A/N – ByLanternLight, your reasoned-out review gives me hope ;-p The idea you present is at least a part of the point I'm trying to make. Of course, the people who mention acid-trips are correct too. The main reason for that is that most of this story is from Hinata's perspective, and her perspective is skewed by her use of psychotropic plants
Chapter 7
Wind whispered through the trees as she walked through the forest, and falling leaves formed a temporary cloud that reminded Kurenai of her Genjutsu specialty. Trying unsuccessfully to banish the sleepiness that threatened to overtake her, she trudged onward. The woman had actually been losing sleep lately, and the cause of her travails was undoubtedly minutes away, on her way to their personal meeting.
Just a few hand-gestures. The thought wove its way through her tired mind as she walked. A single burst of chakra and I could pull the secrets from her mind- Her eyebrow abruptly twitched as she seriously considered the tantalizing thought, then cut it off harshly. Leaves rained down on her shaking form, turned loose by her fist which had lashed into the tree beside her. Drawing a shaky breath, she gathered her usual reserve back from where it lay in pieces around her. At least her sleepiness had been banished.
I can't believe I honestly considered that, even for a moment. Using Genjutsu on a fellow Leaf Villager, and on top of that her own pupil, would be worse than just a gross violation of the fundamentals of trust. Never mind that she could undoubtedly get away with it, and probably even do it in such a way that Hinata would not even remember-
"-guh!" She gripped her head, desperately ejecting the thought. What's wrong with me? She leaned against a tree for momentary support. Why am I letting her get to me like this? Thinking back, she tried to catch the moment that Hinata had turned from ordinary Hyuuga into a bogeyman that now seemed to haunt Kurenai's thoughts almost constantly. Try as she might, she couldn't remember. It seemed that Hinata had always been a bit odd. Or at least the girl had been odd enough when Kurenai had first met her upon her entrance into the ninja academy.
Could she really have had a hidden teacher even back then? It seemed so absurd that she nearly rejected it out of hand. But it was the only logical answer. Some hidden teacher was impressing her own psychosis on Hinata. Wait. 'Her?' Of course this hidden teacher had to be female, Kurenai didn't even want to think about how unhealthy the situation would be if Hinata's hidden teacher was male.
In the distance Kurenai could see Hinata wander into view out of a stand of trees. The odd flutter in her stomach was now expected, as the girl approached. With a second glance, she noted that the girl seemed to look about as dejected as Kurenai felt. She had seen many Hinatas, every one of them unique in their weirdness, but she had never seen the girl so downcast.
"Sensei." She came to a stop in front of the leader of Team Eight, drawing herself up a bit, a trace of relief crossing her expression. It softened Kurenai's heart to see that no matter what else, she was someone Hinata could feel at ease with. She put a hand on Hinata's shoulder, the corner of her mouth twitching as she felt the girl's tension slowly ease away. The gratefulness in the girl's eyes was like an oasis in a desert, and Kurenai looked away for a moment, gazing into the fiery yellow-orange of the setting sun as it painted the sky with a brilliant collage of pastels. No matter what oddness lurked within Hinata, she was a human with all the frailties that implied. She let her unease melt away with the waning light of evening.
"How do you feel about your upcoming fight?" she asked, turning back to look at her pupil. After a few moments of silence, Hinata answered.
"I just don't know."
Something's happened with her other training. That has to be it. Kurenai suppressed the urge to push for details. The girl was obviously vulnerable right now, but if she took advantage of it, Hinata would likely remember later when things changed. Whatever she learned would not be worth it.
"Let's go over the other entrants." She sat down with her back against a tree nearly three feet in diamater, hugging her knees to her chest. She heard Hinata walk to the opposite side of the tree and sink down to the ground. "You could face any one of them, and you won't have the luxury of too much rest between fights since you don't know how long the other matches will be. Assuming you win the first match, of course." She let the suppressed chuckle make her tone light, and was surprised when Hinata actually did give a bit of a sad laugh. "Temari."
