Chapter 6: Back to normality and my loss of control
Waking up once again on a hard floor was not a particularly pleasant experience for a second time. He was lying on his back and he was not in a comfortable position. There was a small pool of blood beneath his cut arm that was still warm, and he was aching all over from having slept on the floor again. He was pretty sure that waking up like this on a regular basis wasn't healthy for him.
He groaned as his system pulled him back from the depths of the sleep that he was in; again trying to recollect where he was and what had happened. Half of which he would rather forget.
"Ow my head…"
He had fallen unconscious again. Possibly from the loss of blood or from the personality shift. His mind had gone into shock and he had passed out from both mental and physical exhaustion. Dawn hadn't broken yet so it was still dark and nobody was awake yet. Aizen heaved his tired body up and got to his feet, taking care not to stand in the pool of blood that had left his arm. He stumbled and grabbed onto the work surface to steady himself so that he didn't fall over again. He then went into the bathroom and washed his face, deciding that after today he would shower. After splashing the lukewarm water onto his face to wash the soap away, he dried his face with one of the white towels on the rail beside him. He then turned his attention to his freshly made wound. He pulled the plug to empty the sink and filled it with fresh unsoaped water. He rolled up the sleeve to his shihakusho and haori and took a look at the cut he had made. He cupped his hand and poured the water onto the wound, washing away some of the excess blood from his arm. Hissing as it stung him, patting it dry lightly with the towel he had used to dry his face previously. There, it was clean. Now all he had to do was go and clean the blood on the kitchen floor. Because of his obsessive compulsion everything had to be spotlessly clean, so he didn't want to leave it in case the floor got stained by it. He just couldn't stand having dirt and mess around him. Even if there was a single mess he would clean it until it shined. Everything had to be put back in its original place once it had been used, and each object had an order that it had to be in. even his desk had to be perfectly straight and ink pens had to all be in one place.
When he went back into the kitchen from the bathroom he grabbed the wash basin from the kitchen sink and squirted some washing up liquid into it. He turned on the taps and then filled the bowl with warm water and got out one of his scrubbing brushes from inside one of the lower cupboards. Once the green squared basin was full, he lifted it out and placed it onto the floor beside the small pool of blood. He knelt down, rolled up his sleeves again and dunked the scrubbing brush into the water, setting himself about cleaning up the evidence that he had self harmed last night. He scrubbed that floor until every trace of red had been removed from the wooden panels that made up the floor to his little kitchen. Having removed his DNA from the wood he stood up and smiled to himself.
"There, perfect. Not a single trace of it left."
He then poured all of the bloody water back down the sink, turning on the taps again so that any remaining traces of the red disappeared and washed down the drain. By the time he had turned off the taps again and put the bowl back into the sink the sun was just coming over the horizon. He decided to wash up the dishes that he had used a few days ago before heading out for the day for work. He watched the sun slowly rise from its own peaceful slumber with envy. His own sleep had not been peaceful. He didn't wake up comfortably, and he certainly didn't go to sleep on his own terms. His own sleep was because of the shock of what he had done. How he envied everyone else right now, all sound asleep. He had dark circles beneath his eyes and his joints were still stiff from being in the position that he had regained consciousness in. He took a deep breath of the fresh dawn, of the new day that lay ahead of him. It was quiet in the Seireitei. And only the sounds of the birds flying high in the sky could be heard. If there were nothing plaguing his mind right now, then maybe he might have enjoyed being out here while the sun was rising. But, sadly, this was not the case. There were many things on his mind that he was worrying about.
He wandered around for a couple of hours before the daylight completely dawned. Today was going to be very, very long. When the time drew nearer he decided to just head on down to the office early, albeit very early, and get a head start on the paperwork. He thought that it would take his mind off the bad things. But before that he had some business to attend to down at the commander general's office. He just had to fill out a form that he had left in the drawer of his desk first. It didn't take him very long, so he was able to take his time on his way down to the first division. He dropped the form in without any major complaints and then headed back towards the office in order to get some work done.
He had been working for quite some time. And he was not really sure of how long he had been sitting in that chair for, but quite a considerable amount of time had passed before Gin came in.
