A/N: Same disclaimer, I don't claim ownership of Once & Again original characters… Sorry for typographical errors, this is unedited and a bit rushed… Don't have much time to edit… Enjoy reading… By the way, Katie and Carla has a diamond engagement ring… Forgive me if I don't know much about karats and that sort of stuff…
CHAPTER 7THE LAST GOODBYE
I can't bear breaking Carla's heart... That's what Katie had been telling herself since she got her engagement ring back. It wasn't easy parting with it, to tell you the truth. She had been through a lot with her fiancee. Their relationship isn't perfect. They had their own share of ups and downs, good and bad publicity, adorations and criticisms from almost all kinds of people. And Katie survived, with Carla.
She wondered if what happened that stormy night in the small island means anything to Jessie at all... Or was it just sex? Plain, but amazingly tempestuous sex. For a moment, Katie let herself wonder what would it feel like, if Jessie leaves her boyfriend and comes running into her arms, to declare her love...
Stop dreaming... Katie closes her eyes. No matter what happened between them, whether it means something or not, it was wrong. She's engaged to marry Carla, and Jessie is dating Adrian. Would it be right to let Carla suffer from all her indiscretions? If there's someone to suffer, that's her. She's the one who let herself get carried away with her old feelings for Jessie.
OLD feelings... Old feelings that seem to resurface after years of loving someone else... Katie knows there's no reason to deny it. Her feelings for Jessie had always been with her, buried deep within the depths of her broken heart, and it never vanished, even when Carla came to her life. It's a reality that she has to live with. But that doesn't mean she never loved Carla. That's exactly the reason why she couldn't decide on what to do right now...
Having lunch together had never been this quiet between them. Carla and Katie are occupying a table at Plazoleta, another restaurant at the beach. Sitting opposite each other, both are lost in their own world. They barely acknowledge each other's presence, and Carla is even yet to touch her food. And neither bother to ask the other what they are thinking, for they don't realize how quiet they had been.
Carla has no idea what to make of it. Yesterday, she found the parchment from Jessie's things, and it could only be written by one person. Sure it had been written for years, but the one who wrote it has a distinctively consistent, hasty but beautiful handwriting.
But it was written in the past... Carla tells herself. She could just ignore it, but somehow she couldn't. She's had reservations with regards to Jessie since the first time she saw her, woman's intuition as she refers to it, but the doctor being Grace's sister and everyone's friend, Carla ignored her suspicions. In fact, she tried her best to be as friendly as she can be towards the seemingly nice and likeable blonde. Then she found that letter, and all her trust was thrown out of the window.
Why is it that reading her fiancee's old letter to Jessie hurts her so much?
She keeps on thinking but Carla keeps arriving at one conclusion. There's more to that letter than just a group of decade-old words. Katie had told her almost every relationship that she had been through. She thought she knew everything, but why forget that one little detail about Jessie?
'I'll probably never love someone as much as I love you...' LITTLE DETAIL... Carla repeats that part of the letter in her head, and it hurts as much as she read it the first time. And the fact that the storm caused Katie to spend some time alone with Jessie in the island even hurts more. Just the thought makes her stomach turn. What happened in the island? And why would Katie write something so strong like that? Exactly how much did she love Jessie? Is Katie really over her?
Do I really want to know? What else are you hiding from me, Katie? Carla feels as if her larynx was being crushed. Finding that parchment in Jessie's possession at this odd time seems to add to the pain. It's 2013, and the letter Katie wrote was dated 2002. It's clear that Katie and Jessie never dated, as Katie poured out her heart in that letter. Then why is Jessie holding on to it until now? Who travels with a love letter from an old admirer when vacationing with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Unless there is something to this than Carla could see...
"I want to know about Jessie." Carla speaks firmly as she looks up at Katie. Katie's jaw grows stiff, and she swallows an invisible lump in her throat.
"What about her?" Katie answers in the most insouciant tone she could muster.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" Carla is determined to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's hard, but she will let Katie tell her side of the story.
"Carla, I don't understand. What are you saying?" Katie looks at Carla straight in the eye.
"We promised to always be honest with each other, Katie, no matter what. I want you to be honest with me now. Is there anything that I need to know about Jessie?"
Did she find out what happened in the island? Katie feared, but had doubts in her own suspicion since Carla can be very fierce and cruel when betrayed. Her fiancee could have easily slapped her now. And besides, the only soul who knew about her folly was Kim, and Kim isn't the type who gives away secrets.
Jessie, for sure, hadn't told anyone. So why is Carla asking questions? Is Katie so damn obvious?
"She's just a friend." Katie admits. But Carla wants her to elaborate.
