Sara insisted on having another ultrasound done before she went home. The bleeding had stopped by morning as did the cramps, but still Sara kept expecting to look down one second and find more blood. Once the doctor showed her the screen and she saw the outline of her growing baby, a heavy weight lifted off her as she sighed with relief. The doctor explained that the baby looked fine and the heartbeat was still strong.
Cid in the morning didn't talk much. The nurses all fussed over how cute he was and together the rode a taxi paid for by the doctor back out to the farm. Cid sat beside her staring out the window.
After they were dropped off, the two of them went inside before Cid crawled up to the table and sat down. Sara honestly didn't know what to do with herself. She was wearing sweats from the hospital and she still felt sleepy and on edge. Putting tea on she turned to find Cid wiping away his tears.
"What's wrong honey?"
Cid looked up at her.
"Are you mad at me?"
Sara sighed and sat down at the table, reaching out and touching his tiny little hand.
"No baby, of course not."
"I tried to control it...I guess I just got scared."
"We talked about that, it's going to happen from time to time. We just have to get you to calm down and control it. If you can't we won't be able to get you to start school...and you're a very bright boy."
Cid sniffled.
"I almost hurt the baby...I'm sorry."
"You're brother is just fine. He's still inside my tummy growing."
"You miss Joe don't you?"
Sara paused, whenever she really did stop enough to think about him it hurt. Taking a second she nodded.
"Yeah...I do."
"I was going to give this to you last night after dinner. It slipped underneath one of the counters. I found it after Christmas when one of my cars rolled under there..."
Cid slid a tiny wallet size photo across the table at her. Looking down Sara raised an eyebrow before turning the tiny photo over. There in black and white was a photo of Joe.
The most overwhelming sudden feeling crashed into Sara's heart she honestly couldn't breath. It had been going on nearly six months since she last laid eyes on Joe. This was right before she wrapped him up and buried him in the backyard. The last time he spoke to her was in the cane, telling her to take Cid and run. This was the first time she had seen his face in all this time besides her mind. Looking down she remembered when that man Jessie had come looking for Joe, he had given her two tiny photos. Both of Joe. The older one she knew must have disappeared.
Touching it gently with her finger tips she couldn't believe she had forgot about it.
Lifting her eyes she couldn't control her tears. All these lonely months of being alone came down at her for once. She had never wanted to see somebody at this exact moment like she did with Joe. Lowering her head she let out the same hopeless moan of a cry like she did when she finally broke down the night Joe had killed himself and put her head down on the table.
Cid watched his mother cry for nearly ten minutes straight. Finally Sara lifted her head, her eyes raw and red from crying before she sniffled and roughly rubbed her eyes like a child.
"Oh baby..."
Gathering Cid in her arms she held his close and rocked him for what seemed like forever. Finally once she got control of herself she brushed back his bangs, smiling through her tears before kissing his forehead. She knew she could do better. She would raise him as she had promised Joe. This power of his wouldn't hurt anyone.
She swore by it.
That evening Sara went to bed early, laying in the same bed the baby in her was conceived, she looked at the tiny photograph in her hands before wiping away one of her tears. Laying the photo against her chest she counted herself lucky. At least she could show the baby growing up what his father looked like. At least now she had a photo of him to remember when times got tough like this.
Sighing she felt a slight flutter inside her for just a brief moment. Laying back she froze before her hand slid down to her stomach.
It was her baby, and he was alive.
Cid stood in the doorway of the upstairs bathroom. He stared up at Joe who was wearing his jeans and an undershirt, a towel thrown over one shoulder as he was in the process of shaving. Stopping, Joe turned, shaving cream still on his face before looking down at him. Right away he smirked.
"Hey little man."
"What are you doing Joe?"
Cid asked shuffling over and staring up. Joe put down his razor.
"I'm shaving."
"Why?"
"Well because I really don't think your mom would like me with a beard."
"Can I do it?"
"When you're older, right now you're lucky you don't have to...I can show you when it comes that time."
"Really?"
Joe smiled.
"Of course."
"Can I watch you?"
Joe smiled leaning down and picking Cid up. Placing him on the counter he held up the can of shaving cream.
"This is shaving cream, you put it on you're face first...wanna squirt some out?"
Cid's eyes lit up as he nodded. Handing him the can, Cid looked it over before Joe pointed.
"Just press down there..."
Joe did with all his might and a long string of foam squirted out onto Joe's shirt. Giggling Cid held the can as Joe laughed.
"You think that's funny huh?"
Taking a finger of the cream off himself he dabbed it on Cid's nose making him giggle even harder.
Walking down the hall, Sara was carrying the laundry basket before stopping and looking in on them. Smiling. Together Joe and Cid were having a shaving cream fight, laughing back and forth. Watching them warmed her heart.
Cid finally had what he needed the most.
A father.
Afterwards when Cid was down for his nap, Sara and Joe found themselves in the field where the old broken down stump was. Joe handed her the rifle she kept.
"It's about time I teach you show to shoot with real bullets."
Sara made a face holding the rifle.
"I can shoot just fine."
"Yeah, you would do great on a blunderbuss. Here is the real thing and we aren't using any of that rock salt shit."
Rolling her eyes, Sara held the gun as Joe walked behind her, gently putting his hands around her and making her lift the gun.
"Now nice an easy put it into the crook of you're arm...cradle it..."
He whispered leaning in close. Smiling Sara held the gun before Joe showed her how to level it and aim.
"Now there's a kick, brace yourself and release when you hear the click...take a deep breath..."
"Should we really be doing this when Cid is asleep?"
"Are you kidding me that kid sleeps like the dead, come on now."
"Why you teaching me this?"
