So, relationships are fucking hard. I was married and didn't try this hard to make it work. I mean I already haven't had sex long enough now I have to hold out even longer. We didn't have sex the night of the dinner and we haven't since. It's been a week since and I've gone to her house almost every night this week. We just cuddle in her bed and talk or watch a movie. Such couple things…and I like Lindsay I do, but she's making this kind of miserable for me.
The worst part is, not having sex is making me so agitated. Like I get annoyed over the stupidest things. I try not to show any irritation when I get to Lindsay's. I've done a pretty good job of hiding it thus far.
One night, after work, I'm so pissed off and you know why? Cause they ran out of coffee. That's it, fucking coffee, I could have just walked down the street to get a cup, but instead I got pissed off and now I'm driving to Lindsay's so furious.
I get there and kiss her hello, like always.
I try to smile as I take off my shoes and we head upstairs.
We plop onto her bed and Lindsay curls under my arm.
"So, how was your day?" she asks, like always.
I try to keep my irritation hidden, but it's built up too much tonight. A breathy sigh comes out.
"Alright, I guess."
"It doesn't sound alright, what happened?"
"Nothing really, work sucks like usual and it was just kind of an annoying day," I tell her hoping she'll let it go.
"Oh no, well what went wrong?"
I clench my other fist, which is hidden behind my leg so she can't see it.
"It's stupid stuff really. I just rather not talk about it," I say.
She sits up and looks at me.
"Okay, then, can I do something to make you feel better?" she asks.
Sex is of course the first thing that enters my mind, but the truth is I've grown so accustomed to assuming we will not have sex that I never ask, I haven't brought it up yet. I think if I ask if we can have sex she won't trust me or some shit and break up with me on the spot.
"Hm, just tell me about your day," I say and then look down wishing my stupid frustration would just go away already.
She puts her hand on my cheek and I look back at her.
"I just want you to feel better," she says in a sad tone.
She brushes her fingertips through my hair now and it sends a small tickle down my neck. She kisses my jaw gently.
I'm used to her kissing me, she does still kiss me when I come over. But I wish she would stop because it's tough enough lying in her bed every night this week and getting nothing more than a few kisses. If she keeps touching me and telling me how much she wants to make me feel better, I'll be dealing with a much worse kind of frustration.
I gently run my hand down her arm and try to subtly push her off me.
"Why don't we just watch a movie," I try.
"Ok if that's what you want," she says, but she doesn't get up to put one on. She leans in to kiss me on the lips. I kiss her back. She lets go and keeps looking at me. She leans in again and kisses me once more. She starts to linger a bit. She lets go. I smile at her. She surprises me when she leans in again and then again after that. I can't help, but think… no Matt, if I let myself think for even a moment this might mean sex I'll never get through it. I won't be able to control myself.
This will not lead to sex, I keep telling myself as she continues to kiss me. She keeps kissing me until I feel her fully leaning into me with her body and before I know it she's slowly climbing over me and now she's sitting on my lap. She's sitting on my lap.
My breath stops short. She looks down at me. I still don't want to say it, I don't want to ask. She kisses me again. I let my hands find her waist and without meaning to, my fingers dig into her skin, I miss her skin, I miss her. This is killing me; you can't kiss me and then put your entire body weight on my dick. Like what man could brush this off? She keeps kissing me until there's absolutely no doubt that she can feel my raging boner pressing up against her.
She stops and then leans down by my ear.
"I miss sex too," she suddenly whispers in my ear.
I stop myself before saying a hundred and one wrong and angry things. I think it over, actually think before saying something. There's a first for everything.
"I miss you," I whisper back.
She smiles a shy smile at me, she looks a bit surprised.
"I'm right here."
"I miss all of you," I tell her. "I miss making you feel better."
She bites her lip at this and I feel like it's the old Lindsay again.
She leans down and kisses me again.
God, I need this already.
Come on already.
She lets my lips go.
"I think we should both feel better already," she says.
Finally!
"Really?" I ask.
She nods at me. I wait another second, determining if this is a test or something. I don't care, if she stops me she stops me.
I flip her over and she laughs out loud. I roll over her and attack her lips again. I start pulling off both of our clothes. I don't stop until I can see every inch of her skin again, until finally…finally I get some relief.
We did it, we had sex. God, sex is amazing. I love sex, I really do. I really missed sex.
I'm finally so peaceful and everything is going so well now. Lindsay and I are back to having sex and I haven't chucked a coffee cup at anyone at work since.
I really held out for Lindsay, but it actually felt worth it. I realized I do like having Lindsay, I do like having someone who cares about just being with me, who actually cares how my day goes. It's a strange phenomenon, but I like it.
I'm at work, as chipper as one can be, when you're on the Pucks! set.
Sean walks in.
"Hey, how was your weekend?" he asks.
"Good, hey what do you get Bev for like birthdays?" I ask.
"Uh, my weekend was good too, thank you."
I look at him and he smirks.
"Oh that's good. No, really though, Lindsay's birthday is coming up and I need to get her something really good."
"Oh, well how old is she turning?"
I think about it.
"I don't know… let me google her."
"You're googling your girlfriend?"
"Yeah— shit it's not online," I say, throwing my phone to the side.
"Mm, bummer?" Sean tries.
"Well, what were you gonna suggest?"
"Well, I don't know, I guess jewelry is always nice?"
"Nah, jewelry is so typical. Lindsay is not like other girls, she cares about being romantic and listening to each other and stuff. She will definitely want something sentimental and shit, it's such a pain really," I sigh and lean back against the couch.
"Oh right, that ol' sentimental rule, actually caring about someone can be a real bother." Sean joins in.
"Right?" I agree readily.
He gives me a look.
"What?"
He shakes his head.
"Well, what do you know about her?"
"She works in TV, has a show on the air, she may be slightly insane, and she loves romance."
"So, maybe set up a romantic evening?"
"That's it?"
"Well, you can make it grand," he argues.
I nod and think it over. I've never tried this hard for anyone.