"I'm giving you the chance to be honest now." Carla feels her jaw tightening. They sit unmoved looking at each other.
"I am being honest with you... Nothing went on between me and Jessie. We are just FRIENDS." Katie emphasizes. But the 'friend' part actually hurts... Carla stares at Katie's green eyes, hoping to be able to read her.
"Okay." Carla gives a shrug and forces a smile. Katie smiles back, but feels that Carla isn't satisfied with her answer. But what could she do? She isn't about to hurt Carla for her stupidity.
"Hey! So good to see you guys, mind if we join you?" Adrian's overly cheery voice came from behind Katie. Her face almost contorted into a frown. She could recognize that voice even without looking. And she could tell without turning to look at him that he isn't alone.
"Adrian, I don't think we should---" Jessie isn't able to finish what she was going to say. Carla looks up to her with a big smile on her face, and to her Jessie's utter surprise, looks so damn genuine.
"It's okay. Join us please. It would be a pleasure to dine with my best photographer to date." Carla smiles at Adrian, and Adrian grins as his ego grows double at the praise of the revered supermodel. Carla gets up from her own seat and moves to sit at Katie's left, while Adrian and Jessie occupy the chairs opposite them. Carla calls out to the waiter and had her plate moved, while Adrian and Jessie place their order.
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse... Jessie thought, as she try her hardest to act civil towards the dirty blonde sitting right opposite her. How could it be that Katie seems to grow more and more beautiful every time that Jessie sees her? She then looks at Carla, but shifts her eyes to her plate before meeting the other blonde's gaze. After the incident at their hut yesterday, she couldn't bear seeing her pain. But she isn't the only one hurting...
Katie looks up at Jessie. The doctor's arrival somehow erased the thick cloud she had been feeling while being alone with Carla. She still feels guilty, even just by smiling at Jessie, but she couldn't help it. Jessie's presence lightens up everything around her, every time. Jessie smiles back.
"So, you guys coming to Coco Mangas tonight?" Adrian asks Carla in particular.
"Of course, it's OUR victory party." Carla smiles and for the first time, picks up her spoon and grabs a bite of her food.
"Haha, thanks for sharing me the spotlight." Adrian offers his hand across the table and Carla shakes it. They seem to get along well, Katie noticed.
"You'll be there too, right?" Carla turns to Jessie, who looks surprised at the attention she was getting from Carla. She stutters before she could reply, which makes Katie wonder why Jessie was apparently nervous.
"Yeah, I think so." Jessie managed to say.
"How's Grace and Tad doing? I heard Grace isn't so happy about her husband lying to her about you being stuck in the island." Carla chuckles. Jessie thought it was strange, she isn't sure how to react. Carla is acting like she hadn't read the letter. The incident at the hut yesterday, with Carla finding Katie's letter and Carla reading it, and now Carla's acting like it didn't happen at all. Jessie could vividly remember the pain in Carla's eyes, the cold stare that she gave her, and her silence as she stayed in their hut longer to wait for her photo prints.
"They're okay. She finally stopped punishing Tad." Jessie smiles. Carla being nice is making her feel guiltier. If being calm and nice is Carla's way of punishing Jessie and Katie, this is the nastiest revenge.
"I can't believe we're already leaving tomorrow. I really fell in love with this place." Adrian looks around and smiles.
"Me too." Carla agrees.
Katie, suddenly oblivious to the people around her, has her eyes lock on Jessie, who's almost squirming in her seat. This isn't a very pleasant situation to be in. As Katie stares at her, thoughts of that night in the small island flood her brain. She could clearly remember the smell of Jessie's hair, the taste of her skin, and the sound of her voice as the blonde called out her name a thousand times as they made love twice that night...
How can she ever forget that night and the way it felt?
What happened to NOT breaking Carla's heart? Her own voice echoed through Katie's head. She almost forgot that Carla's starting to suspect something. She then looks at her left, and smiles reassuringly at Carla. She has to sort this out. She's yet to make a decision, and it will not be easy. But right now, she has to think of Carla. She has to stop being a selfish liar who's in love with the other girl sitting right in front of her...
Decision-making will come in due time, when she's ready to risk things and carry the guilt of hurting the people that for sure, are inevitably going to be hurt.
Katie suddenly feels she needs a drink. She reaches out for her glass of red wine and takes a sip. Jessie watches her lift the glass to her mouth, almost lusting after Katie's beguiling lips, when a familiar sparkle in Katie's left hand distracts her attention.
Katie is wearing her engagement ring…
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Jessie had been sitting under a tree by the beach for about twenty minutes now. The lunch went fairly well, or so Carla and Adrian would like to think. Jessie, after seeing the ring on Katie's finger just wasn't able to focus on the conversation anymore. Not that her cooperation was needed. Carla and Adrian were so absorbed talking about their photographs, the Pirelli Calendar, and Heide Klum to even notice her silence.
