A/N: Grab a coffee, make yourself comfortable, because this is the longest chapter so far.
The core of the chapter is pretty much the same, but I did A LOT of rewriting. I deleted huge chunks of the story and started over, especially the first part. But, for those of you who have already read this before, the point remains pretty much the same.
I kind of wish I could work on this part more, but I'll honestly lose my mind if I have to read this chapter again.
As always, I apologize for any mistakes you might find. English is not my first language and the story has not been beta'ed.
Thank you very much to everyone who's been reading this. :) Your comments and messages are very much appreciated and at this point the support is pretty much what keeps me going here. I'm always eager to know your thoughts, so drop me a note! :)
You loved me and I froze in time
Hungry for that flesh of mine
But I can't compete with the she wolf who has brought me to my knees
What do you see in those yellow eyes?
After long hours of quiet and furious contemplation about the scene at the motel, Caroline comes to two conclusions.
The first is that everything she said to Klaus was absolutely true and she stands by it all. She wasn't being mean, she was being honest. Klaus has done a lot of bad things to a lot of good people; if it hurts his feelings to have the truth rubbed in his face, then maybe he should think twice before raising hell everywhere he goes.
The second is that, honest though she might have been, she said all those things for all the wrong reasons.
It's not that Klaus doesn't deserve it. It's just that he didn't deserve it at that moment in particular. Especially because the reason why she reacted with such overbearing passive-aggressiveness at the revelation he slept with Hayley was because she was jealous.
Jealous. Of Klaus.
Now, that is a plot twist.
It's possible she wasn't jealous of him per se, not exactly. Maybe it's the situation as a whole what gets her riled up. Hayley is personally responsible for a lot of shit. She may have helped Tyler break the sire bond, but she's also the one who convinced him he should lead an uprising against Klaus. Simply freeing the other hybrids wouldn't be enough; they had to take Klaus down. She orchestrated all that just so she could get Klaus furious out of his mind when she snitched on them.
Caroline is still not sure what exactly she got out of her side deal with Professor Creepy, but whatever it was, it wasn't worth the lives of 12 people, even if they were hybrids.
Well, thirteen. Carol Lockwood also counts. And she only died because Klaus couldn't find Tyler fast enough.
And to think that after all that, Klaus would still screw that backstabbing she-wolf...
Caroline got freaking impaled and bitten for a lot less.
At the end of the day, the big bad wolf is just another dude who can't keep it in his pants when a pretty girl with ulterior motives starts batting her eyelashes at him. It's pathetic. You'd think that a guy his age would be smarter about people who are clearly manipulating him. But no. A thousand years of age and Klaus fell for the exact same siren song Tyler did.
Men.
Just trying to imagine how it must've happened gets Caroline's blood boiling all over again. How Hayley must've run to Klaus after snapping her neck and told him a sad story about the hybrids plotting to take him down. Did she mention the part where she misled them the whole time, making them believe that their plan was even possible? Or how she made Tyler turn on his own girlfriend when she tried to alert him of all the thousand ways that stupid idea could go wrong?
Caroline bets she didn't.
Rationally, Caroline knows her righteous indignation doesn't entirely check out. Officially, she hates Klaus. They went on one not-date because she had no choice and, as far as everyone knows, it was painful - no one heard the version where he turned out to be the least awful part of her day. She accepted to go to his mother's ball because a, she was the reigning Miss Mystic Falls, so it was kind of her job; b, she's a sucker for fancy parties, sue her; and c, Elena was about to get ambushed by the Original family and she was the only one, aside from Damon and Stefan, who got an invitation. She only wore the dress he sent her because it was all very last minute and she didn't have anything appropriate in her closet - besides, she doesn't see why such a beautiful piece of clothing should go to waste just because Klaus fails at basic human decency. And the only reason she wore the bracelet he gave her on her birthday was because it happened to go well with the dress, not because she liked it. She didn't. Because she doesn't like Klaus. Or anything he does. Ever. That's it. That's all there is and all there ever was between them. He courted her, she said no, several times, end of story.
So why should Caroline care about Hayley? She's a conniving little rat. They deserve each other. It makes sense that Klaus would go for someone as devious as him. It shouldn't matter if they sleep together or not. That's not even the worst thing they've done together.
But logic doesn't seem to be reaching her good senses. For some mysterious reason, it does bother her. She's got anger and jealousy permeating every inch of her right now, and she hates it almost as much as she hates the thought of Klaus and that wolf bitch hooking up.
It's insane. Caroline is insane.
There's an endless list of reasons to snap at Klaus at her disposal. From murdering aunt Jenna; to forcing Stefan to turn off his emotions and go into ripper mode; to turning her boyfriend into a brainless minion and then forcing him to attack her; to biting her himself and leaving her agonizing for hours. If she dares to go back in time, she can even blame him for things he didn't do directly to her. Like terrorizing Katherine into becoming a vampire to escape certain death and, 500 years later, indirectly causing the death of a 17 year-old girl by asphyxiation - although Caroline's not entirely sure she regrets that part.
The point is - the list is infinite. It goes and on and on on. But Caroline had to go ballistic at the one thing that doesn't actually make sense.
God.
It's this place messing with her head, Caroline tells herself. The reverse-transition, going from vampire to human, is affecting her head and overwhelming her emotions in the worst possible way. Things aren't getting heightened, they're getting tangled and confusing. That's one plausible, rational explanation to her woes. Too bad none of it is reaching the seat of reason in the left side of her brain, currently fixated on how she wishes she could snap Hayley's skanky neck and it wouldn't even merit a single moment of introspection from her.
The hours that followed their heated interaction at the motel were made of uninterrupted frosty silences, punctuated by a few angry glares (from her) and lots of heavy rain. It hindered them considerably, even though Klaus was clearly not big on slowing down. He still hasn't faced the fact that he is mortal in this reality. Mother nature eventually forced him to accept defeat by making the rain get so bad the wiper blades became merely decorative.
But the sound of raging water falling was actually music to Caroline's ears. It allowed her to focus on something other than the evident animosity radiating off of Klaus. Like her own screaming thoughts.
Caroline's control-freak personality does not make room for things she cannot categorize and process in an orderly fashion. She doesn't like chaos, doesn't like things that cause her to second-guess herself or question her own deep-rooted beliefs. That's exactly what Klaus is doing to her. And if she is to be completely honest, it's not even the first time.
She's snapped at Klaus before for something surprisingly unwarranted, the day they went together into the woods to search for Bonnie, when she ended up killing the 12 witches. They had been all flirty just minutes before. If Stefan hadn't walked in on them, she honestly doesn't know what would've happened. They were having a moment. She could've chosen to go with Team Stefan when they split up the groups, but she went with Klaus - under the very good pretense of keeping an eye on him so he wouldn't end up being alone with Bonnie. But the second it was just the two of them in the woods, Caroline panicked.
