I finally decided to post this, sorry it took so long, I've been busy to be honest. I need to get started on Chapter 11, well, technically. I'm going to split the story into two, you'll see why later. Anyway, please review it if you read it, I like feedback.
Chapter 7
Before James had sent his message, Shepard was beginning to fear that James was trying to avoid him. It was a disconcerting enough proposition that the man you love could be avoiding you, but if you combine that with the real possibility that you might not live long enough to find out, well, that was even worse. So when James sent the message it made Shepard feel so much better.
So why are my hands shaking? Why am I out of breath? Does my heart always beat this fast? What's wrong with me?
Shepard got to place on the Citadel where James had wanted to meet him, a small cafe out of the way on the opposite end of the Presidium, far from all the shops. James was already there waiting for him with a full bottle of wine and two glasses in front of him. From what Shepard could tell, James looked happy, or maybe he was excited, he couldn't tell which.
"Hey James," Shepard greeted him with a smile as he sat down.
"Hey you," James grinned back. "I'm glad you're here. I missed you."
It was the truth, the honest truth, James was very happy Shepard was there, so was Shepard. The two hadn't really talked since that night in Shepard's cabin and there were so many unanswered questions running through both their minds. Unsure of himself, Shepard reached out his hand to James. James gladly took his hand in his and squeezed it. "I missed you too."
"You know, I don't think we got the chance to really talk since that night in your cabin," James told him. "I think we're due for a good chat."
Nodding at that, Shepard said, "Yeah, after everything that's been going on, we really need to talk."
"Especially after what you did on that last mission," James began. "Please, never do that again. You scare the hell out of me with those crazy stunts of yours Kevin."
"Come on James. Crazy stunts are what I do, I'm loco remember."
"Yeah, you got that right," James grinned. "It scares me, but I guess it's also part of what I love about you."
"Oh really?"
"Really," James confirmed. "It also makes me wonder what else is out there…, or you know, right under our noses."
"Really, like what?" Shepard asked, bemused.
A slight chuckle escaping his lips, James replied, "I don't know, that's kinda the point, you know, of wondering what else is out there, you can never truly know."
The Leviathan had been one of those things, something lost out there in the deep and cold, trying to disappear, doing everything to make sure it was never found. Now that Shepard had found it and the rest of its people, he knew why it didn't want to be found. The Leviathans had created the Reapers, had been betrayed by them in the same way all synthetic life betrayed its creators. The whole encounter had left Shepard cold, it had been dark, but he wasn't afraid, he convinced them to join the war. "That's true, I guess, but I kind of wish we could know, especially if it's anything like Leviathan."
Taking his hand in his once more, James asked, "What was it like down there? What did you feel?"
Shuddering involuntarily as if the cold feeling had come back, Shepard whispered, "It was cold, dark, everything that Dr. Bryson had said it had been."
"Are you okay?" James sensed something was terribly wrong. It was in the tone of Shepard's voice, the way his voice lowered when he spoke about it, the look in his eyes.
Voice still barely above a whisper, a haunted look in his eyes, Shepard sighed, "I don't know, it was terrifying. But at the same time it was fascinating. It was as if a part of me knew I was going to be fine, that it was all going to work out."
"It was terrifying for me too. When you went under the water in that thing, I was so afraid you weren't going to come back. I can't even think of what I would do if you didn't," James frowned. "But you did come back and everything's fine."
With all that had happened recently – the chat he had with Steve, what that chat meant, what he learned – James knew that he would've missed his chance at love if Shepard didn't come back, that he would feel the same way that Steve had after losing Robert, that life wasn't worth living anymore. It was horrible to think about, but James knew he wouldn't go on living, not truly living anyway, not without Shepard and dying at the hand of the Reapers on that world wouldn't seem so bad if he had lost him.
"You're right, everything is fine, I did come back," Shepard smiled. "There's no point in dwelling on it. We have to live in the present, as if today is our last day. So let's have our date."
It made sense, everything was fine, James had his chance to do things right, to finally make up for it all. Life was what you made it, there was only tomorrow, yesterday was dead. The events on 2181 Despoina had made him realize that he could actually lose Shepard, that the man wasn't immortal.
"You know, we should," James nodded in agreement as he reached over to grab the bottle of wine. "Let's have a drink."
James poured one for Shepard, then another for himself. Taking the glass from James, Shepard sipped it, a smile on his face, "You know, this is probably the best wine I've ever tasted."
Sipping his own, James smiled back, "Me too Kevin, but I think the company might have more to do with it though."
"Really?"
"Yes, really," James smirked. "You make me smile."
"You make me smile too James," Shepard began. "I'm really glad I found you."
Tears in his eyes, James replied, "Me too, Kevin, me too."