Katie, who sat in silence herself, kept throwing reassuring smiles at her direction, and at the same time, at Carla's. She wasn't sure how to take it. Just seeing Katie sit beside Carla is waking the green-eyed monster inside of her. And now, seeing she's wearing the engagement ring in Katie's finger again, it's another story...
Was it just sex? Was it a spur-of-the-moment thing for Katie, or something to keep herself busy to kill time? Jessie thought about the night with Katie. The lawyer was acting like they have nothing to feel guilty about, while she had a hard time just trying to act the same way in front of Carla and Adrian.
Was I one of those unimportant one night stands? Jessie's heart breaks.
Jessie falls back into her own reverie, and her mind flies back to her accident: falling from the jetskii, the stinging on her right leg caused by the jellyfish, the feel of the water closing in on her...
She thought she would die in that accident. She imagined what heaven would be like. She wondered what if she did things in a different way. What if she hadn't been so scared?
She almost gave up on life, when a strong pair of hands pulled her out from underwater and brought her up for air. She could remember the feel of her savior's lips on her own and the feel of her hands between her chests. She lived, because Katie saved her. And she wonders whether somebody would be capable of saving her now. The only person who can has someone else to save. This is her ultimate death. No resuscitation, no life-saving technique could revive her now. And it's killing her. It isn't fair to have her experience heaven for a while, and then have her go crashing hard, back down to earth...
Her celphone then rings. Jessie has no intentions of answering it, but upon seeing the unregistered number, she decided against it. The call might be important. So, she takes the call, only to hear that familiar, deep, female voice that gets her heart long for Katie's presence more...
"Hi..." Katie smiles on the other line. She's nervous, just calling Jessie. But she can handle it.
"Hey..." Jessie's voice almost got caught up in her throat.
"Uhm... Jess..." Katie trails off. She still doesn't know what to say. All she knows is that she needs to talk to Jessie. She needs to come to a decision, and she needs to talk to Jessie before she decides.
"I was... I think we need to talk..."
"Yeah... You're right. That's actually why I'm calling..." Katie says cautiously. Jessie stares into the ocean as she holds her celphone up to her left ear.
"Katie... I'm sorry..." Jessie says softly, almost choking in her own words. The smile vanishes from Katie's face. She falls in silence, as she waits for Jessie to speak again, but she didn't say anything more.
"Jess, what are you apologizing for?" Katie feels a feeling a foreboding. Jessie is not going to tell her that what happened between them was a mistake, would she? Is Jessie going to ask her to forget the best night of her life? Jessie gathers herself. She needs her strength, to be able to face this lost. It isn't exactly a battle, but Carla won. There's no point in fighting it now. This is destiny's way of telling her that she had a chance and she wasted it, fate is telling her to back off. What can she do?
"I'm just... I'm really sorry..." Jessie wants to tell her that it was, indeed, a mistake, but she couldn't get herself to say that. Jessie is convinced that it wasn't. But technically, it was.
"Can we see each other now? To talk? There are---"
"I can't..." They fall in silence... Katie falls into a trance before she's able to speak again.
"But we need to talk about what happened..."
"Katie, let's not waste each other's time anymore... I'm sorry..." Jessie says painfully, and she hangs up...
"Jess..." Katie calls out, but she only hears a beeping on the line. Jessie has a point, Katie knows she's right. Talking will just worsen the pain both of them are feeling right now. She still has no idea on what to do, on what to decide...
But to Jessie, Katie had obviously made her choice.
At Boracay Regency, Tad is forced to turn his eyes away from his laptop as the soft knocks on their hotel door echoed in the whole suite. Grace had gone out swimming with Kim and Nikki, and he had to stay behind to edit a sports article a staff emailed him which is needed urgently. He's in the middle of his work when the said knocks distract him. He frowns.
When he opened the door, he sees Jessie standing on the doorway, on the verge of tears. Tad's heart sinks at the sight of his obviously broken friend. Before Jessie could ask him where Grace is, she just explodes. Tears come running down her face as if it will never stop. Tad, not knowing what to do, wraps his arms in his now trembling friend...
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Carla organized an impromptu victory party for her and her friends. After having dinner at La Isla Bonita, which composed of sumptuous meals of seafoods, they stopped by different bars, had a few drinks, watched and listened to some acoustic performers in the shores, and later on they settled at their favorite bar, Coco Mangas.
"This is to you guys." Carla raises her glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks in the air, proposing a toast. She and her friends sit on a circle table, this way they are able to see each other. As usual the bar was packed, but Carla had managed to reserve this special spot for them.