"Because it's about time. Besides there might be a time you might need to defend you're self and I'm not there. You do have a little one...and you are pregnant."
"Yeah no thanks to you."
Joe smiled as he leaned in closer helping her hold the gun.
"Wise ass..."
Sara smiled before Joe counted to three and she pulled the trigger. He was right about the kick and it took Sara somewhat of surprise as it fired loudly and hit the side of the stump, splintering pieces of wood. Joe stood back.
"Not bad."
The remainder of the day Joe showed her how to shoot all his guns. While her aim wasn't exactly the greatest Joe seemed impressed by how fast she was picking up on it. Towards the end she even fired the blunderbuss before making a face and handing it back to him.
"I don't like that."
That evening after dinner Sara laid out on her back on the bed while Joe slowly danced his fingers across her stomach.
"What do you think it is?"
Sara asked up at him. Looking down Joe eyed her stomach.
"The baby?"
"Yeah?"
Joe shrugged.
"Don't know."
"What do you want?"
"Doesn't matter to me...both would be nice."
"Got any names picked out?"
Joe looked down at her stomach before laying down beside her. Gently he kissed her lips before pulling back. As he spoke Sara's hands began to tug up his shirt and slide down his pants.
"Do you?"
"Yeah a coupl...
"Let's hear them."
Joe propped himself up on his elbow as Sara leaned in towards him, still undoing his pants.
"Well...Annabel is it's a girl."
Joe smiled.
"I like that..."
"You would want a little girl?"
Joe smirked as her hand wrapped around him making him stiffen. Smiling and looking a little out of breath he nodded before looking into her eyes.
"Yeah...I would. We would make her a girls girl though...pink dresses, dolls...the whole bit."
Sara made a face and laugh.
"Oh would you?"
"Yeah...she might end up being a tomboy like her mom."
Sara gave him a playful squeeze making him gasp. Leaning in close, she began to kiss his jawbone.
"You like that?"
"Don't...stop..."
He was able to gasp out. Sara continued to tug on him gently, squeezing and releasing before Joe steadied his voice enough to go on.
"And a boy?"
"Joe."
Joe stopped and stared down at her, a faint smile on his face.
"Really?"
"Yeah...
Joe covered her mouth with his, kissing her deeply before his good hand slipped and began cupping her breasts. A few minutes later Sara found herself slowly rising and lowering herself on top of Joe. Holding her by her hips, he stared up at her as Sara arched her back and hung her head down before catching her breath. Tucking her hair behind her ear she stared down at him before she smiled and leaned down, her lips sweeping against his.
"Marry me Joe."
Joe looked up at her.
"What?"
Unexpected, Joe snapped his eyes shut before roughly finishing. Feeling warmth nearly instantly Sara looked down at him amused before Joe opened his eyes looking slightly embarrassed.
"Did you...just propose to me?"
Sara smiled.
"Yeah I guess I did.'
"You know...usually it's the man's job to do that."
"Yeah well I'm not into tradition. So...how about it?"
"Are you serious?"
"If you are..."
Joe reached up gently sliding his hand against her cheek. Holding his damaged hand, Sara kissed his fingers one by one before looking down.
"So...will you?"
Joe reached and pulled her down on him before he wrapped his arms around her. Turning the two of them over, he rolled on top of her before kissing her and pressing his forehead against her.
"Yes."
Smiling, she ran her hand though his hair.
Sara was now nearly seven months. But at first glance you would have thought she was on the verge of her due date.
In just the matter of a few weeks her body seemed to change giving her little to no control. Her stomach grew and grew before there seemed to be a large blown up ball underneath all her sundresses and blouses. Her doctor visits were going fine and so far she was told everything looked to be fine.
The baby was kicking more now, keeping her up most nights as it shifted and rested against her bladder. Her feet felt swollen, and her emotions were all over the place. One second she would be happy beyond words, the next she would have to go into the safe to cry her eyes out if the mood caught her the wrong way. She remembered when she was pregnant with Cid. How she had gotten off the hard stuff and how it had been her sister that kept her straight. She remembered how awful she had been, waiting just to have the baby and to escape this responsibility.
This pregnancy seemed completely different. As the days turned into weeks, she watched as her body grew with the baby inside of her. The doctor kept reminding her that everything was fine and not to worry. That she was just going to have a big baby. Still, she wished she had Joe around to witness some of it. It was tough enough being alone with Cid and running the farm, but now being able to less and less was driving her crazy.
She had tried her hardest to eat right and get plenty of sleep. She gave up smoking which had been one of the hardest things to do, most of all when her nerves became short. She stopped drinking tea and coffee, and bought a few baby books to catch up on how to be the healthiest for herself and the baby.
She didn't have any friends and barley anyone to talk to. All she really had was Cid who had been wonderful and a great help to her. There hadn't been any further outbursts since that night. In fact he had seemed really excited and happy about the baby. Whenever he got the chance he would feel her stomach and grin up at her.
All he talked about was the new baby and spent most evenings after practicing his writing and math drawing and painting for things to hang in the nursery.
Sara decided her grandparent's old room would be the best for the nursery and now that money wasn't a problem she knew she better get started on it.
Still, things just didn't seem right.
It was Joe who should have been there with her.
Joe who should have gone to the doctor's with her, hold her hair when she got sick, rub her feet and make her laugh. Joe was supposed to be there to calm her nerves when she got worried, feel her stomach whenever their baby kicked.
She would day dream seeing him in a T-shirt, painting the room down the hall for the nursery.
Instead he was dead.
This reality was making it harder and harder for Sara with each passing day.
Running her hands over the curve of her belly, she stared out one early spring morning at her fields and decided what she was going to name her boy.
"Joseph Jr...Joe for short."
