Kurt and Finn were making their way towards the school building Friday morning. He'd feigned sick for the past two days seeing as he had run out of codeine and the side effects weren't very pretty. Kurt was practically glued to the spot on the floor in front of his toilet, retching until he passed out from sheer exhaustion. He felt better that morning, so he decided to finish off the joint he had and then get to school.
Finn was blatantly watching him as if he thought Kurt would crumble if the breeze were to pick up. Honestly, that is how he felt. His bones protested with each step he took and he could feel the pull and tug of his skin. Kurt was sure he must look awful… But maybe then Karofsky wouldn't want him if he did. He supposed there was an upside to the fact that he could hardly keep anything down anymore. A conspicuous cough drew his attention over to Brett, who was leaning against the side of the building, leisurely swinging his foot back and forth. His brother shot him a look that clearly said that he wasn't going to leave Kurt, so he sighed and followed the taller teen into the school. Finn went the extra step to stay loyally by his side until he was ushered into his class. Kurt stayed at the door for a moment, waiting until Finn turned the corner before bolting out of the room and outside. By the time he'd gotten to where Brett was still standing, he was doubled over and panting for breath.
"Thought you wouldn't be able to get out here, brah." Brett knocked Kurt's shoulder lightly, but the movement caused Kurt to fall to the ground, "Whoa, dude."
Kurt wiped at the sweat accumulating on his brow, "I'm good."
Brett grabbed Kurt's wrist, pulling him around to the side of the school before giving him another bottle that was identical to his last one, "Same price." He said, glancing around.
Kurt fished around in his wallet until he came up with the right amount and then some, "I'm out of weed."
Nodding, the redhead reached into his bag and pulled out a bundle of ashy green bud in a baggie. Kurt handed him the money and took the drugs. He watched as Brett counted out the cash before nodding and leaving. In his desperation, Kurt popped the cap of the bottle and tapped out three pills before knocking them back. He fell back against the brick, sliding to the concrete below. Rationally, Kurt knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew that the path he was going down… There wasn't a pretty end to it. The one thing that he did know was that he didn't really care anymore. Each time he popped the cap of the bottle, he knew that its contents had the power to end it all. That was always taboo to him, the idea of suicide. As much as he thought about it, he couldn't see himself going through with the deed… That was until his father landed in the hospital. Kurt shook his head. He wouldn't think about that until the day came where it was inevitable. Until that day, his father was still alive.
He'd lost track of time, staring at the clouds morphing together and then pulling apart, drifting away on their own. The phone in his pocket buzzed and it took a minute before Kurt was able to get it.
From: Blaine
To: Kurt
Kuuuuurrtttttt! Where are you? I'm doing my song next :(
He blinked, reading the message once more. Had he missed the whole school day? Kurt scrambled to his feet, snatching his bag and running through the empty halls to the choir room. He skidded to a halt and waited for Finn to finish the last few lines from It's My Life before he snuck in, clapping with the rest of the group. His brother didn't seem to notice Kurt's entrance, but Blaine surely did. His eyes searching him with concern though his mouth remained smiling. Kurt wasn't sure how he did it, but it was as if Blaine was staring right into his soul. The dark haired boy moved his satchel from the seat beside him, gesturing to it. Kurt blushed at the thought of Blaine saving him a seat so they could sit next to each other.
Mr. Schue clapped, walking to the center, "Very good Finn. Blaine's up next, then I guess you can go after, Kurt." He grinned, clapping his hands together once before moving back to his stool. Blaine smiled, squeezing Kurt's knee in a friendly gesture before going up to the band. The taste of blood filled Kurt's mouth as he realized he'd been gnawing on his lower lip ever since he'd walked in the room. "Whenever you're ready."