"Cheers." Everybody said in glee. Carla, after taking a sip from her glass, turns to face Katie on her left, and giver her a long kiss on the lips. Katie isn't surprised, but she's too out of herself now to even react. Carla, of course, noticed the lack of passion on Katie's part, but decided to stop being untrusting and let it go. She pulls away from her fiancee, and smiles at her.
"Come on baby, cheer up... This isn't a funeral." Carla jokes.
"I'm sorry... It's just... I'm just not in the mood." Katie admits. Carla lifts her right hand and strokes Katie's cheek. With Adrian separating Carla and Jessie, Jessie gulps a large amount of her J&B.
"Do you want to go back to the hut?" Carla asks worriedly. Katie shakes her head.
"No..." Katie forces a smile. "I want to stay."
"Okay." Carla gives Katie another kiss on her right cheek, and Nikki, who's seated two people away from Carla (with Katie and Kim separating them), crosses her arms.
"You know what? I'm not so used to you being so quiet. Bad food?" Grace jokes at Katie this time. The dirty blonde manages a chuckle.
"I wished, but no."
"Ah... Lack of sex life?" Grace winks at Katie. "Please don't tell me you're still blaming me and Tad for that." Grace laughs. Katie slightly turns red, hoping Jessie isn't hearing any of this, because it's just so embarrassing.
"Grace, I'm just not in the mood." Katie looks apologetically at Grace, trying to keep her patience. Grace realizes that Katie isn't joking and finally shuts up. Carla holds Katie's right hand. Nikki clears her throat and takes a gulp of her vodka and actually empties her glass. Kim eyes Nikki in disbelief.
"Trying to get drunk?" Kim asks the stewardess.
"Yes." Nikki then gets up from her chair and heads for the bar for more drinks. Carla watches her curiously.
"Honey, would you like to dance?" Tad turns his head to Grace, who's sitting in his right, and offers his hand. Grace, looking glad, accepts Tad's hand.
"Of course, honey." She smiles at him, and they head off to the dance floor. As they sway into the live sound of another local acoustic performer, Grace wraps her arms around Tad's shoulders, while Tad wraps his arms around Grace's hips and pulls her closer.
Silence loomed their table. It turns out that Adrian isn't so vain after all. He had been noticing Jessie's lack of passion towards him in the past few days. Not that Jessie were ever passionate in their relationship. If Jessie had been cold before, she's now colder. But he loves her, and whatever shortcomings Jessie might have, he will work on it.
The first time he saw Jessie, he was sure: Jessie is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Call it love at first sight. He had to endure several no's for a single date before Jessie actually said yes. He worked hard to win Jessie's heart, and he couldn't explain his happiness when finally, she became his girlfriend. And until now, his feelings for her hadn't changed a bit...
"Why do you keep looking at our table? What's wrong?" Grace whispers in Tad's ear. She noticed how worried Tad looked. But what was there to worry about?
"Nothing." Tad smiles at her.
"Are you sure? You look so worried." Grace tightens her arms around Tad's shoulders and pulls him even closer.
"Really, everything's fine, honey." Tad leans down and gives his wife a kiss. But Grace was right. He is worried... About Jessie.
When Jessie came to their hotel suite that afternoon, Grace wasn't around, and maybe Jessie felt she had no choice but to talk to Tad. She told me one big secret that she had been keeping for so long, that now, she exploded. The truth shocked Tad. He had no idea. But he understood. He saw Jessie's pain. A decade of suffering could be seen in Jessie's blue eyes. He wanted to tell Grace, but Jessie asked him not to. Jessie wanted to tell Grace herself.
Tad wonders how long Jessie could take this: just sitting two persons away from the one who owns her heart, watching somebody else touch her, its torture. But there's nothing that he can do.
At the bar, Nikki gulps her second glass of vodka, and Kim, upon realizing that Nikki hadn't come back for a while, follows her. She finds Nikki occupying a stool in the far left, ordering her third glass. She sits on the stool beside the brunette.
"Want some company?" Kim asks.
"Sure." Nikki replies without looking. She orders a beer for Kim. Her friend isn't really a wine person.
At the table, it became even quieter. Carla remains holding Katie's hand, but her eyes focus at the direction of the bar where Nikki and Kim are sitting. Jessie barely moved or talked. Adrian mysteriously disappeared from the table without anyone of them noticing.
It's supposed to be a celebration, but strange enough, nobody feels like celebrating. Well, except for Tad and Grace who are making the most of the moment while dancing and holding each other, and Adrian, who's on the small stage already. Nobody even noticed how he got there. Jessie could barely focus her attention to anything right now...