"She's the wind specialist," Hinata said, nearly making the statement into a question.
"Yes. It's tough to pin down from her short match with Tenten, but she looks to be medium to long-range, which clashes with your short-range fighting style. You'll need a plan to try to get close, and it won't be easy because she'll know you're a Hyuuga, and all that implies. Kankuro."
"He uses puppets, right?"
"Right."
"Hah." Another bemused chuckle. "Another one who might be trouble, since puppets don't have tenketsu points."
Kurenai's mouth twitched. Whatever was bothering Hinata wasn't affecting her skills of deduction.
"Sasuke," Kurenai muttered, making sure to keep her voice light. After an obvious pause, Hinata answered.
"Short to mid-range. But he's got strong fire techniques."
To be expected of an Uchiha, Kurenai thought. Sasuke was the favorite of the tournament, not only because he was considered a genius, but his taijutsu skills were nothing to laugh at, even if the Hyuuga martial arts were considered to top-tier of the village. Hinata might have the edge hand-to-hand, but Sasuke undoubtedly bested her in ninjutsu, at least from what Kurenai saw. As for Genjutsu, only Kami knew, as it were.
Her sympathies went out to Hinata briefly before she pulled them back, keeping her teacher's mask firmly in place. There were quite a few Leaf ninjas competing for the title of Chuunin, and the ones that weren't from Leaf were vicious and strong from what Kurenai could see. It was a tough tournament comparatively speaking, and she knew it wasn't easy to go into a fight that might end in death, either for you or one of your comrades. Especially if it was by your own hands that they died. Hinata spoke abruptly,
"Not considering Sasuke, there's also Shino, and Naruto, how could I fight people I care about? Just for a title..."
Kurenai frowned at the obvious question. Hinata was not the first to think such things, since this had always been the way of things in Leaf Village. It spoke to how much one wanted the title Chuunin if one was willing to compete against one's peers for it.
"Respect," Kurenai said softly. "Would you go into battle under the leadership of one who was inferior to you?" Hinata didn't answer readily, so Kurenai continued. "And what better way to test leadership potential, and at the same time build up respect, than to show your skill in a tournament?" Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. "You don't truly know someone until you fight them. That's a very old saying, but it has a measure of truth." A moment later she was startled to feel Hinata's hand on top of hers.
"Thanks, sensei."
She turned to see Hinata's somewhat calmer expression, the former sadness gone. She gave her pupil a smile of encouragement, and they both stood, parting ways by mutual silent agreement. As she watched the Hyuuga heiress walk off into the forest with a noticeably lighter step, she couldn't help feeling that they had bonded more in that short moment of teaching than the entire past year.
At least I was able to help her, in some way. The last rays of sunlight faded to twilight in the distance, causing the forest shadows to elongate and deepen. And just this once, I think she actually meant it when she called me 'sensei.' That thought gave her an illogically happy feeling, and she wondered about whatever her hidden counterpart was doing to put Hinata in such distress. Once more she considered going to the Hokage and mentioning her fears about this hidden teacher, and how she was affecting Hinata, but she quashed the idea instantly. She still had no hard proof, and Hinata seemed to be bearing up so far. For now there was no pressing need to disrupt things.
I'll leave that to whoever this hidden sensei is. Whoever you are, know that it's not me who's making Hinata's life so hard... She shook her head, clearing it of the sudden jealousy, made a hand-sign and vanished in a swirl of smoke.
Her steps sure and steady as she walked through the nameless forests on the outskirts of Konoha, Hinata no longer had to try to hide her discomfort. Kurenai had either knowingly or unknowingly lifted her spirits, even if her situation was still as hopeless.
Not hopeless, she reminded herself. Her wishes and dreams were what had pushed her into despair, and while it had been hard, she had managed to free herself from their strangling grasp. Not that she had given up on wanting to be a Chuunin. She had simply accepted that whether it was now, or later, that was just the way of things. As Kurenai had lectured her on her relationships with others, she had finally realized something.