Blaine took in a deep breath as he waited for the music to start. Guitar started up, bringing in an acoustic version of Firework. Kurt had to remind himself several times to keep his mouth closed as Blaine's sensual voice filtered into the room, his tone filled with a certain underlying pain. The others in the room were swaying along, smiling… But Kurt saw past it all. In the florescent lighting, he noticed how his amber eyes had taken on more of a hazel color, the way his triangular eyebrows dipped, casting his eyes in shadow. Though he tried to hide it, Kurt caught the slight quiver of his lower lip and the way his voice trembled at certain parts of the song. His performance was so raw, it brought tears to his eyes. Blaine was truly one of a kind. Once the song drifted out, Blaine let his head fall. The room erupted into applause, causing Blaine to be brought out of his moment to grin at the group. Once his eyes fell on Kurt, there was some sort of… connection? Kurt wasn't even sure what happened. The moment broke once Santana cleared her throat muttering, "Wanky." It was then that both boys realized they'd been staring at each other for long enough for the applause to cease. Blushing, Blaine went and sat down. The connection between them was almost palpable in the close space between them.
"Kurt?" Mr. Schuester spoke up, "Why don't you go up?" He offered. Kurt nodded, feeling a pull towards the other boy as he made his way over to the band. They nodded, and Kurt made his way back to the middle of the room. Blaine was watching him with an intensity that put Kurt's nerves on edge. He was clearly going to read into Kurt's performance as much as he'd done to Blaine's. Before he could think anymore on Blaine, the first notes of the song entered the air in an eerie guitar solo and then it was Kurt's cue.
Haven't you seen me sleep walking?
'Cause I've been holding your hand
Haven't you noticed me drifting?
Oh, let me tell you, I am
Tell me it's nothing
Try to convince me
That I'm not drowning
Oh let me tell you, I am
Please, please tell me you know
I've got to let you go
I can't help falling
Out of love with you
Though he hated what he was becoming, he also didn't like who he was. He felt like he was losing his old self, drifting away. His old life didn't mean much to him anymore. It was like he was falling out of love with his old self.
Why am I feeling so guilty?
Why am I holding my breath?
Worry 'bout everyone but me
I just keep losing myself
As much as he told himself he didn't care, he felt guilty for going down the path he chose. Each day, he was losing a piece of himself, and to be honest, it hurt more than anything. He just kept falling…
Tell me it's nothing
Try to convince me
That I'm not drowning
Oh let me tell you, I am
Please, please tell me you know
I've got to let you go
I can't help falling
Out of love with you
He had to let go of his old self. He had to forget about his old dreams and goals, because he knew he'd never be able to achieve them anymore… He was far too gone to believe in anything anymore.
Won't you read my mind?
Don't you let me lie here
And die here
Please, please tell me you know
I've got to let you go
I can't help falling
Out of love with you
Haven't you noticed?
I'm sleepwalking
Kurt let his voice drift to a close. Instead of clapping, there was complete silence. He hadn't realized tears had started streaming down his face. Kurt damned himself for being so weak and breaking down like that in front of the entire glee club. He didn't want them to worry about him. It was too little to late for their help. Kurt quickly made his way back to his seat, shrinking back into it. Unconsciously, Kurt began digging his nail into the scarred skin of his wrist. A warm hand closed around his own. Kurt glanced over to see Blaine staring straight ahead as Brittany stood up and began her song. He gave a reassuring squeeze before pulling Kurt's hand into his lap, holding it there to keep Kurt from picking at his skin.
"Alright everyone. Great job." Mr. Schue grinned, "Everyone have a great weekend." He dismissed the class.
Blaine let his grip on Kurt's hand slack, leaving Kurt the decision of pulling away. With a surge of boldness, Kurt intertwined their fingers and stood, pulling Blaine with him. Kurt cleared his throat as they walked through the halls to the parking lot, "So, when is the party at?" He questioned, sending a side glance towards Blaine.
"People are going to start showing up around eight." Blaine responded, slightly swinging their arms back and forth between them.
"I could let Finn drive my car home," Kurt started, "And then if you want, we could go to your house and change for the party. Then you won't have to come pick me up."
"How are you-?"
"I brought my outfit just in case." Kurt didn't want to seem like a creeper, but he'd packed his outfit so that maybe he could convince Blaine to let them hang out at his house. He hated being home without his father and Blaine's company made him feel more… alive.
Blaine beamed up at him, "Awesome. It'll be a lot less boring than just hanging out at home by myself." He nudged Kurt's shoulder playfully.
Kurt and Blaine walked in silence the rest of the way through the parking lot until they got to Kurt's car where Finn was waiting impatiently, tossing small rocks across the near vacant lot, "Finn?"