"This is for you, Jessie..." A voice said through the microphone which finally, got Jessie's undivided attention.
What is he doing? Jessie wonders. She finds her boyfriend on stage, holding the microphone, and smiling at her. Tad and Grace continues dancing. Grace watches in interest, while Tad looks in suspicion. He has a feeling where this is going to. Nikki, who's downing her fifth glass of vodka, barely pays attention to Adrian, while Kim, like Grace, watches curiously. Carla smiles at Adrian's direction, but occasionally throws a short glance at a seemingly drunken Nikki by the bar. Katie plasters a frown.
Go on, make a fool of yourself please, entertain me... Katie thought. She almost laughed at herself. She feels too sarcastic right now to take one of Adrian's pathetic attempts to be cute. She turns her head to Jessie's direction and finds her watching the boyfriend...
The guitarist strums the guitar in a familiar tune. Grace and Tad sways in the dance floor, and Tad looks troubled. Something will happen, something big...
"It's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear, she puts on her make up, and brushes her long blonde hair, and then she asks me, do I look alright, and I say yes, you look wonderful tonight..." Adrian sings.
Grace and Cara smile. Katie rolls her eyes. Tad fixes his eyes on Jessie. Nikki looks amused, and gulps her sixth glass of vodka. Kim eyes Katie closely. Jessie looks confused but forces a smile upon seeing Adrian smiling at her. Dedicating the song to her was sweet, but Jessie is more concerned about what Katie would think other than anything else. But then again, what would Katie think? As of the moment, she's busy holding Carla's hand…
"We go to a party and everyone turns to see, this beautiful lady that's walking around with me, and then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?", and I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."…" Adrian walks down from the stage. Katie grits her teeth as the pilot walks his way towards their table, to Jessie. Carla's attention is now focused at Adrian and Jessie, momentarily forgetting about Nikki who's trying to get wasted at the bar. Everyone else at Coco Mangas is watching the scene Adrian is creating.
"I feel wonderful because I see, the love light in your eyes, and the wonder of it all, is that you just don't realize how much I love you, it's time to go home now and I've got an aching head, so I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed, and then I tell her, as I turn out the light, I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight, oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight." Adrian finishes singing. He stops in front of Jessie.
From the bar, Nikki shakes her head, this is far too entertaining for her. She orders another glass of vodka and downs it, and earns a glare from Kim.
"Everybody, this is my girlfriend Jessie." Adrian says proudly and looks adoringly at Jessie. Jessie's face flushes bright red.
What is he doing?
"And I want everybody to know that I love her with all of my heart…" He says, and the crowd goes 'aww'.
How original… Katie silently sulks in her seat. She sees as Adrian drops on his knees, in front of Jessie, which got her eyes widening. No... Katie couldn't blink, her ears strain to hear what Adrian was about to say…
"Jessie…" He fumbles with something from his pocket, and he pulls out something… A glistening something…
A ring… Katie's jaw drops. Kim shifts her eyes from Adrian to Jessie to Katie. Nikki rolls her eyes. Tad stops swaying in the dance floor with Grace, staring at the unfolding proposal in disbelief. Grace's smile widens. Jessie barely registered what's going on. She just sit there watching Adrian.
"Jessie, will you marry me?" Adrian asks Jessie nervously. Katie focuses her eyes on Jessie now, silently praying that Jessie would say no and tell everyone that she's in love with someone else, and that someone else is Katie. Jessie isn't ready for this. She never expected a proposal from Adrian, ever. Her relationship with him is nothing than just a safety net, she's sure of that. And having him now, kneeling in front of her, embarrassing himself in front of everybody was just rattling.
What should she say? If she says yes, that would be against everything her heart says. But if she says no, everybody will wonder why she did, and will ask her questions she doesn't want to answer. Coco Mangas became suddenly quiet. Nothing could be heard but the sound of the guitar playing the instrumental acoustic version of Wonderful Tonight.
But what would be the point of saying no, when the only reason why you would is holding somebody else's hand? Jessie feels so pathetic…
Nikki, meanwhile, stumbles from the stool at the bar as she makes her way out. Carla's snaps her head at Nikki's direction and sees her wasted friend trying to make her way out of the door. Kim warns her friend and stops her from leaving but Nikki is just too stubborn. Carla looks worriedly and gets up from her chair, whispering an excuse to Katie which Katie barely heard. Her attention couldn't be torn away from Jessie, who isn't answering Adrian, but rather smiles at her boyfriend.
When Adrian reaches for Jessie's left hand and put the ring on her ring finger, the blonde didn't protest, to Katie's utter disillusionment. She felt let down, defeated… Even if she didn't hear Jessie say yes, she wore the ring. This is just so cruel. She felt something exploding in her chest. Was it her heart? Did it shatter into pieces? Will she die?