"Good morning Ichimaru." Aizen said coolly, not really looking at him.
Gin gulped. He heard it because it was still very quiet. This was fear; he was still afraid of him. But that was to be expected after all that had gone on behind the scenes. From what pain had been inflicted on him.
"Mornin' Taichou."
"Your examination will begin at noon. Be there at the general commanders' office on time, and not late like you usually are for meetings."
"Huh? But, what examination?"
Aizen stopped writing and looked up. Honestly, why did Gin have to ask such stupid questions? Aizen had already made his point quite clear on what Gin was supposed to do.
"I have put you in for the examination that will determine your suitability for captaincy. Please do not be late."
He shuffled the papers that he had just finished completing and set them down into a neat pile to the side of him. Making sure that it was perfectly straight.
"But, Taichou… I didn't cut you."
Aizen looked directly at his bewildered fukutaichou and exhaled. He held out his left arm and quickly pulled back his shihakusho to fully expose his arm. Fully displaying his self inflicted wound to Ichimaru with an expressionless face.
"You did."
He saw Gin's jaw drop. He saw the shock in his eyes as he re-covered the wound, once again hiding that it ever existed. He had proven his point.
"I'll let you prepare." He said, getting up to leave. Turning his head to face Gin as he stepped into the doorway and smiling softly before leaving. He would have smiled wider but he was low on energy. Which wasn't surprising really.
"I have the utmost confidence in you."
And with that, he left. He went off to find one young shinigami in particular. He had a lot of time to spare, so he could find who he was looking for. He went out to ask around where this person was, very soon finding out where they were. It didn't take long to track her down either. He found her just as she was about to depart through the senkai gate to the world of the living. He saw her and strode up casually to where she was waiting for the gate to open.
"Oh hello Momo, long time no see."
"Hm?"
She looked around, wondering who it was that was calling her. Then gaping at the visitor in excitement.
"Ahh~ Aizen Taichou!"
Aizen smiled kindly at her. Wondering whether or not he should be blunt when asking his next question.
"Oh, you must be wondering why I am here. Well, it appears that quite soon today I will have a new position of fukutaichou to fill. And I was wondering if your feet would be able to fill the empty shoes."
Momo gasped. Be Aizen's fukutaichou? Of course she could. It had always been her life's ambition to serve in the Gotei Thirteen under Aizen Sousuke. And she would jump at any chance to be able to do so. Come hell or high water.
"Aizen Taichou, I would be more than happy to be your new fukutaichou!" She pepped up cheerfully. Giving Aizen one the biggest and most genuine smiles that he had ever seen in his life. Excluding Gin's of course. Because lately he wasn't even sure if he was smiling like he really meant it. He wasn't sure if any of Gin's recent smiles were genuine any more.
"Very good. But you'll have to wait and see if the position actually does open up."
"Huh? Why?"
"My current lieutenant is being examined for captaincy as we speak."
"Really? I hope he does well."
Aizen smiled. "Hmm. Me too."
When he'd left her, he told her that she would be informed of whether she had been promoted or not through a hell butterfly later on. He waved her goodbye and asked her not to leave on any business and ordered a replacement to be sent out in her place.
He then walked with her back to her barracks and her original post, catching up with all that had happened to her and the two others he had met in the bar and then taken to the his favorite sushi restaurant. By the time they had got there and he left her again, it was about time that Gin's exam would finish, so he started on his way over to the first division again to wait outside. He waited there quite expectantly, pacing nervously for minutes on end. His hands fidgeting uncontrollably because of his nerves for Gin. Hoping and praying that he was seen as suitable. And that he didn't fuck up everything that they had both worked so hard to rebuild.
When the door opened and Gin did walk out Aizen's head perked up. He couldn't tell what had happened because Gin's smile was no different from usual. Meaning he had to ask how it went. As Gin strode past him Aizen moved alongside him, subtly making his appearance next to his fukutaichou.
"Were you successful?"
Gin just smiled back at him, not looking at him directly, but still facing forward.
"Yep."
"Then I am very proud."
A silent sigh of relief escaped him.
"See, there was nothing to worry about."He told himself as the both of them walked down the pathway. "He did fine. All is going well."
