December 21- 1:02am-
"Four years." Booth said definitively. "Four years were just… ripped from me like they didn't mean anything."
Ace let Booth vent just a bit. He knew better than anyone that the other man was simply feeling sorry for himself. Every man needs to have a moment of guilt and self reflection. Every man needs to be offered the opportunity to vent vocally about those things that pulled at them every moment of the day, but try to keep away from those that they love. Every man needed to take a step back and see what was placed in front of them so that they could find peace in what they had, and focus on moving forward.
"I want those years back."
Ace nodded.
December 21- 1:04am
Temperance settled on the couch in the living room, cup of tea in hand. She leaned over the side of the couch a bit, and peered into the coffee table shelf, pulling out a photo album. Smiling sadly, she slowly turned the pages through the pictures. The past four years had been filled with hundreds of moments that she had cherished, loved, and apparently had taken for granted. Her thoughts drifted to her husband, and his frustration. He wanted to remember everything so badly, that it was killing him every day that he couldn't. She ran her fingers over the pictures from their first picnic together. Antonia had been so excited to bring her tea set with them, and there were several pictures of Booth sitting on the grass, a tiny teacup pressed to his lips.
"Mommy?" A voice pulled her attention to the stairs, and she looked up to see Antonia stepping to the bottom stair. "You're crying."
Temperance brushed her hand over her face, and it collided with a tear or two that had escaped the corner of her eye. "I'm okay, Ant." She sniffled. "Why aren't you in bed? You have a half day of school tomorrow, you still have to get up in a couple of hours."
"I can't sleep." She replied, still standing at the bottom of the steps. "Where is daddy?"
"He's out with Ace." She replied, wiping another tear, she closed the album.
"Are you looking at pictures?" Antonia asked, walking toward her mother, she climbed up onto the couch and sat beside her, looking up at her expectantly.
"I was, but it… I don't know."
"It made you cry." Antonia said. "It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad."
"Mommy is supposed to be strong. Mommy isn't supposed to cry."
"You used to cry all of the time." She paused. "You used to cry all the time before Daddy was daddy. Are you afraid that Daddy won't remember?"
"No." She replied. "It isn't what daddy doesn't remember that makes me sad, baby. It's the fact that he won't let it go. He is trying too hard. I just want him to stop thinking that we don't love him despite everything that has happened. I wish he understood that we love him no matter what happens."
"I love him no matter what happens." Antonia said with a smile.
"I know you do, little girl." Temperance whispered, putting her arm around her daughter, she pulled her close. "We just have to keep reminding him of that." She said, kissing Antonia's head. They opened the photo album together, and silently looked through their memories together.
November 22 - 8:45pm
Temperance walked toward her daughter's hospital room with a heavy heart. Booth was resting comfortably, but was still confused about what had happened, and she was just as confused as him. She knew that if she didn't get rest soon, she could very well simply collapse again.
Rushing down the hallway, she could see Angela standing in the doorway of Grace's hospital room. She didn't look impatient, just very, very worried. "Ange." Temperance called.
Angela could see immediately that her friend was ready to drop. Her typically strong stance was mired by exhaustion, and her eyes took on an almost cloudy blue color. "Sweetie." She said softly, approaching her friend, she instantly wrapped her arms around her. Angela could feel the full weight of her friend in her arms, knowing for just that moment she was allowing her friend to hold her up. "It's okay…" She whispered, gripping Temperance with all of her strength, she could feel the tension in her body. "It's okay."
Temperance took a deep breath. "It's not okay." She said, pulling from the hug. "It's not okay, but I do appreciate your effort in calling for it to be okay."
"It's okay to be relieved, and exhausted, and sad, and everything that you're feeling, Bren. It's okay."
Temperance looked into her friend's eyes and saw only strength, and in a second she was back in her arms. "Thank you, Angela." She whispered, a sigh of relief on her chest as she hugged her friend closely.
"I love you, Bren. We'll get through all of this. I promise. Where is Booth?" She asked, feeling the tension in Temperance's body suddenly. "You said he made it through surgery." She said, pulling from the hug. Temperance's eyes were filled with something else suddenly, and tears began to flow. "What's wrong, Bren? What happened, is he okay?"
"He can't remember." She whispered, tears flowing freely. "He can't remember anything from the past four years. I… It's… it's all my fault." She whispered.
"What do you mean it's all your fault?"
"I let him go into that room alone… he went into the room alone to get Grace, he was injured, and… and… now he can't remember."
"I don't understand, sweetie." Angela whispered, trying to get Temperance to look into her eyes.
"Maybe he's just confused." She said, sucking in a deep breath, she tried to quickly rationalize it. "Maybe he's just… maybe it was just the trauma, you know? He's still on medications, and… he should remember, right?"
"Bren, you're really confusing me… just… dumb it down here a little for me. Did you talk to him?"
"Yes."
"And he knows who you are, right? He's moving around, breathing on his own?"
"Yes."
"Then it's a start… that's a very good start. Being alive, breathing… that's good."
"What do I tell the children?" Temperance asked.
"Tell them the truth." Angela replied. "They're not stupid, Sweetie… and you only have yourself to blame for that one." She smiled supportively as Bren nodded and gave a sigh of relief. "They gave us an hour for visitation, since visiting hours was over a while ago. Extenuating circumstances and all." Angela winked.
"You didn't threaten them, did you?" Temperance asked.
"I prefer the term 'cajole', if you don't mind." Angela said softly. "Parker and Antonia have been waiting for you, let's go inside."
"I'm…"
"Afraid?"
"I prefer the term apprehensive." She said, feeling her friend's hand in hers. "Thank you, Angela."
"That's what metaphorical sisters are for." She said, squeezing Temperance's hand, she pushed the door open with the other.
The light in the room seemed brighter when she saw the smiles on Antonia and Parker's faces. She couldn't help but feel more alive, more awake and just a little more confident with the tackle of a hug she was greeted with from both of them. She felt their tight hugs against her, and she felt like she could conquer the world. She leaned her head down and buried her nose in Parker's hair as she kissed his head, closing her eyes.
She held onto them tightly for a few more moments extra, knowing the questions that would be coming soon, she preferred to just hold them for a moment. "Mama, JV is here too!" Grace exclaimed, smiling from her bed, Temperance looked up to see the curly haired boy waving from his spot sitting on the bed.
"Mr. Hodgins." Temperance winked, sending the boy's face into a brilliant smile.
"Heya, Auntie Bones." He smiled.
She glanced to Seeley, and he was smiling from his bed, seemingly happy to have a roomful of people who cared for him and loved him. Max sat silently next to the boy's bed, and looked to Temperance. She took a slow, deep, cleansing breath and felt Angela's hand on her shoulder. "We're going to get through all of this together, Bren." She said. "You're not alone in this. Not by a long shot."
Temperance flipped the last page of pictures to a close and closed her eyes. She could tell that Antonia had fallen asleep against her, and was thankful for the company.
Four years was a very long time for someone to lose. Four years of birthdays, Christmases, moments that couldn't be relived through photographs or storytelling. Four years was a long time for the typical person, but for Booth, it was four years of happiness that he couldn't seem to grasp as reality.
Temperance opened the photo album to the last page, and ran her finger over the picture of Booth holding his Gracie above his head as she giggled at him. They had matching smiles, and an energy that lifted from the picture as she heard both of their laughs in her memory.
Each held the key to the other's past.
One was aware that something was missing.
The other was too young to understand the importance of what was lost.