This isn't happening… Not in front of me… Katie's mind is swirling, she feels nauseous. Jessie just got engaged, and not with her. It's like one of her worst nightmares coming to life.
Meanwhile, Carla is standing not so far away, helping Nikki walk since the brunette is having an awfully hard time standing on her own. Kim isn't even paying any attention to Nikki at all, so Carla took it upon herself to bring Nikki back to Fridays safely. But as she stood there, seeing the reaction on Katie's face, her heart sinks…
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Katie, again, is sitting on the sand later that night, facing the sea. After more drinking and giving the newly engaged couple some congratulatory greetings, they disbanded. And Katie just found herself here, at the exact same spot where she stayed and found by Kim, when she saw Jessie again after all those years.
"Katie…" Katie hears someone calling her. She expected that voice. She always hears that voice everytime she needs to hear it. And she's glad that she heard it again now… Her right hand clutches on the sand, as if tearing it into even smaller pieces, as if it's possible…
"For a while, she was mine… All mine… It felt so great, and it was as if everything was finally in place… And there's nothing else that I could ever need, or want… I just want to lay there with her, feel her… I was in a delusion that she was the reason I'm alive, and I believed that…" Katie says softly as she reminisced about that night with Jessie, almost breaking down in tears, but she controlled those tears from falling. She has to be strong… She'd gone through this before, only this time, going through it again is worse.
"I don't know what to say… I'm sorry…" Kim admits as she sits beside Katie again. Déjà vu. It's like being transported back to their first day in Boracay.
"God, I love her so much…" Katie finally trembles, and tears flood her eyes… Her right hand starts punching the sand softly, to feel physical pain… But the emotional one is worse… Kim wraps her arms around Katie. The lawyer never looked so frail…
"You got to let it go, Katie…"
"I thought I had… That's why I threw that letter into the ocean, to say goodbye, and to let her go…"
"But have you?" Kim pulls away, looking sympathetically at her broken friend.
"No… I haven't…" Katie admits. Her sobs breaks the silence of the night.
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At Fridays, Carla watch as Nikki falls into sleep.
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"Do you believe that you can love two people at the same time?" Katie asks Kim. She had stopped crying, but the pain remains in her green eyes.
"Of course, but you'll always love one more than the other. Eventually, you have to decide. I think it's a choice between who you want to be with or who you want to spare from the pain that you can cause." Kim knows exactly that Katie is referring about Jessie and Carla. She might have admitted that she's still in love with Jessie, but Katie's relationship with Carla isn't that simple. She loves Carla, Kim knows that.
"I think Jess has already made a choice…" Katie chokes in her words. Tears start to fall from her eyes again and she wipes it hastily.
"What are you going to do now?"
"What do you think I would do?" Katie asks her back. Not that she has a solution at the moment. She doesn't want to hurt Carla, and she doesn't want to let go of Jessie either.
"Don't stay with Carla because you don't have a choice. Stay with her because you want to." Kim says firmly. She fully understands the weight of Katie's pain, but Carla is her friend too.
Katie turns her head and looks briefly at Kim then stares back into the ocean again.
From a distance, a figure stood, and its shadow starts moving away from their direction…
The lights are already off when Katie was able to go back to their hut. She figured Carla would be back there sleeping, and she guessed right. She stares at Carla's sleeping form. Her mixed emotions are tearing her down right now. She feels guilty, and broken, then broken again…
Boracay was a bad idea… Katie has no one else to blame but herself. The events in the past week shouldn't have happened. Everything started out wrong. She should have been honest with Grace about her feelings for Jessie. She shouldn't have let herself be weak in front of Jessie while they were stuck in the small island. Witnessing Jessie get engaged with Adrian was just the worst of the worst. It was like plunging to her own death. She wonders why she didn't fall into a nervous breakdown. Why didn't she realize what Adrian was up to when Adrian took that microphone on stage...
After changing her clothes, Katie stares at Carla's sleeping form again before climbing into bed. Carla was lying on her right side, and Katie slips behind her back. She pulls the blanket covering Carla and covers herself. Katie then rests her left arm on Carla's waist. She lay there, staring at the back of Carla's head, when Carla surprisingly got up. Katie frowns…
"I thought you're asleep." Katie says after the blonde. Carla throws her a cold look. Her eyes were red, as if she just cried. Katie feels that familiar feeling of guilt and gets up from bed, and follows Carla, who's currently heading for the door.