On their way they passed numerous other shinigami. And each one of them made sure that when they walked past Ichimaru that they gave him a very wide birth. He knew that people were afraid of him, and Aizen was sure that it must be an uncomfortable feeling to have people avoid you like that, and so kept Gin occupied so that he didn't think of being the social outcast.
"Your next task is to appoint a good second. Do you know of Kira Izuru?"
"I think so."
"Find him. He will be useful for us."
"Hai Taichou."
And with that, they parted ways. He had his own second to appoint after all. When he parted with Gin, he summoned a hell butterfly with a message for Hinamori informing her of her new position. When he arrived back to his office he found her there waiting for him. Did she run there?
"Hinamori you're… early."
"Uh huh, I ran as fast as I could when I heard."
"You didn't need to run you know, I could have waited."
She laughed nervously.
"Well, I was just so excited!"
Aizen smiled at her. Good, she was enthusiastic. This one was going to be loyal to him. That was good to know.
"That's good to know. Now, let's get you orientated shall we?"
He spent pretty much half of the day getting all of the transfer paperwork sorted out and making sure that she was clear with her new duties, so when he decided to go out for a walk to try and relax a bit he ran into Gin and Izuru when he was on his way passing through one of the courtyards. He greeted them both and then proceeded to have a quiet talk with Gin.
"So Gin, how are you finding it?"
"It's alrigh'. I'm still kinda getting' used to it."
Good, he was coping well, maybe this wouldn't be so stressful after all. Maybe if they were apart more often then he wouldn't be thinking about being violent towards Gin again. Maybe the urges, both sexual and otherwise, would start to disappear. It was a long shot, but still it was worth a try right?
"As expected." he smiled again, taking a look down at Kira. "Not giving you any trouble is he?"
Kira shook his head vigorously. And Aizen then continued his rather hushed conversation with Gin again. Gin didn't seem too happy. And to Aizen's surprise, his own voice suddenly became very harsh. Almost angry.
"He still distrusts me."
"Then make him loyal to you. I don't care what it takes."
"You mean threaten him."
"Threaten him, drown him, do whatever you want. I strongly suggest you drown the whelp if he proves useless."
Gin glanced quickly down at Kira, his expression wavering. Only momentarily. And the both of them then exchanged a look that said "Yes, I know."
"Well, I'm sure you two have to get going." Aizen smiled, switching back into his normal self again. His voice becoming softer like it was before, and his eyes relaxing again. He once again returned to be the true Aizen, and not this other sadist that was attempting to take control. That was the lie. The hurtful and abusive side of him was the lie.
"I'll see you two later." He smiled, continuing on his way again. His voice involuntarily turning harsh once more as he passed Gin.
"Friday."
As soon as he'd said it he knew it. That fighting himself, his inner demon, was going to be much harder that he thought it would be. But when the day passed and the evening drew nearer and nearer, somehow the tension seemed to grow within him. It grew difficult to concentrate, but somehow he managed to maintain his composure. When it eventually went past very late in the evening now and it was quite dark outside, he dismissed Hinamori and waited for Gin to show up. About half an hour passed and still no sign of him. This was doing nothing for him as he needed to talk to him to further his plan. And he was just getting more vexed the later it got as the other side voiced itself.
"He's late again. Lazy bastard, is he good for nothing but a fuck?"
So when Gin did enter the room he was pretty pissed.
"You're late."
Gin said nothing. This only riling Aizen up further.
"So, does he trust you now?"
"No."
"What? Surely by now he would have at least warmed up to we are to make any progress then you are to gain his trust by whatever means necessary, understand?"
Aizen raised his eyebrows at him; he wanted the boy to at least acknowledge what he was asking.
"Gin?"
Gin's smile widened enough to show Aizen his teeth. Seemingly amused at something.
"Oh, I understand. Bu' I aint gonna do it."
"What?"
Aizen felt his entire jaw tense. He hadn't expected Gin to refuse him, and so hadn't planned a contingency. He thought that since Gin did openly, and honestly, swear his complete being unto him, that he wouldn't even have the audacity to defy him. He even stopped writing, his whole body just suddenly stopping and nothing, not even one part of him, moved even an inch.