She had been waiting for the right chance to present itself so that she could approach Naruto, when in fact time was not the issue, but her readiness. Any time could be made into the right time if she felt in her heart that she was ready. With that realization, the future seemed to open up. No matter what happened, even if Naruto set off his plans before she felt ready to approach him, it wouldn't preclude her meeting him in the future. Things would undoubtedly change if he did so, but then things were always changing, even if she wasn't aware of it.
She sighed, fingering the glass vial she held, turning it over and over as she walked, her thoughts far from the section of the forest through which she traveled. Putting aside her worries concerning Naruto only opened the way for other problems. The upcoming fight would be tough whether or not she felt she had to win or not. Even discounting all else, if she became a Chuunin, she would be in a better position to approach Naruto whenever she decided to do so-
She caught herself before the self-deception could continue too far, shaking her head ruefully. Whether she was a Chuunin or not, Naruto would either accept her or not for who she was, not for her accomplishments. The last vestiges of despair drifted away, but it seemed to be pure irony that she felt the desire to advance even more strongly. Perhaps not so ironic.
I want to advance for myself, and so I can be strong for those I care about.
The realization brought strength to her determination. She turned the vial over again, watching the pink liquid shift, minute bubbles swirling around in chaotic eddies. With her ninjitsu skills out of the picture, her only trump card was her potions, which would enhance the skills she did have. If she played things right, perhaps even her ninjitsu would become usable.
With just under two weeks remaining to test the appropriate dosage and formula, even going that route was an iffy thing, but it was her best bet. What she would gain in power, she would lack in control, but there was nothing to be done about that. In fact, the more she experimented with the potions, the easier things would be. Probably.
The problem was that by now she had acquired over a dozen recipes, and yet had only tested two of them. And the one she held now was twice the strength of the ones she had previously tried.
As he sat on a high tree branch watching the girl he was sworn to protect walk along the forest floor, Neji was of two minds. Though a part of him still railed against fate, and how she had tricked him out of his sure win, growing feelings of respect were bothering him lately. Or at least curiosity at what else Hinata might be hiding. And he could no longer deny the fact that she had played the fight out expertly, beating him with a trick so that she could keep her true strength hidden. Strength he knew she must have, to have pulled something like this off.
His previous attitude and actions towards her irked him now, he knew things would never be the same between them again after what she had done to him so openly, and what he had done to her in secret. It would be embarrassing, and downright demeaning for him to go to her now even though he had questions that needed answers. All he could do was follow her, looking for an opportunity... for what?
This he did not know, but Hinata was traveling steadily away from his position, so he stood and jumped to the next branch, waiting and keeping close watch. A slight distortion on the ground drew his white eyes. Veins bulged, revealing a sight that caused his lips to thin with anger. He leaped to the ground next to a startled Kiba, grabbing the boy's head and putting a hand over his mouth to stifle a startled yell.
"What exactly are you doing here?" he hissed. His near-empathic ability caught a mix of emotions from the boy that were startling in their strength. Frantic terror, anticipation at finally catching whatever Hinata was about to do, hope that Neji did not know he was surreptitiously watching Hinata.
"-oh! Um..."
"You're spying on a team-mate, Kiba!"
The boy wilted at Neji's accusation, almost immediately flaring into anger.
"You don't know what she's like! You're not on her team! You have no way of knowing just how-"
"No, I'm not on her team," Neji said derisively. "I'm only her clansman and protector." At this Kiba's eyes went hard.
"The protector from a clan that threw her out," he spat. Neji's eyes widened, then he caught movement in the distance. Hinata was rapidly disappearing into the distance, far faster than she should have been able to travel.
"-what...!" Neji's grip loosened in shock, and Kiba took advantage of the lapse, pulling loose in anger.
"See??" Kiba spoke hysterically, forgetting that Neji did not know much more than he had been able to glean from Kiba's expression and feeling. "She does something," his nose twitched as he caught a whiff of roses, the smell distant diffuse in the air. "-she takes something, and, and she changes!" Shaking his head in anger and frustration he left Neji standing there in shock and leaped to a tree-branch in pursuit.
