Hey guys! So, this story is almost done. Not much has been going on with me. I graduated though, so yay. Oh, and my anniversary with Kyle is in a week and a half! I'm excited. Although, I have absolutely no idea what to get him! Ahhh!
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own Acid Rain by Mandi Perkins. If you haven't heard that song, you should go do that. Or don't. Up to you. I'll warn you though, it kind of makes you go "what the…?" haha. I love it though. Also, I love anything Joshua Radin, but nothing of his is in this chapter.. I just felt like saying it. His music never fails to make me happy.
"Can't you drive any faster?" Alli had been complaining the entire ride to Cornwall. I swear if she weren't Clare's best friend, I'd pull over and make her walk the rest of the way. We weren't even a third of the way there, and she had been pestering me about my driving for the last forty five minutes.
"Alli, if you don't shut up, I will make you either walk there or ride in the back." Yup. That was me being nice to her. I couldn't stand Alli at this point, and I can't even begin to comprehend why or even how Clare can deal with this on a daily basis.
"Geez, someone's a little testy, aren't they?" I shot her a death glare to show her that I, in fact, was not joking. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm just … worried." I faced the road again, not wanting to kill us both in this attempt to 'rescue Clare' or whatever Alli decided to call it. I wasn't paying all that much attention to her at this point.
"And you don't think I am? I'm in love with her, dated her sister, killed her sister, and then proceeded to tell her I'm in love with her when she knew I had no idea who she was." Clearly I was racking up points with Clare. It's just one mistake after the other.
"You didn't kill her sister," Alli muttered under her breath, but loud enough to where I could still hear her, only I didn't respond right away. I didn't want to yell at Alli more than I already had on this little trip. After a few seconds, I spoke up.
"I may not have directly killed her, but I killed her nonetheless. I kissed her sister and she got angry and left. Yeah, Clare says she was there, but it doesn't change the fact that she was out on the streets because of me."
Alli was silent, and it wasn't anywhere near a comfortable silence. I knew she was thinking of what I had just told her, but I didn't care. It was still awkward. Eventually, Alli spoke up, "Clare didn't tell you what happened, did she?"
"Does it matter? I know you won't tell me."
"I know I shouldn't, but you need to know. She's not going to open up easily, and it took her a long time to even tell me. She only told Sav because he took her to the hospital that night and couldn't stop talking after she started. I guess it was one of those 'too in shock to realize what you're saying' things?" Alli let out a nervous chuckle before glancing over at me just to realize that I didn't find it even the tiniest bit amusing. "Anyway, what all do you want to know?"
"Just start from the beginning. Please."
Clare's POV
As I rode in the car with him, I couldn't help but wonder where he was taking me, but I refused to ask again. So, we sat in awkward silence, and when I mean, awkward, I mean awkward. Like one of those times where you want to break the silence, but you have no idea how so you just sit there staring at each other waiting for the other to, but at the same time, they're waiting for you to take the initiative to begin a conversation. But hey, they kicked me out. Why should I attempt at conversation? All too familiar streets began passing me, and I soon realized where he was taking me. I abruptly sat up in my seat and demanded he pull over so that I could get out and go back to the bus station.
"Clare, you need to do this," the man who dare called himself my father tried to reason. But news flash, he wasn't my father. He was hers, which just gave her yet another reason to hate me. I wasn't lying when I told Eli that she killed herself because of me. I was younger than her, so therefore I became the baby of the family. Her father began supposedly began paying more attention to me, but if that's true, it's probably because he wanted me to like him. But I was four; I liked everyone. "If you're going to do this for anyone, you need to do it for yourself. This repression, it's not healthy."
"Daddy, please don't make me," I quietly begged while looking down at my hands as my dad continued his drive down the road towards the place I hadn't stepped foot inside in almost a year and a half. I rubbed the tips of my thumbs against each other – a nervous habit I picked up within the months following Julia's death – and soon started clicking the nails together. I didn't want to do this. I wasn't ready to do this. I lifted my gaze to look outside the car window, watching as the all too familiar buildings passed. Within the next five minutes, Dad ended up parking at the building I haven't seen in a year and a half, but I didn't move. What did I do to deserve this? I'm not ready. Why can't he see that?