She started whining and babbling non stop when she could've just shut up and focused on what they had to do. If she thinks hard enough, she can find any number of plausible excuses for her behavior; it's never hard to find a reason to be mad at Klaus. But the truth is his whole talk about the allure of darkness resonated with her and she couldn't shake this feeling that she might do something she'd definitely, definitely regret just to test a theory. That made her not only nervous, but incredibly frustrated with herself. Except instead of sulking inwardly she decided to project all of her discomfort onto Klaus, who had been acting rather professionally thus far.
Her unasked for input hurt him then, too, just as it did today. Only she guesses the particular choice of theme this time was like rubbing salt on some very old open wounds.
Klaus offers an infinite array of misbehaviors, wrongdoings, lies and betrayals to wield as a weapon of righteousness against him. But Caroline chose to mention his family. How desperate to leave him behind they are. How he can only keep them around when they're desiccating in boxes. It's his greatest weakness, maybe his only weakness. Caroline understands better than anyone how complicated families can be; hers was a pretty normal one until her father flipped and decided she was the worst thing to ever walk this earth. Now imagine that kind of resentment times a thousand. Maybe going for that wasn't her brightest moment.
She considered apologizing for two seconds before she realized that, in fact, she owes him no apologies. It's not like Klaus has ever said I'm sorry after any of his despicable acts of selfishness or violence. So maybe her rant wasn't justified in that moment. But it was definitely not unfair.
Hayley was just as responsible for his hybridgate as everyone else, and somehow she ended up as the only one with a pardon. A rant is the least Klaus deserved for that.
And none of it matters anyway. It's just her messed up mind playing tricks on her and it'll all be over as soon as they're back in Mystic Falls. Everything will be right with the world again and she'll go back to loathing him as much as ever; this whole bonkers experience will be no more than a very bad dream she'll never want to think about again.
It just needs to be over soon, before she ends up losing it for good.
She's almost dozing off when there's a hard bump and the car comes to a screeching halt. Caroline gasps loudly.
Instincts kicking in, she immediately starts scanning the area, her eyes electric as she searches for the source of the collision. Her very human senses are dreadful, but there's nothing that jumps the eye outside. The road is completely deserted, theirs is the only car as far as she can see.
She gives Klaus a once-over. He seems fine, if a little jumpy.
"What did we hit?" she asks.
Klaus releases his seatbelt and pushes the door open. "Stay in the car."
Naturally, Caroline doesn't listen.
Klaus crouchs down behind the car, next to a wet ball of fur. It's a dog, a huge one, lying on its side and whimpering very low.
She doesn't know how far they are from the closest town, but she can't even see a single farmhouse in the vicinity, so either this dog decided to go on an adventure or it was abandoned by some heartless jerk on the side of the road. Now it's agonizing, breathing hard, a pool a blood starting to form under its head. Round dark eyes are moving around in despair, confused, oblivious to the fact that it is dying.
"Oh God," Caroline murmurs. "Poor thing."
"I thought I told you to wait in the car," Klaus says, impatience biting at his tone. He reaches out and gently touches the animal's head. It winces a little, but seems to relax as Klaus begins to stroke it, pale fingers disappearing in the black coat.
"What are you gonna do to it?"
"Put it out of its misery." Klaus gives her a warning sideways glance and Caroline understands what he's about to do.
She scrunches her eyes shut and turns her face away. It happens quickly. There's a sound like a crack, followed by a loud, painful cry that lasts for a split-second, and then it's over. When she dares to look again, the animal has gone completely limp.
Klaus puts his arms under the dog's huge body and picks it up, depositing it under a tree beside the road. Caroline doesn't know if Klaus is secretly a dog person or if the proximity between dogs and wolves has made him feel guilty for killing it. It would be a first, considering she's yet to see Klaus feel bad about killing anything, and this includes some of his family members.
When he turns around, though, and their eyes meet, she thinks she finally gets where his remorse is coming from.
The dog was abandoned in the middle of nowhere, left for dead in unknown territory. Who knows how long it had been wandering around, lost, starving, just trying to survive. Not very unlike the two of them right now. But then it got hit and that was it. Gone. No rescue, no one to mourn it, no one to care.
It tugs at something deep inside of Caroline. She can relate too.
A kind of comprehension passes between them, and the words form at the tip of her tongue again. I'm sorry, she wants to say. I'm sorry I used your family to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry we're trapped in this place. I'm sorry we killed the dog. But there's no time.
Klaus' stare turns cold and he simply walks past her. "Get back in the car."
Caroline stays rooted to her spot, getting soaked under the rain, unable to look away from the deceased animal. She feels something building up inside of her, growing and rising, pressing against the back of her throat until she can't hold it in any longer.
"I didn't want you to die," she blurts out.
She half-expects Klaus to ignore her, get back in the car and maybe even drive away. But when she turns around, she finds him still there, under the rain, with a flat and speculative look in his eyes.
She takes it as a cue to go on.
"I tried to talk Tyler out of his stupid plan. Many times. I tried to make him understand how dangerous it was. But Hayley -" Caroline bites on her lower lip to keep from cursing. "She always told him the exact opposite. She was the one pushing him forward even when he felt like backing down, making him feel like he didn't have a choice. And he listened to her. They all did. They were wolves - hybrids - and she helped them break the sire bond, so they were all very grateful. They never cared about what a vampire had to say. Even Tyler was against me.
"What they wanted was their freedom, and they knew that breaking the sire bond wasn't going to be it. You would never forgive them, and never stop hunting them, especially since you can't sire new ones. So the only way to be truly free was to get rid of you."
"They weren't wrong," Klaus remarks matter-of-factly. "Just incredibly short-sighted to think they could take on me."
"They weren't stupid, they were desperate. And Hayley used that to manipulate them. She made them hopeful just to crush them afterwards."
A flicker passes across Klaus' face, something dark that she cannot read.
"I should've wanted you dead, too. You're the reason Tyler and I could never really be together. The moment you came into his life, everything fell apart. You kept him around as a pet even after he broke the sire bond, showing up at his house uninvited, keeping him surrounded by your lap dogs -"
"I was trying to protect my first hybrid," he seethes through grit teeth.
"He wasn't yours. None of them were. They were people, Klaus, not properties. That's the thing you never understood. They had lives and needs and things they wanted for themselves, but they could never have a life of their own because you wouldn't let them. And you were mad at Tyler for daring to prove that it was possible to break free. You wanted to show him he owed you his life. You're territorial. And vindictive. You couldn't just let him go unpunished, so you kept him tied up in other ways. And that ruined our relationship. It wasn't easy to begin with, but you made it impossible. And yet... I didn't want you to die."
Words tumble out of Caroline's mouth, her voice sort of scratched and tight, squeezing through emotion-tensed muscles.
"Not that I have to explain myself to you, because I don't, but I wasn't there to distract you that day. No one asked me to do that. All I was supposed to do was let Stefan know when you showed up so he could sneak into your house and grab the sword. That was it. I kept an eye on you because I wanted to. Because I thought maybe I could do something. Intervene, somehow. Make sure everyone walked out alive."
"If you're looking for absolution, I suggest you take your guilty confessions to a priest. I don't have time for this nonsense. Get back in the car."
