Author's Note: Damn, but these things are addicting! I just can't stop! Of course, I'm not getting the impression that you guys want me to stop, so I guess I'll just keep going until you all get sick of me.
*************************************************************************************************
Sailor Moon S(poof)
Part 3: Mimet
Chapter 1: At Home With the Tomoes

(Scene 1: Somewhere in Tokyo.)

(The night has descended upon Tokyo. The stars are like shining pins that hold the deep black blanket of sky in its place to prevent it from swallowing the thriving Japanese city whole. The air is warm, but not pleasantly so. It is heavy with tension, and reeks of forboding. Unrest in everywhere. That much is obvious, even to the common people, but they cannot say what is wrong, for it is a force that is far too big for them to understand. Upon a lonely hilltop, three shadowy figures cast their eyes over the sleeping city they call home, like parents who guard their slumbering children. Indeed, such an analogy is not all that far from the truth, for these three girls are among the few who know what is truly wrong, what dangers are really afoot in that prosperous metropolis below. They, all three of them, are Sailor Senshi. Specifically, the senshi of the outer planets, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. As they stand upon the hill, gazing over the city with grim resolve, anyone can see that they carry a great weight on their shoulders. But few people will ever know just how great that burden really is.)

(Haruka reads the above passage)

Haruka: (to the author) Feeling extra descriptive today, are we?

White Wave Dancer: I can't help it! My creative juices are coming out my ears!

Michiru: Ewww!

Setsuna: Could you be a little less graphic?

White Wave Dancer: No! That's the problem!

(Anyway, the three outer senshi stop looking out over Tokyo, and when their backs are turned, Godzilla attacks.)

Godzilla: ROAR!!

Mayor of Townsville: Sailor Senshi-girls! A giant lizard is attacking Tokyo! Hurry! (The outers all look at the author as if she has set her hair on fire and is now running in circles, squaking like a chicken.)

White Wave Dancer: Just making sure everyone is still awake. (Godzilla disappears.)

Michiru: Whatever. Anyway, guys, we've got to kill Hotaru.

Haruka: No kidding. I hate her.

Setsuna: Me too. Hotaru's mean.

Haruka: Hotaru's stinky.

Michiru: Hotaru smells bad.

Haruka: I think stinky and smells bad mean the same thing.

Michiru: Oh. Well, Hotaru's freaky. (Haruka and Setsuna murmur their agreement.)

Setsuna: You know, I think she might even be the Messiah of Silence.

Haruka & Michiru: WHAT?! ARE YOU NUTS?

Setsuna: I don't think so...

Michiru: Setsuna-san! I'm surprised at you!

Setsuna: What?

Haruka: Whaddya mean "what"?! You're accusing some weird little girl from our school of being associated with our biggest enemy!

Setsuna: Well, she IS Dr. Tomoe's daughter.

Haruka: I don't care if she's Queen Beryl's daughter! You don't just go around calling a little twelve-year-old girl the Messiah of Silence just because she was fathered by someone we think is fighting on the side of our biggest enemy! That is a very serious accusation!

Setsuna: How the hell do YOU know about Queen Beryl?

Haruka: Well, duh! She is the one who brought down the Moon Kingdom, isn't she?

Setsuna: Yeah, but I'm not sure you two are supposed to remember that yet.

Haruka: Well, it doesn't matter. You get my point about Hotaru.

Setsuna: But I'm sure she's the Messiah of Silence!

Michiru: Look, Setsuna-san. We all know Hotaru is mean and freaky and smells bad. But you don't really think she could be the Messiah of Silence, do you?

White Wave Dancer: OF COURSE SHE DOES!! HOTARU IS THE MESSIAH OF SILENCE!!! That's why you guys want to kill her, not because she's mean or stinky or freaky, which she isn't! Well, freaky maybe, but that's because SHE IS THE MESSIAH OF SILENCE!!

Haruka & Michiru: Oh. Okay. Well, I guess that means we have to kill her.

White Wave Dancer: Setsuna-san, do you have any idea what is up with those two?

Setsuna: Maybe they just need a little more sleep. After all, we've been having midnight meetings like this for the past three weeks.

White Wave Dancer: Why do you guys always meet at night?

All three: Because we're mysteeeeeeeeeeeeeerious. (They all wave their arms, trying unsuccessfully to create a surreal atmosphere. Moving on...)

*************************************************************************************************
(Scene 2: The Messiah of Silence's shrine. It is the next day. But you can't actually see that, so I guess it doesn't matter.)