"Come on, Clare. It'll be fine." Slowly, I moved my left hand to the top of my belt buckle and even slower began to apply pressure to the button, eventually releasing the belt. I reached for my bag, opened the door, and rested my head on the door frame after I stood up. Sucking in a deep breath, I shut my car door and walked towards the front doors of the building. As I walked through the doors, I immediately felt tears prickling the corners of my eyes. This was overwhelming and I could feel my breathing start to pick up and my chest begin to slightly tighten. Dad must have noticed because he was instantly by my side telling me that I don't have to do this and that he was sorry.
Once my breathing was for the most part under control, I saw the sorrow in my father's eyes for bringing me here. He didn't know about my panic attacks, so I can't hold it against him. He wants me to do this so badly, and I'm not even sure if I can. I can't help but feel that I'm being selfish, especially if what he told me earlier were true. What kills me so much is that if you think back on it, all the signs were there. I just helped push her over the edge. But the thought of her wanting me to feel this way angered me. Did she seriously think that little of me? Was I really just essentially just another notch on her miserable bedpost? With all of this newfound anger, I shook myself from my father's grip. The look of betrayal that I once had on my face was now a look of determination and I abruptly grabbed my iPod out of my bag. I made it down the aisle, slipped off my shoes, and climbed onto the stage, immediately marching backstage to the sound system to plug my iPod in. Julia wasn't going to run me anymore. I'll keep my promise to her and I'll still miss her, but I couldn't let this feeling of guilt that she wanted me to feel control me anymore.
As I hit play, I immediately heard the song creep onto the sound system. I inhaled and held my breath as I walked back onto the stage. But as the first verse came on, I couldn't get myself to move. It felt surreal and I secretly wished Eli were here to tell me it was okay. As I looked out into the audience, I noticed my dad just watching me incredulously, waiting to see what I would do.
I wish for you misfortune
I swear to God I wish you pain
I hope the sky caves down over you
Rips you apart with acid rain
As the next verse began, I slowly started to move, but not before tears slowly started to fall down my cheeks. I felt so angry and betrayed by Julia, and slowly, I began to let those feelings come out. Once the chorus hit, I was dancing full out with more passion than I have ever danced with and I have to admit that it felt amazing. Every leap, pirouette, and combination may not have been flawless, but you could see the raw emotion I was putting into it.
The last verse of the song, which was also the first, I slowly sank to the floor and curled into a ball. I lost it. My life had changed so much, and I was ruining the few things I had left: my relationship with Alli, my relationship or whatever it was that I could have had with Eli, and most importantly, my self-dignity. With these thoughts running through my head, I couldn't stop crying. I wanted Eli here to tell me everything was going to be okay. I wanted Alli to soothingly rub my back until I fall asleep like she does when I'm really upset. I want my mother to tell me that she loves me and that she never stopped. I want my father to tell me that I can go back to my life in Toronto because no one knows me there and it's a start that I never fully gave my all to.
Eli's POV
I watched silently in the back as Clare laid on the stage crying her heart out. A man, I'm assuming to be her father, quickly rushed onto the stage to soothe her, and I could help but feel that I wish that had been me, but she didn't know I was here. She didn't know that I had seen her dance, but I wanted to know why she chose that song. I saw Alli flinch next to me as she was debating on whether or not to go onto the stage to help calm Clare down, but I rested my right hand on her upper arm and motioned that I was going to go up on stage to help Clare.
I jumped onto the stage and knelt down next to her curled, shivering body, and softly patted her curls in hopes to calm her down a bit. "I'm right here, Clare," I whispered into her ear, but at the sound of my voice, she shot up and looked at me with dread in her eyes. Not fear, but actual dread of talking to me.
"D-daddy, can you please leave? I need to talk to Eli. Alone." I could tell her father was hesitant in letting us be alone together after what had happened to Julia, he was her daughter after all, but eventually he nodded and began making his way towards the back of the theater. I turned towards Clare as she said, "I need to tell you the truth on what really happened that night."
Well yay. I think next chapter is going to be the last. We'll see. I'm not quite sure at this point. But I will say this, what was in the flashback a few chapters ago, isn't the whole story between what went down between Clare and Julia. Hmmmmm so what really happened then? Well you'll just have to review to find out!
Oh, and I know this story has gotten lame. So, I apologize. Hence why it's ending next chapter. But in my defense (at least for this story), this was not anywhere near what I intended to do for this story. Like seriously, Clare was supposed to be a bitch and Eli was supposed to get under her skin, and yaddayaddayadda. But not like the other stories on here. Well anyway, we'll see if I continue writing fanfiction at all.
And I also apologize for ending this chapter on a very depressing note…. But please still review? They make my day, and give me the little bit of umph I need to write.