His brother glanced up before standing to full height, "Dude, what took you-" He furrowed his brow slightly, taking in Kurt and Blaine's linked hands. Embarrassment flushed over him, causing him to drop Blaine's hand. He missed the slight hurt that crossed Blaine's features at the action.
"Uh, can you drive my car home? I'm going to Blaine's house and then he's driving me to the party tonight."
Finn raised an eyebrow, but nodded nonetheless, "Sure, man."
Kurt tossed the keys to his brother and started to turn before whipping back around and pointing one pale finger at Finn, "One scratch on my baby, and I shall end you." He heard Blaine chuckle next to him, thinking Kurt was joking, but the evident fear in Finn's eyes made it known that Kurt Hummel did not joke when it came to his car.
"Got it." Finn unlocked the car and got in.
The two boys went off in the direction of Blaine's car. The second both were seated, Kurt reattached their hands. It didn't take long before they were walking into Blaine's house, still hand in hand. Blaine led him up to his room, letting out a yawn that had Kurt following suit, "I'm beat." He murmured, flopping back onto his bed and stretching like a cat.
Kurt nodded in agreement, "I'm afraid I'll fall asleep at the party tonight." He groaned, perching himself on the edge of the bed. Feeling his jacket moving, Kurt turned to see Blaine was gazing at him, fiddling with the hem of Kurt's coat in a seemingly thoughtless manner, "Blaine?" Kurt's voice was low, close to a whisper but not quite. The tension between them was so thick, the only way to break it was… Kurt watched as Blaine sat up and crawled over to Kurt so that their faces were mere centimeters apart. Kurt let his eyes drop to Blaine's full, parted lips before reflexively licking his lips, "What is this?" Kurt asked, not knowing why there was such a connection between the two.
Blaine shook his head minutely, "I don't know." He breathed, the scent of coffee and mint swirling between their shared breathing space, "I don't care." He said before closing the gap between their lips. Kurt gasped at the feeling of Blaine's lips on his own. It took him a moment to separate himself from the awful experience of Karofsky and focus on the slow, languid movements from the boy in front of him. His senses were elevated, giving him a feeling like he was high. Each touch sent a shiver down his spine as Blaine let his finger twine in his hair and rub along his hip. Kurt let his hand rest just below Blaine's ear, the other pushing their bodies closer. Blaine's tongue swiped along Kurt's lower lip, urging him to open his mouth. Sudden nervousness set in the pit of his stomach. What if Blaine thought Kurt was a horrible kisser? Blaine dragged his fingers down Kurt's sides, causing him to suck in a breath, giving him the access he needed to slip his tongue into Kurt's mouth. He was lost in the feeling of their tongues working together, deepening the kiss. Eventually, the necessity of air became too much and both boys parted. Blaine kept his forehead pressed against Kurt's as they panted slightly. Suddenly, Blaine pulled away, causing Kurt to fall forward a bit. "Sorry." Kurt looked up to see Blaine sucking in his kiss swollen lips, "That-that was out of line… I should have asked-"
"Blaine," Kurt cut him off, watching as the other boy pulled the pillow into his lap and hugged it, as if he'd done something wrong, "Don't say you're sorry." Kurt felt his insecurities coming up, "I-I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to kiss me again. I was probably awful, in which case I'm sorry. But believe me, it's not something I didn't want." He blushed at his words.
Blaine put a hand under Kurt's chin, lifting it so their eyes met, "Kurt, you weren't awful… Actually, you were amazing." Kurt could hear the truth in his words, causing a giddy feeling to overcome him, "Why don't we take a nap before we go to the party so we won't pass out?" He asked as he laid back, patting the space next to him in invitation. It was an invite Kurt would be a fool to refuse, so he nodded gently and fit himself next to Blaine. Kurt watched as Blaine set the alarm to wake them up before he dropped his head, nuzzling it in Kurt's hair, "I could get used to this." He murmured as his breathing became evened out and sleep overtook him.
Kurt smiled the largest smile ever, "I think I could too."