"Obviously I'm not." Carla's coldness takes Katie aback…
"Carla…"
"We promised to always be honest with each other, Katie, no matter what." Carla looks straight into Katie's eyes. Her tone was firm and steady, and her facial expression was hard as a rock.
"What are you saying?" Katie takes steps towards Carla, whose tears starts falling from her eyes. But Carla raises her right hand, warning her to stop, which Katie did.
"'I'll probably never love anyone as much as I love you?'" Carla recites that part of the letter she read in Jessie's possession, the part that will never stop bothering her. She glares at Katie, who now looks like a deer caught in headlights.
She knew about the letter? How did she find out about the letter? Katie almost panics. She thought it was impossible. The letter wouldn't even survive years of floating in the ocean. But by meeting Carla's icy cold stare, she could swear her fiancée had read the letter to Jessie. How she got a hold of it, Katie has no idea. And would Carla even recognize her handwriting?
"You know what hurts more?" Carla continued as she hastily wipes the tears from her eyes.
"Carla…"
"You can never be honest with me… You were NEVER honest with me…" Carla shakes her head, then storms out of the door. Katie runs after her.
"Where are you going? Carla!" Katie calls out from the porch. Carla turns around, looks at her in the eyes, and answers.
"To the only person I trust right now…" Carla wipes her tears again, and walks away into the dark. Katie knees finally give up, she slumps to the floor, and leans against the wall for support… She covers her face with her hands...
This is more than she can handle…
x - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - x
Kim couldn't sleep. This vacation is supposed to keep them relaxed, and happy. But with everything that's been happening, despite the fact that she isn't even supposed to be involved, was getting to her. She's worried about Katie, then there's Carla, then Jessie and Adrian. Katie's torn, and in the middle of it all, there's no doubt that Carla will be the one to suffer. With Jessie, on the other hand, she has suspicions. The fact that Jessie slept with Katie at the island means that there maybe something more to them than just sexual tension. And if her suspicions are right, another heart might be broken: Adrian's.
This vacation is more twisted that I thought… Kim thought. She gets up from bed to get something to drink, beer, wine, anything that will make her fall asleep; and on her way to pick up the telephone at the living room to call for room service, she heard the sobs. Her forehead contorts… It doesn't sound like Nikki. So she takes the steps towards Nikki's room and finds the door open, and surprisingly, Nikki looks sober, while holding a weeping Carla in her arms. Nikki sees her and locks eyes with her, and Kim understood. She nods at Nikki, and closes the bedroom door.
Nikki held Carla in her arms 'til her tears ran out… Carla's sobs could still be heard in the room, but she had stopped crying. Currently, they are sitting side by side on the bed. Nikki watched the blonde as she sat in silence, hurting. She wished she could do something to ease the pain, but she knew there's nothing.
"I still can't believe that she's in love with Jessie…" Nikki says softly. Carla flinches at the statement, and Nikki holds her hands to comfort her.
"I gave her a chance to come clean, to tell me the truth about Jessie… But…" Carla wipes the tears that start from falling from her eyes again. "She feels so much for Jessie… Oh God…" Carla's tears fall from her eyes, and Nikki embraces her again…
"Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart and trusting them to never pull the trigger…"
"And she pulled the trigger… Am I keeping her from being happy?" Carla pulls away and looks at Nikki's eyes. Nikki's heart breaks upon seeing Carla's pain.
"No, of course not… Unexpected things happen, Carla… There are things that you can't control, no matter how much you try…" Nikki says reassuringly. Carla lets herself wander into dreamland for a while, reminiscing all those times she spent with Katie.
Best times of her life. Katie changed her life the way Jessie changed Katie's. Katie saved her from herself. When Katie proposed to her, losing her never crossed her mind. Based on Katie's own account of past relationships and flings, nobody else can ever threaten their relationship. Except that Katie left that part about Jessie…
"It's over, isn't it? I need to let her go…" Carla sobs again.
"People are in your life for a reason. Some are there to teach you, some are there to hurt you, and few are meant to change you. For better or worse, it's uncertain. Not everyone of them is meant to stay…"
"What if… What if you don't want to let go?" Carla swallows the lump in her throat.
"Well, you can, or you can't… But you SHOULD. It will not be easy, and it will be painful. You can't keep holding on to someone who's holding on to someone else…"
Carla and Nikki exchange looks, and Carla stayed on Nikki's arms 'til morning…
x - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - x
"This is the best vacation ever." Grace proclaims, as she and Tad finished packing their things the next morning. Their week-long vacation just concluded. Tad merely looks at her and doesn't agree.
"Are you not going to say anything?" Grace frowns at her husband, who decided to stay quiet and walks to the bathroom to pick up a forgotten underwear.
"It was a great vacation, Grace, I agree with you." Tad smiles at Grace and gives her a short kiss. He then puts the underwear into one of his bags.