The bitterness in Klaus' voice strikes her raw.
"I'm trying to apologize here," she says, firmly, giving him no option but to listen. Klaus bites back a growl, and before he can do anything else, Caroline adds, "I'm trying to explain something that I'm not even sure you deserve to hear, but for some reason I want to say it. I acted badly earlier, and it's kind of a raw spot for me, in case you haven't noticed. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ok? For what I said about your family. I didn't mean it."
"Oh, I beg to differ. I think you meant every word."
"You once said you appreciate my honesty, and that's what I'm doing here. I'm being honest."
"Your honesty is neither needed nor desired, so you can do us both a favor and keep it to yourself," he says, voice drenched in acid.
"Can you just stop being a sulky child for one second and listen?" Caroline is growing incredibly frustrated, letting his bullheadedness get to her. If they are to survive for who knows how long in this place, they need to find a way to work around their differences, which are many.
She closes her eyes for a brief moment, regaining her composure, before starting again. "Klaus, I don't know how much longer we'll have to stay in this place, but for as long as we're here, you're all I have. As far as we know, we might never get out. I could die before we find a way to escape. And if I am to die here, this is not how I wanna go. Saying things I don't mean to deflect from how I truly feel. This isn't me, not anymore. So whether you like it or not, here's honesty.
"I wanted to hurt you because of Hayley. I don't like her. She ruined a lot of lives for her own selfish reasons and she's the only one who didn't have to pay for it. She got a free pass out of Mystic Falls like she didn't orchestrate the deaths of 12 people she pretended to be friends with, destroyed Tyler's life, whom she claimed to like, and then toyed you around to get it all done. And instead of being mad at her and ripping her heart out like you would do to anyone else, you slept with her."
Caroline's tone escalated to a near shout. She doesn't want to get back to the whole Hayley argument. It does not look good for her, how absolutely enraged that girl makes her feel. Being jealous of Tyler is ok. Being angry about the mess she caused, sure. But jealous of Klaus? Nope. Just... Nope.
"But even though I hate her..." Caroline continues. "I was glad she did what I didn't have the courage to do. She saved your life. Even though she only did that because she needed you to kill those hybrids, I hope you realize that. I was relieved you weren't dead, or gone, or - whatever it is that they were gonna do to you. I knew I should be glad that someone had finally fought back against you and won, but I wasn't. I had to spend that whole day recounting in my head all the terrible things that you've done."
Klaus's jaw clenches, his gaze narrows. A vein bulges against his throat. Caroline thinks she might have sparked a whole new level of rage here.
"I'm sure it was no hardship at all. You always seem to have a list on the tip of your tongue."
"Yeah, I do have a list. Because in spite of everything, I still find myself constantly in need of reminding," she retorts, real heat in her voice now. "I try so hard to be a good person, Klaus. So hard. Which I'm sure you know it's not easy for someone who rejoices in preying on other people. Every time I kill someone, it's like a part of my soul dies with them. I'm a little less human, a little closer to the monster my father despised. And I'm afraid that one day, if I live long enough, there'll be nothing left. No humanity. No compassion. No feeling. That I'll become... You.
"And I don't want to be like that. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I don't care anymore. So I try to be sound, to not let my nature define who I am. And I'm actually good at it. I rock at being a vampire. But then when I'm near you..." Caroline stops, looks away from him, swallows around the lump in her throat. "My moral compass just... Explodes. I don't know right from wrong anymore."
Klaus' eyes flash with anger. "Well, I appreciate your input, love. I'll make sure to be on my very worst at all times just to avoid clouding your judgement in the future and to sooth your self-loathing for not finding me absolutely despicable. How about that?" Klaus' voice is low and grave, drenched in irony, as he continues, "You seem to have a lot of opinions on me, but what does all that say about you, Caroline?" He starts walking slowly towards her, cutting the distance between them. Caroline finds herself rooted to her spot, unable to look away from the wildness in his gaze. "You don't think I hear your pulse racing when I come close to you? That little sparkle of excitement in your eyes when you catch me looking at you and you know what I'm thinking? What does it mean, Caroline, if I'm so terrible, as you say, and yet you still find yourself drawn to my dark, evil ways?"
Caroline sticks her chin up defiantly, like her defiance at this point could change anything. "Nobody is attracted to your dark side, Klaus. You got it all wrong. It's what lies beneath it. What you try so hard to quench. There is good in you, but you are so afraid of it, you would rather everyone hate you, cower at the mention of your name. But fear, last time I checked, was still a human emotion."
"You seem to forget who you're talking to," he says, blue-grey eyes glinting dangerously. He's every bit the immortal hybrid, even if he doesn't have the deadly bite to go with it. "Just because I made a few concessions on your behalf, Caroline, it does not mean I'm human. There's nothing human about me. I let you have your way because you amuse me. But do not fool yourself into thinking that I would not revoke your privileges the second you become a nuisance."
"That's how things are with you, isn't it? You appreciate my honesty just to a point. As soon as it makes you uncomfortable you dismiss it with a threat."
"Oh, I do appreciate your honesty, love. And you were right before. I am a hateful man, with an empty hole carved out in my chest." Each word comes out mangled by hurt and anger, and it hits Caroline like a blow. He comes even closer to her, pinning her under his scorching gaze. "You mistake me for a Salvatore. I'm not a sad little broken thing. And what isn't broken cannot be fixed. Moreover, I don't want to be. I can play the villain part superbly because I like it." Klaus' lips twist into a smile that is almost a grimace, completely devoid of joy or amusement. It's a nasty, thorny thing.
She knows him enough to understand how Klaus' response mechanism works. His reaction to pain, be it physical or of other deeper, more complex variation, is to lash out. When he's hurt, he wants to hurt more. To prove himself above everything and everyone. It's exactly what he's doing right now. Stomping all over Caroline's fractured apology because he can't stand to feel vulnerable, found out, can't stand to hear that maybe, just maybe, he deserves some of the bad things that happen to him.
Caroline knows what he is doing. And it's working.
His words hurt, badly, but she manages to hide the sting with only a slight tightening of her voice.
"Is that all you want? The power. The fear. That empty, meaningless existence. Don't you ever get lonely, having to strip people of their free will to make them stay? To make them not turn on you? I can't believe that you never wonder what things would be like if you had more than all that bitterness and hatred in your life. A thousand years to live and that's it?"
"What I want," he starts, his voice ice-cold. "Is for you to stop wasting my time and get back in the car. If you don't, I will leave you behind and you can pour your sad little human heart out to that dead dog. It'll certainly care more than I do."
Klaus storms back to the car, slamming the door after him. Caroline looks around the still deserted road, suddenly very much aware of how utterly and agonizingly alone she is. The knowledge that none of it is real doesn't sooth her at all; the rain on her skin feels real, the smell of wet grass feels real, and so does the pain in her heart. Too real.
It's hard to tell what's worse: what he said or the realization that Klaus gets to her a lot more than she ever thought he could.
Caroline takes a shuddery breath, and sets her face to determination. She feels nauseated, weepy, but she isn't going to break down. She refuses to. Klaus might bite her, revoke her privileges, as he said, and kill her. But he will never have the satisfaction of breaking her.