Neji watched him go, wishing he could follow. But his pride would not allow such an action, since it would mean he would have to demean himself to Kiba, whom he had just denigrated for spying on a team-mate.
Boundless energy seemed to come from her center, propelling her through the forest like a frightened deer.
Obviously a potion of escape. For now she retained her wits, though she felt them beginning to slip away. The twilight seemed to vanish, the dark gloom of the forest turning to a wan light as she ran, giving the surroundings a dream-like illumination. This kind of thing would not be so useful if she wanted to stay and fight, but it was good to know the effects.
Her Byakugan caught sight of Kiba once more, and her moroseness seemed to paint the landscape a deep blue, and then with a start she realized that everything indeed was taking on a subtle shading. The visual effects undoubtedly meant the potion had taken full effect. The green of tree-leaves became a light blue, the colors melting together as she considered her team-mate. He had been closely following her the past few days, either out of worry over her unusual actions, or out of curiosity. It wasn't that she wanted to keep things from her team-mate, but she simply had no choice. It went against her own wishes, which were to be open with others, but there was no helping it. The sudden desire to somehow be free from the situation was overwhelming. She was tired of hiding things, tired of trying to keep those around her in the dark. She knew it was the potion affecting her mind, enhancing certain emotions and thoughts, but it was a part of her just the same.
A familiar stream came into view ahead, and she leaped from a tree branch to the ground, hurried steps taking her to the water's edge. The smooth chime of water over stone whispered soothingly to her, promising escape and safety. Suddenly she was standing in the water, sinking to her knees as Kiba approached. Tiredness descended like a cloak, and oddly enough she felt no fear as she sank below the water. It seemed that her consciousness was spreading, flowing around and with the currents. A moment of disorientation was followed by the feeling of great speed, and then nothing.
Kiba's feet lightly tapped the ground at water's edge as he came to a halt, his eyes frantically scanning around for his team-mate, whom he had just seen moments before. She had knelt at the waters edge, and then, and then...
She wasn't there. He waded into the water, feeling around with his hands and feet, heedless of the noise and mess he was making, but she wasn't in the water either.
What the hell...?? His fears for her safety gave way to shock. Where could she have gone? He would have seen her if she had tried to use shunshin, or any other rapid-movement technique while in the water. He sank to his knees, surprise giving way to fear. He focused on the water burbling around his hands and legs, trying to suppress the terror that always came whenever Hinata presented him with some mystery he couldn't explain.
His hand brushed something. He lifted the sodden cloth. A heavy gray jacket, now waterlogged. Hinata's jacket.
Images and scenes of places familiar and distant blurred across her vision, dreamlike and vague. The Hyuuga compound. When she had still been living there, a woman had come to visit her, a woman she would later know as Lihua. Over the next few years the woman had taught her in secret, while visiting her at the clan compound in the open.
It had seemed dangerous and illogical, but the woman did not seem to understand such things. In any case, though there had been questions, no one had suspected that Hinata was her pupil. Mainly because Lihua was actually nobility, or close to it in the Fire country. She had the ear of the Daimyo, and that was close enough. Who she decided to spend time with, even if it was the young heiress of the Hyuuga clan, was her business, and she had no trouble telling that to anyone who questioned her. Then Neji had been assigned to teach her Jyuuken, and that had been the beginning of the end of her stay at the place that had always been home. Her thoughts drifted back to that time, and details were given form in her mind's eye, building a scene around her. Dream-like at first, soon it was just as detailed as waking reality.
Blue sky, abruptly transitioning to the off-white stone wall surrounding the Hyuuga compound. Trees and carefully manicured bushes and plants decorated the courtyard around her, and she sat on a low bench, a watchful Neji beside her at her right. She looked over at Lihua on her left, apprehension winding its way through her at Neji's presence. Lihua did not seem to notice, and in any case she never talked about their training when he was present. Instead, she either sat in silence, or regaled her protege with colorful tales of the imperial court. Whenever Neji got bored, he would leave, and they would train. Unless Lihua took the initiative, as she was apparently going to do this time, judging by the humorous twinkle in her eye.