"Why is it that I don't believe you?" Grace looks suspiciously at Tad. Tad meets her gaze, then closes the zipper of his bag. He sighs.
"Grace, it's a great vacation, believe me… But for some people, I don't think I can say the same thing." Tad shrugs. Grace crosses her arms.
"What do you mean?"
"I wish I could say more, but I'm not in the position to talk." Tad shakes his head and heads to their balcony to have one last look of the beach from their room.
"Come on, honey, what's going on?" Grace nudges Tad, but Tad shakes his head again.
"It's just… I hope that this vacation did something good for everyone of us, instead of just ruining trusts and relationships, you know." Tad says almost mythically at Grace. Grace contorts her forehead even more.
"Trusts and relationships? What am I missing here?"
"Time to go, honey…" Tad smiles at her, and holds her hand. Grace isn't able to ask anything anymore.
At Saigon Huts… Katie is still slumped on the floor at the porch of their hut. She isn't able to sleep since Carla left the hut last night. She remained there sitting until morning. Then the door of the hut opposite them opened…
Katie looks at the direction of the other hut, and sees Adrian and Jessie walking out of their door, with a staff of the hotel helping them with their things. Her eyes locked with Jessie's eyes, as the blonde sees her from where she stood…
Jessie sees how devastated Katie is. She isn't sure what happened. She somehow hoped that her engagement is the reason why she is, but drops the thought. Carla probably had confronted Katie about the letter and they argued… Or worse, Carla might have already found out about what happened when they were stuck in the island…
She didn't realize her boyfriend, or fiancé, had already walked his way towards Katie…
"Katie, are you okay?" Adrian asks in concern, and Katie looks up in surprise.
Where did he come from?
"Yeah, I'm fine…" Katie says quietly.
"Where's Carla?"
"She went out for a while…"
"Uhm… We're leaving now, how about you?" Adrian tries to engage her in a conversation but Katie obviously isn't up to it.
"Maybe later… Bye…" Katie says dismissively. And realizing that it's his cue to leave, he smiles at Katie, and walks back to where Jessie is standing. Then they walk away, and disappear from Katie's sight…
At Fridays…
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Nikki asks Kim as she finished packing her suitcase. She and Kim originally planned on leaving that afternoon, but Nikki changed her mind. She will be leaving that morning, with another unexpected companion…
"No, I think someone else would need my company…" Kim has Katie in her mind.
"Okay." Nikki pulls her suitcase into the leaving room and heads to pick up the phone for room service.
"I'm glad that you're taking care of Carla." Kim says to Nikki. Nikki was unmoved for a while, then dials a number and requests the person on the other line to send her a staff to help her with her things. After she hangs up, she turns to Kim.
"Tell Katie that she owes me…" Nikki says seriously and walks back to her room.
"Okay."
"And how much of a stupid asshole she is."
"Okay."
Then Nikki closes the door behind her.
Saigon Huts… Katie, still slumped on the porch, looks up upon feeling the presence of someone in front of her…
"Carla…" Katie gets up from the floor, but Carla walks past by her and opens the door. Katie follows her into the hut.
"You swore that there's nothing that I need to know between you and Jessie." Carla says, trying to control herself from being angry.
"It's the truth…" Katie says softly. Carla mocks a laugh and turns to face Katie with her most sarcastic face.
"Do you still want me to believe that?" She remembers reading the letter, then hearing Katie's conversation with Kim last night, at the beach… 'I was in a delusion that she was the reason I'm alive, and I believed that…' Carla's heart breaks for the millionth time…
"There was nothing between me and Jessie, and there never will…" Of course, Katie was lying again…
"What happened in the island, Katie?" Carla looks straight into Katie's eyes… She could swear she's lying… Katie couldn't answer. "Oh, do I have to refresh you memory? 'For a while, she was mine, all mine… And it felt so great…'," Carla repeats the exact statement that she heard Katie tell Kim last night… Tears roll down Carla's face, to her disbelief, because she thought she had ran out of tears to cry. But she's wrong.
"She's never my girlfriend…" It was Katie's lamest and most pathetic answer. There's no getting out of this. She screwed up, and she will pay the price.
"Do you ever wish that it could be different?" Carla chokes in her words…
"Carla, you need to stop this…" Katie says pleadingly.
"You loved her, Katie… You loved her so much that it almost killed you… And you still do…" Carla shakes her head. This is her whole life, crashing right before her eyes… It never felt so painful…
"I love you so much, Katie… I do… But I'd rather not have you than have it halfway with you…"
"What are you saying?" Katie's matching Carla's sobs now…
"I'm saying goodbye…"