(The Messiah of Silence strokes a teddy bear. Author's Note: I just loved that scene!)

Messiah: Before I kill you, Mister Bond...

Tomoe: Wrong story!

Messiah: Sorry. Darkness! Beautiful darkness! Oh, when will I see that beautiful darkness for which we all long for so terribly that we would...Ah, screw the mysterious stuff. Look, Tomoe. I need pure hearts, and I need 'em now.

Tomoe: (bowing) Yes, Messiah. I live but to serve you!

Messiah: (to herself) Ah, it's good to be the boss. It's too bad that I'll soon have to cater to Pharaoh 90. Oh, well, until then, I just gotta soak up all the good times I can. (to Dr. Tomoe)
Now get going.

Tomoe: Yes, ma'am. I shall consult Mimet about those pure heart crystals you keep ordering.

Messiah: Good! Oh, and well you're out, I need some more dolls for my shrine.

Tomoe: MORE?! But I just got you a whole case last weekend!

Messiah: They got boring. I want more. China ones. With really fancy dresses.

Tomoe: You know, I'm kinda reluctant to get you more dolls. I mean, they're expensive, and you rarely play with the ones you have.

Messiah: Did I ask for a lecture? No! I asked for dolls! Get me some dolls!

Tomoe: Hey! Watch your tone, young lady! I may be your subordinate, but I'm still your father!

Messiah: No no no! Your SHELL is my SHELL'S father. Your just one of the pieces of dirt that I get to order around.

Tomoe: Not so! I'm your father! And I demand a little respect!

Messiah: Respect?! Respect?! You're a fine one to talk about respect, "Dad"! You stick me inside the body of a sickly little freak with creepy healing powers, who also "happens" to be one of those stupid Sailor Senshi!

Tomoe: Hey! I was doing my best with the options that were available! You're lucky! You could have been stuck inside that fat rich lady with the whiny dog!

Messiah: Yeah, yeah, and you would've been the dog! I've heard it all before! Well, sometimes I wish you HAD chosen the dog! At least you wouldn't have thumbs, and you wouldn't have been able to dress me up in this stupid clown suit! Oh, and let's not even go into the whole pure heart thing! Those damn witches are always screwing up their missions and you're consoling them while meanwhile, your "dear little daughter," gets weaker and weaker. You know something, Pops? I am really beginning to doubt if you love me at all! (bursts into tears)

Tomoe: How can you say that when I built you this nice shrine?

Messiah: It would be a nice shrine--IF IT WERE NOT IN SOME REMOTE CORNER OF OUR DISTURBINGLY LARGE BASEMENT!! You are really cruel, you know that! Giving me a shell saddled with health problems, dressing me in stuff that would make Bozo the Clown laugh, sticking me in the basement, and letting me decay! Well, if you can't give me pure heart crystals, you could at least shower me with really pretty dollies! (Falls off her throne and starts twitching on the floor)

Tomoe: Uh...are you alright?

Messiah: NO! I'm having a heart attack! A seizure! I'm going through pure heart crystal withdrawl! But don't mind me! Just go back upstairs and have sex with Kaori-san! I'll just lie here and die!

Tomoe: ALRIGHT!! I'LL GET YOU THE STUPID DOLLS!

Messiah: (sits up) Thank you, Papa dearest. (Climbs back onto her throne)

Tomoe: (to the audience) I may be spoiling her, but damn, that girl can throw a tantrum!

Messiah: Make sure they're really pretty dollies, okay, Papa?

Tomoe: Yes, dear.

*************************************************************************************************
(Scene 3: Witches 4 headquarters)

(Mimet sits at her desk, flipping through a movie star magazine. The phone on her desk rings. She picks it up.)

Mimet: Hello?

Tomoe: Hello and all that crap. Mimet, do you have our next target yet?

Mimet: My, my. So huffy! What's up? Trouble with the Messiah?

Tomoe: Yeah. Say, you don't suppose you could stop at Toys 'R' Us on the way home from heart-hunting today, do you?

Mimet: Lemme guess. She wants more dolls?

Tomoe: Pretty ones.

Mimet: Gotcha. I'll get to it.

Tomoe: Thanks. I knew I could count on you. Now about that target... (Mimet grins evilly)

Mimet: You don't even need to worry about that.

Tomoe: Huh? (Mimet holds up a poster that reads "Popular American male movie stars to participate in swimsuit contest in Juban park today.")