She marches back to the car and climbs into the passenger seat. That was a moment of complete insanity on her part, thinking that there was any way she could ever reach out to him and connect with someone as warped as Klaus. He just did her a favor, reminding her of the royal, evil asshole he truly is.
Well, screw him. They don't have to be friends. They don't even have to talk to each other. They just have to get the hell out of this purgatory and back to the world where she doesn't depend on him for absolutely nothing, can just hate his guts and not give a single fuck about it.
Caroline's done. With this place, with being mortal, with Klaus. She's just done.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
She barely sets foot in New Orleans and already she has a sinking feeling about this.
All that sense of purpose she had a while back dissipated somewhere between this morning and the dead dog. She didn't think it was possible, but the second leg of their ride to the city was even worse than the first part.
Caroline feels so stupid now. What was she thinking, apologizing to Klaus? Explaining herself, admitting that she didn't want him dead. Hell, she even low-key agreed that she's attracted to something in him - not the darkness, like he claims; but the light.
What freaking light?
Klaus is just a bottomless well of misery and perversity. There's no goodness, no redemptive qualities, nothing worth saving. Caroline reached out to him in spite of everything, made herself vulnerable to his cruelty in ways she never had before and his response was to trample all over her good will.
Well, fuck him.
She will not make the same mistake twice. If she didn't absolutely think they had to stick together for the sake of getting out of this place, she wouldn't even have gone back to the car. They'll find Sheila, or they won't. They'll get the goddamn spell they need, or not. Either way, this is where their short-lived and disastrous partnership ends. If Sheila and New Orleans turn out to be a no-deal, they'll bid farewell and go each their own way. Maybe they'll see each other again on the other side. Maybe they won't. Caroline couldn't care less. Not anymore. It's just not worth it.
She is tired, angry out of her mind, and all she wants to do is find somewhere to have a long hot shower and a bed to lie in until all this shit goes away. Instead, all she has is some bad chips from their last stop at a gas station, road dust all over her clothes and a man she can barely tolerate but has to follow around anyway because she doesn't know anything in this goddamn city. There are not many ways her week could go any worse at this point.
When they finally park the car, she jumps out faster than a thunder, desperate to put some much needed distance between them. Hours of breathing the same loaded air with him in the car has dampened her mood beyond repair.
She doesn't even know where she's going, just starts walking, following the endless flow of tourists. For a moment, she is overwhelmed by the sounds and the colors of New Orleans, forgets that she's not there to admire the city, that it's not even real. When she turns around, she finds Klaus still by the car, leaning against the hood like he's suddenly lost his balance and is straining to stay up.
There's something very wrong with him, something he's not telling her, and Caroline doesn't know whether she should be more worried that he might drop dead any minute now or about what that means in the grand scheme of things for both of them. He is not well and not all the silly effort he's putting into denying it is enough to disguise it anymore. It's obviously getting worse.
When Klaus catches her eyes watching him, he immediately wipes off all the tension from his face, squares his shoulders and starts walking like nothing happened. Caroline rolls her eyes and decides not to press it; staying mad at him is more important than being concerned right now.
"Where are we going?" she asks when she falls in stride with him.
"Some place I know in the French Quarter," he says, simply, and Caroline doesn't ask him to elaborate. It's not like it makes any difference anyway. She doesn't have any better ideas; whatever he says, she'll just have to believe that he knows what he's doing.
Klaus stops when they reach an intersection, staring intently at a building on the opposite street corner. It looks old and wrecked and in desperate need of some renovation, but it was probably beautiful in some very distant past.
The old doors screech high when they cross it, barely hanging on its hinges, revealing a decrepit bar that makes justice to the outside. It's dark and moldy and everything inside seems to be at least 100 years old - and not in a valuable antique sort of way. The air is stuffy and warm, smelling of cigarettes and alcohol and something else Caroline frankly doesn't even want to know. This, she imagines, is the kind of place where dreams go to die.
The saloon is big and she can't really see much on the back, or how far exactly it goes. There aren't that many people, but the ones who are there look exactly like the sort of creepy you'd associate with a place like this. It makes her uncomfortable, feeling unsafe, and she shifts a little on her feet, itching to turn around and leave. Klaus, on the other hand, just looks... Wistful.
"Was this place here in your time?" she asks, more out of curiosity than anything else.
"Yes. But not always as a bar. Or... Not just a bar, anyway."
"What was it?"
Klaus smirks. "A house of ill repute."
Caroline wrinkles her nose. If there was any way for her to like the place less... "Gross," she mumbles, stomping off to the bar, claiming one of the empty stools for herself.
"On the contraire," Klaus continues, taking the spot beside her. "It was extravagant and luxurious. Only the cream of the crop of Louisiana's high society were invited here. Very exclusive. They were quite picky with the clientele."
"Talk it up all you want. Still a whorehouse, you're still disgusting." She taps her hand lightly on the counter to catch the attention of the bartender, who's cleaning glasses on the other end and paying them no mind. "Excuse me! Can I get something to drink, please? Something strong."
The man shoots her a less than friendly look, bothered to be removed from his task, and puts a glass in front of her. "Bourbon good enough for you?"
"Perfect," she says, knocking the whole glass down at once. The guy arches his eyebrows at her, slightly more interested now, and pours some more. "Brilliant. Thank you." Caroline repays him with her classic Miss Mystic smile, lifts her glass up in a toast and drinks again. She can feel Klaus' gaze burning on her.
"You're thirsty," he says, sounding less than amused, lifting his hands for the barman to pour him some bourbon as well.
"No," she counters. "I'm in a mood. Why are we here?"
He sighs. "This place used to be brimming with vampires."
"I thought you said cream of the crop."
"Vampires have ways of making themselves invited, don't they?"
"That explains why they'd allow you in, then."
Klaus looks at her as though he's ready to rebuff her with something just as acid, but decides against it in favor of a dismal smile. He knocks back the rest of his drink and gets up.
And that is when an unreasonable pulse of fear travels through Caroline.
Just ten minutes before she was convinced she'd be ditching Klaus sometime soon and could barely stand to walk beside him; now she's terrified that he's going to leave her here, in this awful bar, surrounded by weird-looking people who may or may not be vampires.
"Where are you going?" she demands, grabbing a hold of his forearm before he can get far.
He must see something in the way she's looking at him, or feel something in how unnecessarily tight her hold is, because his eyes soften and he is genuinely reassuring when he says, "I'm going to circulate and ask around, see if anyone knows where we can find what we're looking for."
"How do you know there aren't any vampires here?"
"No one's looked our way since we walked in. Two foreigners in a nasty bar like this? They'd be tossing coins to decide who'd take us first. Don't worry," he says, putting a hand on top of hers and gently peeling her away. "I'll be close and I won't take long."
Caroline bites back an objection as Klaus walks away. As much as she hates being alone, right now she'd hate it even more to make it pitifully obvious how afraid that he will just drop her here and move on. Maybe the dog has given him ideas.