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Blaine couldn't keep his eyes off of Kurt when he walked out of the bathroom after changing. He was a vision in the tightest pair of burgundy jeans he'd ever had the pleasure of seeing, paired with a form fitting black Henley shirt and a distressed, white vest, "Kurt, you look…" He was at a loss for words.
Kurt looked at Blaine appreciatively, a warm blush coloring his porcelain cheeks, "You look great."
Blaine smiled, "You look better than great." Kurt ducked his head, "Let's go." He held out a hand for Kurt before they headed to the party. Blaine had a feeling it was going to be a spectacular night. He could only imagine the jealous looks on his friend's faces when he walked in with the most stunning boy in the world.
Since it was later, the ride didn't take too long. The house was easily spotted along the quiet street. While most of the other houses on the block were dark, Jeff's house was flashing brightly. Music could clearly be heard booming from at least a few blocks away. Blaine had to wonder who Jeff's father had to pay off to keep the neighbors from filing a noise complaint. Parking along the curb, both boys got out of the car and walked into the large house. Blaine opened the door and had to step back when the noise level rose significantly. He wove his fingers tightly in Kurt's hand and dragged him through the crowds over to where all the food and drinks were, "Want something?" He spoke loudly into Kurt's ear, letting his hand rub lightly along Kurt's lower back. Blaine wasn't sure what the whole make out session made them, but he figured it made them more than friends.
"What do you usually drink?" Blaine shivered as he felt Kurt's lips brush against his ear.
Blaine held up a finger and started to pour a drink before holding it up to Kurt. He raised an eyebrow, "It's vodka cranberry." He said, answering Kurt's unasked question. Kurt raised the cup to his lips, taking a hesitant sip. Moving boldly, Blaine pressed up into Kurt's space, letting his finger hold onto the belt loop of Kurt's sinful jeans, "How's it taste?" He breathed huskily into Kurt's neck. Blaine could feel Kurt shudder beneath his touch, so he knew he was hitting the right note. He wanted Kurt, and he knew Kurt liked him… It was just a matter of making it official. Blaine decided by the end of the night, he'd ask Kurt to be his boyfriend.
Kurt smiled a real smile before taking another gulp, "It tastes delicious."
Blaine was about to make a move on those plump lips when a hand patted him on the back, "Hey, Blaine!" Blaine turned around to see Wes with a jumpy Jeff behind him, "We've missed you, man."
"Hey Wes! Jeff." Blaine grinned before turning and grabbing Kurt's hand, "This is Kurt."
Kurt sent the two boys a shy smile, "Hi." His voice barely made it over the music.
"Oh, Blainers! Is this the guy you were talking about?" Blaine's eyes went wide as he covered Jeff's mouth with his hand.
"Guessing it is." Wes spoke, going to shake Kurt's hand, "Nice to meet you, Kurt. We'll just leave you two alone." Wes went and pulled Jeff away.
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly, "Sorry about them." He said as he turned around just in time to see Kurt stuffing something back into his pocket and take a quick drink, "What was that?"
Kurt turned to look at him with a despondent expression, which he quickly tried to hide behind a mask of feigned happiness, "N-nothing." He shrugged before pouring more alcohol into his cup.
Blaine reached over and grabbed a water bottle, taking a swig. Both boys fell into an awkward silence as they watched the crowds dance and jump around to the beat. Scream and Shout came on the music shuffle and Blaine's mouth turned up into a sly smile. Kurt was moving to pour another cup, so Blaine took the opportunity to take his arm and pull him into the crowd. Kurt was giggling as he was led through the many moving bodies until Blaine pulled him up close to his body. Blaine started moving his body along with the beat, watching as Kurt's unfocused eyes suddenly landed on him. Kurt started swiveling his hips to the music and Blaine had to literally wipe the drool from his mouth. Unfortunately, Kurt tended to press his thigh right against Blaine's member, causing him to get hard from the stimulation and from the fact that Kurt looked like sex on a stick. Clearly the alcohol had given the boy an exceptional amount of confidence as Kurt drunkenly pressed a kiss onto Blaine's lips, "You're perfect, Blainers. You-you're like the Harry to my S-sally!" He explained excitedly. Blaine furrowed his brow. Kurt had only had two drinks, so he couldn't be that drunk, could he? "Shoot." Kurt stopped dancing, "Bathroom." He announced. Blaine pointed upstairs and Kurt ran off quickly, stumbling up the steps. Blaine watched him go before he was sucked into a conversation with his Warbler friends.
