group met at Emma's. Katniss had to do a double take at Johanna's boldly decorated holiday sweater, red jeans and black boots, with a tiny Santa hat perched on her short, spiky brown hair. Madge looked like an elf in green velvet pants and a green sweater with a white faux fur color. For once, Katniss was glad Prim had made her do something girly like shop. Even Streeter, whom Katniss had never seen in anything but jeans, had on slacks and a dress shirt.
Peet's enthusiasm must be contagious.
Prim grabbed Rory's hand and dragged him around to meet everyone while Peet organized the packing of the cookies into the Mellark's van. Emma had put one dozen assorted cookies into each bag and there were fifty bags. Peet had arranged with a nursing home in the area for the group to visit the common room and sing a few Christmas carols. After the carols, the group would pass out bags to anyone who wanted them. He had also wheedled his way into distributing cookies to patients that were room-bound but had no dietary restrictions. Peet was clearly a man on a mission. Katniss was pretty sure that he and Emma could accomplish anything they put their minds to and it frightened her a little bit, frankly. She found herself thinking on more than one occasion, people think I'm the intense one?
Packing done, the made it to the nursing home with only a few epithets from Johanna every time the van hit a bump. Streeter suggested that they start channeling the positive feelings of the season and insisted that they listen to holiday music, which he then proceeded to sing as loudly as he could. By the time they arrived, Katniss's face hurt from smiling so hard.
-o-
She is so beautiful, Peet thought for the thousandth time that night. Katniss, braid swinging over her shoulder and face as bright as her sweater was handing a Mellark's bag to a woman in a wheelchair. The beauty of her voice while she sang a few Christmas carols solo, accompanied on piano by Madge, had stunned him. Madge had insisted that Katniss and Prim sing a solemn and heart-aching duet of Silent Night. He noticed that several people had tears in their eyes and even Johanna's looked suspiciously wet. The group had ended with a rousing version of Jingle Bells and she and Prim had bounced on the tips of their toes like they were birds keeping time.
Many of the residents came over to thank them or just to chat and Katniss was more than generous with her time and her smiles. He appreciated that, even if none of the smiles were for him.
He thought the evening had been a rousing success. Johanna had charmed the socks off of every gentleman in the place and was even dancing to the radio with a few of them. Prim and Rory were handing out candy canes from a sack that had mysteriously appeared in the van (he was sure they were Johanna's, but she denied it). Streeter and Emma were doing rounds to the room-bound folks and handing out hugs, bags of cookies and listening to stories of Christmas's past. He was pleasantly tired and he thought his Dad would have been very proud of the event.
They all waved and hugged and said their goodbyes when it was time to go, then piled into the van. Streeter wanted more music and Emma insisted they all come in for hot cocoa, despite the mildness of the Southern California night.
"Yeah, maybe Katniss and Peet will get caught beneath the mistletoe again!" Prim laughed. She explained to the group what had occurred during their cookie baking event. Peet blushed and Katniss looked moodily out the window as the group laughed at their reactions to the mistletoe kiss.
"There's mistletoe? I'm in!" Rory laughed. He had an obvious crush on Prim and was willing to use any angle to steal a kiss.
-o-
They drank their cocoa and told stories of their favorite holidays. As each person in the group told a story, Katniss became quieter and quieter. She wanted to go home, strip off the remnants of the festivity, wash her face and lay in bed until the holiday was over. She wanted to close her eyes and forget about family, forget that she had ever wished for things like dollhouses and bicycles and had once had a family who would give them to her.
She walked to the kitchen and washed out her cup, placing it carefully in the dish drainer while the rest of the group threw marshmallows at each other behind her.
"You have a lovely voice." Emma followed her into the kitchen.
Unbidden, Katniss's eyes filled with tears. She, father and Prim sang every Christmas while their mother decorated the tree. "Thank you."
"What are you plans for tomorrow?"
"Haymitch, Prim and I hang out in pajamas most of the morning and exchange a few small gifts. After that, it's just a normal day."
"Are you going to see Peet?" Emma asked.
"We hadn't made plans specifically. I thought his brothers might be coming home and then there's his Tahoe trip." Katniss dodged the question.
Katniss thought about the gift she had made up for him – another, larger framed copy of the print of he and his Dad at the bakery. They had not specifically talked about gift exchanges. She hadn't even thought to ask him what he was doing with his day.
Emma sighed and took Katniss's wet mug out of the drainer to dry. "Look, I am not sure what's been going on with you two; you've stopped coming by the bakery the last couple of weeks. I won't pretend to know what's running through your head. I saw your faces after you kissed, though, and I am just going to say this – this isn't pretend for Peet. No matter what he has or hasn't told you, he really cares for you. So please, please do not break his heart. Not at Christmas."
It was the least chirpy thing Katniss had heard Emma say and she gaped at the older woman. Emma put the mug down and just stared at Katniss moodily, then hugged her. When she let go, her eyes were wet and she laughed at herself. "Will you look at silly old me, trying to tell you how to live your life? Like I have any sort of wisdom to share! Now, let's bring out dessert."
"Dessert? You expected us to have room for dessert after cocoa and candy canes and marshmallows?"
"Katniss, there's always room for dessert. Don't you know that is the mantra of every baker? We're a hopeful bunch. Don't forget that." Emma winked and handed her the pastry tray from the refrigerator, which the group devoured enthusiastically.
All except Katniss, whose stomach hurt for the first time in a long time.