It's so frustrating to feel so vulnerable, so helpless. Caroline is an overachiever, a go-getter. Sitting back and waiting is not her style. And the fact the person she is forced to depend on is Klaus just makes everything worse.
This week was supposed to be a major one. Tomorrow is prom night. She had an after party to plan, a dress to adjust, some friends to blackmail into showing up. Caroline had been planning her senior prom since basically freshman year. There are folders with references, pinterest moodboards and spreadsheets on her computer to prove it. It was meant to be great. Instead of being there, however, she's here exchanging hisses and growls with Klaus in this godforsaken place. Over half a week has gone by already and they're nowhere closer to finding their way out of this mess.
She asks for another shot and gets a judgmental eyebrow cocked at her from the barman. "You get paid to pour alcohol to very sad people all day, every day, so less judging and more filling my glass, ok, buddy?" she snarls.
The guy snorts. "Suit yourself, princess."
"And what has dared to make such a pretty thing so sad?"
Caroline curses her goddamn human senses as a man takes Klaus' place next to her without her even realizing he was approaching.
"Tell me the name of the son of a bitch and I'll kick his ass for you," the man says, waggling his eyebrows in a way he probably thinks is suggestive.
Caroline bites her tongue, considering the odds of Klaus being wrong about the bar's crowd, but nothing about him screams vampire, or any other brand of supernatural for that matter. Then again, as a human, there isn't really much she can infer just from staring very intently.
Right now, however, she'd say she's more short-tempered than she is afraid of getting bitten. This douchebag has not picked a good day to test her patience. So she just turns her attention back to the bar and calmly sips from her drink.
"I'm talking to you, sugar," he prods.
"I noticed. I'm ignoring you."
The man giggles. "Beautiful and feisty. I like that."
Caroline exhales wearily. "Look, I've had a very bad day. Why don't you do me a favor and leave me alone?"
"Not every day a tasty thing like yourself walks into this place, darling. What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't come give you a warm welcome? Let me buy you a drink."
"I already have a drink."
None too gently, the man sweeps Caroline's glass away from her and turns all the content on the floor.
"There. Now you don't." He winks, putting her empty glass back on the counter and lifting his hand to ask the barman to bring something else.
That's it. Caroline just about had it with assholes for an entire month.
"Listen here, pal," she starts, glowering at the guy like she's trying to set him on fire with her eyes. "I wouldn't have a drink with you if you were the last man on earth. Now take a freaking hint and leave me the hell alone before I decide to stamp your ugly face with the palm of my hand."
The man is taken aback by her sudden display of aggression, probably not expecting such a young woman to be this reactive. But his shock lasts for just a second. His expression morphs into one of sheer rage. He wraps his hand around her wrist, squeezing so hard she winces in pain. "Now, that is not a way for a lady to speak," he hisses. "I was being nice."
Any other day, Caroline would've probably played the silly little girl and apologized for her behavior, blamed it on the booze and having a bad day, batted her eyelashes at him and snuck out through the back door. But a couple of years of not having to deal with that kind of bullshit as a vampire and she's gotten way too used to putting annoying men back in their place. And pissed off Caroline does not bow down to abusive dickheads.
She balls her hand into a tight fist, ready to fly it into the man's nose, when she feels a hand pressing between her shoulders and someone standing very close behind her, but not in a menacing way. Not to her.
"I don't think you heard the lady, mate. You will remove your dirty paw from her right now if you want to keep it," Klaus speaks in an ice cold and sharp tone of voice that Caroline has come to associate with impending violence.
The man looks up at Klaus, assessing the situation, and, probably concluding that he can easily take on a guy who, on a good day, is far from being physically dominant and right now looks very sick, snorts loudly. He slacks his fingers around Caroline's arm, enough for her to shake him off with a violent jerk.
"This preppy loser?" the guy says, nodding towards Klaus. "Really, sugar? I think you can do better."
Klaus' hand smooths down to the small of her back, possessively.
"You have five seconds to disappear from sight before this preppy loser snaps all 27 bones in your hand."
"Nevermind the preppy loser," Caroline cuts in. "Touch me again and I will break your neck faster than you can cry for help."
"You heard the lady," Klaus says. Caroline doesn't need to look to know he's amused. "Now sod off."
The truth is the guy could probably take on both her and Klaus together, considering their less than favorable circumstances. But something about the way they speak, with absolute certainty that they could destroy the guy and a bloodthirsty glint in their eyes, must resonate, because the man visibly deflates. Whether it's Klaus' commanding authority, the simmering fury behind Caroline's words or a combination of both, she doesn't know. But they make quite the team.
The guy raises his palms out in the air in a gesture of surrender, gets up and takes flight. Coward.
Caroline growls in anger and starts rubbing her wrist. This will definitely bruise. "Asshole," she mumbles, almost wishing that he'd called their bluff just so she could have the pleasure of breaking his jaw. She may not have vampire strength, but her vampire temper remains intact.
"Are you ok?" Klaus asks, all solemn as he takes the vacated seat.
"I'm pissed off," she replies drily. "But I'm fine."
"I should crush all his fingers with a hammer just to teach him a lesson." Now there's an interesting idea. Too bad she's still mad at Klaus to join forces with him.
"I don't need you to defend my honor, Klaus. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, love. I was merely -"
"Did you find anything?" she cuts him off, not the least bit interested in whatever he has to say about wanting to keep her alive in the shared interest of getting the hell out of this place.
Klaus looks like he might have something else to add, but decides not to. He leans over the counter to take an entire bottle of bourbon. He pours some to himself and arches an inquiring eyebrow at Caroline. She gives him a stiffy nod, and he serves her as well.
"There is to be a festival tomorrow. Allegedly it's a part of an ancestral ritual of the French Quarter witches that's been dutifully incorporated to the town's tourist trap calendar. I recall something of the sort form back in my days."
"How do we know we'll even find any real witches there?"
"Witches are attached to their traditions, no matter what. They don't disrespect ancestry, especially not the ones in this town. "
"Did you ask about Bonnie's grandmother?"
"The name Sheila Bennett didn't ring any bells. If she's indeed here, she's keeping a low profile, which tends to be a good sign where real witches are concerned."
"Or a bad one and she's not here at all."
Klaus shrugs. "Or that."
Of course Silas wouldn't make things easy for them. How do you find a specific witch in a city the size of New Orleans, filled with hundreds of fake witches? Hoping to have everything sorted out within hours of arriving was really just very naive wishful thinking on her part. This is gonna take forever.
"At what time is that festival supposed to start?" she asks, resigning herself to the idea of tolerating Klaus for another day.
"Midnight."
Caroline stops, putting her glass down with a thud. "Midnight? Tomorrow?"
"Yes. Why?"
By midnight tomorrow she should be ridding her tired feet of her heels after dancing the shit out of her prom and getting appropriately drunk at the after party at the Lockwood mansion with all her friends to celebrate the fact that not only did she survive through becoming a vampire, facing countless murderous evil-doers and being tortured by her own father, but she also managed to escape Silas' trap with no more than a banged up ego and in time to attend the dance she spent months planning in-between saving the world and becoming collateral damage in other people's conspiracies.