"Come with me, Hinata." Lihua stood, casting a momentary glance toward Neji. The implication that he was not to follow was obvious, and it obviously stung the boy. Hinata stood, looking at Neji for a moment before turning to follow Lihua who was already walking away without a backward glance. Neji's face darkened, his mouth hardening to a line.
"You two are leaving because you don't want me to hear." Neji's voice held obvious anger, tinged with a bit of jealousy.
"That's exactly right," Lihua said lightly, not even stopping, and Neji's eyes widened. He had expected to either be ignored, or given some excuse. He had not expected to be told outright that his accusation was correct. Hinata looked back once more, catching the embarrassment and anger on the boy's face until they walked around the corner of a building and out of sight.
"You're worried," Lihua said, reading Hinata's apprehension. "Worried about what he'll think, about how he'll treat you..."
"-y-yes," Hinata admitted nervously. "I mean, he, he already-" she cut herself off, going red with embarrassment. She glanced hastily at Lihua, but the woman now seemed oblivious to her distress. There was a moment of silence, but the woman did not make further inquiry about what Neji might have done. It saddened Hinata, who knew that if she ever let slip what she had just said to her parents, or anyone else, they would have pursued the subject with tenacity until they had found out what had been done.
"Self importance is your greatest enemy," Lihua finally said, startling Hinata out of her thoughts. "Feeling offended, being affected by the deeds or misdeeds of those around you, all this is caused by self importance." Hinata had no idea what to say to this, and so Lihua continued. "Self importance requires that you spend most of your life offended or embarrassed by what others do. Without self importance, you are invulnerable." Her eyes became shiny, as if she were about to laugh, and then Hinata felt a heavy hand on her shoulder. She jumped, looking behind her to see Neji, his face furious.
"If you two have something to talk about, I should be present. I'm supposed to be your protector," he said to Hinata. It was obvious he was using it as a reason to overhear whatever they were saying. He looked over at Lihua, and seemed to come back to his senses, realizing what he had just said to someone of her importance and position. The fire left his eyes, and Lihua seemed to be transfixed with inexpressible glee. The woman burst out laughing, causing Neji to cringe momentarily. He recovered his composure, and a bit of his anger.
"You have no right to laugh," he sputtered out, but this only caused Lihua to double over laughing. Neji just stood there, not knowing in the least how to handle the strange situation. Lihua gestured towards Hinata with her hands and tried several times to contain her giggles and speak, but was overcome by spasms of laughter each time. Finally she got up, still shaking with laughter, and walked away, barely able to stay on her feet. Hinata was mortified, and glanced over to where Neji had stood, but the boy was stomping off into the distance. In that instant she saw what was so hilarious to her mentor. She and Neji were horrendously alike in certain areas. They were both supremely self important, they just showed it differently. She showed it by taking everything personally and withdrawing into herself, while Neji was prone to take it out on others, at least when he was not using it as a motivation to push himself harder in training. Spontaneous tears came to her eyes as she saw with clarity just how much energy her self-absorption had taken from her, how much it required from her. She got up from the bench and ran after Lihua to tell her about her realization. As she stumbled over her words, her mentor's eyes shone with mischievousness and delight.
"...but what should I do about Neji?" she asked. The boy had run off, and who knew what he would say to others.
"Nothing," the woman answered. "Realizations are always personal, and his may not come for some time."
"Sensei, I don't know how to get rid of my self importance," Hinata admitted. The idea had seemed simple just a few moments earlier, but as the euphoria of her realization faded, so too went her sudden confidence.
