Disclaimer: JE owns the characters. Dave Gahan owns the song.
A/N: Continuation of Useless.
She's left me? I thought as I re-read the letter that was sitting on the counter. This can't be right. She said she'd never leave. She promised me. What did I do wrong? Read the letter for the third time, a voice in my head said. It's all right there.
I scattered pictures on the bedroom floor.
I should have told you many times before.
I should have listened when you were mine.
It could be too late, I've already crossed that line.
Oh God, I thought after I read the letter a third time more closely. How could I have done this to her? She was everything to me, and I had let her down. I had broken my promise to her to let her in. I hadn't even realized that I had shut her back out again. I knew that we had fallen into a rut. But, I thought that we'd get out of it. I kept on meaning to take her on a vacation. Just the two of us. Work just kept on getting in the way.
My angel.
I'm such a total ass. Why didn't I stop this before it got out of control?
When you were whispering in my ear.
You have nothing to fear.
My greatest fear had been losing her and I was. I had caused her to leave me without me even noticing it. Well this just isn't acceptable, I thought as I grabbed my jacket off of the back of one of the kitchen chairs. She's mine, and I'm going to get this fixed. Whether she wants to, or not. I'm not ready to let her go. She's the blood that pumps through my veins, the air in my lungs. I will not let her walk out on us without a fight. I called the control room and got her location as I rode down in the elevator.
Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)
You gave it all.
Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)
We had it all.
Wait! a voice shouted in my head. She's going to want to know how you plan on fixing this. You can't run in there without a plan. Fuck! I'll do whatever she tells me to do, I said to the voice. She's the only thing that really matters to me. I'll give up everything for her. I'll quit my job. She never asked you to do that, the voice whispered. She just wanted you to love her.
You've always been here by my side.
I even felt you when the earth began to slide.
I pulled up in front of her parents house and shut off my car. I could see her head leaning back on the head rest of her CRV. Her mother and grandmother were both standing on the porch, doing great imitations of spectators at a tennis match. I kept my eyes glued to her vehicle as I climbed out of mine. I could see her face in the side rear veiw mirror as I walked towards her door. She looked so damn miserable. I felt a knife slide into my heart as I saw tears slowly falling down her cheek when I got closer. Her pain was all my fault, and I wanted nothing more then to make it up to her. If she'd let me.
My angel. My angel.
I stopped at her door and bent over to rest my arms on the open window ledge. She wouldn't even look over at me. She just kept looking straight ahead as more tears started flowing down her smooth face. I reached out slowly and used the back of my fingers to gently wipe them away.
"I want you to come back home," I whispered.
"I can't," she whispered back.
"Why not?" I asked as I felt the knife in my heart twist.
Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)
You gave it all.
Insoluble. (You have nothing to fear.)
We had it all.
"You gave up on us," she whispered as she slowly turned her head and looked at me. "You shut me out. I can't go through that again."