Instead, she'll be stewing in her own misery and trying not to kill Klaus while they wait for some witch parade to start, crossing her fingers that it'll drag Sheila Bennett out of hiding.
Once more, no happy ending for Caroline Forbes. After everything she's been through in the last few years, she deserved to have this one night to forget all the supernatural shenanigans and just dance. To feel accomplished, proud of herself and of her journey, of who she's become in spite of everything and everyone trying to break her and make her undone - to just feel joy for a change. But that would be asking too much, wouldn't it? How silly of her, thinking that she'd finally be allowed a tiny bit of reward.
Caroline knocks back the rest of her drink. Suddenly she doesn't feel out of place at all in that wretched bar with its smell of broken dreams.
"What's the matter?" Klaus asks.
"Nothing of your concern."
"You're vexed, Caroline. I want to know why."
"You don't have to pretend to give a shit, Klaus. We're not friends."
Klaus sighs, fills his glass again like he's bracing himself for something. Apparently she's not the only one in desperate need of some liquid oblivion tonight.
"I believe an apology is in order," he says.
Caroline scoffs, bristling with indignation. "You have got to be kidding me. You're insane if you think I'm apologizing to you. Ever. I shouldn't have done it in the first place. There's absolutely nothing I could ever say to you that would be even remotely as awful as the things you've done to me and to the people I love. And yet I tried to be the bigger person, was idiot enough to care about your stupid feelings, and you all but spat on my face. You are never getting another apology from me. You didn't deserve it then, you deserve it even less now."
"I meant from me," he says, rather sheepishly, looking down at the glass in his hands. "I realize you were attempting to make amends, and I... Did not react in a suitable manner. I was rancorous. I don't handle criticism very well."
"Oh, you think that was not handling criticism well? I don't handle criticism well, Klaus. You are in a completely different, psychotic category."
"I don't often mind how my actions are perceived by others, Caroline. And there's but a handful who can make me care enough. The more I care, however, the harder it becomes to confront certain truths. That is when I tend to... Lash out. It's instinctive."
"Like biting people? Which I'm sure you would've done today, if you had your fangs."
"Well, I have a historically famous temper." Klaus smiles in a way that he probably thinks is charming, like being utterly incapable of holding himself back when he gets angry is an endearing little quirk, not a deep character flaw that more often than not leads to vampires being doomed to death by his toxic wolf teeth. He notices Caroline's dagger-filled glare, though, and becomes serious again. "But I can assure you that I would've immediately regretted my attitude. Just as I regret the way I behaved towards you this afternoon."
Caroline humphs. She was determined not to give a shit - not about Hayley, not about Klaus or his pathetic excuse for an apology. But the truth is she is angry still. Bitter and resentful and just goddamn furious, which means that, in spite of her better judgement, she still cares. And the fact she can't even get up and leave or tell him to go sit somewhere else, that they don't have to stay close while they wait for the parade, just makes her all the more upset. She's mad at Klaus and afraid of this place and worried that if something happens to him, it means she'll never get out of here.
This entire situation is combining to make her feel like a malfunctioning pressure cooker about to explode. Klaus is the very definition of chaotic and Caroline's afraid it's starting to rub off on her. She almost feels like getting a bucket, some bleach and a duster to start cleaning this filthy bar just to calm her nerves.
When she finally chances a glance at Klaus, she realizes he's visibly agonized. Exhausted. With a good measure of guilt there as well, if she allows for an unbiased assessment. Caroline almost wants to say he deserves it, that he's caused enough pain and disgruntlement in his life - and the past few hours - that he's earned every bit of torment and distress he gets, but finds herself feeling sympathetic again.
It's ridiculous, she knows, but, all of their obvious differences notwithstanding, Caroline can see her own feelings and worries reflected on him. On his posture and the way his shoulders are slumped and the dejected way he's looking at his drink like he's got no idea what to do with himself. He's a mess. Just like she is. Only Caroline has claimed the moral high ground back, and is entitled to her bout of scowling and waspish replies.
Already beating herself up for giving in, Caroline sucks the air in and lets the words flow. "Do you realize how hard that was for me? I apologized to you for being rude and snappish and overreacting. You, who probably invented the concept of blowing things out of proportion a thousand years ago."
Klaus smiles wanly. "As much as I'd love to take credit, that concept already existed before I was born."
"No," Caroline says, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You don't get to be flippant. I'm mad at you, Klaus. So if you want to apologize, then you're going to listen and you're going to take me seriously." He presses his lips tightly together and nods in acknowledgment, so Caroline ploughs on. "Do you have any idea how awful you were? Cause let me just make that clear for you: you were a complete and utter asshole. Did you even hear anything that I said? Or was your head to far up your ass you couldn't even listen?" Klaus arches his eyebrows at her use of foul language and Caroline grimaces. "Oh, bite me. I've had a long day."
"All right. Fair enough. I'm a bit of a tosser when I'm in a mood."
"A bit?"
"I have a fragile ego, love. Don't push it."
"If the best you can do is concede that you're a bit of a tosser, then this conversation ends here and we can go back to hating each other quietly."
Klaus knocks back the rest of his bourbon and immediately starts filling his glass again. "Yes, Caroline, to answer your question, I heard your every word." And then, after a small pause, he adds, "Including the part where you said you didn't want me to die. Did you really mean it?"
No, I wanted you to be buried in concrete at the bottom of the ocean so that Tyler could be finally free and I would never be forced to serve as bait and entertain your stupid flirtation ever again, is what Caroline wants to say. Part of her still wants to draw blood from Klaus. It's no less than he deserves. But even in amidst the grudge she's been harboring since this morning, Caroline can see the hypocrisy of talking about honesty and then lying just to twist the blade in a bit further.
"I betrayed Tyler," she says. "Yes, I played along with his plan, mostly because I couldn't call him out on it, considering he had very solid reasons to want you gone." A muscle in Klaus' jaw twitches, but he stays quiet. "But I knew that if I had a chance to botch Tyler's plan and walk away with it, I would've done it. It's what I was trying to do, when your wolf friend snapped my neck and left me to rot on a disgusting public bathroom floor," she says, unable to keep the bite out of her voice.
In the grand scheme of things, Tyler's floundered plan to get rid of Klaus and the subsequent deaths of all the other hybrids didn't really mean much. It aided Silas, but out of the three massacres it was the one people lamented the least. Truth be told, they got used to having Klaus around and probably preferred him over unknown threats they couldn't bargain with. And, well, they were still majorly a vampire community, so the less hybrids around, the better. The whole thing was a personal endeavor on Tyler's part, and, aside from him and Caroline, no one else lost any sleep over it. It happened, everyone said sorry, and then moved on. They had more important things to worry about. To Caroline, however, that day was a watershed.