He glared up at Gin, again repeating himself just to make sure that what he had heard was true.
"What?"
"I said… I aint gonna do it. Not just to watch ya break him again."
He didn't say anything after that. He could just feel like he was being forced into the passenger seat of his own metaphorical car again, being shoved out of the way again while his body acted of its own accord. He got up off his chair, slowly pushing it away behind him. His slow and steady footsteps echoing on the wooden panels of the floor. Feeling absolutely nothing as he made the short walk over to his subordinate.
He watched him, he was trying not to show any emotion, to not show any fear before Aizen. This was a pure, unbridled sense of pure physical and emotional fear he could feel from Gin, which only seemed to anger him further. The boys arms were trembling by his sides, his very fists shaking. Not even glancing away from the brown and angry eyes that were intently glaring down upon him.
"How fucking dare he?!" the voice inside of him screamed again, ignoring the pleas from the other side of him.
"No! Please! Don't hurt him!"
"He's fucking disobeyed me!!!"
It all happened so quickly, his hand moved out and all time seemed to accelerate in a rush of anger.
He had slapped him. Hard enough so that Gin's head was forced to the side, so that he would register the situation he was in. Gin didn't turn back to look at him, he just kept his head there, again, hurting.
"Going to defy me again?"
Gin didn't move, he had gone into shock, he was breathing quietly. The other voice screeching at him, much to the dismay of the regular Aizen.
"Look at me."
"You piece of shit!"
"NO! Don't!"
His hand thrust itself into Gin's white hair and pulled. The entire weight of him yanking and then throwing Gin into the corner of the desk, making sure that he hit into it head first. Tossing him aside like the useless fuck that he was. When he struggled to get up Aizen just smacked him in the ribs, making him collapse to the floor again.
"Fucking bitch!"
"Ugh."
He jumped on him and then the violence escalated through the roof. He gave Gin multiple blows to the head, neck, stomach and ribs. He watched as Gin tried to struggle up and get to his feet and make a run for it, but he was prepared for that. Just as he started to run Aizen lunged for his wrist, catching him just as he was about to escape, clenching tightly and twisting it upwards and behind Gin's back. And how Gin did scream, he hated the sound but it somehow it was music to his ears.
"Excruciating isn't it?"
"Yes!"
"This is the price of defying me Gin."
He twisted Gin's wrist around further which made Gin scream again. And Aizen let one of the most sinister smiles creep steadily across his face, thinking about his next move. Merely beginning to contemplate the amount of damage he could do. His voice becoming deeper with more darker, more sultry tones showing through. While still remaining cold, calculating and merciless.
"Hm, you know, I could chop your arm off right now. If I so desired it…"
"No please don't!"
"Hmph. It is my arm now, I will do as I like with it."
"God NO!"
"You are helpless now, correct?"
"Yes!"
Good, at least the whelp knew that he was in a helpless position to fight him any longer and wouldn't struggle against him any more.
"So," he continued, watching Gin breathe harshly. "Are you going to gain his trust now?" He asked, tightening his grip further on the boy's wrist.
"No!" Gin growled.
"Wrong answer." Aizen said, deciding that now was a good time to inflict more pain to get Gin to comply. He twisted Gin's arm up and further, digging his nails into the pale flesh that was within his grasp. Watching as the hot blood of his subordinate slowly dripped from it and onto his fingers. Revelling in the macabre sense of horror in Gin's eyes. Gin let out another uncontrollable yell of pain as Aizen's eyes became colder, along with his voice.
"I shall not ask again, are you going to gain his trust for me?"
Aizen's fingers moved minutely, causing Gin's wrist to make a rather loud click and Gin howled with the consequence of it.
"Hai!"
"Good."
He then released the hold he had over Gin and observed as he tumbled onto the floor in a wretched and bleeding mess. His arm was swollen and his wrist was profusely trickling blood. His lips were trembling and he could see the tears of emotional hurt welling up in his eyes. Aizen looked down emotionlessly at him for a moment before stepping over Gin and then walking away. He didn't see Gin break down and cry.
Yes, I have no shame when it comes to Kill Bill references. Or Matrix references for that matter. Ya know, with the blue and red pills.