Mimet: I've got it all figured out. Just you sitharanrala... (she hangs up the phone.)

Tomoe: Something tells me I should be worried.

Mimet: (Wipes her chin) Stupid drool!

*************************************************************************************************
(Scene 4: Hotaru's House)

(Dr. Tomoe comes in from his lab looking tired and cranky.)

Tomoe: I have never been so glad to leave the lab in my life. (Suddenly a loud crash is heard, and Kaorinite comes running down the hall with a small, purple house slipper in her hand. Upon seeing Dr. Tomoe, she stops, and hides the slipper behind her back.)

Kaorinite: Professor! How nice to see you. Did you have a nice day in the lab?

Tomoe: Actually, hellish would be a more appropriate description.

Kaorinite: Aw, I'm sorry. How are the Witches 5?

Tomoe: Um, there's only four of them now. Or did you forget that Eugeal is dead?

Kaorinite: ...Poor Eugeal. So, how are the others?

Tomoe: Kaori-kun, what the hell are you doing with that slipper?

Kaorinite: What slipper?

Tomoe: The one behind your back. (She takes it out.)

Kaorinite: Oh, this? I was just, um...putting it away...in my closet...in my room...

Tomoe: But you're wearing both your slippers! Besides, that one seems too small to be yours.

Kaorinite: (looking hurt) Are you implying that I have big feet?

Tomoe: No, I'm implying that that slipper you're holding belongs to someone with feet that are much smaller than yours. (Suddenly, a seriously pissed off Hotaru appears, wearing *gasp* one slipper.)

Hotaru: Kaori-san, gimme back my slipper!

Kaorinite: Gotta go! (runs off with the slipper, shrieking and giggling. Hotaru hops after her.)

Hotaru: Hi, Papa! Bye, Papa! (She disappears. Another loud crash.)

Tomoe: I have never been more eager to get in the lab in my life. I have really got to check the expiration date on those life-restoring potions. (Turns around and walks in)

(Meanwhile, Hotaru has chased Kaorinite into the living room, where the red-haired witch is now hiding under the coffee table, clutching the slipper and grinning insanely.)

Hotaru: C'mon! Just give it back!

Kaorinite: No!

(The doorbell rings.)

Hotaru: Ha, ha, Kaori-san! Now you have to answer the door!

Kaorinite: No, I don't! You do! (Sticks out her tongue. Hotaru sighs and goes to open the door. Standing on the porch is Chibiusa, escorted by Usagi.)

Hotaru: Chibiusa-chan! Thank goodness you're here!

Chibiusa: What's the matter?

Hotaru: Kaori-san stole my slipper! She won't come out from under the coffee table!

Chibiusa: I bet I can help. (Running into the living room, she pulls off both of Kaorinite's slippers and starts tickling her feet.) I swear, things get weirder every time I come here.

Kaorinite: Eeek! Mercy! Mercy!

Hotaru: Not until you give me my slipper!

Kaorinite: Never! (A wild chase ensues. Much destruction.)

Usagi: Okayyyyyyyyyyy...Well, I'd better get going. I'm gonna be late for the meeting at Rei-chan's place. (quickly runs away.)

*************************************************************************************************
(Scene 5: Dr. Tomoe's lab)

(Dr. Tomoe picks up a bottle labled "Wake-the-Dead Stimulants," and reads the back. Frowning, he picks up the phone and dials a number.)

Tomoe: Hello? Is this the "Happy Pauper Magic Shop?"...Yes, well I bought a bottle of your "Wake-the-Dead Stimulant" potion to revive a witch who had been killed when the Sailor Senshi beat her up and pushed her off the Tokyo Tower. Do you remember?...yes, I'm the guy with wierdo glasses...and the freaky daughter...big nose?! I do not have a big nose!...Okay, okay...anyway, I was reading the lable, where you quite clearly list the side effects, which include dry mouth, nausea, and total paralysis. Nowhere is there any mention of "dancing with lampshades on heads, chewing on lab rats, or stealing little girls' house slippers and hiding under coffee tables." Please explain...No, see I revived her so that she could play nurse to my little girl and cater to her every whim...What?!...You just come over here and say that to my face you little...Yeah, well *(censored)* you, buddy!

White Wave Dancer: Oh, my! Such language! Perhaps a commercial break will help calm the professor down a bit. Role 'em!

*************************************************************************************************
Next Time: The insanity continues! Next episode: "When Cherry Trees Attack Movie Stars!"