Every plan she had for her future was put on hold. No one was as affected as Tyler, of course, but with him banished for life from ever returning to Mystic Falls, Caroline had to rethink her whole life. What was she supposed to do? All she wanted was to graduate high school and go away for college with Tyler. They'd finally be able to escape Klaus' influence and start a life together that had nothing to do with hybrids or original vampires. The end of school year was meant to be the beginning of something for them. And then… Nothing.
Those were really tough days, but Caroline Forbes is the very definition of tenacious. In Mystic Falls, you don't really get a lot of time to sulk or grieve or just generally feel sorry for yourself. There's always something terrible lurking in the shadows and if you slow down, you die. Sometimes that terrible thing happens to be Klaus. Other times, you depend on him to defeat something even worse. That's just how it is. Learn it, accept it and try to stay alive.
Caroline thought she had worked out all her anger and resentment about that day. She'd never forgive Klaus, but she'd found a way to not let that feeling consume her and become an obsession, as it often happens with vampires and their penchant for shocking anger management issues.
Well, apparently, she isn't as over it as she thought she was. And neither is Klaus.
"Tyler would never look me in the eye again if he knew," she continues. "He would hate me. Forever. And I just admitted all that to you."
"I'm sorry," Klaus says and, for a change, he sounds earnest.
"For what, exactly? For what you did to Tyler? Or maybe for everything you did before that? For being a jackass when I tried to apologize? For threatening to leave me behind and telling me to go talk to a dead dog? You have a lot to be sorry for, Klaus. You're gonna have to be more specific."
"I'm sorry that I hurt you," he says, simply. Caroline looks at him studiously for a moment. He seems genuine enough, but his choice of words was not random. It's not exactly what Caroline would call a heartfelt apology. Klaus isn't sorry for running Tyler out of town or for murdering his mother or even for lashing out on the road. He's only sorry that she resents him for it. That, she reckons, is probably the closest thing to remorseful Klaus is capable of getting. He's never sorry for the things that he does, all of which he deems sound and necessary and perfectly justifiable; he's only ever sorry that other people don't necessarily agree with him.
Caroline is pretty certain that the fact Klaus bothers apologizing at all puts her as a member of the most exclusive gathering in the history of humankind: the People Klaus Mikaelson Actually Gives A Fuck About Club. She's just not sure how she feels about the distinction.
"You did it on purpose," she says. "You wanted to hurt me. Just like I hurt you before. An eye for an eye, isn't it? It was retribution. We're pretty good at that." She raises her glass in a mock-toast and drinks.
Klaus is quiet for a spell and when he starts talking, his voice sounds scratched and tight. "You know, my brother Elijah spent most of his life working relentlessly towards the salvation of my damned soul. He made it his life's mission. Eventually, even his unshakable faith relented and he grew tired of it. Realized what many had known for centuries: that it was fruitless work. I am beyond redemption. I managed to push away even my own loyal, noble brother, to turn his nearly blind devotion to me and our family into ashes. I am a difficult man to hate," he says, a tiny crooked smile on his lips that would be charming if it wasn't so full of sadness. "My detractors invariably end up either dead or frustrated, because I always win. But loving me is harder still. Elijah used to say that I'm way too attached to my misery, that I nurture it like a living, breathing thing, don't know any other way to live other than in eternal torment. You sabotage every good deed that comes your way. Every act of kindness and sympathy, everything that is virtuous and pure, just to prove a point, Niklaus. You don't want to be changed, and you refuse to let it happen," he says, imitating Elijah's affected way of speaking. "I always laughed at him, the romantic fool. If I cannot be changed, it is because I am who I am. But... I think the damn fool might have had a point. A severely misguided one, but a point indeed."
"I have long stopped calling your bluff, Klaus," Caroline says. "I believe you're capable of anything. I used to think you'd never hurt me, which is probably why I grew a little too bold with you, and then you drew a lamp through my stomach and bit me."
"Caroline -"
"No, I know. You're impulsive, you regretted doing it, you healed me, I get it. It doesn't change the fact that I was suffering and you still let it go on for hours. And one of these days, if I say the very wrong thing, or touch on the worst raw or anger you just a little bit more, your impulsive reaction might be to drive a piece of wood through my heart or rip my head off. And then there will be no amount of regret to undo it."
Klaus sits up straighter, his mouth drawn into a very tight line, his eyes suddenly alight. "Caroline," he says, in a manner that commands her full attention. In spite of his sudden intensity, his eyes are warm. "I don't deny that I am an angry man and am known to snap rather easily, but I would never do that to you."
There isn't a hint of hesitation in Klaus and, in defiance of everything she knows about it, Caroline believes him.
"There is something... Shakespearean about the king who loses his soul in the quest for winning his throne and defeating his enemies. It's fitting, and I think you quite like the idea, the thought of yourself as a heartless monster that inspires fear in the hearts of those who hear your name. Call me an idiot, but I don't think that's fundamentally true about you. I think it's who you think you should be, and you certainly deserve an A for effort. But it's not really who you are."
Klaus sighs. "What are you now, my therapist?"
"No. But maybe you should think about seeing one."
"I was perhaps a bit harsh earlier, but I wasn't lying when I said that I cannot be fixed, Caroline. Elijah realized that a long time ago. Rebekah knows it too. So you were right. Not even my family can stand by me. And nothing cuts deeper than the truth. Mercurial though I may be, I'm a man of my word. I can't say I appreciate your honesty and then punish you for it."
"It doesn't matter if it's true or not, that's not the point. I have an endless list of good reasons to give you a real piece of my mind, and, trust me, I've wanted to do it for a very long time. But I don't think being mad about Hayley qualifies as a good reason." She speaks the last part so low she isn't sure Klaus hears her at all. That is as much or as loudly as she'll ever elaborate on the matter.
There's a beat of silence during which Klaus seems lost in his own thoughts.
"You said you wanted honesty, and you wanted to know what I want," he starts, taking a generous swig from his drink. "Here's honesty, then. The truth is that I don't know what I want. All I know is that I am never satisfied. Nothing is ever enough. I have this hunger inside of me... I don't think I'll ever stop craving for more. Power. Influence. Conquests. Ambition is what moves me. But I do know that sitting in my empty throne, surrounded by meaningless sycophants, as you said, isn't everything I seek. I have no idea what is, but it is not that. However, this is what I've come to learn over the centuries." Klaus leans slightly forward and looks at Caroline like he's about to share a secret.
"The truest, deepest desires of my heart are by far the most dangerous. The things I long for more than anything are usually those that I can't have. That can't be compelled or forced or sired. It's things that have to be given, offered voluntarily, that I have to earn instead of conquer. And as you know, patience and moderation are hardly amongst my strongest marks. I hate things that I can't take, that are out of my control. It's frustrating and difficult and demand far more from me than I'm ever willing to give. And in the end all they do is make me weaker. More vulnerable. So in spite of how much my heart aches for these things, of how much I wonder what my life would be like if I were to have them... I keep them away. Because what isn't mine to lose cannot hurt me."