"To do that takes a stupendous effort and great will," Lihua stressed, pausing a moment to be sure her student was listening closely. "One of the first concerns of a warrior is freeing up her personal energy. You must live a life of control and discipline, not wasting a second. Have a heart of forbearance, and always notice the timing of things. But," she said, her eyes twinkling, "the most important ingredient you can have is someone like Neji."
"-what?" Hinata blinked in confusion.
"Neji holds the power of life and death over you, and so he is an excellent teacher on how to relinquish self importance. Under his tutelage you'll go far!" Lihua was looking closely at Hinata, obviously biting her lip to keep her laughter suppressed.
"-but, but that doesn't," Hinata suddenly fell silent, seeing a part of her sensei's point. To survive in the face of Neji's abuse and embarrassed anger would make her stronger. Or it would break her, but she decided to not think about that side of it.
"Nothing tempers the spirit like impossible-to-deal-with people in positions of power or equality," Lihua said, her hand light on Hinata's shoulder. Then she turned and walked away, leaving Hinata alone with her thoughts.
The scene began to lose its luster, jarring her thoughts, until it was like a matte painting, everything frozen and lifeless. After what seemed like ages but was probably no more than minutes, she saw a flash of movement. Another flash gave a hint of life to the world.
In the distance, something was moving underneath a tree. Someone. Dancing. With a blur and a sense of fast movement she found herself next to the tree, and the figure was twirling, pirouetting. It was herself, the same self who had been running fingers through her hair. She was the same as Hinata, except for eyes so dark they were pools of night. Or nightmares. Two dead spots on her face that appeared every time she twirled, like two dead suns, rising in the east and setting in the west. A sense of complete alienness assaulted her every time the eyes came into view, and relief only coming as the slow twirl continued, hiding the eyes for a moment. Only to come back again when the spin continued. The unnatural terror grew and fell as the figure spun, but it never fell as fast as it grew, but she couldn't move, couldn't look away.
Suddenly the figure's mouth was open the next time it came around, and words came out, though the seemed to come from all directions rather than just from where the girl spun.
"First Level, you are Novice,
Second Level, you are Adherent,
Third Level, you are Master,
Fourth Level, ..."
Every time she spun in a circle, she spoke a line, and always speaking when she was facing Hinata. All except the last part of the last line were clearly intelligible, but each time she spun, she started speaking just a little later, so that the last words of the fourth line could not be made out. To speak about terror at this point would be a non-issue. It would be more correct to speak in terms of the few moments when Hinata felt slightly less fear. These moments were not a reprieve, instead all they did was accentuate just how strongly frightened she was the rest of the time.
"I..." she stopped when she found that her voice echoed all around just like the Other's. Yet despite the fear, despite the question of who this even was, she had problems that needed answers. "I'm 'Novice'?"
"Taking this potion, you are Novice," the Other said. Try as she might, Hinata could not tell even the slightest physical difference between her voice and the Other's, except for the chill that pervaded the air with the Other spoke.
"But, what's Adherent-" Her voice choked off, for this time she had spoke as the other Her had been turning towards her, and she saw the Other's mouth moving while she spoke. The Other's mouth clicked shut with hers, then moments later began speaking an answer to Hinata's partial question.
"Taking the next potion, you will be Adherent." Hinata's fright tripped up a notch when, for the first time, she happened to notice that her own mouth moved when the Other talked. Yet despite the horror of this new realization, the questions had to be asked and answered.
"-and taking the potion after that..." Hinata began, feeling her stomach physically turn as the Other mimicked her mouth motions.
"-you become Master," the Other finished, and she felt her own mouth give the answer as well.
But the unfinished fourth line still gnawed at her. It had not been an accident that the Other, her?, the Other had shrouded the final words. Was it self protection, or was she meant to ask for the knowledge? She wavered, wondering whether to ask, wondering. After untold minutes, still wondering. She finally managed to gather enough inner strength to ask, but just as she opened her mouth to voice the question, the answer came out, of her mouth and the other's, though the way it echoed, there was no way to tell whither it came, where it went, or if it mattered.
"Fourth Level, you become me."
