Lord Cortex stood in his castle trophy room. There were many fallen heroes sealed away in the Cortex Castle trophy room – There were pods housing a thylacine, a chameleon-and-bat duo, the list went on – but Lord Cortex was staring at the single empty pod on display. The one that had once housed Crash Bandicoot.

"Such a shame," he sighed. "What could ever replace that exhibit?" But the next instant, a pair of mechanical doors swooshed open and Tawna's unit of Cortex Commandos entered the hallway.

"Good news, my lord," said Tawna, bowing. "We're recaptured the legendary hero."

Bash and Mash proudly dragged forth what appeared to be Crash Bandicoot... except this guy's nose, teeth, and eyebrows were way too big.

"FOOLS!" yelled Cortex. "This isn't Crash! It's some sort of... fake Crash!"

"My humblest apologies, my lord!" Tawna backed away, cowering.

Cortex overlooked the imposter for a minute, then sighed and said, "Well, might as well put him in the pod anyways. The exhibit looks so empty without a bandicoot in it..."


Crash slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple times. A few seconds ago, he could've sworn an army of Lab Assistants was about to zap his butt off, but now he, Dr. Roo, Tiny, and Dingodile were on some sort of space station. Crash could tell this was a space station because he'd been on several before. They gave him a wiggly feeling in his gut.

Crash didn't know where they were, but the important thing was that they were safe.

He turned his head to find a sharp blade inches from his nose. Our hero shrieked and jumped backwards into Tiny's arms Scooby-Doo style.

"Intrudersss!" hissed one of the two green creatures standing before them. "Prepare to be exssecuted!" The other one nodded mutely and raised his sword.

"Moe? Joe? Is that you?" gasped Dingodile. "I ain't seen you blokes in ages!"

The reptilian mutants lowered their swords. "Dingodile? Tiny? Roo?" Komodo Joe's forked tongue flicked out in surprise.

Come to think of it, Crash hadn't seen the Komodo Bros in years in his own timeline, but these alternate versions looked about the same as Crash remembered, right down to the purple robes and samurai swords.

Suddenly, Moe pointed at Crash and jumped up and down angrily.

"A bandicoot?" hissed Joe. "You brought a bandicoot here?"

The Komodo Bros were just raising their swords again when a voice called out, "Komodos, stand down!"

"Massster Brio!" The lizards turned towards the foot of the stairs and did some pointless-yet-fancy backflips towards their master – Joe landing gracefully on his feet and Moe landing less gracefully on this face.

"My, my, so the rumors were true," said a familiar voice. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, legendary hero."

Cortex's former right-hand man and fellow midget might have passed for a regular human if it weren't for the pair of Frankenstein's Monster-style bolts in the side of his head (There was probably a really interesting story behind those, but Crash didn't want to know it). Dr. Nitrus Brio looked the same as ever in this timeline – He even had on the same green lab coat, though he seemed to have lost his stutter. But, while it was true he'd also betrayed Cortex in Crash's own timeline, N. Brio hadn't exactly been friendly with Crash. Sure, he'd helped Crash destroy the Cortex Vortex space station, but their last encounter had involved N. Brio turning into a giant frog monster to try and squish Crash into a pancake.

"I expect we have a lot of catching up to do," said N. Brio, "but let's move somewhere more comfortable, shall we?"

Soon enough, Crash, Dr. Roo, Tiny, Dingodile, and N. Brio were seated at a table in the space station's kitchen. The Komodo Bros stood behind N. Brio's chair, swords at the ready, as if some assassin might come for their boss any minute now. Everybody quietly sipped their tea. Crash politely extended a pinky, Dr. Roo held his with his foot, and Tiny threw his whole cup in his mouth and chewed.

"I received your urgent message, and so I used my teleportation technology to warp you here as soon as I could." N. Brio pointed to a nearby floating camera, which displayed a holographic message of Dr. Roo's head saying, "Help us, Nitrus Brio, you're our only hope!" on loop.

"Don't worry about Cortex," N. Brio added. "This station, the Brio Base, is buried deep in outer space. He'll never find it. But enough about me. I'm sure you all have lots to say. Tell me about your adventures, Crash."

Crash set down his teacup, cleared his throat, and opened his mouth. No sound came out.

"He, uh, ain't much of a talker," said Dingodile. "How about Roo and I fill you in instead?"

They got N. Brio up to speed on the situation, but you already know everything, so let's just skip past it for the sake of brevity.

"I see, I see," N. Brio said once they finished. "Quite an amazing and improbable story. Now let me tell you mine." He stared into his tea, then began:

"As some of you may remember, I used to be a pathetic, stuttering wimp always pushed around by Cortex. Oh, he started off friendly enough when we first met at the Academy of Evil. After graduation, we formed a partnership, and the two of us constructed a castle on an archipelago undiscovered by the rest of civilization. The islands were full of wildlife perfect for our experiments on mutating animals into brainwashed super-soldiers. We were supposed to be equals, but as our Evolvo-Ray and Cortex Vortex neared completion, Cortex started doing a lot less helping and a lot more bossing me around." He scowled at the memory.

"Then one day, Cortex insisted that we test the Cortex Vortex on one of our experiments, the bandcoot that would one day become Commander Crash." N. Brio gestured towards Crash, who'd nodded off with his face in his teacup. "I tried to warn Cortex that the Vortex wasn't ready, but he wouldn't listen. The experiment was doomed to failure, but then, right before we could start up the Vortex... a stranger approached us."

In unison, Dr. Roo, Tiny, and Dingodile said, "Ooooooooh!"

"Who was he?" asked Dingodile.

N. Brio shook his head. "I couldn't make him out in the darkness of the castle, but Cortex seemed to recognize him. His voice was hushed, and all I could make out was the start of his name: Dr. N-something."

"That narrow it down!" said Tiny brightly.

"Just before vanishing, the stranger warned us that we were making a mistake," said N. Brio. "And he was right! I checked the Cortex Vortex and found a huge flaw that would've ruined the whole project. I speculate that this is where our timeline differs from the legendary hero's. To make a long story short-"

"Too late," grumbled Dingodile.

"-Cortex successfully brainwashed Commander Crash. In fact, it was such a success that Cortex declared bandicoots superior to his other mutants and replaced-"

"We know. We were there."

"Oh, right. Anyways, all the best tanks and missiles and nuclear weapons were no match for Cortex's bandicoot army. And, with no heroes to stop him, Cortex was able to collect all twenty-five Power Crystals needed to convert the Cortex Vortex into a space station that could brainwash the entire planet. World domination was his, but... but even though I did most of the work, Cortex wanted to rule all by himself!" N. Brio bowed his head. "I didn't even get to rule one of the itty bitty countries like Luxemborg or Gambia."

His face hardened. "And I wasn't having any of that. I manned up, lost my stutter, and stood my ground! And so, I, Nitrus Brio, proudly started my own life independent of that megalomaniac! But, err..." He faltered. "...then he tried to kill me, so I had to go into hiding."

"Yes, yes, this is all very interesting," yawned Dr. Roo. "But we haven't got all day. How do you propose we defeat Lord Cortex?"

"How? I would've thought that was obvious," laughed N. Brio. "The only way to defeat Cortex is to unleash the one thing he fears most..." He paused dramatically. "The great Uka Uka."

It would've been an appropriate time for a thunderclap, but they were in space.