Caroline feels her heart lurch in her chest. There's a fire burning behind Klaus' eyes, too dark under the bar's faint light, and it's like staring at the heart of a flame. Something tells her that this moment, right here, is important. That Klaus is confiding in her with something big, although why he would do that, she has no idea. He was promising to leave her on the side of the road just a few hours ago, and mere minutes before she was pretty sure they were under an unspoken agreement to tolerate each other only in the name of survival.
There's a vulnerability in him she doesn't think she's ever seen before, not even when he thought he was dying with a piece of white oak stuck in his back. It's the most honest he's ever been, the barest and most unadorned truth about himself he's ever shared. Beyond a world of irreconcilable differences, Caroline feels closer to Klaus than ever before, probably closer than she's felt to any other person in a long time, and that's... Strange.
Klaus told her once that they are the same, both of them having fully embraced their natures and reveling in the pleasures of being what they are. Ageless. Fearless. Powerful. The only two vampires in the whole of Mystic Falls who would never consider taking the cure.
And now here they are, trapped in a fantasy world, reduced to mere humans, victimized by their own limitations and how much they depend on their supernatural eccentricities to get by, without the slightest hint of how to break the spell, or even if they ever will. The irony doesn't go by unnoticed; Klaus would hardly ever make the list of people Caroline would want to be trapped in an alternative reality with, but she doubts anyone else would understand the depth of her despair right now as well as he does.
Klaus just gets her. He always has.
"Why are you telling me all this?" she asks.
Klaus smiles faintly. "Quid pro quo. You opened yourself up to me and I took that chance to hurt you, so I felt I should offer you something in return. Besides, there really is a chance we might never make it out of this place. And if so, I feel that being untruthful and unnecessarily mean to you on the account of a wounded ego isn't how I want to go. Not to mention," he pauses, picks up his glass and waves it in the air before drinking. "I think human me is quite the lightweight."
In spite of herself, Caroline can't really help the laughter that escapes her lips. Somewhere along that conversation, she's not exactly sure where, the dark clouds started to dissipate. It's not completely gone yet, she can still taste the acrimony on the back of her throat and sense all the little spikes surrounding them, but her chest feels lighter, like a weight was suddenly lifted. Then again, that's how most things with Klaus are. You kind of hate him even when you don't, and kind of like him even when you hate him. It's complicated has never been more appropriate.
He still looks too tired and as though he's been down in the dumps for a while, but he's smiling, and for once it meets his eyes.
Caroline swallows back the laughter and focuses on the glass in front of her, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, just because she doesn't think she should be so easily swayed like this.
"Tale as old as time," she says. "Start talking too much, just blame it on the booze."
"I blame you, actually. You make me want to behave. It's sickening."
She snorts. "If this is your idea of behaving, you are seriously delusional."
"Trust me, sweetheart. It doesn't get much better than this with me."
"Oh, I believe you. I just don't think you know what behaving means."
They lapse back into silence and, for once, it's not heavy with implications and dread. It's a welcome change from what her entire day has been like. She's so tired of the giving and taking and rowing all the time, of having to constantly fight for absolutely everything, that she won't mind if they stay locked in this tiny little truce of theirs forever.
And just as she's starting to get used to it, Klaus says, "You haven't told me yet why you were so upset about the parade being at midnight."
Caroline considers him for a spell. "Do you really want to know?"
"I'm asking, aren't I?"
"You can't say it's stupid."
"What makes you think I will?"
"I know you will think it. But you can't say it."
He puts a palm over his heart. "I wouldn't dare."
Caroline knows he's only asking out of a misguided attempt to appease her or apologize, but she surprises herself by telling him the truth. And, to his credit, Klaus listens.
"Tomorrow is prom night. My senior prom night. I had this silly little hope that we'd arrive in New Orleans and everything would magically fall into place and sort itself out and I'd be back home in time to curl my hair and dress up," she says, shaking her head. "I told you you would think it's stupid."
"I don't think it's -"
"But it's not stupid because I worked my ass off for that prom. I was head of three different committees, basically planned the whole thing myself, down to the tiniest detail. I chose the venue, the decor, the DJ, the flowers, the theme - everything. None of my friends cared about senior proms anymore. It was like a thing from a different life. But I didn't let them drop out, I made them all promise they'd be there, engaged them as best as I could, because it was supposed to matter. It was supposed to be a rite of passage. We've known each other since before we could walk and our senior year was meant to be epic. It's the last stop before the rest of our lives, and I get that the rest of our lives is a very loose concept to most of us right now, but it should still mean something. We've lost so much. Loved ones, important moments, memories... This was meant to be a celebration of life. Of togetherness. Despite the whole damn universe conspiring against us, we made it. We're alive and we still have each other. It's a small win, but it's a win the middle of a whole lot of loss. And I was the only person who gave a shit about it. And now I won't even be there." She knocks back yet another glass of bourbon. What is that, the fourth? Fifth? Tenth? "I guess they were right, after all. Life sucks and we have nothing to celebrate."
Well. That was something. She takes a deep breath, recovering her air after talking too much, too fast. She is apparently more vexed about missing prom than she thought. With everything else that's happened, she didn't really get a lot of time to bemoan the loss of what was supposed to be a token moment in her short human life before too long has passed and she can't remember what it was like to be 17 and a prom queen. But that's just one point in the middle of several on her list of reasons to hate everything right now.
"I didn't say it was stupid," Klaus offers.
"I know you were thinking it."
"Whatever my personal feelings on high school rituals, Caroline, it clearly matters to you."
"So?"
"So if it matters to you, it's not stupid."
Caroline frowns, looks at him skeptically, but finds nothing but sympathy.
"Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I wonder if anyone will go. And, honestly, I don't know if I want them to. I busted my ass off to make the prom night of my dreams happen to everyone, so it's kind of a dick move it they just ignore that I'm not there and go have fun at the party I planned and that they didn't care about." She looks up at Klaus again, expecting judgement. "Go on. I'm a horrible person. Selfish Caroline, doesn't want her friends to move on and enjoy their own prom dance just because she's stuck in Silas Land with an Original."
"I happen to think it's quite debatable who's got the best end on that bargain," Klaus says, a crooked smile Caroline has had many inappropriate thoughts about lighting up his face.
"Stuck in Silas Land with a drunk Original."
"I am quite hammered, indeed," Klaus says, nodding his head vigorously. "However, I still happen to have a modicum of sobriety left in me that I am yet to fill with bourbon, so I will say this. If your friends do go, it'll be the same as attending a funeral. Your absence will be as strong as a presence, hovering over them, reminding them that you're not there."
"That's very poetic, Klaus. But I'm not that important. Life in Mystic Falls is perfectly capable of moving on without me."
"There is no life in Mystic Falls without you, Caroline," Klaus says, softly, looking straight into her eyes. She feels her heart skip a beat, her breath catch.
It's that way of Klaus again, of carrying the words like it's the absolute, unmovable truth, the only truth he believes in; of looking at her like she's the only woman in the universe. Like she matters. How can something so wrong feel so right?
"I think," she says, forcing herself to break eye contact and leaning over the counter to steal another bottle of bourbon. "We're gonna need more of this.
TBC
The lyrics at the beginning are from She Wolf, David Guetta featuring Sia.