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Embarrassed, Kurt made his way up the stairs and into the bathroom to take care of his problem. He'd only had two drinks, but he was having a hard time keeping himself upright. Kurt knew better than to take more codeine, but his nerves got the better of him and he'd popped three while Blaine wasn't looking… Now he was paying the consequences.
He stumbled into the bathroom only to be caught by two strong arms, "Whoa there," Kurt looked up to see who was talking to him, but everything was far too blurry, "You okay?"
Kurt shut his eyes to try and fight off the wave of dizziness that took over him, "No, not-" Kurt didn't know what he was trying to say.
"Someone as sexy as yourself should learn how to hold their liquor." The tall boys said. Kurt fixed him with a bitch glare, which caused him to laugh, "Just saying. Makes you look sloppy." Why was this meerkat being so mean to him? "But you're hot as hell, so I guess I can let that fact slide."
"And who're you?"
The meerkat smirked and his green eyes darkened as he moved into Kurt's personal space, "The name's Sebastian. Better remember it 'cause I want to hear you moaning it soon. What's your name?"
Kurt groaned at the way his head was pounding, "Kurt." He literally couldn't think. His mind was so muddled, it took him a good minute to register the wet lips devouring his own, the too hot hands snaking under his shirt to touch his back. Kurt reached up to pull Sebastian off of him, but the other boy thought Kurt was just roughly pulling at his hair. A gasp was heard just outside the bathroom door. Sebastian let go of him finally. Kurt looked to see Blaine standing in the open door, pain tugging at his features as his eyes started to well up. Kurt knew he needed to say something, but he couldn't get him mouth to form any words. Blaine turned and left abruptly, leaving Kurt and a laughing Sebastian in the bathroom.
"I knew he'd be jealous." Sebastian said proudly before turning to Kurt, "Sorry, babe. You've got a bad case of gay face. I was just trying to get Blaine jealous by seeing me with another guy, and it worked!" He patted Kurt's shoulder, "Don't cry. I'm sure you'll grow out of your face some day. Remember, there's always plastic surgery." With that, he left.
Kurt's legs suddenly couldn't support his weight anymore, causing him to fall against the wall and slump to the floor. Blaine must hate him now… Kurt didn't even know why Blaine had liked him in the first place. Sebastian was right… The few tears turned into a full on bawling session. He heard someone come into the room with him, but he didn't open his eyes. He just continued crying, even when he felt someone trying to get him to stand. "Come on, Kurt. We're gonna go home, okay?" His brother's voice was laden with worry, "He told me you were up here." Kurt apparently was blubbering Blaine's name over and over again. Kurt had to make it right again. He wasn't sure if Blaine would believe him or not, but he had to fix this. Blaine was starting to make him feel better… He couldn't imagine not having Blaine in his life because of a stupid mistake. Kurt didn't want to kiss Sebastian… But ultimately, it was Kurt's fault. He shouldn't have taken those pills with alcohol.
Finn set Kurt in the backseat of what looked to be Puck's car. His assumption was confirmed when Puck came and sat in the passenger seat. Kurt ignored their talking as he curled in on himself. Blaine deserved better than Kurt anyway. Maybe it was for the best that nothing more happened between them. Kurt was a ticking time bomb, set to self-destruct… He'd just be taking Blaine down with him, and that just wasn't fair. With that thought, he'd set his decision. He wouldn't take Blaine or anyone down with him. He had to distance himself from everyone so that they wouldn't get hurt because of him… Kurt couldn't handle it if they did. The first few houses of his neighborhood came into view before everything went black.
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What did you all think? Let me know. :) Spring Break for me is this coming week, so I'll hopefully be able to get out more updates!
Songs Used:
It's My Life – Bon Jovi
Firework – Jake Bruene, Kurt Schneider
Falling – The Civil Wars
Scream & Shout – will. , Britney Spears
Also, I forgot to put the name of the song I used in the last chapter:
Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - Clayhill
