(TESSA)

Right as I am finishing getting ready to go out I hear a knock at my door, and I wonder who it might be. As I open the door I see Jem standing right outside my door. At first I am filled with delight, at the sight of Jem, it felt like it had been ages since I had last seen him. Then I noticed how uncomfortable he looked, and how his hands were being twisted into his shirt, like he does when he is nervous, but what should he be nervous abut?

"Hello my darling Tessa. How are you? I have missed while we were apart."

"Oh I have missed you too Jem. It felt like you were gone such a long time, but I wasn't expecting you back til later this evening."

"Yes, well we were made good time so we got back sooner than we expected."

"Oh ok, well I'm just glad you got back safe and sound."

"My sweet, do you have a minute to spare there is something I need to talk to you about. I see that you are dressed like you are about to go out. May I accompany you?"

"Of course you can, I was just going out to get some fresh air anyway." I am confused, what is it that Jem needs to talk to me about that is making him so nervous. I began to get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Just let me finish getting ready and I will meet you at the front door in a few minutes."

He gave me a nod and then left the room. Once he was gone, the sinking feeling that I had been feeling in the pit of my stomach turned into a full on panic attack. Why was Jem so nervous, this can't be good. Maybe his illness has gotten worse or he found out something horrible about his parents. Slowly I finished getting ready, making sure I looked suitable, then I went and met Jem at the front door, and out we went into the bustling streets of London.

We walked for a few minutes in awkward silence finally broken by Jem, "So Tessa there is something I need to tell you...While I was on the trip I realized that I kept getting so caught up in the things around me that I almost completely forgot what I thought was the most important thing in my life, and if you forget what you believe is the most important thing in your life, is it really as important as you thought it was? I'm sorry Tessa I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think this is fair to you."

I was stunned and didn't know what to think this was definitely not what I had been expecting. Suddenly feelings of abandonment were washing through me and I felt on the verge if tears.

"Tessa, It is not that I don't think you are an amazing person, it is just that also while we were on the trip Jessamine and I really... I guess you could say we connected. I know I wasn't expecting it either, but we just seem to understand each other. I don't know how I feel about her, but until I do figure it out I think that it would only be right, if we ended the engagement."

"O, well ...o..k." I felt like I was about to burst out into tears, but I fight and keep them back. I get my face back barely into control, and tell him in a steady voice, "okay, well I am happy for you and Jessamine." then I just walk off without him so that the tears can flow and so that I can try to get a grasp on what just happened to me.

I keep walking not really knowing where I am going and I start to think, Jem and Jessamine, no way, how did that ever happen. I really do hope they are happy he deserves someone who cares for him, and I hope she does. I think though that they will be good for each other. She needs someone who really cares for her, and I trust she can take care of him, too. be someone who will be there for him.

But where does that leave me. Back when Jem proposed to me, we didn't know whether we were going to keep the Institute or not, but Benedict Lightwood followed through on his word, and he backed down and let Charlotte and Henry continue to run the Institute. So for now I still have someplace safe to stay. By this time I find that I have walked all the way to the park and I sit down on of the lovely tree shaded benches. I just sit and let it all sink in, and a new thought comes to me. I am free and maybe Jem is not the only one who has feelings for someone else. In all that is happening I realize that there is someone else that I too care deeply about. The boy with the gorgeous dark hair, and the long lashes right above some of the bluest eyes. A boy who when he holds me, I feel like I am melting in his arms. Lately I found but am only now admitting that his recent change in attitude has only made me care for him more. I think back to the time right after we had gone to the Lightwoods where he finally told me he loved me and I could not tell him back because I had just become engaged to Jem. And then I thought he hated me after that night. He tried to hide it but I could tell I had hurt him badly. Every time I looked at him I just wanted to break down crying, but then the other day on our walk a new hope arose inside me, but I could not do anything about it because I still was engaged to Jem. Now I can finally tell him that I love because I do. I love Will Herondale. I feels so good to finally admit it. With this new revelation the only think I seem to be able to think about I head back to the Institute in much higher feelings.

Back at the Institute I find that everybody seems to be settling down. All the bags have been brought in and unpacked and now people are resting and reuniting from the long journey. It seems though that Jem has not come back yet. I wonder where he might be but I do not dwell on it for very long because I am far to eager now to stop. I look everywhere and finally I make my way to Will's room, and knock. At first I wonder if he is not there, and finally he opens the door and a surprised look appears on his beautiful face.

"Hello Tessa, I wasn't expecting you." Now I that I was finally looking at him my stomach started to turn with nervous butterflies. His hair looked all ruffled like he had been taking a nap.

"Oh, well can I talk to you."

"Uh, sure I guess, you want to come in." and he opens the door wider for me so that I can come in. His room is still a reck, like the last time I was in here.

"So..." Will says lounging against the desk.

"So you know the other day when we went for a walk..."

"Tess I already said I was sorry."

"No its not that its just that earlier this afternoon Jem and I also went on a walk, but ours didn't really end the same as yours and ours."

"I don't think I get what you are trying to tell me, Tess," Will says looking confused.

This is harder than I thought, "Okay, I guess what I want to say is, Will Herondale I love you."

At first he just sat with his mouth hanging open. Like he was shocked and could not comprehend what I had just said. Then the butterflies started to come back though they were more like wasps. What if he did love me any more what we had just been through too much or he had just moved on, and then I found myself in his arms, and then we were kissing again, and all my fears and doubts melted away. This is where I belong. I thought to myself. How could I have ever doubt that this was were I was meant to be. In the arms of this boy forever. I let everything else disappear from my mind and just be in this moment with Will.

Then he pulled away all too soon. He didn't let me go, instead he was looking down at me with about a million questions in his eyes, that were also alight with joy. More joy than I had ever seen in those eyes before. "O Tess I love you too, but I don't understand. How, what, I thought..."

"Well, you won't believe me when I tell you" I start to explain smiling up at him, but when I went on that walk with Jem he told me that he had fallen in love with Jessamine, at first I couldn't believe it either, and he said that he was ending our engagement because it wasn't fair to me if he was in love with someone else, and then i realized i was in love with someone else too and now i just want to shout it for I the world to hear. "I love Will Herondale!" And we were kissing again. This time the kiss began to deepen, it felt like if we kept on going much longer we would not be able to stop.

So when we finally stopped we were both smiling and laughing. I felt much lighter than I had in weeks. "I just love to hear you say you love me Tess haha. I have waited so long to hear it...I love you, too." And he gives me a dazzling smile. We just sit there for a little while longer and revel in the moment of just finally being able to be together.

This morning I woke refreshed from a good night's rest filled with wonderful dreams. I changed onto my day clothes, and opened my door to find Will pacing right outside my door. I was so surprised I took a step back. He immediately stopped pacing, and turned to look at me. "I think we need to tell Jem."

"Ok"